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[Oxidizer]

Wow! Thanks again for the wicked feedback.

 

I know what you mean about the characters' backstories. I did try to have the paragraphs in between the dialogue it it just wasn't working and kind of ruined it.

 

The evil characters' backgrounds are told separately in amongst a fair amount of dialogue and flashbacks. I'm quite pleased with what I've got in mind - their backstories are quite unique and complex.

 

I also get what you mean about the description side of things. I'm okay with it being my trademark - most of my stuff is about image - so I figure it fits. And it is quite lewd - I wanted it to be on some level, but you're right, I have gone overboard. That much was unintentional.

 

As for the error, I just corrected it. Thanks for pointing that out. I pondered about that for a minute while I was writing it.

 

Thanks again, guys! I'm pleased you enjoy this stuff (and it won't be as violent this time).

 

 

[Oxidizer]

/Removed.

Edited December 15, 2011 by Oxidizer

[saltinespike]

Very nice chapter, though I'm more of a 'break into chunks' guy. But I read it. In chunks. It surprised me a bit, with all the sensuality, but it makes a nice touch, though it's a bit overused. For example, how many times does Nina kiss him "passionately" or "hotly on the lips"?

 

As for your music, I was actually pondering doing the same thing, but decided against it, because people don't really like the kind it would appeal to.

 

Anyways, pretty nice work you got going on! Keep it up.

[Oxidizer]

Thanks for the awesome feedback!

 

I know what you mean about the descriptive side of things. It was the only way I could show the closeness between 'em.

 

 

As for your music, I was actually pondering doing the same thing, but decided against it, because people don't really like the kind it would appeal to.

 

You should! Most of the tracks I add aren't even the type of music I listen to anyway - they just fit with the scenes or characters.

 

Glad you liked it regardless, and hopefully the stuff that's coming up (I think you'll find with Lennox's character that you'll get where the Egyptian themes are coming from ).

 

Skyscrapers should be up sometime next week. Expect an NOUAS update over the weekend.

[Oxidizer]

Sorry for the delay - and that there wasn't a NOUAS update this week - I've been busy writing fanfic.

 

Anyway, I'm hoping to have Products complete either at the weekend or sometime next week. So until then, here's a teaser to keep you occupied:

 

 

 

It wasn't until the limousine that he was being chauffeured in slowed down that he tore away from both of his distractions to look out of the black-tinted windows. If it weren't for the neon lights from the penthouses and apartments that lined the avenue, the towering condo above would've remained inconspicuous in the dark. He breathed a deep sigh to brace himself before nodding up front to the driver who was sat behind the glass pane that separated them. Only a matter of seconds later, Remy opened the backdoor of the swank ride in preparation for Ciaran to make his exit. He had an appointment with who some people would refer to as the devil.

Edited June 27, 2007 by Oxidizer

[Sinful]

I admit I didn't read any of this yet.

But I have a suggestion for you about the soundtrack thing: instead of posting direct links to the songs, you could post some sort of online radio that fits your piece.

Like, if someone's writing a gangsta fanfic or something, post a link to a hip-hop radio. In your case a metal/electronica radio would be the best choice.

Just thought it'd make it easier to the reader to listen the music you want him to without having to spend any time downloading things.

[Oxidizer]

You know what? You're a smart guy. I'll have to look into doing that when I have some more time on my hands.

 

Thanks for the suggestions! Very helpful.

[Oxidizer]

An extension from the teaser before:

 

 

Ciaran re-read a text message that illuminated the screen of his cell phone from the leather-padded backseats of the jet-black limousine he was in, as it strolled through Los Angeles' more luxurious quarter.

 

Drop by mine tonight at 11 for your payment.

Call Remy and a limo will pick you up.

See you then.

 

It's coming along slowly but surely. It'll definitely be complete sometime this month - I promise.

[Oxidizer]

Very small teaser from one of the flashback scenes:

 

 

The man in question was no older than Carl, maybe a couple of years at most, and was decked out in an expensive suit, complete with cuff links. He had short dark hair that was starting to curl, just stood shy of six ft and had a slightly ethnic look about him. He was the very meaning of tall, dark and handsome.

 

It's coming along slowly but surely; I'm hoping it'll be complete by the weekend. No promises though as I don't want to rush this one.

Edited July 11, 2007 by Oxidizer

[DragonGTAS]

Great Story As others said, Long storys sorta throw you away, But this was just amazing....This should become a book

[Oxidizer]

Hee. Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

 

I'm confident the last half will be up either before or by the weekend. I've just finished the most difficult scene, so hopefully it won't be too long now.

 

Thanks for your patiences, guys. I got a feeling this will be my best stuff.

[Eminence]

Still looking forward to it; I'm glad you've been able to refocus and get this one back up and running. You've so many things going on right now I don't know where to look next!

[Oxidizer]

I know what you mean! And I'm glad too. It's more or less done, I've just got to write the final scene, and it's ready to post.

 

I'm hoping that it'll be up sometime later today, but if not, tomorrow at the latest.

 

Thanks for your patience and feedback again!

[Oxidizer]

/Removed.

Edited December 15, 2011 by Oxidizer

[Eminence]

Interesting angle, describing it from their point-of-view. I could hardly tell how it was related to the first part until the end ... but then again that's perhaps due to the fact that it's been so long since I read it!

 

A thing I noticed was that you tended to use abbreviations where writing out the full thing would be more appropriate - for example etc. and ft instead of et cetera and feet. Just thought it seemed odd.

 

Also, this line:

 

 

her way of humiliating and getting revenge on a race she considered a virus - men.

 

I think it would've been more effective to leave the "- men" off the end - it's like you're dumbing it down to try and make it eye-pokingly obvious. It seemed much better to have it as a more subtle touch - plus it's fairly obvious you mean men anyways.

 

No tirade on other things though - it was very enjoyable, although I feel it kinda struggled to get going. I started getting extremely interested in the story towards the end of the first part, but the conclusion was somewhat of an anticlimax for me ... little description of the events was offered to follow on from the previous one, and that kinda disappointed me. It just seems like it lost its pace - perhaps even its direction.

 

Extremely enjoyable, but it didn't have me hooked in the way M&P did. Yes, always back to M&P!

 

I have to say, though - the description when first describing 'The Muse' was superb. Top-quality - there was a lot of nice description in that segment. At times it seemed like you were trying to cram as many complicated adjectives in as possible, but overlooking that there was some very effective and enjoyable description - good job.

 

More subtly, as well, I think the flow of the story is much better than what you've written previously - just the way the sentences are constructed and such. They're done very well, and help the narrative flow along perfectly.

[Oxidizer]

Thanks for the wicked feedback!

 

I had a feeling it would feel anti-climatic compared to Floodlights, and the reason for that is because the last half was only ever a way of giving closure behind the set-up etc.

 

This is more character-driven and the plot put to the back, M&P was the opposite. So that could be one of the reasons why it felt slow.

 

I didn't really want to describe the video in too much detail - just enough so that you get the gist.

 

But the way Carl was going to snuff it was different to begin with. I think you might've gussed that he was going to be choked with his belt - but I changed it to a drug overdose to fit with Lennox's character as a dealer and Carl's past with Kyle - not to mention Nina and Kari. I think this story turned out to be more about drugs and abuse rather than snuff films.

 

All questions you might have are definitely answered - but in a way that you might have to re-read some of the dialogue and/or make interpretations.

 

Either way, I'm glad you liked it!

Edited July 15, 2007 by Oxidizer