Canofceleri Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 You were supposed to be my friend right until the very end. You are really so sad you've made me so mad and we're supposed to be brothers in it for one another. You betrayed my trust so now you know it's a must to leave right now or I'll kill you right now. I hate you now I do you might think this isn't true but it's gone too far I'm over the edge of the ledge and from this day on I pledge that I will never talk to you again because you were not my friend until the end. Until the end, until the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cawlyeah Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 hmm...Nice poem. Good theme, but the final shape of the artwork could be better. Try to make it more poetic, more artristic...I'll try to make up something on this topic to show you what I mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canofceleri Posted March 8, 2007 Author Share Posted March 8, 2007 Really? It should be better? Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RearEndCollision Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Very nice. It has a great flow throughout it, and has a sticking factor even with a seemingly basic structure/rhyming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otter Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 I love it all, except for "pledge" and "it's a must." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cawlyeah Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 I love it all, except for "pledge" and "it's a must." Hmm...the "it's a must" phrase is one of the best (IMO) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canofceleri Posted March 9, 2007 Author Share Posted March 9, 2007 Geez... I wish my real poems got this much feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moth Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 pretty good peom man Formerly known as The General Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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