Brutuz Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 (edited) I decided to make a story for GTA, please keep in mind I'm not the best writer Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 The Banshee Trio : The Prologue The Banshee Trio were a trio of bandits who were famous in America for using only Banshees, their names are Ricky, Bobby and Ned This part of their story is set in 1985 and starts off in Vice City. The Banshee Trio : Chapter 1 Ricky, Bobby and Ned lived in a small shack in Vice City called the Skumole Shack, near The Greasy Chopper. They were known as the Banshee Trio because they robbed banks and stores and always used Banshees to get away, but because of the Banshees low durability they had to be quick, but lucky for them They used a ramp to get on top of the building which the shack is on. Ricky: Aww, Darn it, you can never get any reception up here! We need a better place. Ned: And let the commies and cops catch us? No way! (Ned is a Veteran) Bobby: Shut up you two, that last robbery wasn’t too far from here, and you two are talking so loud they’ll hear you! Ned pulls put his gun Ned: YOU WANNA DIE? HUH? YOU WANNA DIE?! Bobby: No, I don’t. At this point Bobby runs away. Ned puts his gun away Ricky: Well, cause there’s nothing to do lets plan our next attack Ned: Where do we hit? Ricky: They know us too well here in the VC, and Anyway I heard that the Liberty City Mafia is having an interest in the drugs here, same with the Cubans, but we don’t need to worry about them, their weak. Ned: so what do we do then? Ricky: We’ll hit another bank then head to San Andreas and try and form a big gang to try and take down the Mafia Ned: Just wait till Bobby hears about this! But we still should hit another bank here like you said. Ricky: Maybe The El Banko del Corrupto? Ned: Sounds Good Bobby comes back now with a shotgun Bobby: You wanna take me Ned? Ned: Nah f*ck off, we’re planning a raid here, we’ll tell you everything after, just put the gun in the closet, We might need it for later. Chapter 2 Posted soon! Edited November 26, 2006 by Brutuz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Has alot of potential, can't wait for chapter 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moth Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 good chapter man can't wait for 2 Formerly known as The General Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 Short Chapter today! The Banshee Trio : Chapter 2 This takes place a week after Chapter 1 Bobby: THIS IS A RAID!!! Cam (who’s helping them out): Take me to the safe, NOW! Bank manager: ok, just don’t shoot me! At the safe Cam, Nice this is a Voltron 1000, It’ll be easy to crack Ah there we go! Bank Manager: We really need a new safe….. Ned: Quickly Cam hop in the Banshee! A cop runs to Cam and cuffs him Cop: Your under arrest Ned: Damm they got Cam,, ah well, He probably wouldn’t of gone to San Andreas anyway….. They eventually made it back to the base after losing the cops on a complete circuit of VC Back at the Shack Bobby: Well we lost Cam… Ricky: yeah he’ll be in jail for a while… Ned: Hey can you guys hear Sirens? 2 VCPD Enforcers pull up to the ramp Bobby: Oh crap, LETS GO!!! The Trio jump into their black banshees and jump off the building just as the cops hop out of their cars Neds on the radio with Bobby: watch out their using Spike strips! Bobby: Thanks Ned! Ricky: Lets try and get too the Marina in one piece, I’ve got a bulletproof 1984 Maquiras there Ned; Why didn’t you tell me about this Maquiras? Ricky: Cause you’d probably capsize it…. You’ll find out how many of the trio will make it to the Marina in the next chapter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I think you should of explained the police chase, as it isn't very exciting just saying " They escaped after a whole circuit of VC" Put more detail in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 Nah I've got better chapters coming up, and I didn't have much time on the computer left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 (edited) I agree with blackadder. Because you have very short chapters you should be extra careful when writing them. Add as many details possible. Edited November 13, 2006 by -/TNT\- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viva Gta San Andreas. Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I'm not much of a writer, but methinks you shouln't post a chapter just because you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 Hey, I just wanted to do something, I've got nothing to do and I decided to make a story Sorry If I took this the wrong way. Chapter 3 Tomorrow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Brutuz is getting pissed off, expect a 2 page post with a near Shakespeare quality Topix ratid gut Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moth Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 good chapter man Formerly known as The General Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinful Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Liked it but... Cam (who’s helping them out): Take me to the safe, NOW! That doesn't sound right. You could've put some lines above something like "Cam was helping them to break the safe"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted November 17, 2006 Author Share Posted November 17, 2006 The Banshee Trio : Chapter 3 This chapter is separated into 3 parts, one for each person then it goes back to the usual method of writing first up is Bobby Bobby’s black Banshee Drifted around corners and up hills and went over various jumps and went through the movie studio and after the cops locked it down he jumped out via the Packer and sped to the marina, finally dumping his Banshee into the water. Ricky Ricky went to the little havana Pay and Spray and then back to the shack and parked near it and ran inside and got all of their possessions and stuffed them in the Banshee and jumped back off the building then dumped his Banshee in Little Havana and then he took one of Vic Palaris V8s to the marina to fool the cops. Ned Ned knocked out his back window with his Shotgun and shot at the cops killing half of them before he ran out of bullets and chucked the gun at a Cuban, then he jumped the site where the Chunder wheel used to be and smashed through a small house to lose the cops, then he dumped his car and walked to the marina. When everyone was at the marina they found the Maquiras that Ricky owned and got in, Ricky handed the guns to everyone and put the rest of their possessions and guns in the storage compartments. Bobby: Pass me that Heat seeker, I think I hear a whirly bird! Bobby gets the heat seeker and finds a Hunters heat signature and shoots the Hunter down Ricky: Good shot Bobby, now shoot down those boats blocking us. Bobby shoots enough to get through and Ned being as crazy as he is chucks a grenade into the storage so the boat sinks Ned: I just remembered, It was new years 4 days ago, so we’re in 1986 now! Just as their leaving past Prawn island a plane lands at Escobar that has Tommy Vercetti on it and because of him when they return to VC later in the story where VC will be very different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 I don't really understand how they split up Also sentences go on too long. Eg Bobby’s black Banshee Drifted around corners and up hills and went over various jumps and went through the movie studio and after the cops locked it down he jumped out via the Packer and sped to the marina, finally dumping his Banshee into the water. That is one very long sentence, you are using alot of ands Anyway, keep working at it and you will get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted November 17, 2006 Author Share Posted November 17, 2006 Meh I'm barely passing english so kill me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Really? If that is so, I think you should focus on things you are stronger at, or work on your school grades Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted November 23, 2006 Author Share Posted November 23, 2006 (edited) Sorry for the lack of updates, but my girlfriends has been more used lately The Banshee Trio : Chapter 4 Christmas 1986 As the Trio are heading to San Fierro, Ricky’s using the boats in built antenna to get get the news News reporter: Today in Los Santos a what is believed to be a Rustler Vintage plane crashed into a department store, instantly killing the owner, Dave Johnson, Here’s his youngest son, Brian. Brian Johnson (crying): When I’m an Adult I’ll start up an organization to get rid of all planes! News Reporter (crying as well): That…. Was….so……touching Wahhh! Ricky: Hey we need to get a plane so we don’t need to spend al most a year on a boat escaping the cops! Bobby: Yeah, at least we didn’t go to Liberty, Another War there after some crime boss got killed in Vice! Ned: What happened? Bobby: Well, according to this News report in the Morning, A suspected drug deal was botched and some guy was killed, I think his name was Vito Vialpando, I think he was that guy Vic was saying should pose for him now, and then about 3 months later some Liberty Crime boss called Sonny Forelli tried to kill this guy called Tommy Vercetti, I think, I’m still not sure, they didn’t explain it well… Ned: That’s f*cked up…… Ricky: BOBBY DRIVE THE BOAT, WE’RE ABOUT TO HIT THE LAND! Bobby: OHHH SH*T!!! Ned grabbed as much as he can carry and jumps onto land with the others just as the boat beaches itself. Ned: Now where are we? Ricky: I don’t know…. Bobby: Hey look a smashed up Sabre looking car, I wonder what its called? Ned: The badge says Clover… Ricky: I think that there’s a small country town called Angel Pine not far from here, We’ll camp there. Ned: I hope I don’t have a cousin there……. Stay tuned for Chapter 5! Edited November 23, 2006 by Brutuz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted November 23, 2006 Share Posted November 23, 2006 Looks good, but lengthen your chapters more Not bad for only your 4th Chapter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanilla Shake Posted November 23, 2006 Share Posted November 23, 2006 It's looking good so far. I'm gonna' have to keep on eye on this one. Vanilla Shake rates topic good. TC718 / <629 / CF5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted November 24, 2006 Author Share Posted November 24, 2006 I'm writing chapter 5 soon, got to have a special dinner with my cousin who has been in Canada for 2 years! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted November 26, 2006 Author Share Posted November 26, 2006 BUMP Heres chapter 5, someone else post next time so I don't have to double post The Banshee Trio : Chapter 5 This chapter takes place 1 month after Chapter 4 Ned: Ohhhh Shhiiitttt! Ricky: I swear I cut the Alarm! Bobby: Don’t worry about that, just get in the Banshees! Cop: Come out of the building with your hands up! Ned: F*ck you! Ricky: I don’t think that they’ve got the back covered yet, lets go out there and try and steal some police cars or bikes. Bobby: I think that we’ll have to get out of Red and Flint Counties, we’ll go to Las Venturas, I know someone who owns a crappy airstrip. Ricky: Ok lets just get out of here right now! The three people snuck out the back only to be confronted by a veteran cop and a new one. Veteran cop: Put your hands up! Ned shoots him with his silent uzis New Cop: MY DAD NOOO!!!!! The new cop runs away crying and he shouts You’ll remember the name Tenpenny! Ned: Look a Trashmaster, and I can see a Tanker over at that gas station, Ricky, Bobby get in the Trashmaster, I’ll ride on the back and jump into the tanker then we’ll go to separate Pay and Sprays and lose the cops, then we’ll meet up at our house near Santa Maria Beach. Ned: then hops onto back of the Trashmaster as Ricky and Bobby get into the cab Ned ( on walkie talkie): Get to the gas station fast! When they reach the gas station Ned jumps off and hops into the tanker Once again I’ll divide the story in the separate parts for their stories Ricky and Bobby were heading for the Santa Maria Pay and Spray near their house They went up the big hill near Madd Doggs mansion and while Bobby hung out the side shooting SWAT members with his AK-47 Bobby: DIE YOU BASTARDS!!!!1 Ricky (To himself): Well someone woke up on the wrong side of bed today……… As they went fast (for a Trashmaster) through the streets of Los Santos they had to break through roadblocks and they nearly got killed when Ned decided to jump over them in his tanker near the film studio, eventually when they got to the Pay and Spray their Trashmaster was nearly on fire and they’d lost the police Helicopter, then they walked to the house and watched some TV while waiting for Ned. Ned got into the truck and ran over a SWAT agent as he was leaving the Gas station, He was going to the Pay and Spray near Reece’s old Barber shop after this he thought he might get cut, but he had to lose the cops first and he decided to go through the film studio so they would stop chasing him, but he couldn’t reach it, fustraited he hopped out of the Truck and pulled out his Rocket Launcher, He pulled the trigger and killed half of the people and cars blocking his way then he went through the huge gap, mowing through a Roadblock and then jumping off an old prop over Ricky and Bobby’s Trashmaster and landing on a FBI rancher squashing it and killing the agents in it eventually getting to the pay and spray using a combo of throwing buts of broken truck things and shooting his rocket launcher at Agents when He got to the Pay and Spray He got the truck sprayed then He got his Hair cut and stole a Glendale in the Pizza shops parking lot and drove to the house. When he got there he heard gunshots, so he pulled out his shotgun from the hidden bunker and snuck in through the back…….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 Bump! I can't write this for a little while as Word thinks I didn't register, I'll post when its fixed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
palaric8 Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 do us a favor and dont even write again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted December 13, 2006 Author Share Posted December 13, 2006 Do me a favor and crawl into a hole and die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
palaric8 Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 (edited) EDITED!- sorry my bad for my comments Edited December 13, 2006 by palaric8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Palaric: Please do EVERYONE a favour and get the f*ck out of this topic Brutuz: Don't listen to him, if you keep writing eventually you will get good at it When I first started writing I sucked, now I am much better. Keep at it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
palaric8 Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 I was just expressing my opinion btw rated bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Well, telling someone to suck your cock is not the way to go about it Rated good I Think Brutuz has potential Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted December 13, 2006 Author Share Posted December 13, 2006 Thanks B18, I might not be able to work on it as Word is dead, but as soon as I get Vista working I will move onto Word then I can do some more chapters, or I might do a different story entirely, probably one about why FnF sucks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
palaric8 Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 I will move onto Word then I can do some more chapters, or I might do a different story entirely, pls dont. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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