Canofceleri Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 35. it came as a gift a childhood ago, this symbol i hadn't seen for years. i'd nearly forgotten. but its foil familiar, this cell came back to remind. cadbury creme egg, you've been missing so long. your green, your blue, your red evoke something i now cannot know. cadbury creme egg. 36. i'm gonna be in big trouble some day. i'm gonna be in big trouble some day soon. i can feel it in my chest, i'm f*cked. i look down at my keyboard and let out a sigh at once contemplative and meloncholic. i hear her blowing her nose around the corner and when she stops i can hear the tv again and my heart beating. and my thoughts again escape paralyzation from knowledge of death. a light is switched off and my eyes grow. i'm a living drunk. my walk through the day on the dark and thicklky laid pavement of a lower-class section was full of life. there were dogs on piles of trash muzzled and chained to the bottom of hollow trailers barking. literally trying with all the energy they had to come loose of the chains and get to me enjoying bird music though squinty eyed and sad when thoughtful. i once came upon a dead squirell on one of these thoughtful walks and i stared at it then. i thought, one of me is gone. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/267725-two-new-poems/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 You've got a talent for talking crap. Nice going. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/267725-two-new-poems/#findComment-4060767 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canofceleri Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 You've got a talent for talking crap. Nice going. It seems that you do since you didn't bother to explain just what you meant. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/267725-two-new-poems/#findComment-4060929 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canofceleri Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 I'm going to go on a limb and bump this. I'd like a reply with some constructive criticism, unlike what the stupid f*ck TNT posted. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/267725-two-new-poems/#findComment-4064501 Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Well, I don't really get the meaning of the stuff you wrote. It doesn't focus on one incident. On the opposite it is rather vague and boring. Sometimes you completely change the subject, with no connection to the previous one whatsoever. I don't have anything against you btw. I like some stuff you write. Just not this one in particular. Ok? Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/267725-two-new-poems/#findComment-4065657 Share on other sites More sharing options...
RearEndCollision Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Cand, I like them man. I love the way you actually have a very real sense in them, and how your humor comes though them. I liked 36 a lot, but honestly felt that you should of ended it at i'm a living drunk. The end tailed it out, where I think if you formed them separately, with 36 ending at living drunk, they could both have more power. @TNT - You need to learn tact. You can say that you think someone has a "talent for talking crap" in a much better, and more constructive way. Plus, if you really had any criticisms to give him in the first place, than why didn't you give them to Cand then? Oh wait, defense mechanism...right. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/267725-two-new-poems/#findComment-4065793 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canofceleri Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 Hmm. I see what you're saying, REC, but I have to disagree. The abrupt transitions are there intentionally, I guess just a style I picked up. One of my other, I guess you could say, trademarks is to contrast absurd or mundane events that take place with something deeper. TNT, that will suffice. Couldn't you have explained yourself the first time instead of resorting to saying I've got a talent for talking crap? In retrospect, I shouldn't have stooped to your level and called you a stupid f*ck, but you have to understand how I perceive it. I perceive it as someone who doesn't know what they are talking about commenting on something that is over their head, and with an attitude. I have little patience with that. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/267725-two-new-poems/#findComment-4065840 Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 TNT, that will suffice. Couldn't you have explained yourself the first time instead of resorting to saying I've got a talent for talking crap? In retrospect, I shouldn't have stooped to your level and called you a stupid f*ck, but you have to understand how I perceive it. I perceive it as someone who doesn't know what they are talking about commenting on something that is over their head, and with an attitude. I have little patience with that. Yeah, I understand my mistake. Lol this sound like an excuse but it was late when I posted the reply and I just wanted to get the reply over and done with (lame excuse) Anyway, no hard feelings man, I respect whhat you say. Let it pass. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/267725-two-new-poems/#findComment-4065923 Share on other sites More sharing options...
RearEndCollision Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Hmm. I see what you're saying, REC, but I have to disagree. The abrupt transitions are there intentionally, I guess just a style I picked up. One of my other, I guess you could say, trademarks is to contrast absurd or mundane events that take place with something deeper. It is defiantly an individual trait, and it's awesome how you own it. Keep on posting these up man, because I enjoyed reading them, and whatnot. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/267725-two-new-poems/#findComment-4066254 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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