Untitled Story (GTA Inspired)

[DavidGC]

Yeah well, I'm new on these boards. I've read some of the other stories, and they're pretty damn good. Mine probably isn't as good as the rest, but hopefully you good writers here can help me out. It was inspired by GTA: III and was originally written in a game format (ie: Player goes here, player does this, cut scene, ect). This scene actually is the platform by Marco's Bistro, so you will be able to get a good idea on the location. So here it is:

 

Greene Hill District, Empire City, 2001, Outside Tony’s Diner , 10:00pm

All of our men waited inside the parked van, some gripping their guns and thinking, others loading and strapping up. We were 5 of Frank’s finest. One sniper was positioned above, on top of the Diner. This wasn’t going to be an easy task. Frank had said there was a deal going down up on the L-Train platform across from the Diner. It was a rare occasion; the Triads and Greene Hill mob were supposedly going to create an alliance and start making arms deals. If the Triads got bigger and better weapons, the Vincelli Family would lose a lot of influence and business. Frank gave the word to go and “mess up” the deal and nab whatever they were trading off. So there our van sat, in the darkness of the overhead train tracks, waiting for the deal to take place.

 

10:20pm

 

A Greene Hill lowrider pulled up and produced 2 mobsters. They must have sent these guys ahead to scout out the area before the meet. Both men held 9mms. They walked up the steps to the platform and sat down on the bench. We went unnoticed in the darkness.

 

10:32pm

 

The L-Train arrived at the platform. Out stepped 4 Triads, 2 holding Macs and 2 hold 9mms. One of the 9mm brandishing Triads held a briefcase. They approached the 2 Greeners on the bench and shook their hands. The L-Train sped away. The Greeners and Triad boys started having a little chat and then sat down together, the Mac wielding Triads stayed standing, guarding the area. One of the Greeners pulled a walkie-talkie from his belt and gave the order. A dark blue van pulled out from down by the hospital and drove erratically up the road. It squealed to a halt and out came 3 Greeners from the back, each carrying a case. Most likely the weapons Frank was talking about. They casually walked up the steps to the platform, greeting the Triads. Laying down the cases, they opened them, showing the Triads the contents. By the reaction, it must have been something big. One Triad motioned to one of the Triad guards, who took the case, and dropped it near the Greeners. They nodded as they opened the case, signaling that the amount inside was acceptable. This was our chance.

 

“Now!” I whispered, as we exited the van, kicking open the back doors. Giving the order via walkie-talkie, a sniper shot rang out, and a scream was heard. Shots started going off in every direction, bullets trying to find the sniper. Frantic screaming broke out as the nearby stores and clubs poured people. We stayed in a group and made our way to the steps systematically, hidden in the hordes of people. Shots kept going off, as the Greeners and Triads shot at the sniper on the roof. Making out way slowly up the steps, we got far enough up to see the Triads stop firing. “Grab the cases!” one Triad yelled, with a Chinese accent. One Triad man was down from the sniper fire. They acted quickly, as another L-Train was due to come soon. We had to proceed with the operation. We ran up to the platform, and opened fire. We quickly mowed down 2 of them, the rest took cover behind the pillars. Another sniper shot rang out, catching one Greener in the head as he ran for cover. The contents of his head splattered making beautiful noises as they hit the nearby pillar. 4 down, 5 to go.

 

Now was the time to use what Joey had given us “just incase”. I pulled the single grenade he had given us off my belt. “Get the cases!”, I yelled. Each one of my men grabbed one and headed back down the steps. On got caught in the crossfire, and fell down. “Run!” he yelled, moaning in agony. I couldn’t leave him. I grabbed the last briefcase and clipped the grenade back on my belt. I dived for cover as the rest of the Triads and Greeners fired frantically. “f*cking Vencelli scum!” one Greener yelled, mockingly. I saw my guy in the middle of the platform, bleeding badly. Then I looked out around in time to see an arm poke out from around the far pillar. A single shot was fired; catching the downed Vencelli right in the stomach. “Where’s that f*cking train? f*ck!” one Greener yelled frantically. There was nothing I could do; I was helplessly outnumbered. Then I remembered the grenade I still had. I picked off my belt once more and popped the pin. It had gone so quiet, I could hear it drop. Then the sudden rumbling of the train shook the platform. I quickly tossed the grenade; not at the Greeners and Triads, but at the tracks of the train.

 

The grenade shook the ground as it went off, throwing me from the top of the platform. I landed hard on the grass below, knocking the wind out of my lungs. A horrid sound of twisting metal and rumbling scratched at my ears. Another loud explosion caught me off guard, singeing my face and filling the area around me with fire. The still wretched screaming of civilians got worse. I peered hopelessly over to the road; the van was long gone. All I could see were masses of people scurrying to get out of the area. I could hear the faint sound of sirens fading into the roar of the flames. I slowly stood up; pain engulfed my body. I let out a loud wail of agony as I collapsed into a heap on the ground. The platform and stairs were shattered like glass from the explosion of the train. There was no way any of the Greeners or Triads escaped that one. I hopelessly tried hoisting myself to my feet once more. I clutched my torso and I stumbled over to the wreckage. I picked up a discarded 9mm laying beside a slightly overcooked Greener; the putrid smell of sizzling flesh engulfed my nostrils. I urged and almost spilled my guts. Walking out from the flaming inferno onto the street, I struggled to cock the 9mm, my fingers pulsing with pain.

 

Here I was standing in the middle of the road, surrounded by great numbers of freighted bystanders. They still were crying out and shrieking. Some gathered around the wreckage, calmly analyzing the situation; others fled for their cars and trucks, frantically trying to get away from something that wasn’t after them. As the sound of sirens got stronger I knew I didn’t stand a chance to an entire police and SWAT force. I grunted as I shuffled my way through the crowds. The sound of sirens grew louder and louder with each step. Then a sudden pain shot through my body yet again, sending me falling to the hard pavement. My 9mm tumbled from my hand and skipped a few inches away. I heard the sirens right behind me; they were here and I couldn’t do anything about it. I realized all the crowd was around me, closing me in. I felt hopeless; well, I was hopeless. I heard a car door open, and the stedy pace of shoes on the pavement. “Heh heh, look boys. Our work has already been done for us!” one policeman said as he chuckled to himself, breaking through the wall of people. “Get him up. We’re taking you downtown” he said, a grin spreading across his face.

 

Thats the first bit. Any help, suggestions, and constructive critisism would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Agninoter]

im a noob and writing my own fan fiction story,check it out

Your story is ver good

i give it an B plus