VC_Man Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Tommy's Revenge. Chapter 1 It was a sunny day in Vice City... People are going to the park. to the beach, driving around a bit. and much more. Tomym was at home on the couch watching TV. he saw on the tv some brand new cars for 100$ Tommy vercetti wanted to buy the car but he only got 99$ Damnit! said tommy. if i only could get the car... for free... than im happy... but wait, im a thief! i can steal it! HAHAHA!! tommy was going to the car at oceandrive and saw 4 gaurds... he grabs his molotiv cocktails and throwed them to the gaurds. the gaurds died and tommy entered the car house. 1 gaurd saw him and jumped on tommy, tommy get hurt and kicked the gaurd. and the gaurd is dead... tommy saw the car and stole it and drived away. 5 superfast gaurd goes after the car... they opened the car and throwed tommy out... the gaurds grabbed their guns and try to shoot tommy... tommy did as matrix style and grabbed grenades... he throwed some to the gaurd and the gaurds died.. he stepped in the car and drived away with it to his home... he came home and thinked of a plan, the police came and said, Halt, your under arrest buddy! To be continued!! Please rate my story Thank you And sorry for my sucky english! Im dutch XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mastermarvin292 Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 this i must say had to have have been the biggest laughghing stock story of my life. WOOOOHOHOOO. HAHAAAAAAA. NO!!!! IM SORRY BUT THIS STORY SUCKS, NO OFFENSE BUT WHATS THE BIG DEAL IVE SEEN PLENTY SUNNY DAYS IN VICE CITY AND IVE SEEN PLENTY OF PEOPLE DRIVING. AND IVE KILLED LOTS OF GUARDS. FOR EFFORT I GIVE IT A 2, FOR CREATIVENESS I GIVE IT AN 1 AND OVERALL I GIVE IT A THREE. NOW IM GONNA GO POST MY STORY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 this i must say had to have have been the biggest laughghing stock story of my life. WOOOOHOHOOO. HAHAAAAAAA. NO!!!! IM SORRY BUT THIS STORY SUCKS, NO OFFENSE BUT WHATS THE BIG DEAL IVE SEEN PLENTY SUNNY DAYS IN VICE CITY AND IVE SEEN PLENTY OF PEOPLE DRIVING. AND IVE KILLED LOTS OF GUARDS. FOR EFFORT I GIVE IT A 2, FOR CREATIVENESS I GIVE IT AN 1 AND OVERALL I GIVE IT A THREE. NOW IM GONNA GO POST MY STORY Jee. I know that if English wasn't my first language, I'd be pretty stoked to have been able to write a story like that. Granted it's not the most outrageously creative story you'll ever read, but Christ, no need to act like an asshole about it. Not to mention numerical ratings give no meaningful feedback to the author. Criticism is fine in small doses, and only when it's constructive. Unlike this situation. VC_Man - I liked it. Although not greatly creative, it was easy to read and certainly made sense. The way you portrayed Tommy fits in with how he acted in the game. Well done, and don't pay attention to people who criticise you without any sort of justification. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Killer Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Mastermarvin shut the hell up. The idea is good, as are most ideas. It was creative and thoughtful. Enough said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cajones Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Interesting. Althought it's a story, im sure Tommy Vercetti would have one extra dollar lying around somewhere. I'll give you an E for effort my friend. Off-Topic: Mastermarvin292 shut up, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VC_Man Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 Thanks fuzzy juzzy, Killer789, Cajones. Stay tuned for part 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt_0720 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 please no... please... c'mon you cant do this to me man, part 2, c'mon man. If you do a part 2 im gonna go drink some bleach.... naw man im just playin, it wasnt to bad, it was a good idea but i just have one question? what exactly was tommys revenge? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VC_Man Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 please no... please... c'mon you cant do this to me man, part 2, c'mon man. If you do a part 2 im gonna go drink some bleach.... naw man im just playin, it wasnt to bad, it was a good idea but i just have one question? what exactly was tommys revenge? Thanks... Tommy goes to take revenge to all people that threathened him like bullsh*t... Sorry, i got sh*tty english XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soldier203 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 great story, when is chapter 2 coming out? well done Mister! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trickster Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Pretty interesting idea you have going on there. Hmm, you may wanna look into a beta reader. I could do that for you, as I am working on a VC fiction myself. Just let me know. Hehe, can't wait for part 2! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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