The Nord

[The-King]

I have come into a recent love of the game series (bordering on obsession) The Elder Scrolls and have decided to write a story taking place after the events of Morrowind and Oblivion. I'll include some links so you can better understand some of the more obscure elements of the story.,

 

The Nord: a Morrowind story

 

Prelude:

It was a cold night, the stars shined dully in the sky, there was a orange glow on the horizon, the air smelled faintly of blood and burned flesh. Vivec stood there solumly staring at it with his two Buoyant Armiger bodyguards standing close behind. He was at the top of his tower in the city of Vivec and you could hear the faint sound of riot below. The whole island of Vvardenfell was engaged in pitched battle, the Dunmer had began a revolt which in the beginning was almost unnoticeable, the ordinators could easily keep it in check but soon all Dunmer joined to chase the foreigners out of their homeland, they raided the Imperial Legion forts and killed all of their inhabitents which angered the new Emperor of Tamriel so he sent a force to rival the greatest army to Morrowind to supress this rebellion. But the Dunmer had organized themselves into a great force which was centered at Red Mountain. Vivec wispered something to his bodyguards and they quicky jogged off to do some meaningless errand for their master. Even as their footsteps dulled the sound of the riots slowly got closer and closer, with every breath the living god made he could have sworn that it got louder.

 

He turned around and slowly walked to the large ornamental door leading to his penthouse. The doors started to rumble and soon it bursted the first thing that flew out was his body guards they lay on the ground motionless as soon as he got a chance to get a hold of what was happening Dunmer rushed toward him, holding makeshift weapons, and draped in blood they almost looked like some large shadowy beast pouncing on it’s prey. Vivec drew his two ancient Akaviri Katanas and mowed down the first few phases of assailents, he then realeased a lightning spell that made it seem to some people looking out their windows that it almost miraculously turned from night to day. Vivec stood up, having drained most of his energy during the spell he could hardly turn his head to observe the scene. Dozens of smoldering corpses lay around him, some still in the position they were in prior to the lightning spell. A phalanx of Buoyant Armigers ran up to him to escort him out of his own city, he drew a deep breath and fled the horrifying scene.

 

Chapter One: A Hero is revealed

I awoke suddenly in my bed, and looked out the window, it was bright and sunny day, or as sunny as it gets in Skyrim, the snow was reflecting sunlight brightly, I was almost blinded by the sight. I stood up slowly and scratched my stomach. “I’m hungry” I said to myself, I walked with a slight limp towards the kitchen and lit a fa**ot of wood under a pot. I put on a pair of warm leather boots, and walked outside, I reached in the snow and pulled out a large slaughterfish. “It may not be the tastiest thing in the world, but It’ll fill me up.” I retreat back into the house and places the fish in the boiling water and add a few select spices and herbs. I sit down and start reading my copy of the Annotated Anuad as a knocking comes at the window next to me, I look out and see my best friend Slare standing there smiling

“Can I come in” he blares in his deep somewhat haunting voice.

“Sure, I’ll open the front door, come around” I yell.

I open the front door, and Slare a large barrel chested man, with dark beard, and hair, unnusual for a nord, braided into an intricate web of old family braces and odd bits of jewelry. He wore a thick bear hide coat which he hung on the rack near the door. “It’s colder out there than usual” he says as he takes a seat on the large couch nicely situated in the corner of the room near the beating fire place. “Seems as if it’s an omen to me” I say as I stir the stew as the fish is beginning to disentegrate into the liquid. ”Something tells me that somethings happening or going to happen... soon.” Slare can hardly finish his speach when a large roar is heard outside. “Sounds odd, we better investigate” I say as I grab my claymore and rush outside with Slare close behing holding the axe that never leaves his side. A monstrosity is looming over Slare’s horse’s corpse, almost looking as if it was bathing in blood as it feed of the horse. I rush at it, it appeared to be almost vampiric, yet large, and monstrous like a werewolf. I reeled my claymore back and heaved it at the beast. What happened next was almost unexpected, the sword clanged back as if bouncing off metal or some kind of rock. As soon as I get over the shock of the swords deflection I was flung onto my back almost ten meters away. In the daze I saw Slare rush the thing and chase if off. After greiving for his horse shortly he came to my side to see if I was hurt. The only damage was a large cunk of the blade came off. “damned Cyrodellic worksmanship” I curse “I guess this gives me a reason to finally replace this dreadful thing, lets get off to town” we both board my horse and ride off to the city of Whiterun, near the biggest mountain in all of Skyrim.

 

The sound of barters and traders almost deafen us as we enter the mercantile district. At the end of the main street the sign for the Hammer and Furnace looms above everything else else. One of the greatest blacksmiths in Skyrim, possibly even in Tamriel Bvatch was no ordinary man, he stood tall, almost godlike, dwarfing the figures of his apprentices who stood around him, he hammered a sword for one of his many exclusive customers, you could tell it was a special job because he was doing it himself, and sone of the leafwork on the hilt also gave it away. “Hey Bvatch” I say as I slowly walk up to the giant. “Well, hello there runt, what brings you all the way up to Winterun?” He boomed. “I broke my claymore battling some frigntening beast that mauled Slare here’s poor horse, and need a replacement, I’d love to get some of your beautiful craftsmanship.” “What did I tell you about trusting those Imperial merchants?” “ I know, I know, I’ll buy from you next time I promise.” He turns around and picks up the blade he was hammering examines it closely and hands it to one of his finest detailers. “What’s so special about that blade” I ask. “It’s for the emperor of Tamriel, apparently he lost his blade in a recent assasination attempt by Dunmer uprisers. The whole Dunmeri population is in revolt I hear, angered by some unexplained killings of nobles or some such nonsense.” Sounds crazy “I say to him... “So what do you think you could get me with about 20,000 drakes I’ve been saving up for just this occasion.” “I have a really nice Ebony claymore here, fresh from Vvarfendel, top notch 15,000, or maybe this pair of Daedric Dai Katanas, belonging to Malacath’s bodyguards before he slaughtered them, for any normal customer 30,000, but for you I say 20,000 because I like you so much. What do you say?” “Sure, I’ll take those, how do they wear... do you know?” “As far as I know they don’t get damaged at all.” As soon as I finished purchasing the blades a large uproar could be heard out side. Me and Slare rushed outside, and a large group of the beasts from earlier are ravaging the crowd. Soon the local milita come and fight the beasts. Me and Slare rune at them, eager to test the strength of my new blades I neatly slice open a large wound in the side of one of the larger monsters, he reels at me, claws drawn, I deflect them and cut it’s face open and it falls to the ground slowly bleeding from it’s fatal wounds. As soon as I’m done with my conflict I see that the battles over, and several guards lie in pools of blood on the ground. A couple of the monsters lie in pools of black blood. I stare at the scene for a moment and only then realize that one of the corpses lieing on the ground is Slare. I run up to him to see what happened, I kneel down above him and shake him. His eyes slowly open and a breath almost smelling like death takes over my body and I start shivering. “If I don’t survive this please take this amulet as a memory of all the good times we have had.” With that he takes his last breath, his head drops, and he falls into a deep, eternal sleep. A small tear drops from the corner of my eye as I remember all the times I spent with him. I remember our childhood, how we met, all the hunts that we went on. I feel a heavy hand on my shoulder and turn around to see Bvatch standing there bowing his head in respect. “I vow to kill every one of these things if it takes me the rest of my life.” “If it will make you feel any better I will help, my apprentices can run the shop for awhile.” Out of the corner of my eye I notice a gleam in an alleyway and a bonemold clad Dunmer steps out holding a large bow. “Hello I’m Aakvar, I know what these creatures are and how to kill them, if your interested meet me at the Frosty Mug at 8:30 tonight.” And he once again slips into the shadows and dissapears.

[mikehaze]

Very nice! I like that you linked some of the terms that non-Elder Scrollians would not know.

 

 

I am also obsessed with the series. I can't get enough!

[Greene]

I'm an avid Elder Scrolls fan also.

The story was well written and I'll be sure to follow it.

Good Job

[The-King]

The only conflict I'm having with the story is the killing of Slare, I don't know if I could have put something else and kept a similar plot.

 

Before I write the next chapter I could use some insight on if I should change that, or leave it the same.

[The-King]

Excuse me for the double post.

 

I really need some feedback, I'm now doing this for a project at school and need some relatively good feedback so I can continue on with the story.

 

Please help me with this.

[The-King]

It has been seven days since my last bump so it would be really appreciated if someone critiqued it.

[GTA3Rockstar]

PRetty good but I think you need to break them into more paragraphs. Quite lengthy in most but very good nonetheless.

[Eminence]

Well I can safely say I have no idea what half of it is going on about, due to me having no knowledge of the game.

 

But, it isn't a bad story. I like the effort you've gone to with the links, it's a nice touch. As mentioned above, it would be useful to split the last parts of the chapter up into smaller paragraphs to make them a little easier to read.

 

As I don't know much about the world it's set in, I can't really say much about what's actually going on. But as far as grammatical errors go, there's a big problem in the latter part of the chapter. Tenses.

 

The prelude is obviously written in past tense, describing what has already happened. The first chapter continues in this way, until a sentence or two in, where you suddenly switch to the present tense. I'll highlight this in the quote beneath to show you:

 

 

I reached in the snow and pulled out a large slaughterfish.  ---->  I retreat back into the house and places the fish in the boiling water and add a few select spices and herbs. I sit down and start reading ...

 

(In that quote above I also noticed that you say "and places", which should be "and place", perhaps just a typo?)

 

You continue for a while in the present tense, but then switch back a little later, where the guy in the blacksmith "hammered": past tense.

 

In fact, you even do it in one sentence:

 

 

I rush at it, it appeared to be almost vampiric

 

So, I'd advise just going over it and making sure you stick to the same tense throughout (with the exception of the prelude, naturally). This is even more important if it's something for school, so make sure you re-read later chapters to make sure it's right.

[The-King]

I can explain the past/present tense errors, when I first started writing the story (the main part) it was in third person, then I figured it would be easier, and give the reader more of a feeling for the main character's personality if it was in first person. So the errors are likely remnants from the change in perspective.

 

I'm working on editing the story based on opinions from TESforums guys so next post expect a revamped first part, and a second chapter.