San Andreas of the Living Dead

[KaZu0]

jeah good work ma'n i was really enjoying your work

Now all uou have to do is right a stroy about how Smoke was killed , Tempenny, Pulaski....

ahhhh... btw dont you think it would be greate if youd add TORENO him self in to da Scene.

you could make him a bad guy or a good guy ...

Good guy : Helpin CJ and his Crew some how

Bad guy : tryin to stop CJ for him self , to get the zombies to control and rule the world or somethin like that

 

cant wait for the next chapter!

[JGJONES]

Sorry To Bump. This is going really great, i like reading it alot. One question? Are you still doing this because if you stopped then thats a damn shame. You're a brilliant writer and i really like this story.

[Maddok]

No I havn't stopped writing. I'm still here checking on it from time to time, seeing if people have replied to it. I was planning today to write another chapter but I gotta go bowling today, maybe later tonight.

After a few failed stories I wrote in the past this one is my first best story too so I'm not going to stop writing this story. Actually I'm still figuring out what to do for the next chapter.

Edited June 16, 2007 by Maddok

[Glycerine]

Keep this going man. It has my two favorite genras comedy and horror. Adds a whole new twist to GTA.

[Maddok]

Chapter 13 Long time no see

 

Walking through the desert early in the morning going to the nearest town to find a four door vehicle to go to Mount Chilliad, while they were walking CJ suddenly had an Idea.

 

CJ: Hey guys, hows 'bout we go to my airfield? We could use one of my planes.

 

Truth: Well hey, I'd love to do that but to tell you the truth, I'm not the flying type.

 

Sweet: Why?

 

Truth: I had a bad experience once, its nothing to be talking about, I just take sick pills or something.

 

CJ: Ok lets go.

 

After a long walk, they were surprised they didn't get attacked by any zombies. They were nearing the airfield and as they saw that CJ's planes in the open hangers and his helicopters were being destroyed by the zombies.

 

Sweet: Dammnit, how can they be so smart?

 

CJ: I dont know...Hey wait, Oh that explains it.

 

Truth: What? What you see?

 

CJ: That still asshole Tenpenny, and Polaski.

 

Sweet: Motha' f*cker.

 

Truth: Lets go and say hi.

 

Truth got out the MP7 and Sweet took out the Glock 18 and loaded up for another fight.

 

CJ: Hey guys wait.

 

Sweet: Why you stop us?

 

CJ: I got a tank in my closed hanger.

 

They snuck around the airfield away from the zombies, Tenpenny, and Polaski. Walking behind CJ's closed hanger, CJ stopped Sweet and Truth and told them to stay put as he was going to check to see if the entrance to his hanger was clear. After a moment of looking...

 

CJ: Well, we cant go into the front, too damn crowded. Lets climb the ladder here.

 

They climbed the ladder on the side of the hanger to get inside,

 

CJ: Ok guys here it is.

 

Sweet: Hey wait bro, where the hell did you get this tank.

 

CJ: Oh yeah, I stole it from the army base once. Well get in.

 

They all got in the tank CJ drove it Sweet loaded up the projectiles, and Truth shot the attatched machine gun.

 

CJ: Ok guys ready?

 

Sweet & Truth: YEAH!!!

 

CJ: THEN LETS GO BLOW SOME BALLS OFF!!!

 

CJ blew open the Hanger door and Truth shot all the zombies down that were in front of the hanger. They ran over a few zombies that ran into their path getting out, zombies climbed all over the tank hitting it, trying to get through to kill CJ and the rest, while they were being attacked over at a distance...

 

Tenpenny: Little f*cks! C'mon Polaski

 

CJ turned the tank to the left and saw that Tenpenny and Polaski was right in their range.

 

CJ: Tenpenny, you asshole. Ready... FIRE!!!

 

BOOOM

 

Right on target the projectile shot at Tenpenny, CJ and the rest waited a few seconds for the dust to clear to see if they are still there.

 

Sweet: ...Ok lets go.

 

Truth: WAIT, I think we'd see some blood and guts and stuff from him.

 

CJ turned the cannon to a full 360 degrees but didn't see him, then out of nowhere...

 

AHHHHHHHHHH

 

Polaski climbed ontop of the tank and yelled out...

 

Polaski: I got a score to settle with you kid!!!

 

Polaski drove his arm through the front of the tank where the opening is, and grabbed CJ, Sweet grabbed a switch blade out from his pockets and stabbed his arm. But that didn't stop Polaski, he continued to attack but then CJ threw him off right in front of the Gun Turret.

 

CJ: FIRE FIRE!!!

 

B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BANG

 

Truth shot right through Polaski's head leaving nothing but his neck. After they waited with their hands sturdy and gripped tight, getting ready to attack at Tenpenny. After a few moments they saw nothing and continued on to Mount Chilliad. At a distance away from the abandon airfield Tenpenny escaped.

 

Tenpenny: f*cking little sh*t, I'll get'em, I will.

 

 

 

 

 

Ok for this Chapter I didn't really put much thought into it but tell me what you all think ok cya.

Edited June 27, 2007 by Maddok

[Serafim]

Hey man, for some reason I'm liking your history. It's pretty funny, but I think it's kind of unrealistic

 

Not in reality mean, I just think it's kind of far from gta.

[Eminence]

 

While walking through the desert early in the morning to go to Mount Chilliad, while they were walking CJ suddenly had an Idea.

Since this is a new chapter, and you haven't specified anything about the previous - who is walking through the desert? You haven't stated what characters are being described, which makes it a little out of the blue when you suddenly say CJ had an idea at the end of this sentence. Also, here you've used the phrasewhile walking twice, which slows down the flow of the sentence. You start off by telling us that they are walking through the desert, so a few words later, why say 'while they were walking' once again? Repetition. It's as if you've said it to make the sentence look a little longer.

 

As well as that, why would they be walking through the desert to get to Mount Chilliad? Isn't Mount Chilliad next to Angel Pine, nowhere near the desert areas?

 

Oh, and as well as that, it should be a lowercase 'i'. Idea isn't a proper noun.

 

CJ: Hey guys, hows 'bout we go to my airfield? We could use one of my planes.

 

Truth: Well hey, I'd love to do that but to tell you the truth, I'm not the flying type.

 

Sweet: Why?

 

Truth: I had a bad experience once, its nothing to be talking about, I just take sick pills or something.

 

CJ: Ok lets go.

 

After a couple hours of a long walk, they were surprised they didn't get attacked by any zombies. They were nearing the airfield and as they saw that CJ's planes in the open hangers and his helicopters were being destroyed by the zombies.

'A couple hours of a long walk'. Firstly, this is a little bit of a redundant statement - why say long walk at the end when you've already said it lasted a couple of hours? It would be much better to use one or the other, so by simply saying "after walking for hours" the sentence would start much more efficiently. Secondly, why not tell us something about the walk? Was it cold? Was it dark? Are they still in the desert? Do more than just say they were walking.

 

In addition, the second half of this short paragraph makes little sense. You say as, implying that as they saw the planes and helicopters being destroyed by zombies, something else must've happened. Although, nothing does - you instead just end the sentence, saying they saw planes and helicopters.

 

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

 

CJ blew open the Hanger door and Truth shot all the zombies so they can get out. They ran over quite a few zombies getting out, zombies climbed all over the tank hitting it, trying to get through to kill CJ and the rest. Over at a distance...

Firstly, by saying 'so they can get out' you've switched to the present tense, as opposed to the past tense being used throughout the rest of the story. Instead, it should be 'so they could get out'.

 

Secondly, you're really not describing what's going on in any detail whatsoever. This is pretty much the highlight of the chapter - a big action sequence where the tank smashes out of the hanger, crushing through hoards of zombies in the process. My description of the scene in my last sentence tops yours already ... so why not put more thought into what you're trying to say - help the reader imagine what's going on in their mind, as opposed to just saying 'they ran over quite a few zombies'. Bleh.

 

Tenpenny: Little f*cks! C'mon Polaski

 

CJ turned the tank to the left and saw that Tenpenny and Polaski was right in their range.

This is another little grammatical error: 'was' right in their range. It would be was if only one person was being described, but since there's two, it should be plural - therefore it should be 'were' right in their range.

 

CJ: Tenpenny, you asshole. Ready... FIRE!!!

 

BOOOM

Comic book.

 

Right on target the projectile shot at Tenpenny, CJ and the rest waited a few seconds for the dust to to see if they are still there.

I think you missed out the word 'clear', or thereabouts, here. Also, there's again very little description - is it so hard to just include a few adjectives to paint a picture?

 

Sweet: Ok lets go.

 

Truth: WAIT, I think we'd see some blood and guts and stuff from them.

 

CJ turned the cannon to a full 360 degrees but didn't see them, then out of nowhere...

 

AHHHHHHHHHH

 

Polaski climbed ontop of the tank and yelled out...

C'mon, we're not living in a magical world. If they were watching the explosion or whatnot, and then they looked round and couldn't see him anywhere - then where did he come from? Don't use cheap shocks to try to entice an adrenaline rush from the reader ... be more realistic. Also, you don't turn to a full 360 degrees - you turn round a full 360 degrees. Little things.

 

Polaski: I got a score to settle with you kid!!!

 

Polaski drove his arm through the front of the tank where the opening is, and grabbed CJ, Sweet grabbed a switch blade out from his pockets and stabbed his arm. But that didn't stop Polaski, he continued to attack but then CJ threw him off right in front of the Gun Turret.

 

CJ: FIRE FIRE!!!

 

B-BB-B-B--B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BANG

Seriously?

 

Truth shot right through Polaski's head leaving nothing but his neck. After they waited with their hands sturdy and gripped tight, getting ready to attack at Tenpenny. After a few moments they saw nothing and continued on to Mount Chilliad.

If he shot through his head, how was there no head left in the end? You could at least say his head exploded due to the sheer force of the bullet, or something. Plus, why not describe it in more detail - you're not doing ANYTHING to help the reader imagine what's going on. Describe, describe, describe.

 

DESCRIBE.

 

At a distance away from the abandon airfield Tenpenny escaping.

Here you've not really made much sense with the sentence - you've left it a little blank. You should have included 'was' at the end before escaping, to show what was going on. Otherwise, this line seems like you're saying something in a script where you're telling the camera to show him escaping... or something.

 

Tenpenny: f*cking little sh*t, I'll get'em, I will.

Tenpenny: And I woulda gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't have been for that meddling CJ.

 

 

Yeah, well that was a fairly detailed look at a lot of that latest chapter. I haven't read the whole story, but I've seen snippets of it ... and my word some of it seems highly stupid, unrealistic and unneeded. Your story, though.

 

On the whole, it's the typical 'script-fanfic'. Too much pointless dialogue with innumerable example of unneeded profanity, mixed together with the perfect recipe of a lack of description - complimented instead by the most simplistic listing of 'actions' possible.

 

Sorry for being so harsh. You should continue, but you should take all of this into account, and try to improve.

Edited June 27, 2007 by Eminence

[Maddok]

 

Yeah, well that was a fairly detailed look at a lot of that latest chapter. I haven't read the whole story, but I've seen snippets of it ... and my word some of it seems highly stupid, unrealistic and unneeded. Your story, though.

 

Sorry for being so harsh. You should continue, but you should take all of this into account, and try to improve.

It was just a thirty minute quicky, I didn't want everyone to be waiting for too long. I Really didn't put much thoguht into it, I honestly dont think at all writing the story I just let my hands type. for a few things I missed a couple words. Now you said it was Highly stupid, unrealistic, and unneeded? Stupid some parts Highly no, unrealistic? You think holding a mini gun and walk by a police officer and he does nothing is realistic? And unneeded, hmmm. What do you mean by that? You think that it doesn't belong on the forum? Not all stories are PERFECT DAMMNIT !!!

 

And I noticed something funny though too. Your the only person thats read my story and had a real complaint about it lol.

[saltinespike]

And I noticed something funny though too. Your the only person thats read my story and had a real complaint about it lol.

Well, I'm number two. I wasn't planning on commenting, but I also think that the story is very stupid and poorly planned, and is executed poorly, using the common overwhored script format. I'm not gonna bother reading everything.

[Eminence]

I'm the only person with a real complaint about it because I think it's pretty garbage if I'm perfectly honest and I want you to improve so that we can all enjoy a better story!

 

 

You think holding a mini gun and walk by a police officer and he does nothing is realistic?

 

Yeah, but that's GTA isn't it. If I were writing a real story, I wouldn't include that sort of thing. You can't really use that against me, because I've never done it.

 

 

And unneeded, hmmm. What do you mean by that? You think that it doesn't belong on the forum?

 

I said that in relation to the profanity. It's unneeded (which means - it isn't needed) most of the time. There's no reason to just add in random sh*ts and f*cks to make the dialogue sound 'cooler'.

 

The stupid thing was in reference to these types of things that I saw:

 

 

Mysterious zombie: Hahaha, you dont know how long I been wantin' to do somethin' like this nigga... Why so surprised? Nigga I told you, that you cant stop me.

 

 

Everyone saw Truth coming down in a diving position with his fists clear out in front of him. He was going so fast that nothing could measure. Truth was entering the earths atmosphere he turned into a great ball of fire aiming his fists at the giant zombie.

 

 

Ryder: No matter what you do CJ, I ain't gonna die just give it up!!! I'm f*cking untouchable, invincible, NOT EVEN GOD HIMSELF CAN STOP ME!!!

 

CRASH

 

A powerful lightningbult came down from the heavens and stopped Ryder in his tracks.

 

God: That is enough of that, I am seriously tired of him.

 

CJ: Thanks God.

 

Look back over that and tell me it's not stupid. Please, I beg of you.

 

 

Oh, and erm ... that took you thirty minutes? I could do that in five.

 

 

Don't take it so personally. At the end of the day, I'm trying to help. I put a lot of effort into writing up those critiques, don't you know - and all of them contain helpful, friendly tips and advice.

 

Probably more effort than you put into the story.

Edited June 27, 2007 by Eminence

[Maddok]

Well its my story I'll write whatever thing I want. I could put in a zombie screwing a woman, I can put a zombie in a story holding a weapon and attack CJ and the rest. I CAN HAVE LITTLE ZOMBIE BABIES ATTACK THEM AND GET KILLED, (but im not that twisted, but I will put it in if I wanted).

 

Also about the unneeded profanity thing. You think most of it wasn't needed eh? well it was the 90's most people cussed every 10 minutes. And I said some things were stupid but not highly.

 

"Probably more effort than you put into the story."

 

I take that as an insult, dont bother even posting in this thread again.

 

But I do thank you for a couple of your tips and help.

[saltinespike]

You cannot stop someone from replying in a thread, other than requesting a lock. I was just being honest, no need to get all butt-hurt. Every 10 minutes? In your story, it's every 2 seconds.

 

 

I could put in a zombie screwing a woman

 

If you wanna get the topic locked, yes.

[Maddok]

ok fine you want me to make it more detailed I'll do that then...in the next chapter.

[Maddok]

Chapter 14 Angry souls

 

CJ turned the tank around and looked at the dead bodies to look at what was once people, were just illusions of what they use to be but they were corpses. After, CJ turned the tank towards their path and continued on, CJ made a left climbing a hill infront of Las Payasdas, they reached the road and continued west going towards Valle Ocultado. nearing Valle Ocultado they saw a small group of zombies infront of them. short on bullets with the gun turret Truth didn't want to waste his bullets on a small group of zombies.

 

Sweet: Its not many just ram through'em.

 

CJ put the pedal to the metal with the tank and went full force through the zombies knocking them out of there way, but some managed to climb aboard and tried to break through. Sweet took out his Glock 18 and shot some of the zombies limbs off, which made them fall from the tank. They continued on to Mt. Chilliad. They reached El Quebrados, it looked so deserted, suspicious, and quiet, too quiet.

 

Truth: Well what you guys think? Should we go?

 

Sweet: Is there any other way?

 

Truth: Yeah we go south.

 

CJ: My take is south 'cause if we keep on going west we'd have to go through here, Bayside, Gant Bridge, and San Fierro. We go south we go through ALMOST open road, and Garver Bridge which brings us to half of San Fierro and we be on the Freeway.

 

Sweet: Yeah I'm cool with that.

 

Truth: Me too lets go.

 

CJ turned the tank south and continued on and headed towards Garver Bridge, while starting to go a distant figure appeared in the shadows in one of the buildings. It had an oddly shaped body but was un-noticeable, to the naked eyes.

Meanwhile back at Area 69, Cesar, Hecter, Kendl, and Fury were going east towards Las Venturas. Cesar and Hecter holding on to Fury as he was trying to walk with his broken leg but with sticks and rods running up tied together to his leg to help him walk a little. They reached the Highway and wasn't too far from a bar which had a bobcat parked infront of it.

 

Hecter: Hey, I see a bobcat over there.

 

Fury: We see that, we're not blind.

 

They cautiously walked towards to the bobcat, checking to see if it had keys. After a minute of looking around inside they couldn't find anything, so Hecter decided to hotwire it. Cesar took Fury to the back of the truck, opened the back and helped Fury seat himself in the back.

While hotwiring the truck Hecter accidentally touched the wrong wire and set off the alarm.

 

Cesar: Turn that sh*t off ese hurry.

 

Hecter quickly set the wires correctly and started the truck. But as they were getting in zombies appeared from both sides of the bar. Cesar climbed in the back, took out his gun, and aimed for the zombies.

 

BANG BANG BANG

 

Cesar: Hurry up Hecter I dont got much ammo left!

 

Cesar shot three zombies in the head that were most closest to everyone. Hecter reversed, then put the truck in drive and sped off.

 

Kendl: Where are you going to find in Las Venturas?

 

Hecter: Cesar told me about this guy named Wuzi, said that if I see him he give me some kind of job. So we check there first, and I hope nothing happen to him 'cause I want that job Cesar told me about.

Meanwhile, at Garver Bridge...

 

CJ: Ok guys, we made it this far lets see if we can go through with this.

 

CJ drove the through Garver Bridge, but as they were near entering San Fierro they saw that The road had be closed off.

 

Sweet: AHHH F*CK!!!

 

CJ: Sweet, we in a tank, load up another projectile and let me shoot the damn road block.

 

Sweet Loaded up the projectile, CJ shot it at the Road block which blew it to nothing but pieces of rubble and metal. After they waited for the dust to clear, after they continued on through San Fierro.

 

 

 

 

 

 

There! hows this? will it make you shut up about my story now?

Edited July 26, 2007 by Maddok

[HawaiianHardHitter]

I think Eminence and saltinespike are talking about using a narrative-form of writing.Like instead of;

 

 

 

CJ: Sweet, we in a tank, load up another projectile and let me shoot the damn road block.

 

It should be;

 

"Sweet, we in a tank. Load up anothet projectile and let me shoot the damn road block", shouted CJ.

 

 

Somethin' like that brah. I have read some of the chapters, and I really like the comedy and action in this story. I am not forcing you to write in narrative-form. I say you should continue this, and write in any form that fits your needs. Which ever way you choose, I shall follow along with this.

 

[Maddok]

Chapter 13 was just a quickie a 30 minute thing, I didn't put much of anything into it, I just didn't want to leave everyone hanging till the next chapter. Now chapter 14 was something I put my mind to, and anger too. The " " thing, well thats not how I write.

Edited July 26, 2007 by Maddok

[saltinespike]

You don't want my comment on this one. Just as sore as the rest, mate.

[Maddok]

Ok I hope that salty saltines, and eminence had stopped from everyone else from watching my fanfic. But Eminence I'm sorry I was mad at you but you were too harsh and I took it too seriously. and Saltine you just came off insulting not giving any tips of making my story better, and thats all I have to say, I have taken your thoughts Eminence into serious consideration and am going to work on my story even harder. Maybe I do next chapter on sunday.

Edited June 28, 2007 by Maddok

[saltinespike]

Why are you insulting me? Because I expressed my thoughts about your story? Newsflash, this is a Writer's Discussion. If you did not expect ALL kinds of feedback, you should not have posted. I would've offered some constructive criticism, but Eminence covered it all.

[Maddok]

Chapter 15 Lust for Blood

 

Sweet: WOO that was sweet, lets do that again.

 

CJ: Ha ha yeah, maybe next time...Hey guess what.

 

Sweet, Truth: what?

 

CJ: We're out of gas.

 

Truth: Wow, that sucks man lets go to the Gas station and get some.

 

CJ: We need military gas.

 

So They went down to the nearest exit and drove around for the nearest vehicle to hotwire, on what gas they had left. The tank took them all the way to Doherty to one of CJ's safehouse, parked the tank and got out. They carefully crept towards the garage. CJ remembered that Jethro and Dwaine finished Cesars car to make it bullet proof.

 

CJ: Hey They finished Cesars car a while back, forgot to tell it was done and flew in to Liberty City. I got the keys to the garage lets go inside, grab the car and grab a couple weapons with silencers, we dont wanna bring these zombies attention you know.

 

CJ lead them towards the back and opened the garage open with his key. Truth found the car keys in the near by drawers, he started it and drove outside and waited for CJ and Sweet. But as he waited he started to hear a small growling near him.

He had started to really feel uneasy so he drove back inside. He jumped out of the car and grabbed a Mac 10 with silencer attached. CJ and Sweet grabbed fully upgraded pistols with silencers and headed out in Cesars car. But as they turned around they saw this monsterous beast outside the front of the garage.

 

Truth: What is that?

 

RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

 

This beast was not a pleasent thing to look at, it was dangerous, it smelled, and it wanted blood. It was standing on four legs like a dog, grey dark fur like a wolf, and prehensile tail and red and yellow rolling eyes of a chameleon. It was six feet tall and smelled of something ferociously terrible, almost unbarable but They didn't notice as they were shocked at what it was. It licked its lips with its tongue with its taste for blood.

It leaned back and jumped at them, they quickly jumped out of the way and let the beast fall ontop of the tools. It got up, shook its head and jumped at them again, it barely scratched Truth in his leg and crashed its head on the wall by the garage door.

 

Sweet, CJ, and Truth jumped inside the car and sped off. They drove quickly towards the freeway to get away. CJ looked back and saw that it was catching up on them.

 

CJ: C'mon Truth FASTER!

 

Truth stepped on the gas pedal as hard as he could and went close to 120 mph. After a couple minutes of chasing them it got tired and laid down at a near by tree. It let out one more roar and laid its head down.

 

Sweet: What the f*ck was that?!

 

Truth: I dont know but I dont wanna find out.

 

Truth released the gas pedal a bit and slowed down to 60 mph, and headed to Mt. Chilliad.

Edited July 26, 2007 by Maddok

[HawaiianHardHitter]

Great to see this back!

[Maddok]

Chapter 16 Great and Horrible Things

 

CJ, Truth, and Sweet on their way to Mt. Chilliad finally noticed that the evening went to the dusk and now to dawn, hours passed by like a snap on their journey. At that time CJ was thinking on how Kendl, Cesar, Hecter, and Fury were doing, worrying if they got to Woozie's casino or not. Sweet on the other hand was thinking if he had enough ammo to survive him to Mt. Chilliad, but also had Kendl and her baby in the corner of his mind. With Truth driving he saw infront of him Angel Pine looking at the small town he had a breif moment of hope for himself and the others.

 

Truth: Hey guys I see Angel Pine up ahead we're almost there. Dang man when this is all done I'm gonna smoke some weed and be a man of peace again.

 

Sweet: Good I cant wait for this to be over.

 

They were nearing the Angel Pine entry way to go to the trail of Mt. Chilliad until a group of the local towns people stop infront of them. all with heavy weapons in their hands.

 

Townfolk man: Get out of the vehicle now!

 

CJ: We not zombies man, we just on our way to Mt. Chilliad.

 

CJ and the rest walked out of their cars with their hands up.

 

Townfolk man: Why shouldn't I kill you boy?!

 

Sweet: we just need...

 

Townfolk man: SHUT UP I DIDN'T ASK YOU!!!

 

CJ: We just need to go to Mt. Chilliad I have this orb to makes things right again.

 

The Townfolk man thought for a minute and decided to help them.

 

Townfolk: Sheeoot why didn't you say so boys, We'll help you my names Earl. Need anything from the local Ammunation?

 

CJ: Yeah, if you dont mind Earl.

 

Earl: Well c'mon we'll help yah.

 

Earl motioned the group of the Towns folk to move out of the way and pointed the ammunation so CJ and his crew can go get ammo. But as they drove away one of the towns folk heard a roar in the distance and then saw that creature running at them followed by a horde of zombies.

 

Earl: alright people this could be it.

 

The towns people raised their weapons and pointed at the Beast and the zombies. The towns people were already feeling the adrenaline and then everything was silent, there were no sounds, there was no time the towns people readied their weapons and then...

 

RRAAAAAAAAHHHHH...

 

Leaving the ammunation with SMG's. But as they left they heard gun shots, screams, moans, and a roar. They knew they had to act quickly, CJ got into the drivers seat and drove right towards the Mt. Chilliad trail way. They all hopped onto individual Sanchez's and continued up the mountain, but on their way they saw a familiar figure up ahead. As they got closer they soon found it that it was Big Smoke ahead of them.

 

Big Smoke: Big Smoke is BACK BABAY.

 

CJ: Not ANYMORE!

 

CJ took out his SMG and shot both of his legs, then ran him over and knocked him off the cliff of Mt. Chilliad.

 

Sweet: Fat a**hole.

 

They continued on to the top, and soon found their way. But as they did they saw a close to thirty much more then they had coming. They soon found their way in the middle of the united zombies. Guns flaring bullets flying blood and guts falling all over the place. CJ stumbled getting the orb out he dropped it and it rolled away at the Mt. Chilliad monument. CJ ran to get it while Truth and Sweet were killing the zombies for their lives. a zombie then pushed CJ to the ground and a few other zombies mounted CJ and started biting him chewing him to death CJ screamed as loud as he could trying really hard to stretching his arm to grab the orb. Now the zombies were getting to the bone of his legs and left arm, while the right arm is reaching for the orb.

CJ now in a daze finally reaches the orb disoriented and dying he used last of his energy, raised his arm and broke the orb, whilst making a giant bright white myst glittering down San Andreas. All the zombies bodies disintregrated in the wind and was turned into nothing.

 

CJ woke up after a few moments seeing his wounds and bites were now gone. He looked around and saw there were no zombies around Truth and Sweet were fine. After looking around and touching themselves for wounds and bites. They were still alive, After a few moments they ran towards their dirt bikes and rode down Mt. Chilliad. Reaching the bottum CJ noticed that all the zombies were gone but that beast was still there. Dead because of the Towns people killed it with Earl taking pictures.

CJ and the rest didn't want to bother them so they left Angel pine. and Headed to Woozies casino. upon their arrival CJ and the rest let themselves in the back of the casino and went to Woozies office. There they found a big celebration for them. There Kendl gave CJ, where Sweet and Truth headed for the buffet.

 

Woozie: So how was your trip?

 

Sweet: Like hell Woozie, and I hope all this never happens again. Now lets get some eatin'.

 

CJ then received a phone call from Toreno.

 

CJ: Sup Toreno?

 

Toreno: Oh nothing much kid I was just wonderin', have you seen my dog? Its grey and about six foot tall.

 

CJ: Toreno you a**hole it was you.

 

Toreno: Ohp sorry gotta go kid.

 

Toreno then hung up and CJ went on to the celebration.

 

The End

 

 

 

I think I screwed up the ending whats everyone elses opinion?

[Jam!]

 

Big Smoke: Big Smoke is BACK BABAY.

 

CJ: Not ANYMORE!

 

CJ took out his SMG and shot both of his legs, then ran him over and knocked him off the cliff of Mt. Chilliad.

 

Sweet: Fat a**hole.

lol

 

Great story, I thought the ending was good.

[Maddok]

Eh, I wanted to go over the top with the last chapter.

[secksyjames]

GREAT Story, man. I was hooked from the beginning. I didn't care about grammar mistakes, GREAT story.

[Maddok]

Ooh, thanks. I only had one foul chapter that made a little scrap between me and a couple other people through the story.

[Eminence]

I laugh at your opinion that that was the only foul chapter of this story.

[Maddok]

I laugh at your opinion that that was the only foul chapter of this story.

Well it pretty much was, it caused you and that other guy to speak your minds about that one chapter.

[Razli]

Just read it all and i like it. The stroy was simple, not that greatly written, but it has that kind of feeling to itmwhich makes that ok. If iw anted to read a mile long description of things id buy and rwead a book. The Storya nd Chapters were short enough to make a good short Story, Twisting the GTa Universe, as it is a game world, to invole things that maybe "Mods" to the GTA (Weel thats how id look at it if people dont think it fits.)

 

Well done..Again i say i liked it.

[Eminence]

I laugh at your opinion that that was the only foul chapter of this story.

Well it pretty much was, it caused you and that other guy to speak your minds about that one chapter.

No. See, that was the only chapter we read of the story - we hadn't been keeping tabs on any of it until that point, and then used that chapter to form the basis of our criticism of the entire story. Several of the things we mentioned - in quotes - came from earlier chapters. We simply used that chapter heavily as it was the most recent ... the rest of the story was the same. If I could be bothered backtracking to read it from the beginning, I could probably come up with even harsher - more foul, if you will - comments.