Maddok Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 (edited) Chapter 1 The Urgent News 10:00 AM Grove Street It's early in the Morning in Los Santos, Officer Tenpenny's dead and the other gangs are gone. CJ was sitting on a chair at the front porch of Sweets house drinkin some beer. Sweet walked out his door and sat on another chair next to CJ. After a few minutes Sweet asked CJ... Sweet: Hey CJ wanna go play some basketball? CJ: Yeah sure Sweet. CJ and Sweet were having fun until... *SCRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH* CJ and Sweet saw a oncoming glendale heading for Grove Street. The glendale stopped abruptly in the middle of Grove Street. CJ and Sweet ran towards the stopped glendale with their guns ready. The driver side of the glendale swings open and a shot up GSF member falls out. Sweet: Awww sh!t man. CJ ran towards his dying homie and tries to help him. CJ: SWEET CALL AN AMBULANCE! Hang in there homie help is on the way. Dying Homie: CJ *cough* the B-Ballas are coming b-back. CJ: Hey hang on man save your energy. Sweet runs out of his house after calling the hospital. Dying Homie: T-The Ballas are developing territory i-in GlenPark,East Los Santos, and Idol Wood, Stop them. Sweet: Oh man CJ. The GSF member just died in CJ's arms when the ambulance just arrived for the dead homie. A Majestic stopped in the middle of the bridge above, then a Balla shows up. Balla: DID YOU SEE WHAT WE DID TO YOUR WEAK A$$ HOMIE. AND YOUR NEXT AND THE REST OF GROVE STREET. then the majestic sped off. CJ: I'm gonna f***ing get those Ballas! CJ ran inside his house and got evey weapon he could find. Sweet ran after CJ. Sweet: D@mn CJ you look like your getting ready for a war. CJ: This is a war Sweet and i'm the mother F***ing army. Sweet: If your going then i'm comin with you man I won't let my brother go in alone. CJ: Fine Sweet, go back to your house and get ever gat you got. Sweet ran to his house and got every weapon he has. Sweet went outside and met CJ at his car. CJ: Lets Go Sweet. Edited June 7, 2006 by Maddok Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nate Baker1 Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 upruptly abruptly* trys tries* hospitol hospital* ever every* Kinda boring, the whole thing cant just be talking or else it will be boring. You need to develop a sense of describing things more Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3727926 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddok Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 (edited) It's seems boring at first cause' most of the first chapters in stories start off boring but then start getting better in the next chapters. Edited June 7, 2006 by Maddok Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3728031 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddok Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 (edited) Chapter 2 Revenge 10:26 AM Cluckin' Bell-Flood Channels CJ was trailing the Ballas in the majestic that showed up earlier. After a few minutes of looking he saw the Ballas car parked in the parking lot of Cluckin Bell, with two of the Ballas inside. CJ: There are those mother f***ers. Sweet: So what are we gonna do CJ? CJ: I'm gonna park the car across from theirs, and we'll wait 'til they come out when they get inside their car we'll speed up against their car so they won't get out. After waiting 15 minutes CJ and Sweet see the Ballas coming out of Cluckin Bell. CJ: Here they come get ready. As the Ballas entered their car CJ turned on his and hit the gas, then CRASHED into the Ballas car. As the Ballas are getting out of their car Balla: HEY WHO THE FU-U--. The Balla paused. CJ: Hey Balla b!tch. Sweet: LET SMOKE THESE FOOS. As Sweet was gonna pull the trigger. CJ: NO SWEET... we'll take them somewhere more quieter. CJ and Sweet grabbed the Ballas a threw them into their car. CJ drives down into the flood channels of Los Santos inside a tunnel. He then stops and drags the ballas out the car, then throws them to the wall. CJ: So I heard that you and some other Ballas are developing territory again. Balla: Who told you that? CJ: You shot up one of my homies, lucky he survived long enough to tell us you punk. CJ: Now tell us where the rest of your druggy friends. Balla: I won't say sh!t, especially to a Grove Street b!tch like you. BANG Other Balla: Oh sh!t!!! Don't kill me i'll tell you anything. CJ: Ok tell us where the rest of the Ballas are. Balla: Their hanging mostly at the junkyard across the train tracks of the train station and at Playa Del Seville between 4:15 and 6:30, Now please let me go. CJ: You got 10 seconds to run and get outta here. The Balla starts booking to get away CJ yells out the numbers 1-2-10! BANG CJ dropped the scared Balla in one shot CJ: Let go Sweet. Edited June 8, 2006 by Maddok Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3728036 Share on other sites More sharing options...
weejimmy Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 too short and could be more descriptive Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3729063 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddok Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 I noticed it was too short. But the story is going to get better don't you worry. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3729338 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddok Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 (edited) Chapter 3 All Shot up 10:30 AM-4:22 PM Grove Street-Junkyard CJ and Sweet got inside their car and drived off, also running over the dead Balla. Sweet: So CJ what are we gonna do now? CJ: I dont know when I took over the Ballas territories I almost died. We might need some help Sweet. CJ: What time is it? Sweet: It's 2:26. CJ: Ok thats enough time to find some help. Hows about we go to Big Bear's place, he can dig up some info for us. Sweet: Yeah yeah Big Bear. He live over on Glen Park. CJ parked his car around the block from Big Bears house 'cause Glen Park is Balla Territory now. CJ: Sweet we need to change our clothes, show no signs of green ok? Sweet: Gotcha CJ. after changing their clothes CJ and Sweet walked to Bears house. When they got there they rang the bell. Bear: Who is it? CJ: It's me Big Bear, It CJ. As Bear opened the door. Bear: OOOH my dog whatsup CJ here get inside homie. Yo Sweet c'mon come inside. Bear: Now look guys you gots to be careful this is Balla Territory now, they are everywhere so you gotta be careful. Anyway why you guys decide to come here, 'cause I know you didn't come to visit. CJ: Well Bear we need you to dig up some info for us about the Ballas 'cause we already know that they got Glen park,Idol Wood, and East Los Santos, but can you give us any more info Big Bear? Bear: Yeah, I'll see what I can do. As CJ and Sweet left Bears house they saw that a couple Ballas seemed to be following them. CJ didn't want to look back since it would cause suspicion. CJ: Sweet...when we turn this corner we turn around and surprise the Ballas, got it? Sweet: Yeah CJ got it. As they turned into the corner they took out their guns and pointed at the spot where they'd shoot the unsuspecting Ballas. And as the Ballas came around the corner BANG BANG CJ and Sweet shot both of the Ballas. CJ: Sweet get in the Car more of the Ballas will come hurry! After getting inside the car CJ sped off back to the Grove. Upon their arrival CJ parks the car and head towards the CJ's house. Sweet: It's now 3:18 CJ CJ: I know Sweet, and we need that info from Bear." CJ replied RRRRRRRRRRRING RRRRRRRRRRRRING CJ picks up the phone CJ: Hello. Bear: Hey Sweet it's Bear i'm talking on a payphone but I found some info about the Ballas. Now they Meet up not only at the Junkyard but they meet out at Playa Del Seville. CJ: Thanks Bear CJ hung up the phone and started out to HIS house next the Sweets. CJ: Sweet go to a Amunnation shop and get a sniper rifle, the fun will soon Begin. Sweet gets inside his car going to the nearest Amunnation shop to buy a sniper rifle. Shopkeeper: You want anything son? Sweet: Yeah a sniper rifle. Shopkeeper: You a hunter? Sweet: Yeah i'm a hunter. As Sweet walked out of the Ammunation he just remembered that the Playa Del Seville is holding Balla meetings near where he's at. So he needs to leave quickly But then. Balla: HEY GROVE STREET B*TCH. Sweet hurried into his car and sped off back to Grove Street as he was driving to Grove Street he noticed that he was being followed my a majestic. Sweet:I'm gonna have to lose these foos. Sweet turned the corner passed Grove Street into Little Mexico. As Sweet was looking at his rear view mirror he saw that a Balla was climbing out the car window with a gun! BANG BANG BANG Sweet: Sh*t these Niggaz are shootin at me. BANG BANG Sweet turned a corner and saw a cop. Sweet sped passed the cop, then the trailing ballas passed the Ballas then. The cop started his car and tried to catch up. Sweet saw an alley. Sweet: I could get away at that alley. Sweet made a sharp turn into the alley with the Ballas passing Sweet with the cop following the Ballas. Sweet: Thank god I lost them. Sweet then drove off to Grove Street when things looked clear. After taking almost 20 minutes Sweet made it to Grove Street with a few bullet holes in his car. Sweet: Ok CJ lets get going." Sweet said CJ: D@mn Sweet what happen to your car? Sweet: Just a few Ballas were following me but I got away I think they got arrested by a cop that was trailing them. CJ: Thats cool Sweet lets go then. CJ drove to the junkyard and it's almost 4:15. He then parked his car in a shadowed corner. CJ and Sweet get out of a car and climb on top of some old busted tires. It's passed 4:15 and it's 4:22 now. CJ: D@mn when these foos gonna show... wait wait I see 3 majestics and a Infernus. that must be them. CJ: Sweet get your sniper ready. CJ and Sweet waited for the Ballas to leave their cars. As the unsuspecting Ballas left their cars CJ and Sweet picked off one by one. The one Balla that was about to get out of his infernus got back inside and drove away. The rest of the Ballas jumped back in their cars and started off. But then CJ took out a rocket launcher. Sweet: HOLY SH!T CJ WHERE'D YOU GET THAT BIG F***IN BAZOOKA? CJ:HAHAHA, it's cool isn't it. CJ then launched a rocket launcher BOOOOOOOOOM CJ: That'll leave the Ballas thinkin twice. Sweet: But CJ did you see who was in the infernus? CJ: Nah man but we'll find out soon though. Edited June 8, 2006 by Maddok Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3729342 Share on other sites More sharing options...
weejimmy Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Ok man liked this chapter am writing one too but not based on gta but has gta characters in it keep up the work Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3729988 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hanney Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Chapter 1 The Urgent News 10:00 AM Grove Street It's early in the Morning in Los Santos, Officer Tenpenny's dead and the other gangs are gone. CJ was sitting on a chair at the front porch of Sweets house drinkin some beer. Sweet walked out his door and sat on another chair next to CJ. After a few minutes Sweet asked CJ... Sweet: Hey CJ wanna go play some basketball? CJ: Yeah sure Sweet. CJ and Sweet were having fun until... *SCRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH* CJ and Sweet saw a oncoming glendale heading for Grove Street. The glendale stopped abruptly in the middle of Grove Street. CJ and Sweet ran towards the stopped glendale with their guns ready. The driver side of the glendale swings open and a shot up GSF member falls out. Sweet: Awww sh!t man. CJ ran towards his dying homie and tries to help him. CJ: SWEET CALL AN AMBULANCE! Hang in there homie help is on the way. Dying Homie: CJ *cough* the B-Ballas are coming b-back. CJ: Hey hang on man save your energy. Sweet runs out of his house after calling the hospital. Dying Homie: T-The Ballas are developing territory i-in GlenPark,East Los Santos, and Idol Wood, Stop them. Sweet: Oh man CJ. The GSF member just died in CJ's arms when the ambulance just arrived for the dead homie. A Majestic stopped in the middle of the bridge above, then a Balla shows up. Balla: DID YOU SEE WHAT WE DID TO YOUR WEAK A$$ HOMIE. AND YOUR NEXT AND THE REST OF GROVE STREET. then the majestic sped off. CJ: I'm gonna f***ing get those Ballas! CJ ran inside his house and got evey weapon he could find. Sweet ran after CJ. Sweet: D@mn CJ you look like your getting ready for a war. CJ: This is a war Sweet and i'm the mother F***ing army. Sweet: If your going then i'm comin with you man I won't let my brother go in alone. CJ: Fine Sweet, go back to your house and get ever gat you got. Sweet ran to his house and got every weapon he has. Sweet went outside and met CJ at his car. CJ: Lets Go Sweet. Sounds quite okay but the GSF riding up in the car then saying the ballas are coming back sounds like the origional GTASA cutscene where the GSF member on the bmx rides up fast and jumps off the bike. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3730151 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddok Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 But HE wasn't shot to death. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3730305 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddok Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 (edited) I quit writing good bye. Edited June 8, 2006 by Maddok Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3730335 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nate Baker1 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Still too much talking and not enough details man. And sentences like these are kidna bad CJ parked his car in his garage, then got out and left the garage. Try and say it in ways where garage isnt used twice. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/246552-one-gun/#findComment-3730634 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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