Niko's Arrival

[beanmachine43]

Niko's Arrival

 

Sort of got bored and noticed the Niko intro stories and decided to make one myself. Took about an hour, and I'm not really expecting to expand on it, so here it is.

EDIT: Seems like this has developed into a semi-full project, so expect some updates every now and then.

 

Chatper 1 (Niko's Arrival)

Chapter 2 (Roman)

Chapter 3 (Searching for Joey Gambino)

 

 

Niko's Arrival

 

I take a step onto the ramp leading toward the docks, eyeing the night sky before taking a look across the street for any open taxis. I bump into what I presume is a Liberty resident, with him merely cursing under his breath as he mumbles something about 'foreigners' as he makes his way down the ramp. As I take the last step off, I attract the attention of a stranger.

 

"You sure look like a newcomer, my boy."

 

I look up to see an aged taxi driver standing outside his open door puffing on a cigeratte.

 

"Yes, I am, is this your vehicle?"

 

The driver laughs, nearly choking in mid-drag, "Vehicle!? If anything, this is only the thing that moves me from place to place in this city. Rarely do I ever pick up actual customers, but for you I'll make an exception. Welcome to America; 'the land of the free'."

 

"Thank you."

 

"No problem, just make sure you remember this instance of courtesy; rarely will you ever see it in Liberty City."

 

I nod my head as I make way toward the back seat. Opening the door, I watch him poke his head in the backseat staring up at me.

 

"Throw your stuff in the trunk if you need to."

 

I pause, unsure what to do. I didn't bring anything to America, because I was so sure that Roman had everything. Now, as I look around the bustling streets of attractive American women and corporate executives; I'm positive that this will be one hell of a reunion.

 

 

 

"So, where you from?"

 

I close the door behind me and put on my seatbelt, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend you, but I think it would be better if I didn't say."

 

The driver laughs, "Completely understandable; here is somewhere you don't want to be giving information like that out. The name's Frank by the way."

 

One hand still on the steering wheel, he holds his hand out in front of me as if waiting for his hand to be shook. I hesitate, not sure if I should tell him my name either, but eventually decide it's okay.

 

"Niko," I say as I accept the handshake.

 

"Niko? Pretty unique name, definitely not from here, that's for sure...So where you headed to?"

 

"Uhh...I'm not quite sure to be honest."

 

Frank steals a glance at me through the rear view mirror, "Really now? Guess we can figure that out later. You visiting family?"

 

"Yes, my cousin."

 

"He have a name too?"

 

"You sure ask a lot of questions for a driver."

 

He laughs again, clearly impressed with my foreign humor, "You know, you're a funny guy. Gotta appreicate that in a person, people here take things too seriously...Like this assh*ole for instance!"

 

Frank slams on his brakes hard as he can, which would have caused me to hit my head on the seat, but thankfully the seatbelt is strapped tightly around my waist. I just manage to see another taxi speeding past the intersection in front of us, with the driver sticking his middle finger out the window driving by.

 

"Assh*le," I smile.

 

"I'd say...So, you know where your cousin lives at least?"

 

"All I know is that he said he has fifteen sports cars, four hot tobs, and two women!"

 

"Two women, eh? Sounds like a man with values I'd say," he jokes.

 

Frank rolls to a stop at a red light, turning on the radio to some type of American music I do not know of.

 

"Like this sort of stuff?"

 

I rock my head slowly to the melody of the unknown music, it has a catchy sound to it.

 

"You know, you sure look like a scruffy fellow just coming from his homeland. You always look like that?

 

I glance over my clothes and take a look at my reflection in the window.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Nothing, just that some people would mistake you for being homeless with clothes like that."

 

"I could care less about what other people think about me...Though sometimes they deserve what's coming to them."

 

"What was that?"

 

"Nothing, drop me off here," I say quickly.

 

 

 

Frank shrugs his shoulders as he pulls over to the side of the road. Shifting his gear into park, he takes one last look back at me as I get out of the car.

 

"Hey, good luck with you and your cousin. And for God's sake watch your back around these parts."

 

I close the door behind me, nodding my head assuringly. Just as we say our goodbyes, two hooded men rush his side of the taxi.

 

"Give me the cash, old man!" one of them grunt.

 

"What? Get off of me!"

 

I take a step forward, unsure of what to do next. One of them spots me, and points the other to my presence.

 

"Take care of that weirdo."

 

"I'm the weirdo?" I say curiously.

 

The other looks up at me, both of their eyes now fixed on me. I signal Frank to drive off, figuring I can handle them myself.

 

"You got of guts coming around here, buddy. Looks like we're gonna have to give you a proper American greeting."

 

Frank shifts his taxi into gear and burns rubber as he speeds off, but doesn't attract the attention off me.

 

"How'd you know I was a foreigner?" I say, this time just buying Frank more time.

 

They both laugh, "How'd we know? Just take a look at yourself! No American skin touches that sh*t. That is, unless you're a bum, and a bum wouldn't be half as stupid to be messing with us."

 

As one of them takes a step toward me, the other stops him, holding his hand out in front of his chest.

 

"You know who he looks like?"

 

There's an awkward pause, but I don't move.

 

"Yeah, I do," says, "He looks like that Roman guy! Isn't he supposed to have some cousin flying in?"

 

"Think so, let's use him as an example."

 

"Let's do it."

 

I clench my fist, unsure what to do. As the draw closer, I take a single step back, and close my eyes. Do I run? Or do I fight?

 

"Send Roman our regards, will ya?"

 

I take a single breath and open my eyes.

Edited June 10, 2007 by beanmachine43

[Oblivionz]

It was a really good read, bro. You really should expand it, I'd definitely keep an eye on it.

[Eminence]

Very nice start, the dialogue is extremely well structured and it gives off a good atmosphere.

 

The only thing I would say is that it could use a little more descriptive detail to improve said atmosphere and truly engage the reader a little more. At the moment, there's only a little, and it tends to be dialogue heavy (not too much of a bad thing I guess - the dialogue is very good). Needless to say, though, it's a good start - I'm looking forward to the next part already ... should you decide to continue it, that is.

 

I think you should, though - definitely. You've got a good writing style and it's very interesting to read, so I'd like to see you continue.

[saltinespike]

Excellent. Combination of originality and good structure.

 

Only things I would've changed is: 1. Make the criminals more like criminals. Criminals cuss, usually not bright, etc. For example, I would've made them think Niko is a bum, instead of randomly guessing he's foreign. And another example, I might have replaced "weirdo" with "muthaf*cker" or something; "Gimme your f*ckin' money" rather than "Gimme your cash, old man!". 2. People know that Niko is foreign before he even talks! Kinda silly. 3. It appears in the story as Roman really is the guy he says he is, when we know that is not the case.

 

It is a great story with only minor errors, please continue.

[beanmachine43]

I suppose I might continue with it, still kicking around the idea though. Appreciate the comments, though, may just inspire me to find some time tonight and write.

 

@saltinespike, you make a good point with your first suggestion, but I have to reply on your last two. First, I'd like to point out while the two thugs figuring out his foreign status was probably a bit far-fetched, in the beginning Frank doesn't really say that he was from out of the country. He used the term 'newcomer' loosely, but I do understand where you're coming from and I'll try to fix that in (possible) future updates. And second, I plan on revealing the truth about Roman later if I do decide to carry on with it all, but it's a bit difficult to decide where to go from here since we know so little about the game's introduction/storyline.

 

Will try and get to writing tonight, though.

[saltinespike]

It is pretty hard to make up a story. I struggle with it myself. I consider myself a fairly good writer, but it doesn't really matter is I have no story. To confirm this, read the topic "May as well join the fun." The writing is good, but I have no story for it. Just throwing things together. Don't take my criticism harshly, I just wish to help in future ventures. You may have something going here, though when you look past the surface, it seems very hard to think of what's next. I truly hope you think of it and continue, you are a very good writer! Just gotta point out the minor flaws, to make it perfecto!

Edited June 7, 2007 by saltinespike

[beanmachine43]

(Note: Changed the beginning of paragraph one in chapter one. Appearantly Niko arrives via boat, and not plane like I said in the original version, my apologies ).

 

Okay, ya'll convinced me on posting another chapter. Wasn't too sure of what I would do with it, being that the info on the game is so scarce, but I think I'll just go ahead with it. And I'm always happy to accept critcism from you guys. Hell, if anything, people who post in this section are less critical of people's work than I'd like for them to be (unless if the story isn't good, then people aren't afraid to shy away from posting). That's why I'm happy to see guys like saltinespike and Eminence on here.

 

Not entirely satisfied with this chapter, but I suppose it will do. It's more of a bridge toward the next, as for now I'm just filling in the blanks ahead of time to make it easier for the reader.

 

Roman

 

I open my eyes. Looking around I realize that I'm lying face up in a bathtub, and not a very hygienic one at that. Feeling a strong, freezing sensation on my cheek, I brush the side of my face to see an ice pack fall to the tub floor.

 

I sit up, pushing the shower curtain aside. The room is poorly lit, with only a candle flame dancing at the end of its wicker as a source of light.

 

Making as little noise as possible, I climb out of the bathtub and grab my coat that's folded neatly on top of the toilet lid. Before reaching for the door handle, I pause; someone is on the other side.

 

I press my ear against the wooden door, trying to hear what exactly is going on. A stereo is playing on the other side, with someone humming along in-tune. After a few anxious moments of waiting for an opporunity, I open the door.

 

"Look who's awake!"

 

I freeze; my cousin Roman is standing on the other side, arms open.

 

"Niko, it's good to see you, cousin!"

 

He rushes over and greets me with a warm hug, but I'm still at a loss. Taking a look outside an incredibly tainted window, I realize that it's now daytime.

 

"What happened?" I ask, still rubbing the bottom of my jaw to consult the lingering pain of a sucker punch.

 

Roman steps back, patting me on the shoulder.

 

"No worries, Niko! You just had a run-in with some bad people. Frank was curteous enough to help you out and bring you up here, said you matched the description I gave him."

 

"You sent him to pick me up?" I ask, even more confused on what exactly happened last night.

 

"Of course, I wouldn't let you wander the city alone, that would just be rude! I don't want to ask for the details now, Niko, because the important thing is that Frank brought you here and you're okay."

 

It all starts to make sense. Frank was a taxi driver, and judging from all the junk and the view of taxi cabs out his window, it's obvious that Roman was running a depot here.

 

"Nothing was stolen, though, right?" he asks.

 

"I didn't bring anything with me."

 

"Really now? You'd think heading to a new country and all someone would be cautious enough to pack an extra pair of underwear or something."

 

"Very funny, cousin. Can we sit down? I'm still not feeling too well."

 

We both take a seat across from each other, a small desk seperating us. I look around the room, which what appears to be an office. Clutter litters the top of the desk, with random papers and soda cans scattered all across the ground.

 

"Don't tell me this is your place, Roman."

 

He sighs and scratches his head, trying to think of an answer.

 

"Where are the sports cars? The hot tubs? The women?"

 

"Niko...I haven't been completely honest with you about my life here in America. Things aren't as good as I have been making them out to be."

 

"So, you're telling me I came out here for this?"

 

I start to grow angry. How could Roman be so ignorant to drag a family member into his failures? I'm not the reason for his fortunes, why should I be punished?

 

"The reason I wanted you to come out here was..."

 

"Yes? Out with it, Roman."

 

He scratches his head again, something he has always done when nervous or confused.

 

"I'm in trouble, Niko," he finally blurts out, "I need your help."

 

I take a deep breath, trying to find the good in my heart to not lash out at my cousin. He was always the success of our family, everyday his mother would brag to the other women in town of how her son was living a new life in America. Now, though, it seems like things aren't working out for the best for him.

 

I finally exhale, coming to a decision, "Roman, as family I have no choice in the matter. I came here to stick by you, no matter the situation."

 

"So you will help me?"

 

"Help you?" I ask, "Sure, I'll help you, Roman. But first, I must know who did this to me; who attacked me?"

 

Roman hesitates, "I don't know."

 

"You don't know?" I ask skeptically.

 

"No, I have no idea."

 

"Don't lie to me, Roman. I know the people who did this to me are troubling you as well. All I'm asking from you are names, and from there I can take care of things."

 

He nods his head, "Okay, okay...It's this gang member, Joey Gambino, but he's known as 'Crazy Joe'."

 

"Crazy Joe? You're telling me that only one person is causing all of this?"

 

Roman shakes his head, "No, it's just that his boss doesn't know about it, so he constantly harasses me for payment and protection. Even though Gambino is acting under his own command, he has dozens of people waiting for his word at any moment all across the city."

 

"Where does he live?"

 

"I don't know, but I do know a guy who may. He lives a couple blocks down the road, still here in Broker. I can write down the address for you if you want."

 

"Okay, just give me that and I'll be back later tonight."

 

I wait for him to finish writing down the address before I snatch the paper out of his hands. I stand up, with Roman immediately following suit.

 

"Where are you going?" he asks nervously.

 

"Don't worry about it, I'll be back tonight," I repeat, closing the door behind me.

 

Before moving on toward the street, I look back and see what exactly what his 'mansion' of his looked like. A run-down, shady-looking building sitting on the edge of the city's docks; hardly anything to be proud of. Shaking my head, I pop my coat collar and take a step off the curb.

Edited June 8, 2007 by beanmachine43

[Oblivionz]

I'm loving this story. The dialogue looks great, greatly structured. I'ma keep following this, if you decide to keep writing it.

[Eminence]

It's a good chapter to bridge onto the next. The dialogue is extremely solid - I quite like that aspect of this story, it's done well.

 

As well as that, I enjoyed the description at the start, the 'candle flame dancing' was a nice touch.

 

Again, not too much to say. It's a good chapter - I'm waiting to see where it leads.

[saltinespike]

 

It's a good chapter to bridge onto the next. The dialogue is extremely solid - I quite like that aspect of this story, it's done well.

 

As well as that, I enjoyed the description at the start, the 'candle flame dancing' was a nice touch.

 

Again, not too much to say. It's a good chapter - I'm waiting to see where it leads.

Basically what I was thinking. Other thing I may have changed is that you seem you are jumping into the action rather quickly, which can be a great thing if it's executed wisely, but can be terrible if not. Just be wary of that.

[beanmachine43]

Searching for Joey Gambino

 

I make my way across the street, ignoring the small four-door being slammed on its brakes just inches away from me.

 

"Hey, use the crosswalk next time, assh*le!" the driver yells.

 

I turn, looking back at him. When he sees my response, he quickly accelerates before I'm able to reply. A smirk finds its way across my face as I start walking back down the street, but I jump at sound of a cellphone ringtone.

 

I search everywhere, down the sidewalk, behind me, even above my head; nothing.

 

"Why does it sound so familiar?" I ask myself.

 

After a few seconds of embarassment, I notice a bulge on the inside of my pocket. I open, and dig in the depths of its insides to pull out what I've been looking for.

 

I smile as I open the phone, "Thriller," I say.

 

Roman is on the other line, "Yeah," he laughs, "You like the Michael Jackson ringtone? I figured I might as well just get you a phone while you here in Liberty."

 

"Why hide it from me in my own coat, though? Did you think it would be funny?"

 

"I'm a very humorous person, Niko. You're going to have to grow used to that if you're staying with me."

 

"Is that so? Can't wait to see what else you have in store for me."

 

"Okay, listen. There's a small pistol I've arranged to be placed hidden on the inside of the busted mailbox on the street corner, can you see it?"

 

I shift my eyes down the road and see the blue, dented hunk of metal sitting in the sunlight.

 

"Yeah."

 

"Go on over and reach your hand in there, it won't bite, Roman."

 

I place the phone in my other hand, still with Roman on the other line. Oblivious to the world around me, I dip my entire arm inside the mailbox, eventually feeling the makings of a small pistol on the very bottom.

 

"You got it?" I hear Roman say from the speaker of the phone.

 

"Yeah," I answer back, revealing the nickel-plated 9mm.

 

Before I realize what I've done, a young teenager sporting a bandana comes passing by. Seeing the firearm being flaunted around so carelessly, he freezes. I glance over, softly laughing to myself.

 

"Why don't you go run along now, this is not for such young, impressionable eyes to see."

 

He quickly nods his head, "Y-Y-Yes, sir."

 

I watch him bolt the toward the way he came before I holster the gun inside my coat. I pick up the phone again, with Roman seemingly busy on his computer.

 

"Can you believe this?" he says.

 

"What?"

 

"That the GetaLife building is supposed to be bought out by the Sprunk corporation by the end of this year. God damned capitalistic society!"

 

"You're one to complain, you know, since you moved to this 'God damned capitalistic society'."

 

"Too true," he replies, "But back to where we were...Ah, yes. Do you see a brownstone building up the street? It may be a few houes down or so."

 

I begin to grow spooked, "Are you spying on me?"

 

"No," he laughs, "Just giving you directions, that's all."

 

"Well, could you stop buzzing in my ear with all of this? I think it would be much better if I did this alone."

 

"Okay, fine by me. Just be sure to call back once you've found something. I've given you the address and everything you need to know, now off with you."

 

"Off with me?" I say back, but as Roman usually is he quickly hangs up to avoid a lashing of the tongue.

 

I close the phone and tuck it into my coat pocket, something I've grown used to the past couple of minutes.

 

"Looks like it will be just you and me, old buddy," I say jokingly.

 

---------

 

I take a shortcut down a dark back alley, spotting a few of Liberty's notorious homeless all keeping warm around a fiery trash can. I nod in a greeting matter as I walk by before I come out the other side.

 

"Let's do this," I say to myself, equipping my newfound semi-automatic.

 

I take three rapid steps up the stairs, pausing momentarily to glance into the living room window; nobody home. I grab the doorknob handle and turn it, pistol still in hand. Hastily, I sprint inside and press my back against the hallway wall. Breathing heavily, I feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins, but I manage to clam myself with relative ease by closing my eyes and exhaling softly. I peek inside the front room from the doorway, making sure of no nasty surprises waiting for me.

 

Decorated in '70s brown and green, I speedily burst through the poorly-decorated front room, nearly tripping over the beige couch sitting in the middle it. With one leg stepping over the other in a strafing motion, I enter the kitchen. Each step I take intensifies my urgency, but it appears the small house is vacant.

 

I make my through the back door, sure that at this pace I wasn't going to get anywhere. As I head down the small alleyway, I notice a telephone pole not too far away, which sparks an idea.

 

I grab one set of the brackets sticking out the length of the pole, making sure I get good footing before beginning my climb. The higher I go, the more attention I seem to attract, with people inside of their cars pointing at me through their windshields.

 

I ignore them, intent on finding my next destination. I pull out my cellphone and dial Roman's number again, which is convieniantly the wallpaper of the background.

 

"Roman, where else can I find Gambino?"

 

"Why?" he answers back, "What happened?"

 

"Nobody was home at the address you gave me. Can you at least tell me what he looks like?"

 

"Well, odds are you won't find Crazy Joe just walking around Broker, but the other guy I told you about usually hangs around the deli not too far from his house. If anyone knows where he is, it's him."

 

I examine the neighboring blocks, trying to find a small convinent store. Looking around, something interesting catching my eye.

 

I speak slowly, "Roman, does this guy happen to drive a red four-door?"

 

"Yeah, actually," he replies warily, "Do you see it?"

 

"I'll call back in a few minutes."

 

[saltinespike]

It was pretty good, but once again, it was seemingly a path for the next. Roman seems a bit more American than I would have imagined, he's also a bit more crafty and light-hearted than I would have imagined, also. Niko also seems somewhat humorous, when that's not how he strikes me in the pictures. The four-door plot was a pretty good twist, I'll give you that. My only suggestion would be to tone down on the humor and dialog a little bit, then it'll be pretty damn good.

[beanmachine43]

Yeah, looking back I think I tried to develop Niko too quickly in the last chapter, so I may go back to re-writing eventually, but I don't want it to effect the plot too much.

 

Will try and get the next out today, because I have nothing to do except sleep and play CS:S all day.

[Eminence]

I pretty much agree again. There's not much to comment wrong with it, but it's all just run of the mill stuff so far, if you get me. It's good - but it's not captivating.

 

Waiting to see how it all builds up.

[beanmachine43]

Not too sure how to captivate, but I'll sure try.

 

I'm gonna give it a pause on the writing, since the trailer is due out the 28th, but for sure brainstorming will be abound.