dre1218us Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 I'm dre1218us, relatively new here. I've browsed here for awhile, mostly looking at the GTA4 board. I would've posted earlier, but I see how some people get eaten up here just for being a "noob", regardless of their opinion. Anyways, I stumbled onto this board, with all the fanfics, and I had to get in on the action. I had always thought about trying something like this, but now that I see other people are doing it, I figure I should put my hat in too. I'm writing "Los Santos Stories", which covers the 5 years between CJ leaving SA and coming back, and a bit of before, all from a San Andreas perspective (Mostly Los Santos). I'm about 2 or 3 chapters in, depending on how I end up dividing the work, but I wanna throw this teaser to see a) what you guys think of it and b) whether it's worth continuing. Now I might have some stuff off with the Leones, since I'm not much of a VC guy (I didnt even finish it), so if there are errors, please try to correct me. Ok, that's enough explanation, here's the preview: Salvotore Leone is soaking in the Los Santos sun on the patio of his Vinewood vacation home. He's "on business", here from Liberty City trying to break ground in the booming showbiz industry of Los Santos. He has a few contacts out here, including his cousin Fabrizio, but mostly, he's looking to invest his money into some legitimate ventures. His goal is a feature film based on the ghettoes of Los Santos, called "HoodBoyz." He's set to meet with rapper Madd Dogg about possibly starring in it. Having a rapper star in a movie wasn't the norm at the time, but Leone never did anything by the book. He made his way to the top his way, from a petty mugger on the streets of Portland in the 60s, to a certified don. He had come too far to let his empire fall on some tax charges. That's why he had to invest his money in something smart. Something legitimate. This is what he would do with San Andreas. Or so he thought. His phone rang. It must've been Madd Dogg's agent, asking for directions to the house again. "I said once you see the Sachs, make--" "I'm not interested in Sachs", bellowed an unfamiliar voice. "Who...is this?," asked a confused Leone. "You are Salvatore Leone, leader of a pretty big family in Liberty. Correct?," the voice said. "Who the hell is this? You don't know me!," Leone retorted. "I know all about you, and know why you would be perfect for me.", the confident voice retorted. "f*cking Finoque, If I find you I'll have your head rolling down Verona Beach!," an angry Leone replied before hanging up the phone. His cousin, Fabrizio, half naked, ran out, gun in hand. "What's up Sal? You OK? (pause) That shine turn downed the role. I'll have him take it if you need me." "No, some f*cking guy was on the phone saying I was perfect for him. I don't know how you could live here, too many wierdos. I wanna know how he got my number." "That's wierd." Fabrizio returned into the house, to finish "interviewing" a young actress for the Leone's upcoming flick. Leone's cell rang again. "Hello?," Leone said. "Yeah, it's me. Dogg's manager. Look. We should meet at a neutral place. Away from attention. You know, we don't need any negative attention," the agent said. "Fair enough," Leone replied, after thinking a short while. "So where at?" "Northstar Rock. Your cousin's coming right? He knows where it is." "Ok. I don't know the city too well. It's in L.S. right?", asked Leone. "......Sort of. Just tell your cousin Northstar Rock, he'll take you." "Alright. See you there." Sal yelled for his cousin. Fabrizio came out on the patio, this time elegantly dressed in the finest Sachs. Sal told him of the conversation he had about the neutral site with Madd Dogg's manager. "Ok. I wouldn't want that type of guy in the house anyway. Might steal something.," replied Fabrizio. Fabrizio asked where the place was. Sal told him. "WHAT THE f*ck? Northstar Rock?" "What's wrong with that?," asked Sal. "That's out in the middle of nowhere!" "Really. Something tells me Madd Dogg is ready for the worst possible outcome. Let's take some soldiers with us. Call 'em up." The family soldiers come to the house, and escort the two Leones by caravan. The Limo carrying Fab and Sal is between two Patriots as they make their way through Los Santos, and offroad to the rock. The Leone's finally reach their destination, apparently. They see Madd Dogg, his agent, and another unidentified white male standing near a tree." "If this is a f*ckin' ambush, I'll kill him! I'll murder that f*ckin street thug right here!," Fabrizio exclaimed. "Listen to yourself. It's 3 guys over there. That other guy's probably their lawyer.," replied the ever-calm Leone. The Leones exit the Limo, but not before Fab sticks a gat in the back of his pants, under his italian dress shirt. The two parties meet in the bit of tree-free land Northstar Rock has to offer. "Ok. Let's cut the act, Leone.," replied the unidentified male. "You're that fa**ot from the phone!,"Leone screams. Fabrizio grabs his gun as soon as he hears this. "WAIT," Madd Dogg's manager screams. "This is just a friend of ours. His name is Mike. Mike Toreno. And he needs you to introduce a product to the Los Santos streets." Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/247618-teaser-for-an-upcoming-fanfic/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moth Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 it is pretty good man keep it up peace out Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/247618-teaser-for-an-upcoming-fanfic/#findComment-3744188 Share on other sites More sharing options...
dre1218us Posted June 18, 2006 Author Share Posted June 18, 2006 it is pretty good man keep it uppeace out Thanks for the feedback, greatly appreciated. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/247618-teaser-for-an-upcoming-fanfic/#findComment-3744327 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moth Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 it is pretty good man keep it uppeace out Thanks for the feedback, greatly appreciated. your well come Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/247618-teaser-for-an-upcoming-fanfic/#findComment-3752041 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leftfootwonder Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 i'd give it 10/10 mate. i think it's awesome. great beginning. can't wait to read the rest Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/247618-teaser-for-an-upcoming-fanfic/#findComment-3757481 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parky. Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Very good! Post a couple of chapters, it sounds great. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/247618-teaser-for-an-upcoming-fanfic/#findComment-3757725 Share on other sites More sharing options...
dre1218us Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Damn, I was about to give up on this, I only got one reply at first. Now I guess I'll keep on with it. Thanks for the feedback! Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/247618-teaser-for-an-upcoming-fanfic/#findComment-3759527 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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