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Death Panic


Eminence

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saltinespike

Finally, we get to observe the critic's work, and I must say, you've proven yourself to me. Alas, it is a bit shuffled together, but at least we can get a taste of your writing abilities. It's not quite my style, reminds me of the "Condemned" game. But fair enough, the writing is brilliant! smile.gif

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Hehe, I've never played the Condemned to be honest. I dunno what the overall aim was ... just a sleazy murder in a dirty motel I guess. wink.gif

 

As for the whole shuflled together thing, that was my worry. I think it doesn't seem to flow too well, and I think it kinda loses pace halfway through ... but oh well, couldn't hold it off to work on it any longer, I wanted to give ya somethin! tounge.gif

 

Cheers for the feedback. smile.gif

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saltinespike

Yeah, I didn't really see any direction on where it was headed, either. It would make a good introduction, that is if you had a story.

 

As for the Condemned, I played a demo, and it scared the sh*t outta me. There were like all kinds of crack-heads and druggies scuttling around, hiding behind a wall: you know they are there, but you're still intimidated. The relation is the setting. In the game, it was a broken down building. Desks, chairs, shelfs, any thing and everything is knocked down. Kind of an eerie sight to begin with.

 

Anyways, again, good work. Looking forward to what's next! By the way, I have an idea for a story, if you want it. Was planning on doing it myself, but I am in the middle of 2 stories as it is. PM me if you would like to know!

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Haha, sounds nice. tounge.gif

 

As for the direction - well, it was supposed to be just the standalone thing. Like, it's supposed to have an kind of open end (and beginning) if you get me. So, yeah... I dunno. biggrin.gif

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Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines

Well it's bout' time Eminence! tounge.gif Nah j/k! I love the flow of your story man. So, you continuing this? I'd really want too read more! icon14.gifcookie.gifcookie.gifcookie.gif

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Nah, I doubt it. It's not really got any planned direction - I was just intending to have it as a bit of a vague and ominous one-parter. wink.gif

 

I know, it is about time isn't it? I was getting all my exams and stuff out of the way first though, but now it's summer so hopefully I should be able to get round to some writing! tounge.gif

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Wow, Eminence, you really can back up the critiscism with experience and skill. I loved it, it was so dark and twisted, it actually scared me. The way you describe it, it seems as if I was there and witnessed this murder. Awesome writing, I hope you bust out some more original pieces.

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EEE! Dude, that was freakin' wicked. biggrin.gif

 

It was so dark and bloody - I like it! Marcus seemed like an interesting guy, pretty much a psychopath.

 

I also like how it ended, sort of with a start; ominous knowing this guy's gotten away with two murders and is still out there, possibly carrying out more later on.

 

Awesome!

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Eminence, I don't think you are a doctor, but is it healthy to have my heart-rate increase as I read your story? Man, who knew a little story thrown together could have such an impact!

 

But great work. I don't expect you to cut out your busy schedule to write more work, but I'll keep checkin.

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Cheers guys, glad you liked it! Kinda glad I like, lived up to the reputation as well. tounge.gif

 

As for whatever I write next ... I dunno when - or what - it'll be. I don't really have a busy schedule though, I've just finished my exams and I've got close to 3 months off, so it's quite the opposite!

 

I just need to try and drum up some stuff I can work with, hehe. In the meantime, I'll resume to my normal application of critiquing everything else. ph34r.gif

 

Once again, though, glad you liked it - means a lot. smile.gif

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Finally. It's finally arrived -- some work from the Eminence Front tounge.gif

 

Right off the bat, I must say you loaded the short piece with description. It was very well written, and one of my favourite ...fragments had to be:

 

"...his eyes widened, his lungs tightened.."

I like the quick transitioning to the different areas of the body. Had a nice effect. As for the rest of the story, it reminded me of Oxidizer's earlier work -- really no plot or anything, but fantastic read nonetheless. I'm looking forward to reading more in the future, hell, even continuing this one would be nice (although, in bad taste -- smile.gif)

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+Respect for picking up on Eminence Front. cool.gif

 

And again, glad you liked it. Nice to see you've picked up on some of the effects and such, too.

 

 

Anyways, yeah, I agree that it would be in pretty bad tastes to continue this one. I do intend to get some more work done pretty soon though, so fingers crossed... smile.gif

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I do intend to get some more work done pretty soon though, so fingers crossed... smile.gif

Yay! biggrin.gif

 

Here's hoping there's more from you soon!

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Oh, mom.

Poetic death smile.gif

 

Loved it, man, absolutely great.

Though I had to interrupt my reading to look up some words on the dictionary, it was great xD

 

@eminence front- yeah, gotta love The Who turn.gif

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  • 9 months later...

Random bump for any new members who wish to give this a read. monocle.gif

 

Feel like writing something new... Perhaps in-between other work. Stay tuned. But not too tuned, I wouldn't want to be anticlimactic. wink.gif

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saltinespike

Last I heard, we were scorning bumps that cover months, especially random ones. sarcasm.gif Oh well.

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Random bump for any new members who wish to give this a read.  monocle.gif

 

Feel like writing something new... Perhaps in-between other work. Stay tuned. But not too tuned, I wouldn't want to be anticlimactic. wink.gif

inlove.gif

 

I'll be dropping by much more frequently then.

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Last I heard, we were scorning bumps that cover months, especially random ones. sarcasm.gif Oh well.

A bump by the author with the intention of simply giving the piece more exposure is completely fine. The only time a bump has ever not been fine is if it was for an inactive story bumped by someone who has just decided to read it and ask for more.

 

Why try to pick holes in something I do just for the fact it's me?

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Hey Eminence, this is a great peice man I enjoyed reading this short. very descriptive and good use of words, a little rusty round the edges but hey we all gotta expect that, I couldn't do better than this.

 

Yeah man you have talent. cookie.gif

RIP Rockstar Games

1998 - 2021

 

 

 

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  • 2 months later...
Ronmar The Only
So did you give this the year and a few days edit to place back in the story? I always thought of pming you to read it, but thought against it. The story is pretty neat, all seemed well to me except for one phrase, but that could just be my own way of speech and not anything grammatical.
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Lochie_old

You should post more work, definately post more work.

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