A Few Poems that Might Be Kind of Cool

[Canofceleri]

This art is all evading like the picture in the painting,

inspiration surely fading like the face of Mother Mary

into labor out the savior like a self-important poet.

Can you see the cave inside the ceiling where the quiet man stays sleeping?

Can you finger such a feeling, as a spark just short of fire?

It shines through the puddles of my dreaming, but goes thereafter.

 

As curious as the Irises’ petals do curl,

as infant as the red bands from a bored blind sun…

Rain don’t come and wane the flower away,

so that I can feel Spring’s soft leather touching on upon my lips.

An infrequent droplet so deadly, so pure.

 

Riding the shadows of trains to come,

reading black lines from a sun undone.

I gaze into the blue of a tired boy’s eyes

as I struggle to make out a man’s face in the mirror.

What’s behind me? I cannot see, I cannot make it out.

What’s before me? I do not care, it’s something I should not.

Can you, O, My Façade, peel the skin back from my eyes

so that I should live and pull my withering spirit from the skies?

If I should acquire an ancient tongue, buried in the sands of consciousness,

then may I at once feel the tide crashing deeply into my skull?

Will it benefit the mind, or set loose the anarchy raging underneath this quiet poet’s well-read line?

 

Naked Summer, fire skies;

cries founded on the warm chest of a cold-hearted woman.

The stars, the sharply sunk stars,

as narrowly defined as the mark of the ‘Present’.

Feed into the emptiness and bottom out at the top,

grasp onto the nothingness of warm wise reason.

 

Hum. And feel the rightness of your current mood

transcend the predisposed in an unlikely way.

What a feeling, and what a time.

Capsulate the pure rather than mitigate the drone.

Realize it’s nothing, and then feel the inevitable vehemence.

 

 

======================

 

I know that some of these might be a bit hard to understand for some of you young ones (no offense, but lots of you are like 10)... but I'd appreciate maybe a little feedback. Last time I posted 27 poems and it got not one reply, I really can't understand it. If I suck tell me.

[IV ● XxX]

Those are A grade, seriously, you are far from lame and you definetly know how to write. The adjectives used are used appropriatly and make the poems astonishing, keep it up man, that is pure quality there.

[Sly_Madman]

I liked all of those poems. I really like your use of metaphors, which shows your talent considering many people have to resort to using a lot of similes to make a poem complete.

[BrassKnuckles]

You don't suck; GTAForums just doesn't have an ear for poetry. Anyway, thanks for the nice comment and PM. At our forum ages, PMs come about as frequently as castrated senior citizens. Gross, I know.

 

Anyway, I really enjoyed your poetry, Cand. I was never the biggest fan of unrhymed poetry, but your stuff is top notch. Nothing too fancy, just well-thought-out metaphors and poetic passion. I like it a lot. My only qualm is your possible thesaurus-izing of some words--like "vehemence" for "anger."

 

All my best. Keep writing.

[Canofceleri]

'Vehemence' to me never necesserily meant anger... moreso intense passion or strong feelings about something. I think the theasaurus is a great tool for writers, but I don't exploit it in the vain of making it seem like I have a better vocabulary than I truly do, lol.

 

And, I was always a fan of nonrhyming poetry because everyone in my writing classes used it and they didn't know how to make it work for them, it all sounded very sing-songy. My more recent poetry experiments with it more, and I'm getting to like it now.