speekers Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 (edited) This is my version of San Andreas Stories. The year is 1989. San Andreas is rotting itself to the core and gangs constantley break out into wars. B-Dup is trying to bring the city to justice, but keeps failing. It is up to him to save San Andreas and everyone around him. So you play as B-Dup! Weapons: Baseball Bat Grenades Satchels Fists Knife 9mm 44. Magnum Uzi Mini-Uzi AK47 M4 Kruger Sawn-off Shotgun Shotgun Minigun Rocket Launcher Flamethrower Intro Scene: Camera zooms into Grove St. and shows Ballas and Groves having a turf war. Big Smoke: "Big Smoke! Remember the name!" Ryder: "Cheah, you Balla niggas are dead, foo! DEAD!" Sweet: "Move out! Duck behind the cars! Shoot the gas tanks! Balla Car explodes killing 3 Ballas. Balla: "f*ck you, Grove!" Grove St. member runs into the cul-de-sac with an AK and guns down a swarm of Ballas right before being sniped in the head. Zoom into the house next to Sweet's house. B-Dup is ducking from the fire and is hiding under tables. Finds a 9mm and runs outside. Gameplay: Text: Kill the rest of the Ballas! Take out your gun and shoot a few Ballas with 9mm's and Uzi's. In-game scene: Sweet: "More heading in!" Gameplay: Text: Kill the final Ballas! Fist fight the Ballas and defeat them. Text: Run into Sweet's house! Cutscene: Ryder: "Cheah! They gone!" Sweet: "Not yet. B-Dup!" B-Dup looks over. Sweet: "You did good. You can hang wit' us now." D-Dup: "f*ck yeah, nigga! Thanks!" Mission Passed! $100 Should I continue? Edited May 23, 2007 by speekers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Should I continue? No. Unless you drop the complete mindless script-style and include at least some description of what's actually happening, please. I don't know, think of something original. Have a plot - a story - a reason to read it. Don't just have people from grove street in a (dialogue-scripted) gunfight with, you guessed it, Ballas. You know ... add something to shake it up a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speekers Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 Should I continue? No. Unless you drop the complete mindless script-style and include at least some description of what's actually happening, please. I don't know, think of something original. Have a plot - a story - a reason to read it. Don't just have people from grove street in a (dialogue-scripted) gunfight with, you guessed it, Ballas. You know ... add something to shake it up a little. its only the begining asshole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speekers Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 Too friggin bad! (sorry for 2x post lol ) An S appears on your radar along with a CD disc next to B-Dups home in the Grove, for a save point. Sweet: Taking Back Turf Sweet: "...Dup! Let's go fo' a ride! Some low key gang called The Cholos is heading towards grove." B-Dup: "How we know these playas ain't dangerous?" Sweet: "Man, stop acting like CJ! f*ckin' pussy." B-Dup: "I think I see some yellow Cholo Car pullin' up now!" B-Dup and Sweet peer out the window. Cholos cock their 9mm's and club their bats in their own hands. Gameplay: Text: Kill the Cholos! You start with a 9mm, so shoot the Cholos. Text: Take the bat! Gameplay: Take the bat. Text: Show the Cholos not to mess around in Grove! Smash their car! Gameplay: Smash up the Cholo car and after you will get a 2 star wanted level. Text: Get into Sweet's car and head to the nearest Pay 'n' Spray! Gameplay: Drive to the Pay 'n' Spray without damaging Sweet's car TOO much. Text: Go home. Gameplay: Drive home and don't damage the car. In-game scene: Sweet: "You handled it well back there. I'm proud of ya! Give Ryder a call! I'll be busy. B-Dup: "Not that fool...." Mission Passed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speekers Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 whatever. Sweet: Grudge Cutscene: Sweet: "Damn man, these Cholos are heavy!" B-Dup enters B-Dup: "What'd I tell ya?" Sweet shoves him. Sweet: "Do me a favor. And go f*ck off." B-Dup: "What happened to you, Sweet?" Sweet: "Ballas, drugs and CJ's leaving is what happened, asshole. Anymore questions?" B-Dup: "Nah, What's up?" Sweet: "We gonna go hit on them Cholos. I hear they been making deals with Kane." B-Dup: "What're we waiting fo' then?" They both exit. Text: Get into Sweet's car and drive to the building! gameplay: Drive to the building. Text: Go inside in-game scene: B-Dup: "There they are!" Kane runs off... gameplay: Sweet's health meter appears. Find your way through the maze of rooms and Ballas and Cholos using any gun you can find. in-game scene: Show Cholo throw a grenade near B-Dup and Sweet. B-Dup: "Get outta' da' way!!" explosion, killing the Cholo. gameplay: Your health was lowered One Third and so was Sweet's. Continue through the building. You will reach a door. Go through it. In-game scene: A car come towards you.. text: destroy the rampaging car! gameplay: set the car on fire and kill the driver. cutscene: Camera over driver's dead body view. Sweet: "Yo, they know we rolling, so they won't hesitate to roll us back. Watch yo' self fool." B-Dup: "Cheah." Mission Passed! $800 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Not the best writer in the world, and I don't like the story. It's just that you're trying to write a script for a videogame, this is for actual, creative writing. I'm not trying to bash you, which by the way, Eminence is 100% correct. When someone gives you constructive critiscism, you don't call them an asshole, he's being helpful. He's almost merciful, because he's trying to get you to stop before you get flamed by everyone else. I would really urge you to go back to the drawing board. Once again, not bashing you, I just don't like your writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speekers Posted May 24, 2007 Author Share Posted May 24, 2007 someone just lock this. i tryed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 someone just lock this. i tryed Don't get discouraged. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speekers Posted May 24, 2007 Author Share Posted May 24, 2007 someone just lock this. i tryed Don't get discouraged. nvrmind. i started a new story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicecitylover400 Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 I know this sounds Childish, but, COPYCAT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KaZu0 Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 well at least we now know whats goin up to be in -:GTA:SAS:- mode lol any way the story actually a bit sucky to me btw is it before CJ came ? or After cuz after 100% of Storyline we know that B-dup let Big bear go with CJ and sweet but he wasnt killed... btw i dont think i'll play GTA:SAS now =) (i meant not the one R* (hopefully) release after GTA-4) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Papagiorgio Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 There's been tons of SAS stories. I started mine way back in October (and not to gloat), it's been a hit. If you want, take a few pointers out of there. (that is if you are continuing). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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