TubbyJ Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 (edited) It's a working title, I'd really rather it be something a little more epic, but for me titles are hard to think up. SPOILER WARNING! The basic premise is that six months after Salvatore's assassination by Claude, the future of the Leone family is discussed by it's high-ranking officials (capos, older and respected soldatos, etc.). There are two choices as to who will become the don of the Leone family: Toni Cipriani and Joey Leone. We all know Toni did huge things for the family, as well as sacrificing much(having to go into hiding, to name one), and he is the family Underboss. He also fits better into the position because he is an older member and and has a reputation. Joey Leone didn't do much for the family before Sal was killed, although he did jump into action to find Claude and strengthened the Leones as a whole after his father died. The council decides on Toni Cipriani. Joey agrees with them, feeling that Toni deserves his position as don. He also expects(as do many others) that he will be given the status of underboss, or at the very least, that of capo. Toni becomes suspicious(with no clear and truly justifiable reason) that Joey will attempt to dethrone Toni if he becomes underboss. He not only doesn't promote Joey, he limits his power and influence, gives him bad rackets and even worse pay. Joey becomes infuriated and distasteful of the new don. Joey even attempts to gain further power by trying to setup alliances with certain gangs and winning over some of the lower-ranking associates and soldiers. Toni then decides to 'persuade' Joey, by beating him and shattering his hand bones with a sledgehammer. After some recuperation, Joey takes his followers(a good amount of the associates and some made-men, including Luigi) and seperates himself from the former Leone Family(now the Cipriani Family, post-seperation) and forms the new Leone Family(essentially the younger members, now headed by Joey Leone). A war follows... That's the story so far. I hope I didn't divulge too much information regarding the plot, just enough to set the reader up. I should have the first chapter(or first half of the chapter, depending just how busy I am) by a week or so. This is my first fanfic and I hope you guys like it. What are your thoughts so far(even though it's just the plot)? NOTE: My chapters are very big, and I post them in separate chunks, so their are many different parts to each chapter. Edited June 11, 2007 by TubbyJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coral_City Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Well, I like the concept a little bit. I mean, I'm assuming it's another original take on the POST GTAIII LIBERTY CITY fan fic. I mean, Cipriani vs. Leone, wow. The only problem I have with this: Toni becomes suspicious(with no good reason) that Joey will attempt to dethrone Toni if he becomes underboss. THERE'S GOTTA BE A REASON! THERE'S JUST GOTTA BE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 20, 2007 Author Share Posted May 20, 2007 (edited) The only problem I have with this: Toni becomes suspicious(with no good reason) that Joey will attempt to dethrone Toni if he becomes underboss. THERE'S GOTTA BE A REASON! THERE'S JUST GOTTA BE! Maybe I worded that incorrectly. "Toni becomes suspicious(with no clear reason)". I think that's much better. I'm trying to make Toni look paranoid, like he feels that almost everyone is against him. Thanks for the reply, I hope more people give me some more constructive critiscism when I post the first chapter. P.S. Does anyone know Luigi's last name? Edited May 20, 2007 by TubbyJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 (edited) Alright, here's just a taste of the first chapter: Chapter I: Family Matters St. Mark’s Bistro was alive. Mafiosi were situated around the banquet hall, waiters served the Men of Honor with the finest wine imported straight from Sicily and the best Italian food that Liberty City had to offer. There was a thick fog that enveloped the entire room, from the smoke of the fine Cuban cigars the men smoked. A pianist played a tune reminiscent of the old country, that many of the elders had come from, and their children and children‘s children had only heard of. But there was also a talk around the hall. Talk of great importance. Talk that each and everyone knew would not only shape their great organization, but the entire state of the city that they resided. These conversations were solely on who would be the better don out of two, Toni Cipriani or Joseph Leone. “It’s Toni for sure” mentioned Frank Castiglia, capo of the Leones. “because he’s done great f*ckin’ things for this goddamned family, and it would be a f*ckin’ shame if the family was headed by a weak don, even if he is Sal’s son and has potential.” “You better watch that talk, Frank. If he becomes don, that sh*t could get you whacked.” warned Frederico Rosetti, another, more articulate, capo. “I doubt he’ll get to be boss, he’s to young and inexperienced. Plus, he just hasn’t earned it. I don’t care what he’s done lately. Who was it that carved us out a nice piece of the Forelli and Sindacco turf? Who was it that f*ckin’ saved this f*ckin’ family from them, almost single handedly? Who got us those rackets in Chinatown, and the ones in not only Staunton Island, but Shoreside Vale? It was Toni Cipriani, not Joey or even his paranoid f*ckin’ father, may he rest in piece.” Frederico counter pointed “Yeah, Joey didn’t do all that sh*t. But he did make sure the Cartel killed those bloodsucking’ japs for settin’ Sal up for his death. And he made the alliance with the Hoods, giving us a sh*tload of strength down in the Vale. Did you forget the f*ckin’ Forellis? Look where we are right now! We’re in Saint Mark’s Bistro, the Forelli capital for thirty years! Now they work for us, they do our f*ckin’ laundry!-” Frank Castiglia nearly shot wine through his nose when he heard this. He continued, now all knew he was drunk “-did you hear that sh*t, Don Vesuvio!” The whole group that gathered around Frederico laughed hysterically. The new Forelli Don, Don Vesuvio, looked up from where he was ordering the waiters to get more wine. He forced a polite smile, underneath was a very strongly sensed feeling of intense loathing and bitterness. How the mighty had fallen in just a decade. But what the drunken capo had said was true. During the six months after the former Don’s death and the incident at Cochrane Dam, much had changed in the Liberty City underworld. For one, the Forellis had been forced into a life of servitude to the Leones by Joey Leone’s hands. The Mafioso had simply shown up at the Bistro five months before, almost no questions asked. The Forellis couldn’t have done anything if they had tried. Their numbers were microscopic compared to the Leone’s. Their morale was destroyed, there was no resistance in their tattered organization. Once the most powerful Family in Liberty City, they were now being bullied by the underdog. As for the many other organizations in Liberty City, things had changed as well. The Sindaccos had been long gone, having completely moved to Las Venturas in 1999, there they are the dominant force. But Liberty City was Leone turf from a Mafia standpoint. The Triads had been obliterated back six months before, when Toni Cipriani ordered the execution of three Triad warlords and the destruction of their base of operations and biggest racket, the fish factory. Because of their already shoddy and unorganized leadership, the Triads had descended into nothing more but a destroyed and lowly street gang, only picking purses, robbing convenient stores, and killing themselves over minor quarrels. They were finished, and the Leones had moved in and set up rackets in Chinatown, establishing there domination over the now destroyed Triads. Edited June 17, 2007 by TubbyJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 24, 2007 Author Share Posted May 24, 2007 Sorry for the triple post, but the next part of Chapter I is coming soon. It's looking pretty good. By the way, start posting people! I need to hear what's good and what's not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Does anyone know Luigi's last name? 'Goterelli' I think. But don't hold me to that. Liking what I'm reading so far. Keep up the wicked work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 25, 2007 Author Share Posted May 25, 2007 (edited) Does anyone know Luigi's last name? 'Goterelli' I think. But don't hold me to that. Liking what I'm reading so far. Keep up the wicked work! Thanks man, you're a big help. By the way, I love your writing in Mascara and Paranoia. Keep up the original pieces! I'm actually gonna start one myself, once I'm done with this and a few other projects. Edited May 25, 2007 by TubbyJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted May 28, 2007 Share Posted May 28, 2007 Great start! Excellent description, and it flows extremely well, I'm loving the sound of it! I could tell from the first sentence that I was going to like it, St. Mark’s Bistro was alive. Just an excellent way to start - really sucked me in straight way. So simple, yet so effective. Can't really nitpick at it much really, it's all done so well so far. Good job, I look forward to the next part! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 28, 2007 Author Share Posted May 28, 2007 (edited) Wow, thanks for the compliments guys. You flatter me Well, here's the next part of chapter one. Chapter I (cont.) Although the dealer of many of these crippling blows had very different things on his mind. Joey Leone sat at a corner booth in the far end of the room with Luigi Gotarelli, pondering many of these same matters, and the one concerning the future of the family. “Luigi, how’s my tie?” Joey anxiously asked Luigi. Luigi sighed “How many times do you have to ask me that same f*ckin’ question? It looks fine Joey, I’m not your f*ckin’ wife.” Joey chuckled “Yeah, I’m just sweatin’ it a little bit, y’know?” “No, I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever know the stress of possibly being named don of the Leone family.” Joey gave Luigi a non-challont look “I’m not expecting to become don, Luigi, I don’t think anyone does. But I do wanna look at least like someone who’s pretending to be presentable” “You can’t be thinking like that. Joey, you gotta have a cockiness to ya. You have to feel like a wise-guy. You gotta think you’re the only right one to fill the position, that’s how I got my button.” Joey, without missing a beat, said “That’s the way to get made, now if you wanna become the boss, that’s a completely different thing.” he paused, readjusting his tie, and added “If you wanna become the don, you have to weigh your strengths and imperfections against there’s. You have to see who you’re friends are, and who there’s are. You have to decide who’s done more for the family as a whole. It’s not just about seeing who has the bigger balls, it’s about who’s the better decision-maker, the better figurehead, everything.” Luigi replied “So, do you think you’re the better man for the job?” Joey was silent for a second, thinking, then said “No, no I don’t. I’ll tell ya why, too.” “Why?” Joey leaned in to his fellow soldier “Because Toni did a lot for this family, because he wanted to be a part of something, out of loyalty. It took me years before I finally put in service for the family, and it took my father dying to do so. I did a lot for these, what, six months?-” -“Yeah” Luigi answered “Six months” “Six months, but Toni has done so much more. He sacrificed more, and he gave more. So he deserves more.” Joey finished, and Luigi stared at his friend. The old Joey that grew up in St. Marco’s and played ball never talked like that. The old Joey that stayed in his garage and fixed old, beat-up cars never acted like he did now, with a maturity and such a business-like and serious look. It was a new Joey Leone, one that could be a leader and was ready to handle business. A Joey Leone ready to faithfully serve his family. Edited May 28, 2007 by TubbyJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 29, 2007 Author Share Posted May 29, 2007 Hey I just wanted to throw this out there, my chapters are gonna be pretty big. So we're gonna be on Chapter I for a while. But I am gonna be releasing the story in bigger chunks, now that I don't have to worry about San Andreas Stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creed Bratton Posted May 29, 2007 Share Posted May 29, 2007 Can you sing my copy of your book Cipriany vs Leone? I like it, i realy do. And you should include other characters from previous GTA`s in it. Just please don`t kill any former protagonist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 29, 2007 Share Posted May 29, 2007 By the way, I love your writing in Mascara and Paranoia. Keep up the original pieces! I'm actually gonna start one myself, once I'm done with this and a few other projects. Hey, thanks! I can't wait to read your original material either! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 29, 2007 Author Share Posted May 29, 2007 Can you sing my copy of your book Cipriany vs Leone? I like it, i realy do. And you should include other characters from previous GTA`s in it. Just please don`t kill any former protagonist It's not a book. Do you mean you want me to send you what I've written so far? Because what's on this page is what I've written so far. By the way, thanks for the compliments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted May 29, 2007 Share Posted May 29, 2007 Nice extra part, I liked the whole "I'm not ya f*ckin wife" line, hehe. One thing I have to enquire about, however, is the size of the parts. I don't mind that it's just a small part of the chapter (I also don't mind that the chapter overall will be big, 'tis fine really) - the only thing I don't like is that this part really has nothing to it. So it's a bit of dialogue, but nothing actually happens ... at all. So really, I don't see the point in it being a standalone part, if ya get me? Perhaps just wait until there's a little more to the section then post it, so that there's something actually happening? Saying that, I think you've already covered it by saying you're going to release it in bigger chunks, so you may be able to just ignore me, heh! Wanted to let it be known. I'm probably just rambling for no reason, though. Good show, in any case. I love your style, it's very good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 29, 2007 Author Share Posted May 29, 2007 Nice extra part, I liked the whole "I'm not ya f*ckin wife" line, hehe. One thing I have to enquire about, however, is the size of the parts. I don't mind that it's just a small part of the chapter (I also don't mind that the chapter overall will be big, 'tis fine really) - the only thing I don't like is that this part really has nothing to it. So it's a bit of dialogue, but nothing actually happens ... at all. So really, I don't see the point in it being a standalone part, if ya get me? Perhaps just wait until there's a little more to the section then post it, so that there's something actually happening? Saying that, I think you've already covered it by saying you're going to release it in bigger chunks, so you may be able to just ignore me, heh! Wanted to let it be known. I'm probably just rambling for no reason, though. Good show, in any case. I love your style, it's very good. Yeah, the only reason why I put this last part in here was to get my topic higher on the list. I didn't want it to be forgotten. The next part is gonna have a lot more to it, lengthwise and plotwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creed Bratton Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 It's not a book. Do you mean you want me to send you what I've written so far? Because what's on this page is what I've written so far. No, i ment it like when a writer relese his book, people come to them for an autograph on a book cover. It means that i like what ur doing. I know ur not writing a book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 30, 2007 Author Share Posted May 30, 2007 It's not a book. Do you mean you want me to send you what I've written so far? Because what's on this page is what I've written so far. No, i ment it like when a writer relese his book, people come to them for an autograph on a book cover. It means that i like what ur doing. I know ur not writing a book. Oh damn, I feel real stupid right now. I'm glad you like my work that much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 hehe. So, when can we expect the next installment? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted May 30, 2007 Author Share Posted May 30, 2007 hehe. So, when can we expect the next installment? Don't really know. Maybe I'll work on it tonight, but the next part is coming within a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonnyB Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 yes, it's a good read. you've got everything in place, plot line, characters, style. good work really. keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJonesy Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 GENIOUS!!! Absolutely unbelievable...great writing. The beginning sequence glues you to the story with the description, but doesn't flood you with details. I also like the "prologue/spoiler" thing in the beginning although already tells you what is going to happen, it gives you all the more reason to read and build the tension. Almost like what happened in Romeo & Juliet...which is a legendary story. This has to be put in a book, or atleast include it as a "second-timeline" in the Episodic Content of GTA IV! Love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coral_City Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Okay! Good take on the Cipriani-Leone relationship It's structured very well, description is varied and dialouge is decent. The reason I write decent is... some of these wiseguys don't talk like they're wiseguys Other than that - nice job! Keep up the work, and I'll follow along Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted June 5, 2007 Author Share Posted June 5, 2007 Coral_City, I was thinking the exact same thing. Good news is, I'm watching the Sopranos tonight, so maybe I'll pick something up. I wish I knew more Italian, it would help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJonesy Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 Question? How did you make your box art, cause I'm righting a story too. If you are able to help me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted June 8, 2007 Author Share Posted June 8, 2007 @TheJonesy What boxart? I don't have boxart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJonesy Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 @TheJonesy What boxart? I don't have boxart. Oh...wrong story... LOVE THE STORY THOUGH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted June 15, 2007 Author Share Posted June 15, 2007 (edited) I just wanna say thank you to everyone that reads this fan fic, I appreciate your support and critiscism. I would also like to add that the next part of Chapter I is coming along nicely, and it should be done very soon. I've also introduced two new cities, Calumet and Harston. Calumet is based on Chicago, I got the name from a river next to Chicago called the Calumet river. Harston is based on Boston, I got the name from the college at Boston, Harvard, and I added a -ston to the end. I will also introduce Phillip Caponi, the Leone family consigliere, the Tosino family don (which runs parts of Calumet), Eddie DeFraci, and the Curioso family don, Andre Curioso(who is currently in a war with the Limericks, other wise known as the Irish mob, in Harston). I assure you, the bosses mentioned above will play a large role in the story. Anyways, Chapter I, Part III is coming very soon! Edited June 15, 2007 by TubbyJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Liking the developments. Hope you get the next part up soonish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyJ Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 Just bumping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Broker Gangsta Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 whens the next chapter coming I love this story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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