Eminence Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Interesting pics. Only ever heard of Eliza Dushku, though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 15, 2007 Author Share Posted May 15, 2007 Not surprised. Just finished writing Part 1 (the chapters are called AM, 8mm and Static still) in script form and the story flows a lot better now. I'll get to writing the descriptive stuff around the character dialogue and then move on to the next. It shouldn't be too long now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 Still finishing off version 1 or are you just leaving this one and just rewriting the entire thing straight away? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 15, 2007 Author Share Posted May 15, 2007 Sort of both. I'm writing the new one at the moment so that I don't have the same problem down the line but I'll finish V1 off first before I post the better one. If that makes sense? Sometimes I confuse myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 Nope, perfect sense actually. I follow ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 15, 2007 Author Share Posted May 15, 2007 (edited) Sweet! A lot of the stuff that happened 'off-screen' is shown in this version. The Ollie storyline has changed a little (for the better) which coinsides with the new snuff film plot I've got in mind - it'll be very similiar to the original version but more darker/sinister. I've written some of the dialogue and it's quite disturbing. I've deleted all of the old chapters from the thread, but don't worry, I've added a link to where you can still read them on the original post, as well as a new summary and soundtrack for each upcoming chapter. On a less confusing note, you'll be glad to know that there's just one more (relatively short) scene to write and it's ready to go. Thanks for your patience, support and understanding, guys. It means a lot (and is very encouraging/inspiring). Edited May 16, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 17, 2007 Author Share Posted May 17, 2007 (edited) /Removed. Edited December 15, 2011 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 Hmm, don't really feel like reading it all again. Just wanted to read the last chapter, sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 17, 2007 Author Share Posted May 17, 2007 (edited) That's really understandable and I prepared myself for feedback like that. Hang in there a little longer, okay? There's only two scenes that are similar to the original version (the airport one and Ollie's private member's club) and they're both re-worked enough that they'd just seem familiar, not like you're reading the same scenes over again. All the other stuff in 8mm and Static are completely new (apart from the climax ). I just wrote AM similar to the original because it sets off a lot of tiny little plots for the characters (there's quite a few differences in there). This version is more character-driven which will (hopefully) make it that much darker and effective. Not to mention written so much better than the original, which was just like 'snapshots' of the character's moments pieced together shoddily. I'm hoping to have this finished by this time next week. Don't give up just yet. Edited May 17, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 17, 2007 Author Share Posted May 17, 2007 Very small one-line teaser from one of the final scenes: "My real business partners share a unique interested in a rare genre of film." Russell's eyes darkened. "They want her." Read the post above for more info - you won't be disappointed with the next two updates - I promise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 19, 2007 Author Share Posted May 19, 2007 (edited) /Removed. Edited December 15, 2011 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 (edited) /Removed. Edited December 15, 2011 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 24, 2007 Author Share Posted May 24, 2007 (edited) /Removed. Edited December 15, 2011 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 Absolutely superb. If you haven't read the reworked version - do. Immediately. It may take a short while, I'll admit, but it's 100% worth it. This version is vastly superior to the original in that the description is worked in better, there's extra scenes, and the entire story flows in a much smoother way. Bravo I say. Fantastic job, and I can't wait for the last chapter to finally see what happens! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 30, 2007 Author Share Posted May 30, 2007 Thank you so much! That's incredible feedback right there. Static will be up either later tonight or tomorrow - most definitely sometime this week - I promise. There's just one more scene to write and the entire story is complete. Here's a teaser to keep you guessing until then (you're probably sick of these by now ): Mr. Wallace's dark Mercedes came to a bouncy desist at the docks. The wound down window from up front allowing the overwhelming scent of oil fused with the murky waters of the wharf to creep inside the vehicle. Sat at the back were Russell and Mickey, who looked through the tinted glass at the familiar landscapes that were entwined with cranes and machinery. "I thought we were checking out the club." "Sorry about that," Russell grimaced apologetically. "I should've told you I had a spot of business to attend to first." Mickey motioned his head to the tall, grey building that loomed over the car. It was the place where Michelle was last seen alive. He raised an eyebrow quizzically. "In a warehouse?" To say he was uncomfortable would be an understatement; it made him nauseous. Oh, and on another note, I've added a list of all the characters featured in this to the summary, attached to their mugshots (majority different from those posted before). Enjoy! A hell of a lot more sinister stuff coming VERY soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 Nice teaser. Can't wait! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coral_City Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Eminence was right...this is a more superb version of the story. There's a lot of depth that just wasn't there before! You keep the solid dialouge and description balanced so the reader doesn't get bored (which is very unlikely in this case) and it's definitely progressing nicely. What would've taken you 5 parts to do, you've now made 3 -- however, the condensing has not made the story lose any quality whatsoever. Fantastic job Oxidizer -- and I look forward to the grand finale Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 31, 2007 Author Share Posted May 31, 2007 Wow, thank you, guys! I appreciate all the wicked feedback! Oh, and the next post from me in this thread will be the grand finale, which will be later on today! *scurries off to put the finishing touches on it* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Woah, it's like a carnival atmosphere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted May 31, 2007 Author Share Posted May 31, 2007 (edited) /Removed. Edited December 15, 2011 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coral_City Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 My God. That was some cliffhanger...and now it's over. It was a fantastic ending for two reasons: a) It was a nice little cliffhanger b) DAMNIT, KRISTY + THE GANG ARE STILL DOING THEIR UNDERGROUND WORK, WHY AREN'T THEY DEAD?! -- to envoke an emotion like that -- is the sign that you've really done a great job developing these sadistic characters! I hate 'em, absolutely hate 'em. And to see 'em alive?! *explodes* Anyway...no real complaints with this finale...it was written & structured well. Tis a shame it had to end. Still, this one's for the books! One of the best original pieces on this side of the net Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Fantastic. You should look into developing this more and actually trying to get it published, it's amazing. And, what an ending. My word, what a tale. Superb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted June 1, 2007 Author Share Posted June 1, 2007 (edited) DAMNIT, KRISTY + THE GANG ARE STILL DOING THEIR UNDERGROUND WORK, WHY AREN'T THEY DEAD?! -- to envoke an emotion like that -- is the sign that you've really done a great job developing these sadistic characters! I hate 'em, absolutely hate 'em. And to see 'em alive?! *explodes* Heh. I'm glad you had a strong dislike for them. You should look into developing this more and actually trying to get it published, it's amazing. And, what an ending. Wow, thanks! I'm hoping one day that it'll be made into a 3-part thriller/drama complete with a DVD release. Now all I gotta do is figure out how to go about doing that. Now I'm gonna focus all my energy on NOUAS. Expect two updates a week starting from either the weekend or Monday. Thanks guys for your endless interest and patience - this story's dedicated to you. Edited June 1, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I already told you through PM but I'll say it here aswell: I've been quite busy lately so I haven't had time to read this yet, but I've bookmarked it and definatly won't forget about it! This is one of the best stories I have and will probaly ever read, and once I've read this one I'll then move onto your new one! Glad you finished it and I'll catch up on all of it hopefully soon in one big sit-in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted June 1, 2007 Author Share Posted June 1, 2007 (edited) /Removed. Edited December 15, 2011 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Scrap any ideas you have on that would-be ending, let me tell you. It ruins it to say you'd give it a "happy ending" outcome (well ... not really happy with all the deaths, but you get the idea) - I think the way it ends at the moment is perfect, with the cliffhanger. You know what happens next, but you don't actually KNOW ... and what's more, it's much more sinister knowing these people are still out there, and that these kinds of activities work with the police none the wiser. As for the three-part drama, excellent idea! You MUST find a way to do it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted June 1, 2007 Author Share Posted June 1, 2007 (edited) I think the way it ends at the moment is perfect, with the cliffhanger. You know what happens next, but you don't actually KNOW ... and what's more, it's much more sinister knowing these people are still out there, and that these kinds of activities work with the police none the wiser. Heh. Exactly why I'm not going to write anymore. Those ideas was just me playing around for my own amusement. As for the three-part drama, excellent idea! You MUST find a way to do it! I really should! I even have all the shots and camera angles/frames visualized in my head (not to mention ultra!hot cast) - it has to be done someday! Edited June 1, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 Hehe, would be awesome to look on TV years from now and see it there! Pursue the dream ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted June 3, 2007 Author Share Posted June 3, 2007 Guh! That would be awesome. Then a 3-disc DVD boxset; one containing the episodes with commentary options, another with behind the scenes stuff, character profiles and cast interviews, and the third a soundtrack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Me on the DVD Interview *Lights up a cigarette and takes off his shades, and begins speaking in a deep, rusty voice* "I followed this from what seems like the beginning; now it's all the way out here! And I'm on the f*ckin' DVD being Interviewed! So Interview me already!" The man behind the camera begins to mutter together a sentance, "Wh--" Cut off before he can finish "How much am I getting paid for this again?" Says Tony, with a cheesy grin plastered all over his face. Sounds good to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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