Pat. Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 i herd from a friend that a good story needs romance That's not romance. That's acting like Sweet is a homosexual who wants to rape his brother. Spent a little too much time in prison back in '92, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJonesy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Well, tarantulasauras rex, you shouldn't stop just cause someone is putting you down. Your story may not be the best work, but (no effence) all you people need to stop. Don't say, "your story sucks." That is totally disrespectful and should stop. Some people don't have a nack of writing. But that gives you no right to cut people down. It gives you the right to give hints, tips and advice. So, tarantulasauras rex, let this story go and start off fresh. Take a while to read up and study others. People will bust your chops, but just give it your all... But if you do NOT take writing seriously, f**k off. But if it is a comedy, I'll understand! thank you for ur kind words it makes me happy again maybe ill do anotha chapter buy everybody! ...But you should start another, okay, your own creation. Put some creativity and originality in it. And PLEASE refrain from using "unnecessary" vocabulary so frequently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manofpeace Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Well, tarantulasauras rex, you shouldn't stop just cause someone is putting you down. Your story may not be the best work, but (no effence) all you people need to stop. Don't say, "your story sucks." That is totally disrespectful and should stop. Some people don't have a nack of writing. But that gives you no right to cut people down. It gives you the right to give hints, tips and advice. So, tarantulasauras rex, let this story go and start off fresh. Take a while to read up and study others. People will bust your chops, but just give it your all... But if you do NOT take writing seriously, f**k off. But if it is a comedy, I'll understand! I hope for God's sake you are being sarcastic. Where in the game of GTA SAN ANDREAS were the Johnson Brothers gay? It pissies me off how people can even think like that. Keep everything neutral, not gay. (I'm okay with the happy gay, but not the other one) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Write another chapter now, I actually wanna read this lol. Do a full-on hardcore gay sex scene with CJ and Sweet. Maybe Sweet rapes him in the arse cos CJ is reluctant. ok ill start working on it Make Sweet rape CJ. Oh god please, it'll be so good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Yes, the Hungry Caterpillar does own. I absolutely agree. Anyways, bring on the funny stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltinespike Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Write another chapter now, I actually wanna read this lol. Do a full-on hardcore gay sex scene with CJ and Sweet. Maybe Sweet rapes him in the arse cos CJ is reluctant. LMFAO!!! Nice one. Well, tarantula, you may not have recieved the best attention, but you definitely received the most. Nice going. Hahaha. Do the rape scene, would be f*cking hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJonesy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 @ manofpeace, I am not supporting his story. I am just a little disappointed at peoples responses. But after "reading between the lines," I think he is just f**king around! But I guess we need a little stress-relievers in this discussion... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Write another chapter now, I actually wanna read this lol. Do a full-on hardcore gay sex scene with CJ and Sweet. Maybe Sweet rapes him in the arse cos CJ is reluctant. ok ill start working on it Make Sweet rape CJ. Oh god please, it'll be so good! And make him take off his clothes and take pictures of CJ with a camera. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 No romantic toe-treading stuff either. I want to see Sweet analy rape CJ for the entire chapter. Maybe get a little violent, too. Make Sweet bite CJ's penis off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJonesy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 No romantic toe-treading stuff either. I want to see Sweet analy rape CJ for the entire chapter. You scare me... Oh, you're the kind of guy that takes his soft, if you know what I mean?LMMFAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remember This. Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 No romantic toe-treading stuff either. I want to see Sweet analy rape CJ for the entire chapter. Maybe get a little violent, too. Make Sweet bite CJ's penis off. f*ck romance. I want blood and pain and bow-leggedness. Heh. Dammit we are all sick little puppies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat. Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 This topic is getting way out of hand. It was funny at first but now it's just sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 No romantic toe-treading stuff either. I want to see Sweet analy rape CJ for the entire chapter. Maybe get a little violent, too. Make Sweet bite CJ's penis off. f*ck romance. I want blood and pain and bow-leggedness. Heh. Dammit we are all sick little puppies. I guess we are.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 No romantic toe-treading stuff either. I want to see Sweet analy rape CJ for the entire chapter. You scare me... Oh, you're the kind of guy that takes his soft, if you know what I mean?LMMFAO Haha, nah, I'm just way bored and this story makes me laugh. I'ma be way disappointed and leave if the next chapter doesn't involve Sweet raping CJ. I know you'd find it funny, don't deny it . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remember This. Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 This topic is getting way out of hand. It was funny at first but now it's just sad. Writers discussion is too serious, we just want something to lighten the mood, and if that means brutal, incestuous anal rape then so be it. I reckon I might write something soon, although not an SA fanfic, and certainly not one like this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJonesy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 (edited) No romantic toe-treading stuff either. I want to see Sweet analy rape CJ for the entire chapter. You scare me... Oh, you're the kind of guy that takes his soft, if you know what I mean?LMMFAO Haha, nah, I'm just way bored and this story makes me laugh. I'ma be way disappointed and leave if the next chapter doesn't involve Sweet raping CJ. I know you'd find it funny, don't deny it . This IS the next Steak Topic ... And, @TonyZimmzy, I would find it hilarious! EDIT: I bet the rating of this topic will rise once Sweet finally anally-rapes CJ! Edited June 16, 2007 by TheJonesy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 I wish I hadn't of rated it bad now. This has made me laugh. Call it complete and utter bordem after coming home to boringness, but I want to see Sweet molest CJ's ass. Incest style! And ignore Pat. He's never fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarantulasauras rex Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 Chapter 3: BROTHERLY LOVE A balla stood in ballas territory holdin a walkie talkie. Balla: So what happen man Voice: I killed him. Balla: u did? Voice: I did. Balla: nigga, dats da PBJ Masta I know!!!!! PBJ: well dem grove foo’s really feel for dat sh*t nigga dey really thought I was one of dey own niggas, nigga. Balla: das right homie, da busta azz gsf’s will never learn dog. PBJ: ok meet me at da corner of glen park I got dat bustas map of the places they putting the satchels. send all our ballas out to stop dem. Balla: right, boss. im on it, nigga. Meanwhile, JD and RoFlo were busy planting their satchels RoFlo: so should we stick it right hea’, nigga? JD: wherever. whatever. lets just get outta here fast as possible Roflo: nigga, whats yo major malfunction? JD: I don’t know its just that something ain’t feel right. Roflo had his back turned to JD as he planted tha charge. Roflo: whadda ya mean, nigga? JD:…like we’re being watched or something. Roflo: aw come on nigga that’s just ya mind playin wit you. man up! Roflo:OK, now lets go. Roflo turns around and JD was no where to be seen. Roflo: aw nigga, where u go, homie? Balla 2: GSF!!! Roflo: what da… Balla 2: put da mothaf*ckin gun down now! There were 3 ballas standing in the alley. they were all pointing tec9’s at Roflo and one of them was holding JD in his arms with a knife at his neck. Balla 3: Don’t do nothing stupid just drop the gun. The balla shot a bullet to Roflos right to scare him. Roflo: ok, ok nigga. damn… Balla 2: now take ur walkie talkie in ur hand if u don’t wanna die. Roflo: what do u want with me?! Balla 2: Just take you mothaf*ckin walkie talkie in ur hand! Now! Roflo took out his walkie talkie. Balla 2: now ur gonna call your leader sweet and tell him ur done plantin the charges and ur comin back home. Roflo: …why? Balla 3: DOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!! Roflo: ok, okay. Back at Sweet’s house, CJ and Sweet were playing dominoes. Sweet: Man remember when smoke used to play this sh*t with us. CJ: yea, he always used to win. to bad he down in vice city now. Sweet: he a busta anywayz, dog CJ: nah, he a’ight. Sweet’s eyes looked up and down cj’s body, as though he were undressing him with his eyes. Sweet: You ai’ght too, brother. CJ: Huh? Sweet: Come here, baby. CJ: what? Sweet: hold me CJ: huh?... f*ck no! CJ jumped up outta his seat as Sweet came over toward him. CJ: what’s yo major malfunction, nigga? Sweet: I WANT you CJ: f*ck! Sweet: no, I NEED YOU Sweet tackled CJ to the ground and tore off his white tee. CJ: get off me! get off me! Sweet: baby I know u want this just as much as me Sweet unbuckled his belt and tore his pants down to his ankles. CJ: help! help! popo help me!!!!! Sweet: quiet brotha Sweet grabbed CJ’s crotch through his pants and CJ resisted. he kneed sweet in the stomach. Sweet: f*cka, ahhhh. Sweet pulled out a 9mm and held it to CJ’s forehead. Sweet: do that again and I’ll blow yo brains out. Sweet tore CJ’s pants off and grabbed his underwear. Suddenly, CJ pulled a glock 19 from his afro. CJ: do THAT again and I’ll blow your whole head off! Sweet: you piece’a… Roflo: sweet, sweet! come in, sweet! The two brothers were interrupted by the voice from the walkie talkie setting on the table. Sweet: sh*t, not now. Sweet pulled his pants back on and rushed to the walkie talkie. Sweet: sweet here, is everythin ok nigga? Roflo: oh yea yea, everythings ok… Sweet: well what da f*ck u want then Roflo: oh, well, um, ahem. me an JD, we finished plantin da satchels and we commin home now Sweet: already? u didn’t get any resistance did u? no ballas saw u did they? Roflo:…… Sweet: u there nigga? Roflo: no ballas saw us. no ballas saw us. Sweet: ok, man. come home then. Roflo:…… Sweet: sweet out. CJ: what was that all about Sweet: well they done plantin the charges and they comin home. CJ: coo’ Sweet: …speaking of comin…. where were we Sweet pounced onto CJ. In balla territory, Roflo and JD were shoved into the savanna together. two ballas squeezed in the back with guns pointed to the GSF’s heads. Balla 3: DRIVE!!!!!!! JD: u know ur plans never gonna work. we got lots of men in ur territory u’ll never find all the satchels. Balla 2: Lmao, ma nigga PBJ and his homies already told us where all the satchels are. RoFlo: that f*ckin traitor!! Balla 2: oh but don’t worry we already took out all ur other guys and now ur gonna do as we say or die. Roflo and JD were grim faced as they drove out onto the road with satchels meant for the ballas now attached to the bottom of their car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rashon. Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 ok please let me explain i herd from a friend that a good story needs romance and since theres no women in my story what was i suppose to do???? AND IN REAL LIFE when my homies talk they say nigga in every sentences cause thats gansgatsa. and im sorry if i spell a word or to wrong or use bad grammers this is my first fanfic. gimme a chance to do better. plus im sorry for callin people racists but im not a racist dont say crap like that its not true cause i hate raxists You call a brother making a move on another brother, romance? Also, gangstas don't use the word nigga in every single sentence. You even at times in your story made characters say nigga two times in a sentence. This may be your first story, but a first story is supposed to be better than this. If you try to improve on this or start a new one, then it'll have to be lots better than this, and that's a fact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJonesy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 HA HA HA! Gotta love it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat. Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 PBJ? What kind of a name is that? You're naming him after a type of f*cking sandwich?! Ziggy455 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 PBJ? What kind of a name is that? You're naming him after a type of f*cking sandwich?! lol, I never noticed that til now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Hahah, f*cking gold "CJ pulls a glock 19 from his afro" Ahha, f*ck! You've gotta make Sweet fully rape CJ next time. Make him rape him in the ass. Shoot CJ in the dick with a 9. Ziggy455 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarantulasauras rex Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 ok u guys im tryin to eat (It's spelled Raavi, go edit your post) please let me eat before i make the next chapter where sweet does more to cj and u find out da ballas evil plan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Balla's evil plan? I'm just reading it for the incest rape. Ziggy455 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gta phil gta Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 That's enough. If you want to have another shot at writing something, please think it up a little better first, and then give it another go. By all means, continue, but not in this manner, thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarantulasauras rex Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 Chapter 4: Explosive Love Dead gsf bodies lay at each satchel charge locations. big splats of blood marked where they once stood and the ballas forced Roflo to drive to each location to pick up the satchels and place them on the bottom of the car. Roflo: WTF we putting the satchels on the car for? Balla 2: O u’ll find out soon enough. It was now 5 PM in los santos, one hour until detonation. cj and sweet were preparing for 6 PM. Sweet: this is it, the detonator. CJ: nigga, that thing looks awful fancy do u kno how to work it. Sweet: don’t fret, my nigga u just push the big red button and BOOM balla massacre! CJ: that’s genocide Sweet:balla genocide is a beautiful thing dog. CJ: balla? more like Ball-a. LMFAO Sweet: speaking of balls………. New thoughts struck Sweet’s mind for the first time. what did CJ’s balls look like? of course he hadn’t seen them sincethe time cj was drowning in his bath and sweet had to save him. or ween cj almost got sucked down the drain by nessie and Bigfoot. But it had been 6 years now. Did CJ still have a forest of hair down there? Did CJ’s third testicle still have the lump in it? These thoughts caused a tent to form in sweet’s pants and cj was quick to catch on. CJ: um, I think… I mean I gotta go do something. ill be back for the detonation. Sweet: no wait! CJ backed away. CJ: … what? Sweet: I got something for u baby…. Sweet tore his jeans and underwear off and they ripped from his ankles. CJ: aaaaaaaaaaah Sweet tackled CJ and they both went flying down CJ’s houses staircase. Sweets penis was stuck in CJs ear so he quick pull it out and jam it at his closed mouth. Sweet: open up, bitch!!!!!!! CJ: mmmmmmmmm CJ struggled and struggled until he freed his arm from sweet’s grip. he quickly grabbed sweet’s balls sack and squeezed it as hard as he could Sweet: oooooooooooooooooooooh CJ kicked Sweet off of him and raced for the front door CJ: Help help!!!!!!!!!! oomph! Sweet had tackled him again and they both went flying onto the couch. sweet’s weiner dog was slapping against CJ’s face. Sweet: let me in. let me in CJ: noooooooo agagagagaughugh Sweet had gotten his shlong in his brothers mouth and he thrust his pelvis twice, thrice CJ: aaaaaaaaaa mmmmmm CJ bit down oh his brother’s taliwhacker and Sweet screamed a scream that sounded thru all of san andreas. Sweet: my penickler!!!!!! Sweet’s weiner dog fell to the floor severed at its base. Sweet quick pulled out his 9 MM and stuck it down CJ’s pants. Sweet: if mine goes, yours goes Sweet shot the gun but it hit nothing. there was nothing in cj’s pants. Sweet: what the….. CJ: oh but don’t u remember that time I told u I was taking a trip to a friend in las venturas well I wasn’t. Sweet: oh my gooooooood CJ: there was no friend at all, but there was a sex changeologist Sweet bolted toward the door. it was jammed so he threw himself threw the front window, and smashed right thru the glass. he stumble to his feet and ran, ran so far awaaaaaaay. couldn’t get away. THE END sorry i just had to cuz i had already wrote it before i knew my topic was locked but now i finished my story so u can ban me if u want i did my duty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltinespike Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 LMAO!!! Funny stuff, kinda sick though. Anyways, prepare yourself. Good chance this could get you suspended since a mod told you not to continue in that manner. 'Twas a good laugh, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gta phil gta Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Kay... merged with the old one, and re-locked. Seriously, if you want to continue writing - please do so. Start afresh with a new concept, and put out a good story. Use this as a way of learning - just steer clear of, well, what you've done in this one. Done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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