Gouveia Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 I'LL KILL YOU BLACKADDER! YOU USE TOO MANY CLIFFHANGERS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 I've seen a beta of the chapter, and I'm telling you, Its good! (but thats all I'm telling you) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 The jailbreak will be spread over 2 long chapters, each about 3 pages long in MS Word That idea is very good TNT. kudos to you, DAMNIT! My cookies have gone rotten, why don't I buy a fridge? EDIT: Rashon, you will get the whole jailbreak straight away though , if you're lucky, It might be 3 chapters Thanks blackadder18. I aim to please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 Hey Brutuz, that ain't the real chapter, I'm rewriting it. Joking, But I am editing parts to make it more interesting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 thats why I said beta, couldn't think of a better word Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 (edited) You know I can't keep my word, so here is alittle gift Chapter 1: The Marine 2008, October Tim, Cesar Tommy and Woozie are in their cell asleep when a large noise is heard Tim: What the f*ck was that? Tommy stands up. Since the accident, he has had bionic legs attached. He looks over and see’s Claude smashing a guards head against the bars Tommy: What the f*ck are you doing? Claude: Getting out of here Claude bends down and picks up the guards keys Tim: If he’s going I’m going Claude slides the door open Claude: Anyone else coming? Then the alarm is sounded Cesar, Woozie & Tommy: Let’s go! They all run outside and see 4 guards coming from left and right Cesar: What are we going to do? Tim notices a small bottle of gasoline that a guard was showing a trick to his friend with. Tim pours it along the ground Tim: How the f*ck am I going to light it? Cesar: Here use my cigar lighter Tim lights the cigar lighter and throws it on the floor. The 4 guards turn around and run the other direction Claude: Five against four? I like those odds Claude runs up to the first guard and hits him in the neck, then proceeds to push him over. Cesar then runs up to the second guard and kicks him in the balls. Then Tommy runs up to the third and punches him in the face, before kicking him in the shin. While Tim runs up and throws the last guard over the balcony. Tim picks up their comm units Woozie: When do I get some action? Tim: Just follow me They run down some stairs and look inside a prison cell Man: Please help me! Claude: Why should we? Man: Because I am on deathrow! Tim: Still doesn’t explain why we need to help you Man: I’m a marine, I can help you later! Woozie: Let him out! Tommy: No! Woozie grabs the keys from Claude and opens the door. The man pulls out a Colt Python with a scope on top Tim: That’s pretty old Man: Yeh, hey I’ve got something for you too The man throws a Glock at Tim Tim: Thanks, so what’s your name? Man: Friends call me Vic Tim: Nice to meet you Vic, now let’s get the hell out of here They run down another flight of stairs only to see 15 FBI Officers with their Mp5’s pointed at them Tommy: Let’s go another way Vic: Nah, here’s a better idea Vic pulls out a sock with string tied around it out of his pocket Woozie: What is that? Vic: Homemade grenade, only goes off when shot Vic throws the grenade FBI Officer: Open fire! The FBI officers try to shoot the grenade out of the air but can’t hit it. It lands in the middle of them. Tim fires his Glock and blows up the grenade. Woozie ducks as an FBI Officer flies past his head Tim: sh*t, they are good They run down the last flight stairs and find a single officer at the door FBI Officer: You aren’t going anywhere Claude: Wanna bet? Claude runs up to the officer and his him in the face. The FBI Officer then pulls out a gun and shoots Claude in the leg FBI Officer: I told you, you aren’t going anywhere Tim pulls out his Glock FBI Officer: Where the f*ck did you get th… Tim shoots the officer in the head Tim: Let’s get out of here They run to the front door and kick it down they run onto the street and find three cars parked. A Syno, a Charina and a Super GTX. Then Tim notices a PCJ 900 Tim: Here everyone take these we can communicate with them. Tim hands the comm units to everyone Tim: I’ll take the PCJ Tim and Cesar hop on the PCJ as Woozie and Tommy hop in the Syno. Vic Decides to take the Charina Claude: I’ll take the Super then… Chapter 2: The Getaway Tim drives off south while the others head north Tim hands his Glock to Cesar Tim: Shoot anyone on my tail Cesar: Ok holmes Cesar rotates 180 degrees and faces the two FBI Kuruma’s that come out around the corner Cesar: Wow these new FBI cars’s are classy Tim: Well this PCJ is faster….. I think Tim slides around the corner as two Police Cars join He then see’s a police roadblock ahead Tim: Hold tight Tim hits the brakes and puts the bike into a endo, proceeding to pull a 180 and land on one of the police car’s hoods. He uses his momentum to push the bike off the hood and onto the other side of the police car Cesar: Woah, Nice Job ese! Meanwhile Vic is driving his Charina down an abandoned street as a single police car chases him. He shoots out the back windshield Vic: Dodge this He throws another grenade out the back windshield, this one however has a small piece of metal as a weight. It lands on the police car’s hood. Vic then shoots it. The force blows his car forward and he loses control. He bails out as his car smashes into a house. Vic: Too close Tim is driving the wrong way down the freeway dodging traffic. He notices a banshee. Tim: Ok so here’s the plan, I ride on top of it and at the same time we bail into the banshee Cesar: Crazy! Tim surges his bike forward and pulls a wheelie Tim: 3…2…1… NOW They hit the bonnet of the banshee and bail. Tim lands on the driver and pushes him out. A police car cruising down the freeway saw this however. Tim hears the siren Tim: f*ck! Claude is speeding down the street with three police cars on his tail. He notices a small back alley just ahead. He drives straight at it. At the last second, he pulls the handbrake and tips his car over. He climbs out and runs down the alley, the police unable to follow. He runs around the corner and sees a Hellenbach SS. He hops in and continues heading north Meanwhile Tommy and Woozier are pinned down after Tommy flipped the car on a curb Tommy: Is anyone there? Anyone? Vic: Yeh what’s happening Tommy: Were pinned down! Vic hears gunshots nearby Vic: I’ll be right there Vic is running through the back alleys heading towards Tommy and Woozie when he something catches his eyes Vic: Who the f*ck? Man: Don’t move The man cocks his shotgun. Vic puts his hands up Vic: You a cop? Man: Used to be Hears sirens Man: That for you? Vic: And a few others Man: The name is Ray Vic: Nice to meet you, Mine’s Vic Tommy: Where the f*ck are you? Vic: I’m coming! Ray: Who was that? Vic: A friend Ray: What does he want Ray shuffles closer to Vic Vic: He’s pinned down needs my help Ray: Oh ok here use my cheetah, my number is in there if you want to contact me Vic: Thanks He hops in the cheetah and drives off. Just as he is about to turn the corner Vic hears a beep noise Vic: OH sh*t! He bails out to see the car slide around the corner and blow up in the middle of the policemen Woozie: Nice entrance Vic: I wouldn’t call that an entrance A police car pulls around the corner Policeman: Put your hands up! We have you partially surrounded! Vic, Tim and Woozie look behind them and then at each other. They quickly turn around and run off Claude is running down the street when he sees a police heli Claude: Ah f*ck A cable drops out of the heli. SWAT men start sliding down it Claude: Going up Claude jumps onto the cable and starts climbing up it SWAT Man 1: What the? Claude grabs his foot and pulls him off SWAT Man 2: Freeze! Claude continues climbing up SWAT Man 2: I said freeze! Claude: Make me Claude grabs the second SWAT Man’s foot and pulls him off Tim radios in Tim: Everyone head to the airport Claude: Affirmative Claude climbs all the way up the rope and throws the pilot out the side. He heads for the airport Meanwhile Tim and Cesar are cruising down the freeway after ditching the Police car Cesar: How do we get to the airport They notice a plane coming in Tim: That way Cesar Vic and Tommy have just found a Taxi Tommy: I’ll drive There’s a map in the taxi Cesar: Well let’s go holmes! They drive off to the airport Chapter 3: The Getaway Everyone is at the airport Tim: Ok everyone is here Claude: No sh*t Sherlock Tim: Shutup! Now we have to get back to Vice City Claude: And how do we do that? Tim: We fly there Claude: On the way here I noticed a few Jets Tim: How many? Claude: About eight Tim: Perfect Claude: Follow me They hop the fence and run across the runway. They notice the jets in the distance and two other people running towards them Tommy: Looks like we will have company They run to the jets and hop in Cesar: It’s called a Migo Tommy: Thanks eagle eye They take off and head for Vice City Tim: Ok we’ve got two on our tail, I think we can handle that 10 more join in Woozie: You were saying? Tim: Uh Let’s get this over with The other jets fire their missiles. They barrel roll and narrowly avoid the missiles. Tim: The time is now! Return fire! They all perform a backflip and are now behind the other jets Jet Pilot: What the? HELP! They unload their missiles into the other jets. All but two are taken down Tim: Vic help me out with this Vic: How Tim: Like this Tim pulls his Glock out and aims it at the jet in front. He shoots the engine four times. The jet starts smoking. Tim sees the pilot eject Tim: Like that Tim then hears a thud outside his jet Tim: What was that? He looks outside and sees that the Pilot has shot a grapple hook onto his jet Tim: Vic you take out the remaining one, I’ll take care of this one Tim puts on his Helmet and opens the cockpit. He climbs out and starts crawling towards the hook. He tries to pull it but its stuck Tim: It won’t come off! He looks behind and sees Vic shoot down the last remaining jet. The pilot then lands on the jet Pilot: You’re under arrest Tim grabs the pilot and trips him. He then pushes him off the jet Tim: You’re under-water Tim climbs in the jet as they reach Vice City’s borders Very Long, so the wait, was worth it Edited October 23, 2006 by blackadder18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Cool chapter! The only thing different was the addition of a vehicle chase! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 No in Chapter 1 I added the comm units Anyway all you have fun reading Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Nice chapter. The cops would never say partially surrounded though. And when using the ejector seat you don't regain control fast enough to do much anything except than open your parachute. Here, the soldier takes out a grapple gun and aims the plane. If the plane goes more than 500km/h that it does, the grapple would take a good measure of reinforced rope to reach it and it would be very difficult to aim, as he would be losing a great amount of height and moving with great speed. Even if all the above was possible, the jerk the soldier would receive when the grapple hooks rope would stretch would break his back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rashon. Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Great chapter, blackadder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 @TNT: The cops are stupid though And this is GTA @Rashon: These cookies won't go to waste this time Expect chapter 4 soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Brutuz buy B18 a cookie fridge because the story's are so good Hurry up with chapter 4! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaon, Lord of End Times Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 (edited) Personally I think its Tommy, as he was getting cocky just before the missile blew Brutuz hides under anacheon proof shelter Lol, word spreads fast, doesn't it? anacheon, that's a new one. Sorry I haven't been reading, man. I've read all your chapters now. They're pretty good, I think you need some more descriptiveness in your "Cut Scene" type moments when things blow up and when they travel somewhere, etc.. Other than that, I love your story. I loled at the respawning at the hospital crack. I find it highly unrealistic that CJ could take down all 3 of them, though... You pulled a Cubanwhip when you blowed Tommy' legs off. Lol. Bionic legs are better, anyways. Edited October 24, 2006 by Archaon, Lord of End Times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted October 24, 2006 Author Share Posted October 24, 2006 CJ is younger than most of them, so he has the upper hand. Have school in a few minutes so don't expect Chapter 4 very soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 Whens chapter 4 coming out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted October 27, 2006 Author Share Posted October 27, 2006 Sorry got caught up with school, weekend now though I'll try to write it when I have time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 Good then, I'll be up all night waiting Brutuz falls asleep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ell Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 great story cant wait for second part. tim:wouldnt you just respawn at t..you sly dog, you just one question how come tommy survived i thought he lost his legs. anyway great story cant wait for the jail break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Heres a quote by me from B18's forum Libary Hey everyone, B18 has been banned from the computer, he barely got a minute of MSN chat with me to tell me, I don't know when he'll be back, but he'll probably post then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Heres a quote by me from B18's forum Libary Hey everyone, B18 has been banned from the computer, he barely got a minute of MSN chat with me to tell me, I don't know when he'll be back, but he'll probably post then. Bleh, bet he's too busy storywriting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the gangsta Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Wow,what an long and cool story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 You think so eh? I bet blackadder18 is stuffing himself on cookies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spenc938 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 I haven't read in a couple weeks, I just caught up and this is great. Can't wait for the next one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildChild247 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 one cookie for each chapter.. (i think there hav been 17 so far) this is one of the best fan written stories ive read because you incorporate many characters and use the whole gta universe, not just one setting. keep it going. topic rated good also Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
viperdk Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Great story up until this point. You named the marine "Vic". I'm assuming it's Vic Vance, who is Lance Vance's brother..who gets killed in 1986. How can he be in jail in 2008 if he's been dead for 22 years? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spenc938 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Great story up until this point. You named the marine "Vic". I'm assuming it's Vic Vance, who is Lance Vance's brother..who gets killed in 1986. How can he be in jail in 2008 if he's been dead for 22 years? That's why you shouldn't assume. and you stole my avatar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Great story up until this point. You named the marine "Vic". I'm assuming it's Vic Vance, who is Lance Vance's brother..who gets killed in 1986. How can he be in jail in 2008 if he's been dead for 22 years? He's a marine and he isn't Columbian, so use your imagination. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder. Posted October 29, 2006 Author Share Posted October 29, 2006 I really am banned, I've snuck on now just to tell you that I am, I might be banned for whole week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutuz Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 See I told you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-/TNT\- Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 I really am banned, I've snuck on now just to tell you that I am, I might be banned for whole week Who banned you? House moderator? I was banned for a couple of days a couple of days ago. Only from the internet though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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