Grand Theft Auto: Gran Aroca

[Mister Zero]

Thanks very much for your kind words. I'm not going to stop writing, I love it too much and I have literally tonnes of ideas ready to be shared.

The build ups one of my weaknesses as a writer I feel, I set up the rising incidents and leave it hanging. While it ruins the impact of the story, I mainly to do it to keep my audience in suspense and captivate new readers. Thanks again for your support Coral_City and Eminence!

[Eminence]

Little short, need my fill!

 

Looking forward to part II. Make it a good one.

[Mister Zero]

I admit, it is a rather short part, but I wanted to split it and I didn't want it stopping in the middle of the action. Next part will deliver.

[Mister Zero]

Part 2 is now here.

 

Chapter 6: Strike!: pt. ii

 

Kyle, Carlos, Icky and Ken casually sauntered into the Bowling Alley, and the smell immediately took Kyle back to his youth where he’d often go to San Fierro, bowling. The familiar heavy clatter of pins and yells of jubilation and distress from the bowlers in their lanes, playing their games made Kyle smile. He looked across and he realised he was the only one doing so, so he stopped and resumed his expression of hardiness. As he walked to reception with the rest of his “squad”, he noticed how obvious the weapons looked, concealed under their jackets and in their bags.

Did they really need that many? It’s one man…

Kyle then remember how unpredictable and nasty Ian seemed, even around Ken, his own boss. Kyle also wondered if this job would give him the satisfaction he craved back in Las Venturas. He didn’t have long to wonder when Ken’s voice crept in.

“Uh, yeah, guys…” his voice seemed shaky. If the guns didn’t give them away, Ken would. “He’s there, lane 7…”

“I see him.” Carlos replied, “Shouldn’t be too hard, there’s only a handful of bodyguards.”

“Only!?” Ken’s voice cut into them all like a knife.

Kyle winced as he realised what Ken meant. Although there were only about 3 of them, they were large men. Not fat. Large. Could take a few bullets to fall them. Icky cleared his throat and whispered to Kyle, which he could immediately tell wasn’t good news.

“sh*t, reception lass…” Icky rubbed his chin “keep walking lads, I’ll handle this.”

With that, Icky turned on the spot and held out his arms, almost to embrace the woman.

“Alright babe, just hear for our league practice. Where’s this rival team then eh? Bring it on!”

Icky gave the woman a playful jab on the shoulder and a flicker of a smile flashed up on her face, as if she’d fallen in love with his charm and smooth talking.

“Are you the Aroca Angels? You’re late…” she inquired, pushing her glasses further up her face.

“Yeah, sorry, but you know how midday traffic in paradise is, eh? Hahaha!” Icky replied. His voice seemed calm and controlled. No wonder he’d done so well for himself.

“That’s alright, no problem. Your opponents are waiting on lane 12.”

“Lane 12! Can’t wait!” Icky rubbed his hands together eagerly once more and walked off, gym bag in hand. He met Kyle halfway down the corridor, who had waited for Icky. He was greeted with a playful headlock and a grin.

“Bitch fell for it, didn’t she?” Icky said through gritted teeth. “C’mon, let’s ice this bastard.”

 

Ian was running a good line of a score and despite a strict no smoking policy, a large cigarette hung out of his mouth as he swung his ball down the lane. It lazily drifted left and right until it collided with the pins ahead, leaving 2 standing at the back.

“f*ck!” Ian cursed and hit the ball rack with his fists. “Damn f*ckin’ game.”

He took a deep drag and picked up his ball again and looked around to see the time.

“This’ll have to be it, I got places to be, y’know?” he whispered to Ken’s bodyguard, clearly bounded by a new leash and willing to take orders.

As Ian returned to his game, Ken turned the corner and spotted him, instantly turning left into the café and took a seat.

It wasn’t enough.

Ian immediately sensed something was wrong, and bolted out of his lane, taking the stairs two at a time. He was heading for the roof.

“Aww, sh*t! You three, he’s gone! The roof!”

Carlos said nothing as he entered and the three bodyguards opened fire on him. Icky nearly turned the corner also, but the rapid fire told him to do otherwise.

“I’m going to the roof, Kenny boy, you keep watch here… that’s what you’re best at anyway. Kyle, come with me. Carlos’ll be fine.”

Kyle didn’t need telling twice and dived in the lift, checking his rifle and making sure it was loaded. Icky loaded his own gun and rapidly pressed the top floor button.

It seemed to take an infinity, but the lift finally reached the top floor and as they left it, a bodyguard turned the corner, gun pointed straight at them. Kyle was too quick and planted a shell right into his shoulder, felling him instantly.

Wow, this thing’s got power…

Icky burst through the fire exit door and saw Ian, stood on the edge of the building sheepishly, looking down.

“Right.” Icky contorted his face and held his SMG out towards Ian.

“You’ll never kill me, I’ve too much power now. Ken had a nice little business here, and he was also the biggest pussy on the island. Taking it was easy. Mitchell was only a distraction.”

Kyle remembered the body he’d thrown into the sewage run off barely an hour ago, but quickly tuned back into the situation.

“So where’s your power now, eh? Nothing up here but you, Kyle and me.”

Kyle could’ve sworn he saw Ian smile, and after giving a little wink, he leapt off the building. Icky quickly followed, dropping his gun and heading for the edge.

Kyle knew better and stayed where he was, for cover.

Just as Icky reached the edge, his eyes widened and screamed.

“Jesus!”

Icky fell backwards, just in time.

A large helicopter flew up, Ian stood in the middle and a large M6 aimed directly at them. Icky instantly got to his feet and ran shakily towards Kyle.

“Get the f*ck out of here!”

Kyle again didn’t need telling twice, and dashed towards the exits. He could feel the friction and force behind the rounds being fired at them. They both squeezed through the door as the helicopter flew over the door. Carlos was waiting at the bottom, three corpses dead in the lanes. The alley was now empty, and alarms were ringing. Wasn’t long before the GAPD arrived now…

“What’s the situation?” Carlos enquired, calmly.

“Helicopter on the roof, we have to get moving, we have to follow him.” Kyle replied.

“I’ll drive! I know the streets better than any of you.” Ken interrupted.

Kyle just felt good that Ken was contributing, and without wasting any time, they ran to the van and leapt in. The doors were left open and Carlos got in the back.

“I’ll stay in the back, just in case he opens fire at our rear.”

“Uh, okay, be careful.” Ken gulped.

“You just keep focused on the road…” Carlos said, half jokingly, tying a rope around his belt.

 

As they set off, Ken tore round the corner and saw the helicopter ahead, fleeing the scene.

“There he is, the pussy…” Icky exclaimed.

Kyle checked his ammunition.

5 shells? sh*t. I shouldn’t bought the Large Meal at Cluckin’ Bell…

He stuck his head out of the window and the warm sea air hit him like a train. He gingerly slid the gun out after him, pointing away and up. He closed one eye to aim, and a well aimed shot took a part of the window off. Kyle saw his chance.

“Hold the van steady on this road!” Kyle had barely finished speaking when he sat on the edge of the window frame, half of his body completely exposed. The helicopter slowly crept into the scope. Kyle swallowed and waited. Any minute now.

WHOOSH.

Without warning, a police car swept alongside the van, causing Ken to take a violent right. Kyle nearly dropped his rifle.

“Watch it!” Kyle growled. “Keep the van steady!”

“We – er… we may have some heat here…” Ken’s voice was strangely determined.

“sh*t.”

Kyle was hasty, and took to the roof, where he had a clear view of the helicopter, the police car and most importantly, Ian.

Another shell hit the side of the chopper, making a large hole in it. The shot wasn’t lethal, so Kyle cocked and was about to try again when he heard a whistling near his left ear. A colt 45 had just exploded, sending a well aimed bullet cutting inches away from Kyle’s ear.

Kyle had started to sweat. Not only was Ken the least desirable driver of the 4 of them, but Carlos wasn’t doing a very good job covering the rear. Kyle saw no other option.

Without warning, the helicopter turned 90 degrees, and Ian was literally feet away from him. Kyle leapt at him, knocking Ian off his feet and it took a moment for Kyle to realise he was in the helicopter with him.

“Ken not big enough to fight his own battles?” Ian teased.

“We both know he isn’t, but this isn’t about you and him anymore!”

Punches were thrown from both sides, blood stained the metal flooring. The helicopter gained altitude and Kyle saw it was heading for the mountains.

Ian growled, and shifted his weight completely, knocked Kyle and sent him sliding across the floor. He was now half out of the helicopter, which was now dangerously close to Mt. Flaccid’s cable car. Kyle saw the tram pass the chopper, but not much else. Ian had now thrown him across the helicopter’s insides to where large boxes were anchored with weight. As Kyle got onto his hands and knees, he noticed something inside one of the crates, along with the overalls, which made his eyes widen.

A solitary grenade.

Kyle sat down, back to the box and hands behind his back. Ian was approaching fast with a Desert Eagle.

“Well, Mr. Hero! Nothing much you can do now, is there?” Ian snapped.

“You’d be surprised.”

Ian scoffed, and Kyle saw his chance.

Ian’s aggressive face turned to shock as his eyes followed Kyle, who had leapt clear of the helicopter. A slow moving car was moving along the rails and he landed with a thud, arms over his head. Ian then saw the spinning grenade, pin missing.

Kyle was deafened.

The helicopter snapped into a large ball of fire, propelling sound and flames towards Kyle. The car swayed with the force of the explosion, and Kyle didn’t open his eyes until he heard the thunderous crash of a charred chopper.

 

Job done…

 

[Eminence]

Haha, typical Ken at the start. So professional!

 

Anyway, nice chapter. I like a lot of the description in it, especially about the helicopter at the end, very nice!

 

Few little things bugged me though. At one point you say a Colt 45 exploded. I can see that you're trying to vary the description up as much as possible, but ... explode? Pistols don't... explode... do they? Just seemed an odd description, one I wouldn't use myself!

 

The only other thing was the whole WHOOSH thing. Now, I'm all for a few liberal dashings of onomatopoeia, but I hate to see it used in that was. I can understand what you're trying to do by using it, but it just reminds me of something really childish or of a comic book during a pretty intense action sequence.

 

Other than them little bits, I'd say it was a nice read. Good job, looking forward to the next installment!

[Mister Zero]

Yeah, I take the criticisms on board, I knew the flaws after all.

 

I used exploded for the very reason you gave: variety. I dried up at that point and couldn't think of a descriptive word for a good going off. I settled with that, but I wasn't happy with it.

As for WHOOSH, well... ... again, I couldn't think of how to describe a sudden "whooshing" sound without losing drama, but I suppose the WHOOSH lost it rather than kept it. Thanks for your feedback!

[Eminence]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I've fallen victim to those sorts of things before myself!

 

With exploded, I can see where you're coming from. It's hard to think of the relevant word sometimes, I know. Oh well!

 

With WHOOSH, however, I wouldn't worry about trying to find a good descriptive word in place of it. Read over the three lines (before and after) it, and see how they sound. Now, take out whoosh, and read the same two lines again. Usually, you'll find it flows well and gives the same effect, if not better - if you get what I'm saying?

 

I know it can seem like something might be missing, but more often than not I think it will work just as effectively with nothing 'bridging the gap', so to say.

[Mister Zero]

Yeah, of course, sometimes saying more can weaken the story rather than strengthen it. Thanks again for the constructive criticism! Next chapter's going to be another big one, expect it around this time next week.

[Coral_City]

Nice chapter man! I liked the explosivity and it certainly feels like things are gonna heat up from this point. And, as Em' already stated, the whole "Whoosh" thing kinda bothered me as well. In the context you put it in, it should've been more of a BANG, or BAM type of thing you know? Other than that, I thought it was definitely top-notch work.

 

Looking forward to the next!

Edited May 15, 2007 by Coral_City