Jump to content

how grove street took over all of los santos


tarantulasauras rex

Recommended Posts

tarantulasauras rex

heres my first fanfic ever i was inspire by all the work i see of other people on here specially the ones bout san andreas so here is mine please comment and help me to be become a better riter.

and rate good! cool.gif

 

 

 

Chapter 1: HOMIES

 

It was 1998 grove street families were getting beaten down by the ballas and the vagos. Every day another gsf was dieing and it was about to end all the gsfs would be dead before the end of the year at this rate. Sweet and his brother cj the leaders of grove street were havin a meating outside of the cul de sack.

 

Sweet: all homies listen here we got a plan to take over san andreas that’s right all of san andreas nigga

 

GSF 1: What’s da plan nigga we cant take over the whole state that’s crazy sh*t nigga.

 

Sweet: O but there you are wrong my brotha cause I got a 6 step plan to takin over da whole state my nigga.

 

GSF 2: well whats the plan nigga.

 

Sweet: the plan is as follows Step 1- Take over los santos, Step 2-Take over red county, Step 3- Take over whetstone county, Step 4-take over san fierro, Step 5- take over bone county, Step 6- take over las venturra.

 

GSF 1: Lol bone county

 

Sweet: shut yo mouf nigga my plan will work and then the ballas and vagos will see who the real kings of da state is yall heard?

 

The crowd of gsf’s did not think sweets plan would work so they all called out booing and throwing tomatoes at sweet.

 

CJ: everyone everyone listen!!!!!!

 

CJ interrupted everyone with a loud call

 

CJ: are u all bustas dis plan is for real dogs. I heard it out with my bro last night and dis sh*t is our only chance of surviving in da streets niggas.

 

Sweet: that’s right. Listen to my brother. This sh*t gonna work I promise u u just gotta be with me. Me and my brother cant do no sh*t alone we need all yall help homies.

 

The crowd of homies mumble to each other for a few minutes. Then…

 

GSF 3: dog u know we’d never let the familys down!

 

GSF 4: that’s right nigga we in. aint that right everynigga?

 

All GSF’s together: yea yea nigga yea GROVE STREET 4 LIFE

Sweet: Now that’s da spirit niggas. Tomorrow morning sunrise we meat in right here in the cul de sack. Bring all your weapons u got. were gonna need em, ur gonna need them. TO SURVIVE

 

The crowd murmurs

 

Sweet: DISMISSED!

 

All the gsfs promptly left and went left back to there homes. Sweet and cj smiled to each other with loving eyes of only brothers and they both went into sweet’s house together. Inside theres was thick coke smoke and radio los santos was plaing. Sweets loyal pet hampster was running in his hampster wheel as cj and sweet lay down onto the bed together.

 

Sweet: Cj I love ya man

 

CJ: nigga I know u love me dog

 

Sweet: come here

 

Sweet takes hold of CJ’s hand and pulls him closer. He give him a quick kiss on the lips and cj looks starltled.

 

Sweet: baby we cant hide our feelings for each other no more

 

CJ: this isn’t right nigga we cant do dis sh*t

 

Sweet: why not?!?!?!?!?

 

CJ: da other niggas might find out dog?

 

Sweet: they wont bro. they wont

 

Sweet leaned in and tongue kiss cj for a few seconds till cj pulled away.

 

CJ: I mean it dog I cant do this.

 

Sweet: what do you…

 

CJ: not here! Not now!

 

Sweet: but bro…

 

CJ: just leave me alone nigga. I just needa be alone.

 

CJ promptly got up, zips his pants zipper back up where sweet started to unzip it and bolted from the room.

 

Sweet: I’ll never understand that nigga…

 

The next morning the sun began to peep peep over the horizon and the armies of gsf’s began to fill the cul de sack. it was a cool morning. gsfs shivered as they loaded their guns and got ready for whatever came at them. then when suddenly, sweet came barging out the door of his house with something strapped on his back.

 

GSF 5: Sheeeeeeeeeeeeat nigga. what the hell does that niagga got on his back?

 

GSF 6: dat sh*ts a rocket luncher nigga!!!

 

Sweet laughed in the cool morning air.

 

Sweet: that’s right dogs. this right here is some mad sh*t CJ got from a good friend of his in san fierro.

 

GSF 7: we gonna blow up some busta azz ballas wit dat sh*t nigga?

 

Sweet: you just wait and see dog you just wait and see. this sh*t aint even the beginning of our arsenal. we’re going into full fledged war today.

 

As sweet spoke these words cj appeared out of his house. he walked over to the homies and held up a briefcase.

 

CJ: u know whats in here homies?

 

GSF 6: nah nigga nah what is it?

 

CJ laughed. he opened the case to reveal dozens and dozens of satchel charges.

 

GSF’s 5, 6, and 7 together: sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat nigga!!!!!!!!!

 

CJ: sh*t is right homies. and guess what we’re gonna do with these.

 

Sweet: no time for guessing homies heres the plan so listen close.

 

Sweet picked up a duffel bag by his feat and dumped it to the street. ballas pants and shirts fell outta it.

 

Sweet: see this sh*t? we stripped it from some dead ballas. now 10 of our guys is gonna wear dis sh*t as a disguise to get into ballas territory with the satchel charges.

 

CJ pulled out a map of ballas territory.

 

CJ: see this map on it are 24 points marked. each point marks a key balla landmark. each of these places our disguised niggas is gonna plant a satchel charge. then get the f*ck outta there cause we gonna blow them things at 6 pm on the minute wether u out or not just so the ballas don’t start to discover our plan.

 

Sweet: right. so lets get to it. that’s all u need to know for now niggas. the rest of the plan youll learn as we go along. now! we need 10 guys to go into ballas terrioty in the dusguises whos it gunna be

 

All GSF’s at the same time: NOT ME NIGGA!!!!!!

 

CJ: aw, sheeeat. this is gonna be tougher then I thought.

Edited by tarantulasauras rex
Link to comment
Share on other sites

tarantulasauras rex

Chapter 2: DRESS UP PARTY

 

The plan was underways. 10 unlucky GSF’s randomly chosen by cj were now all dressed up in ballas attire.

 

CJ: how do ya feel guys?

 

JD: I feel like sheeat nigga…

 

CJ: well get used to it. ballas is the definition of sheeeat. Lol.

 

G-Pup: f*ck you dog u aint the one havin to wear this sh*t nigga.

 

CJ: yeah yeah I feel sorry for ya now come here guys.

 

The 10 ballas huddled around cj.

 

CJ: G-Pup I put u in charge since you’re the oldest GSF member of the group. I hope I can trust u with this.

 

CJ hand G-Pup the map.

 

G-Pup: u can count on me my brotha.

 

CJ: Good now off u goes guys remember don’t do anything suspicious. just act casual in ballas territory and get those satchels planeted before 6 PM.

 

The GSFs stood around pitifully.

 

G-Pup: well you heard him niggas we got a job to do.

 

CJ smiled as he watched G-Pup lead the GSFs away. CJ was beginning to feel awkward around G-Pup. he was started to feel slightly attracted to him. As G-pup’s ass swayed back and forth as he walked CJ began to drool a little.

 

Sweet: bro, what ya doing!

 

CJ was startled. Did sweet see him staring at G-Pup?

 

CJ: oh… nothing nigga… nothing.

 

Sweet: good, now lets get ready for tonight.

 

CJ: I couldn’t be any readier bro.

 

As CJ and sweet walked back toward the crowd of GSFs still assembled the group of 10 GSFs disguised as Ballas made there way toward 5 stolen savannas, the ballas gang cars. The 10 GSFs included G-Pup, JD, Rim-Shine, PBJ Masta (the newest member of the gsf), SOW Tesivo, KK da Freak, BlackKnight, Mojo Man, RoFlo, and Michael. They all drove 2 per car and split up to enter balla territory from different directions as not to look suspicious. they all had contect via Hasbro transformers walkie talkies, which is all Sweet could afford. G-Pup, their leader, drove with PBJ masta, cause he was the newest GSF.

 

G-Pup: what a thing for ur first real mission as a GSF. I bet ud never thought ud be planting satchel charges In ballas territory.

 

PBJ Masta: oh, nah nigga nah… I had no clue.

 

G-Pup: Lol well this is only the beginning I heard.

 

PBJ Masta: a good beginning I think.

 

G-Pup: fa sho. does a man good to see a few ballas hurtin.

 

PBJ masta: U KNO!!!!!!!!

 

G-Pup: Lol, you funny nigga. I liked you already!

 

----

 

Meanwhile, back at grove street, sweet and cj were relaxin and eating some Pops cereal in sweet’s crib.

 

Sweet: this sh*t is baaaaaallin dog

 

CJ: yea, I never knew pops was this good.

 

Sweet: hey will u go get me some more man? my foots pretty sore I don’t wanna get up.

 

CJ: whateeva u say, BOSS!

 

Sweet laughed and choked on some of his cereal. CJ picked up the Pops box and shook it upside down.

 

CJ: sh*t’s empty.

 

Sweet: dyaaamn!

 

CJ: wait maybe we got some mo down in the bottom cabinet. lemme check…

 

CJ bent over to look for the cereal and as he did so, he tight jeans pressed against his flat ass. Sweet couldn’t help but stare as his brother’s butt wiggled back and forth as he searched for the cereal.

 

CJ: nah man I cant find any down he…aaaaaah!

 

Sweet’s waist was pressed up against CJ’s butt.

 

CJ: what the f*ck are you doing!!!!!?!?!

 

Something penetrated CJ’s behind and Cj spun around quickly and pulled the spoon out of his rectum. he stared at Sweet like a madman.

 

Sweet: sh*t sorry homie I dropped my spoon and it musta landed in your ass! Lmfao!

 

CJ stared at him then threw the spoon on the floor, and walked out of the room.

 

Sweet: no sense of humor. that nigga got no sense of humor.

 

Sweet shook his head and continued eating his cereal with the spoon that had been up cj’s booty.

 

----

 

G-Pup cruised his Savanna down balla territory passin by ballas and waving the balla sign to them. They turned a corner and got to the first satchel charge spot.

 

G-Pup: ok, nigga. get out and stay wit me. keep ya head low don’t let no ballas see ya.

 

PBJ: got it.

 

G-Pup: coo, our first place to plant a satchel is right over there behind that house in da bushes.

 

PBJ: well den lets do dis sh*t homie.

 

The two guys creeped into the bushes and kneeled down to tha ground. G-Pup whispered into his walkie talkie.

 

G-Pup: Planting the first charge… now.

 

Sweet: Aye, keep it up. Sweet out.

 

G-Pup: there we go, good as…

 

G-Pup froze, he reached for the back of his head and blood smeared on his hand. he fell to the ground, DEAD AS A TOE NAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited by tarantulasauras rex
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not going to bother saying too much.

 

Stop with telling the story as dialouge. It's a poor way to tell a story.

 

And while you're at it, stop using 'nigga' as every other word. It gets a bit tiresome.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tarantulasauras rex
I'm not going to bother saying too much.

 

Stop with telling the story as dialouge. It's a poor way to tell a story.

 

And while you're at it, stop using 'nigga' as every other word. It gets a bit tiresome.

everyone else tell with dialouge that i read juse like me. and what wrong with niggas are you racist?! die.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Erm, no. It's just that it gets a bit repetitive.

 

And again, no. There's only a couple that tell it with dialogue in a script form, for example TonyZimmy's stuff and a couple others (GTA: Old Times or something?).

 

No offence to them obviously, but I'm not a fan of their stuff... hence why I don't read it. I don't like reading simple dialogue, it's not a good way to tell a story. Saying that, however, theirs aren't too bad, because they do tell a story with it, and while it is just dialogue, they do include some description and they do progress the story well.

 

Yours is just kinda... painful... to read. If you must continue in this style, take more notes of the pieces I've mentioned - they execute this style in a much better way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

GSF #1: Yo son, do you like this story much?

GSF #2: Naw homie, it's pretty whack. I mean, the flow's f*cked up, structure's not even straight, plot is weak and what's up with the homosexual undertones, my nigga?

GSF #1: I dunno dawg, but this incest garbage is makin' me kinda sick. I don't care if it is a fictional story, it's kinda..*vomits*

 

whatsthat.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tarantulasauras rex

so no one likes my story huh well i see how it is. racists and haters piss me off. maybe if i had one fan i'd feel like continueing it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

saltinespike

Racists and haters? Please. It is truly nothing personal, but your story sucks. I don't really give a damn whether you're white, black, or Mexican, your story still sucks. Sorry, but you don't have my vote. The reason is basically agreed with the others here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tarantulasauras rex
Racists and haters? Please. It is truly nothing personal, but your story sucks. I don't really give a damn whether you're white, black, or Mexican, your story still sucks. Sorry, but you don't have my vote. The reason is basically agreed with the others here.

can't see a good story when its right in front of ur eyes i get it u racist biggot go back to kentucky or tenesee or whereveer u hick racists cum from.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's not about being racist, it's about repetition. Sure, CJ, Sweet, and the rest of the GSF OG's would use the 'N' word but it wouldn't be every other word. Just keep it in moderation. They really don't even sound like GSF thugs, they sound dumb, because that's how you wrote it. Let me give you another example of bad repetition, that sounds a lot like yours:

 

Man #1: How are you doing their, friend?

Man #2: I'm good, friend. How are you, friend?

Man #1: Real good, friend.

Man #2: What do you want to do today, friend?

Man #1: Well, friend, I was thinking that first we should have a good lunch, then a good ride in the car, and then play some good videogames, friend.

Man #2: Alright, that sounds good, friend, let's go.

 

You get me? You also use 'lol' in your story. That's just internet lingo, not in real life. Plus you say that G-Pup is 'dead as a toenail'. It's dead as a door nail. There's a lot of things that's wrong with your writing, so it's really hard to pinpoint what you're bad at.

 

 

so no one likes my story huh well i see how it is. racists and haters piss me off. maybe if i had one fan i'd feel like continueing it.

 

Alright then, don't write anymore.

 

This is an understatement, but go back to the drawing board with this one. You're writing sucks, it's not a racial thing, it's a you suck at writing thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nick Papagiorgio

Dude, stop trying to be funny.

 

No one says "lol" when they are talking to another person in real life.

That's where I stopped reading.

 

fail.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dude, stop trying to be funny.

 

No one says "lol" when they are talking to another person in real life.

That's where I stopped reading.

 

fail.

biggrin.gif That's where I stopped aswell. Un-f*cking-believable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines

Wow, red star in just a few hours. This story is bad IMO. The grammar needs fine-tuning, you need to put more description and there is no need to put internet slang in a story like "lol". All I can say is........ DAMN!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What the f*ck, dude. I actually read some more of this, and what the f*ck is this:

 

"cj and sweet lay down onto the bed together.

 

Sweet: Cj I love ya man

 

CJ: nigga I know u love me dog

 

Sweet: come here

 

Sweet takes hold of CJ’s hand and pulls him closer. He give him a quick kiss on the lips and cj looks starltled.

 

Sweet: baby we cant hide our feelings for each other no more

 

CJ: this isn’t right nigga we cant do dis sh*t

 

Sweet: why not?!?!?!?!?

 

CJ: da other niggas might find out dog?

 

Sweet: they wont bro. they wont"

 

Are you f*cking kidding me or what? You're screwed in the head, mate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines

 

What the f*ck, dude. I actually read some more of this, and what the f*ck is this:

 

"cj and sweet lay down onto the bed together.

 

Sweet: Cj I love ya man

 

CJ: nigga I know u love me dog

 

Sweet: come here

 

Sweet takes hold of CJ’s hand and pulls him closer. He give him a quick kiss on the lips and cj looks starltled.

 

Sweet: baby we cant hide our feelings for each other no more

 

CJ: this isn’t right nigga we cant do dis sh*t

 

Sweet: why not?!?!?!?!?

 

CJ: da other niggas might find out dog?

 

Sweet: they wont bro. they wont"

 

Are you f*cking kidding me or what? You're screwed in the head, mate.

Woah! wow.gif This stuff is gay...literally.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep. Sweet tries to put a spoon in CJ's ass in Chapter 2 aswell.

 

I'd rather read Sunny Vice City than this. Jesus.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sweet takes hold of CJ’s hand and pulls him closer. He give him a quick kiss on the lips and cj looks starltled.

You've got to admit, tarantula, that line looked stupid as hell. It doesn't matter if CJ and Sweet are brothers. That just wouldn't come out of the blue like that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've read some pretty bad stories in my time but damn. This has got to take the cake. I mean, this story is so bad, it's acctually made me and TonyZimmzy agree on something. Do you know how hard that is?

 

I'd give you some constructive criticism but considering even Eminence wasn't able to, I don't think I'll be able to.

 

My gutt tells me this topic will be locked within 24 hours.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines

I'd rather read the "Hungry Caterpillar" than this rip-off of Brokeback Mountain.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tarantulasauras rex
What the f*ck, dude. I actually read some more of this, and what the f*ck is this:

 

"cj and sweet lay down onto the bed together.

 

Sweet: Cj I love ya man

 

CJ: nigga I know u love me dog

 

Sweet: come here

 

Sweet takes hold of CJ’s hand and pulls him closer. He give him a quick kiss on the lips and cj looks starltled.

 

Sweet: baby we cant hide our feelings for each other no more

 

CJ: this isn’t right nigga we cant do dis sh*t

 

Sweet: why not?!?!?!?!?

 

CJ: da other niggas might find out dog?

 

Sweet: they wont bro. they wont"

 

Are you f*cking kidding me or what? You're screwed in the head, mate.

ok please let me explain i herd from a friend that a good story needs romance and since theres no women in my story what was i suppose to do???? AND IN REAL LIFE when my homies talk they say nigga in every sentences cause thats gansgatsa. and im sorry if i spell a word or to wrong or use bad grammers this is my first fanfic. gimme a chance to do better. plus im sorry for callin people racists but im not a racist dont say crap like that its not true cause i hate raxists

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, tarantulasauras rex, you shouldn't stop just cause someone is putting you down. Your story may not be the best work, but (no effence) all you people need to stop. Don't say, "your story sucks." That is totally disrespectful and should stop. Some people don't have a nack of writing. But that gives you no right to cut people down. It gives you the right to give hints, tips and advice.

 

So, tarantulasauras rex, let this story go and start off fresh. Take a while to read up and study others. People will bust your chops, but just give it your all...

 

But if you do NOT take writing seriously, f**k off. But if it is a comedy, I'll understand!

Edited by TheJonesy
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hungry Caterpillar owns

 

I actually wanna see another chapter of this just to have a quick giggle. I'm f*cking bored and not drunk tonight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines

 

What the f*ck, dude. I actually read some more of this, and what the f*ck is this:

 

"cj and sweet lay down onto the bed together.

 

Sweet: Cj I love ya man

 

CJ: nigga I know u love me dog

 

Sweet: come here

 

Sweet takes hold of CJ’s hand and pulls him closer. He give him a quick kiss on the lips and cj looks starltled.

 

Sweet: baby we cant hide our feelings for each other no more

 

CJ: this isn’t right nigga we cant do dis sh*t

 

Sweet: why not?!?!?!?!?

 

CJ: da other niggas might find out dog?

 

Sweet: they wont bro. they wont"

 

Are you f*cking kidding me or what? You're screwed in the head, mate.

ok please let me explain i herd from a friend that a good story needs romance and since theres no women in my story what was i suppose to do???? AND IN REAL LIFE when my homies talk they say nigga in every sentences cause thats gansgatsa. and im sorry if i spell a word or to wrong or use bad grammers this is my first fanfic. gimme a chance to do better. plus im sorry for callin people racists but im not a racist dont say crap like that its not true cause i hate raxists

 

Yes, but you don't have top say the "N" word in like every sentence. Try somethin' like homie. In San Andreas, they hardly say the "N" word. Just take this advice. Also, if you wanna put romance in this. Don't use it on CJ and Sweet! Have Kendl go out with another guy that leads her to meeting Cesar. Don't go all Brokeback Mountain in this. CJ and Sweet are brothers man. Not homosexuals. Just take this as advice as well. My best bet is that you should start all over with a different plotline, and more detail. Workin' on your grammar would help as well. Try using Microsoft Word or something. Allthis can help you, trust me.

Edited by Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines
Link to comment
Share on other sites

tarantulasauras rex
Well, tarantulasauras rex, you shouldn't stop just cause someone is putting you down. Your story may not be the best work, but (no effence) all you people need to stop. Don't say, "your story sucks." That is totally disrespectful and should stop. Some people don't have a nack of writing. But that gives you no right to cut people down. It gives you the right to give hints, tips and advice.

 

So, tarantulasauras rex, let this story go and start off fresh. Take a while to read up and study others. People will bust your chops, but just give it your all...

 

But if you do NOT take writing seriously, f**k off. But if it is a comedy, I'll understand!

inlove.gif thank you for ur kind words it makes me happy again maybe ill do anotha chapter buy everybody! bbq.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Write another chapter now, I actually wanna read this lol. Do a full-on hardcore gay sex scene with CJ and Sweet. Maybe Sweet rapes him in the arse cos CJ is reluctant.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nick Papagiorgio

Please stop giving the poor child false hope.

 

This story is beyond saving, and any future ones don't look like they will be any better.

 

confused.gif

 

 

And I agree with TZ. tounge.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tarantulasauras rex
Write another chapter now, I actually wanna read this lol. Do a full-on hardcore gay sex scene with CJ and Sweet. Maybe Sweet rapes him in the arse cos CJ is reluctant.

ok ill start working on it

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • 1 User Currently Viewing
    0 members, 0 Anonymous, 1 Guest

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using GTAForums.com, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.