GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[liberty-city-cocks-rule]

Maccer beating off over Thatcher.

 

That OWNS!!

 

Maccer: 'I love ya Maggie!'

 

Brilliant.

[SWEETSAPRIK]

axl rose on the kdst

"you're on the dust, try not to sh!t your pants"

 

 

Edited May 12, 2012 by Sweets

[Logik]

WCTR

reporter: Um, I'm not sure you ever covered a riot before, but the sence here is incredible!

 

person: help me!

 

reporter: Hey, shut up, bitch! The firemen are actually opening up a car with the jaws of life! Hey, fireguy, hows it going?

 

fireman: You dumbass I'm trying to save this woman!

 

woman: help!

 

reporter: well, lets see me give you any of my beers from my newstruck, you overpaid prick!

 

 

 

[SwitchBladeJones]

Occasionally you can hear peds fart. The funniest time was when I was shopping in Zip and I heard one of the peds fart. Right after that the clerk said "changing room is over there sir."

[nekkidhillbilly]

my fav was after picking up a hooker and started the car rocking..........she screamed pissed off at me wrong hole fool(ive been told that before to)

 

on gta3 i rand from the police with like 3 stars for hours stealing cruisers everytime my car was to damaged and finally a cop jerked me out and busted me and said got you [email protected]@er

 

a cop was chasing me and said there ant no video cameras around to tape this beating boy(rodney king)

[eatmeimchocolate]

from that song that snopp dogg and dr dre sing, cant remember what its called but snoop dogg says: wid ma d*ck in ya biatch. after that dr dre says : ya go teeth in yo mouth so ma dicks gotta fit. seriously awesome

[Voodoo]

The homie in the kangol and orange jersey just strolled past me and said:

 

"The liverwurst was green, but I ate it anyway."

[Voodoo]

Edit - Rats! Double post. Sorry, I had two windows going...

 

 

from that song that snopp dogg and dr dre sing, cant remember what its called but snoop dogg says: wid ma d*ck in ya biatch. after that dr dre says : ya go teeth in yo mouth so ma dicks gotta fit. seriously awesome

My favorite EZ-E lyric was from the DOC album where he goes something like:

 

"Lovin' the bitches, leave the hoes a boo-hooin'. Why? 'Cause they're addicted, to what my dick did".

 

That's like the best rhyme of all time in my book.

[exavior8]

my fav was when cj said to woozie: once when i was a kid i was swimming and i got a condom stuck to my face! that horror stays with you forever! lmao

[Mafia Righthand_Man]

Here's some random ones, I don't know if they have been posted yet because I'm not gonna go looking through 16 pages to check.

 

Helo cop 1: Shoot him already!

Helo cop 2: I can't, I'm a pacifist!

 

Hooker: Yeah, I've sucked a dick for $10.

 

Guy in car: I'm late for an abortion!

 

 

 

 

 

[Le Machin]

Guy in car: I'm late for an abortion!

I hope that guy was a doctor or something...

[Wolfenhoffen]

CJ while being chased by cops....

"I don't wana nightstick up the ass!"

[SWEETSAPRIK]

driving a stallion thats smoking and all busted up i pull up to my garage in grove street get out and a hooker says

"you better just donate that piece of sh*t while you still can"

Edited December 18, 2009 by Sweets

[Oddsock]

I haven't memorized much for dialogue, but I love Paulo and Maccer. They are hilarious.

[GeneralBBQ]

When CJ was being chased by cops;

 

Cop- "Those sneakers better not be from child labor!"

 

Then I capped him.

[vercetti0017]

cluckin bell employee "hope you choke a doodle doo"

 

 

 

vice city kiX sa

[cmc_jacob]

When I tried to recruit a gang member once, CJ said this:

 

Now I know you aint got no dick, but I know you got respect!

the gang member replied, Fo sho nigga!

Edited December 19, 2004 by cmc_jacob

[Grizzly66]

Some female on the street, I'm tired, can I sit on your face ?

 

 

[WuZiMoo]

Denise: Im worthless dont ya think

CJ: Thats amazing girl

[explicitmo]

 

"I trained every muscle in my body for combat"

 

-driving ped is saying this while stepping out of his car after i kicked into his frontbumper-

[Double_Deagle]

When picking up a hooker:

 

"OK, but my mom's boring me about girls like you!"

-----

 

"I can't stand your face, get outta my way!"

"Girl, you're not in the position!"

 

After killing someone:

"Oh alright, that lesson is told!"

[ShatteredSoul]

Chick ped (To CJ)- What is that cologne, Odware de Crap?"

CJ- Oh yeah, well I aint ever seen a talking horse"

 

I actually use that as a come back now....

[MansonRPG]

My favorite quote is when Toreno threatens to send Sweet a new cell-mate named "Horse-Cock Harry" and give them a giant tub of lube as a gift. That was funny as hell.

[fox09]

While shopping in Binco: "When I find a Chihuahua, I'm gonna kill it!"

 

After karate-kicking a ped off his bike: "Gravity's a bitch ain't it?"

 

[Mihai]

One time when I was in San Fierro near valet parking I heard two guys talking.

 

Man 1: Did ya ever sh*t your pants during a job interview?

Man 2: Yeah. Once.

 

 

I was laughing so hard!!

[Oddsock]

I was hanging out by the valet place in San Fierro when a guy comments me on my clothes.

 

I accidently(SP?) hit the negative reply.

 

Something like "Yeah, fine. Now shut up."

 

Then he called me names so I punched him and he ran away.

 

I also got in a fight with a gay in a bar. He said something mean, so I said "f*ck you!!!" and he put his fists up.

 

Metal bats dent easy, I'll tell you that.

[Oddsock]

Double post.

Edited March 2, 2005 by OdDsOcK

[DonCesar]

i crap my pants when CJ is singing the LOVE ROLLERCOASTER

[Oddsock]

You should talk to your psychiatrist about that.

[timmy2004]

Yo, this is MC sh*t head.