Oxidizer Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 (edited) DISCLAIMER: All characters and their plots belong to me. WARNING: Dark themes. CHAPTERS: Photographic, Negatives, Cinematography. DOCUMENTARY: Do Snuff Films Exist? Approx. running time: 48 mins. *Graphics made by Eminence. Edited December 15, 2011 by Oxidizer Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I loved it so far. The way you detail everything is incredible, you're an amazing writer. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4195027 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 21, 2007 Author Share Posted April 21, 2007 (edited) Thanks for the wicked feedback! I'm glad you're liking it. Edited April 24, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4195850 Share on other sites More sharing options...
OG-LOC R360 Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Why do I get this feeling this is the rival to MY story? It's good but could be better. Why isn't anyone responding to both topics, like a lack of respect. Click below, read, then respond there, while you're waiting, OK. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4196187 Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Why do I get this feeling this is the rival to MY story? It's good but could be better. Why isn't anyone responding to both topics, like a lack of respect. Click below, read, then respond there, while you're waiting, OK. Your story is kinda boring, sorry. And Oxidizer talked about doing this before you posted your story. So he isn't "rivaling" your story. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4196565 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 21, 2007 Author Share Posted April 21, 2007 Why do I get this feeling this is the rival to MY story? I don't get it. What story am I supposed to be rivaling here? Could you maybe give me a link or something? Oxidizer talked about doing this before you posted your story. So he isn't "rivaling" your story. Thank you, dude. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4197125 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Very nice, I like your writing style. Excellent description, very detailed; enjoyable to read. The composition of the whole thing is very neat - good start to the story. I like the title as well, unique! It's quite an innocent start to what sounds like a very dark and sinister piece, so I'm eager to see how it progresses. Looking forward to the next chapter! @ OG-LOC R360 - Rival to your story? Well, erm, this is absolutely nothing to do with your story, clearly. So I don't see what you're trying to achieve, except shamelessly advertise your own story in someone else's topic ... not cool. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4197194 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 21, 2007 Author Share Posted April 21, 2007 Wow. Thank you. I'm pleased you like it so far! It's quite an innocent start to what sounds like a very dark and sinister piece, so I'm eager to see how it progresses. Looking forward to the next chapter! The chapters are going to get darker and darker from here on. It'll be a slow burning story, so you won't get to "see" the actual murder(s) until the last part - but it'll have a sinister build up. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4197349 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Which makes me like the sound of it even more! A slow, tense buildup is much better than just blazing into a random murder of some sort - I can imagine this being truly gripping stuff if we get to know the characters and it all leads into a huge climactic ending! It will definitely have much more effect, anyway. It's very different in comparison to most other things on here as well, so that makes it even more enjoyable to read as it's a contrast to the constant fanfics and GTA. As I've said, looking forward to the next part! Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4197430 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exits Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Nice f*ckin' story so far. Amazing details, you're a great writer. Keep it up, please. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4197823 Share on other sites More sharing options...
OG-LOC R360 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Why do I get this feeling this is the rival to MY story? I don't get it. What story am I supposed to be rivaling here? Could you maybe give me a link or something? Oxidizer talked about doing this before you posted your story. So he isn't "rivaling" your story. Thank you, dude. It's in my sig, below, and the reason I thought it was rivaling yours is because there are very similar ratings, and views per time, and such. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4197917 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 22, 2007 Author Share Posted April 22, 2007 Which makes me like the sound of it even more! A slow, tense buildup is much better than just blazing into a random murder of some sort - I can imagine this being truly gripping stuff if we get to know the characters and it all leads into a huge climactic ending! That's what I'm hoping for anyway. Kim's the main character, so it goes without saying her character developes a whole lot. Mickey and Leon have some dark stuff coming up too. Each chapter from now on only consist of two scenes (mainly because I'm too lazy to write the stuff that happens 'off screen', so to speak) but I think it gives the story a nicer flow and style this way. Nice f*ckin' story so far.Amazing details, you're a great writer. Keep it up, please. Heh. Thanks, mate. I'm glad you're liking it! It's in my sig, below, and the reason I thought it was rivaling yours is because there are very similar ratings, and views per time, and such. Ah, I see. Uh, sorry? Anyway, the next chapter should be up Tuesday onwards. Stay tuned... Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4198034 Share on other sites More sharing options...
gta4bear Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Cool story so far dude, very well detailed and interesting enough to follow and not get bored! Ill definetly be on the look out for the next chapter! thumbs up Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4200903 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 (edited) Hey, thanks! Pleased you're liking it. It's taking a bit longer than I thought so here's a teaser until the next chapter - called Photographic - is complete: From inside the dark Mercedes that was parked across the street, a man's voice ominously whispered to the other man present... "That's the one." A stark finger, darkened due to the lack of light in the car, pointed to Michelle as she leant back and laughed at something one of her friends said, setting her cappuccino back on the glass table. The lens zoomed in and with a click of the camera, several snapshots were developed from the Polaroid; capturing Michelle's moments to perfection. Like a model on a photo shoot. Edited April 24, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4201322 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 24, 2007 Author Share Posted April 24, 2007 (edited) *deleted* Edited November 14, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4202213 Share on other sites More sharing options...
gta4bear Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 cool, this is definetly my favourite story at the moment. keep it up man, cant wait for the next chapter... great detail and keeps me constantly interested! good job dude. makes me want to start my own story... hmmm maybe i will Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4202680 Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyZimmzy Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Nice chapter, very detailed Poor Michelle , wrong place wrong time Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4202949 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Zero Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Very nice story, good grammar and easy to just open and read. Rated good. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4202994 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 24, 2007 Author Share Posted April 24, 2007 cool, this is definetly my favourite story at the moment. Heh. Sweet! I'm glad you're enjoyin' it. makes me want to start my own story... hmmm maybe i will Now that's just awesome. You should! I'd read it. Poor Michelle , wrong place wrong time My thoughts exactly when I was writing it. Very nice story, good grammar and easy to just open and read Thanks, man! So pleased you guys like it. Not sure when the next part will be up (probably either Friday or the weekend), but from here on you get a good idea of who's doing all the stalking/killing etc. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4203531 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 25, 2007 Author Share Posted April 25, 2007 I just found a short live video of the tune used during the warehouse rave scenes. You can watch it . And here's a small soundclip of the track mentioned in the first chapter. Enjoy! Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4204082 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red_Jacks&Purple_Nines Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 I'm really liking this story man! Very detailed and well written. Can't wait for more! Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4204094 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 25, 2007 Author Share Posted April 25, 2007 Thanks! I'm glad you like it. Here's a tiny summary of the next chapter - called "8mm": The gang are unable to cope with their loss - especially Leon. Kristy and Russell have a suspicious conversation. Not sure when it'll be up but I'm hoping either before or during the weekend. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4204195 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Tense ending, good work. As with the first chapter, very engaging to read, enjoying it so far! One thing that irked me a little, though, is the detail you constantly seem to focus in on to describe the characters - you always seem to be referring specifically to one aspect of them and then continually using it to describe them. For example, when describing Mickey, you constantly refer to him as having 'brown eyes' (read: 'chocolate-colored-eyed one' ... lol?), Courtney is constantly the 'platinum blonde' and Leon is always the 'film student' ... perhaps a little variation in the description, if not simply using their names? Dunno, maybe it's just me, it annoyed me a little to see the same description all the time, hehe. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4204742 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 25, 2007 Author Share Posted April 25, 2007 Thanks for the feedback and encouraging words! lol. I know, I noticed that too. I was tired (here comes the excuses... ) and was determined to finish it before I went to bed, so it does get a little rushed during the last half. I'm hell-bent on having the last 3 parts perfect though. This is where the story takes a more darker turning point. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4205486 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 Yeah fair enough, it's nothing big really! When something is good though, only the little things are left to improve on! Looking forward to seeing how it all unravels. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4206491 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 (edited) Awesome. I'm glad you're lookin' forward to it! And I'm also pleased you pointed out the description thing too; I've fixed it up a little bit, and I think it makes more sense now. So thanks. The next part should be up over the weekend. Untl then, here's the remaining chapter titles [in order]: 8mm Cinematography Static Edited April 27, 2007 by Oxidizer Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4207384 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 Here's a small teaser until the next part is ready: The synthesized and thumping baselines of PaniK? by Diary of Dreams blared out of the dark Mercedes as it pulled up outside Kristy's Klub. The driver's side opening, where a well-dressed man stepped out, rounding the jet-black vehicle and opening the rear door; allowing Russell to make his exit. The music now silenced. He nodded his thanks before taking long strong strides up the steps leading to the nightclub's entrance. A bouncer held the door open for him and stood aside, making room for the athletic businessman to make his way inside. Russell held his gaze on the random bouncer for a second, frowning disappointedly. "Where's that other bloke who works the doors?" he clarified when he was met by a deadpanned response. "Mickey." "He's got the week off following the murder of that girl." the bouncer dryly informed, clearing his throat and motioning his head as a way of telling the dark green-suited man to go in. Russell chuckled humorlessly to himself as he looked up from the ground to stare the bouncer in the eye. The unnamed bloke in his mid-to-late 20s swallowed nervously when Mr. Wallace's eyes darkened. "Where's Kristy?" Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4209294 Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoF Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 God damn, very good stuff mate, tense, descriptive and well set out. This could probably be turned into a (short) film script. You write professionally or something? By the way, your a brit as well aint ya bruv? Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4209976 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Excellent as usual, looking forward to it even more. Love the style! The one thing I find a little gimmicky (this isn't a criticism, by the way ... there's nothing wrong with it, per se) is the way you mention the titles of these random songs. I just find it funny seeing them written amongst all the tense narrative. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4210127 Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoF Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Excellent as usual, looking forward to it even more. Love the style! The one thing I find a little gimmicky (this isn't a criticism, by the way ... there's nothing wrong with it, per se) is the way you mention the titles of these random songs. I just find it funny seeing them written amongst all the tense narrative. hehehehe dayamn you complain a lot! Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/275393-mascara-paranoia/#findComment-4210229 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts