Eminence Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 (edited) ~! Edited July 14, 2009 by Eminence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltinespike Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Finally, we get to observe the critic's work, and I must say, you've proven yourself to me. Alas, it is a bit shuffled together, but at least we can get a taste of your writing abilities. It's not quite my style, reminds me of the "Condemned" game. But fair enough, the writing is brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 Hehe, I've never played the Condemned to be honest. I dunno what the overall aim was ... just a sleazy murder in a dirty motel I guess. As for the whole shuflled together thing, that was my worry. I think it doesn't seem to flow too well, and I think it kinda loses pace halfway through ... but oh well, couldn't hold it off to work on it any longer, I wanted to give ya somethin! Cheers for the feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltinespike Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Yeah, I didn't really see any direction on where it was headed, either. It would make a good introduction, that is if you had a story. As for the Condemned, I played a demo, and it scared the sh*t outta me. There were like all kinds of crack-heads and druggies scuttling around, hiding behind a wall: you know they are there, but you're still intimidated. The relation is the setting. In the game, it was a broken down building. Desks, chairs, shelfs, any thing and everything is knocked down. Kind of an eerie sight to begin with. Anyways, again, good work. Looking forward to what's next! By the way, I have an idea for a story, if you want it. Was planning on doing it myself, but I am in the middle of 2 stories as it is. PM me if you would like to know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 Haha, sounds nice. As for the direction - well, it was supposed to be just the standalone thing. Like, it's supposed to have an kind of open end (and beginning) if you get me. So, yeah... I dunno. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Well it's bout' time Eminence! Nah j/k! I love the flow of your story man. So, you continuing this? I'd really want too read more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 Nah, I doubt it. It's not really got any planned direction - I was just intending to have it as a bit of a vague and ominous one-parter. I know, it is about time isn't it? I was getting all my exams and stuff out of the way first though, but now it's summer so hopefully I should be able to get round to some writing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Wow, Eminence, you really can back up the critiscism with experience and skill. I loved it, it was so dark and twisted, it actually scared me. The way you describe it, it seems as if I was there and witnessed this murder. Awesome writing, I hope you bust out some more original pieces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 EEE! Dude, that was freakin' wicked. It was so dark and bloody - I like it! Marcus seemed like an interesting guy, pretty much a psychopath. I also like how it ended, sort of with a start; ominous knowing this guy's gotten away with two murders and is still out there, possibly carrying out more later on. Awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJonesy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Eminence, I don't think you are a doctor, but is it healthy to have my heart-rate increase as I read your story? Man, who knew a little story thrown together could have such an impact! But great work. I don't expect you to cut out your busy schedule to write more work, but I'll keep checkin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 Cheers guys, glad you liked it! Kinda glad I like, lived up to the reputation as well. As for whatever I write next ... I dunno when - or what - it'll be. I don't really have a busy schedule though, I've just finished my exams and I've got close to 3 months off, so it's quite the opposite! I just need to try and drum up some stuff I can work with, hehe. In the meantime, I'll resume to my normal application of critiquing everything else. Once again, though, glad you liked it - means a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Broker Gangsta Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 this was great keep it coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coral_City Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 Finally. It's finally arrived -- some work from the Eminence Front Right off the bat, I must say you loaded the short piece with description. It was very well written, and one of my favourite ...fragments had to be: "...his eyes widened, his lungs tightened.." I like the quick transitioning to the different areas of the body. Had a nice effect. As for the rest of the story, it reminded me of Oxidizer's earlier work -- really no plot or anything, but fantastic read nonetheless. I'm looking forward to reading more in the future, hell, even continuing this one would be nice (although, in bad taste -- ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted June 17, 2007 Author Share Posted June 17, 2007 +Respect for picking up on Eminence Front. And again, glad you liked it. Nice to see you've picked up on some of the effects and such, too. Anyways, yeah, I agree that it would be in pretty bad tastes to continue this one. I do intend to get some more work done pretty soon though, so fingers crossed... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 I do intend to get some more work done pretty soon though, so fingers crossed... Yay! Here's hoping there's more from you soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinful Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Oh, mom. Poetic death Loved it, man, absolutely great. Though I had to interrupt my reading to look up some words on the dictionary, it was great xD @eminence front- yeah, gotta love The Who Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted April 18, 2008 Author Share Posted April 18, 2008 Random bump for any new members who wish to give this a read. Feel like writing something new... Perhaps in-between other work. Stay tuned. But not too tuned, I wouldn't want to be anticlimactic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltinespike Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Last I heard, we were scorning bumps that cover months, especially random ones. Oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Random bump for any new members who wish to give this a read. Feel like writing something new... Perhaps in-between other work. Stay tuned. But not too tuned, I wouldn't want to be anticlimactic. I'll be dropping by much more frequently then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted April 18, 2008 Author Share Posted April 18, 2008 Last I heard, we were scorning bumps that cover months, especially random ones. Oh well. A bump by the author with the intention of simply giving the piece more exposure is completely fine. The only time a bump has ever not been fine is if it was for an inactive story bumped by someone who has just decided to read it and ask for more. Why try to pick holes in something I do just for the fact it's me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikeol1987 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Hey Eminence, this is a great peice man I enjoyed reading this short. very descriptive and good use of words, a little rusty round the edges but hey we all gotta expect that, I couldn't do better than this. Yeah man you have talent. RIP Rockstar Games 1998 - 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronmar The Only Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 So did you give this the year and a few days edit to place back in the story? I always thought of pming you to read it, but thought against it. The story is pretty neat, all seemed well to me except for one phrase, but that could just be my own way of speech and not anything grammatical. Visit Writers' Discussion Compilation of Works: From a Storyteller Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lochie_old Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 You should post more work, definately post more work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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