locosyndicate Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 (edited) "No don't do it",screamed a dark skinned man dressed in a pale blue air jordan tracksuit which was hidden in the darkness of a humid red brick alleyway. "I'll do it if I have too",said a hoarse voice and a pale man appeared with a silencer glock pistol pointing towards the end of the narrow walls.His face was all distorted like an unfinished Jig saw puzzle and his brown suit had not a hint of dust. "Ok....ok the goods are in San Fierro;Freshly imported from Liberty city and they will be there by Sunday".The man backed his chubby body against the back wall with sweat dripping from his forehead.He shuddered. "Kenny my old pal your not making this any easier because those goods are not coming to San Fierro you lying bastered;I know that because I have an insider checking all import and exports and know cars are coming in this week".The man puffed on a spliff which puffed innocently in his mouth."Tell me where you get them on sunday or ill blow your brains out". The man pressed the glock against kennys chest and a lump formed in his dry shivering throat. The goods are guarded in a Ford Clucking-bell truck in Blueberry by the betting shop". "Thankyou Kenny thats all I needed But you are too much of a suspect to the cops and I've still got a job to do".The man grinned."Bye bye Kenny!" Kenny's body fell lifelessly to the floor and Blood trickled on to the gravel.The man walked casually away and the hoops of smoke looped into the air. Edited May 28, 2006 by locosyndicate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oddsock Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 Umm..okay...keep going (?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FelipeVinhao Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 "Oh my God! They killed Kenny! U bastard!" Ok story. To be continued? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
locosyndicate Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 Yeah the story is going to be continued when I get some more comments then I will continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oddsock Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 Why? Just keep going now. You really should try and bring it together now and not leave us wondering "wtf y iz no pl0t?1" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CurrentlyCarrotfoot Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 From what I've read: don't continue. You left it at a bad point, I could have written that in 2 minutes. The text doesn't flow, there's no creative flair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oddsock Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 From what I've read: don't continue. You left it at a bad point, I could have written that in 2 minutes. The text doesn't flow, there's no creative flair. Well, we ain't all Tom Clancys. loco, just keep going. If it spoils, toss it in the backyard and buy a new one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FelipeVinhao Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I see this short beginnig like most movies are: they show a intro lil scene, cut it to show the main credits and the title, then continue the story... Keep going! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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