GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[Jenovas_child]

Bounce FM have some funny too:

 

Woman: I love to swing

Deep voiced male: Why dont you swing on this?

*ZIP*

Woman: Arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

and

 

Woman: You sold your soul to the devil!

Devil: You aint gonna miss it, not with all this money!

 

Ahhhhhhhhh the laughter, the tears, the unwanted pregnancies.....

[bubba ninja]

"I had a dream... and I lost it in San Andreas"

"I smoke cuz it gives me KNOWLEDGE!"

[Nepenth]

In one of the missions with woozie...

 

CJ - "You know I'm black right..."

 

Woozie - "I'm blind Carl, not stupid"

 

[maczoso]

Also any GF conversation cracks me up they'll just go on and on about the craziest sh1t and CJ is like "Uh uh", "you don't say.' "fo' sho'?" and "that's so interesting"

Man, I couldn't believe I got all the way to page 10 of this thread before someone mentioned CJ's comments when he's out on a date. I love those comments. It's especially his tone of voice. I love it when he says, "that's so interesting, I'm just gonna listen."

[OGlok]

i thought it was: "i smoke cus it gives me peace of mind"

 

also when CJ's dancing good a guy says: "Checkin' you out man" ...my buddy and I crack up when he says that

[OGlok]

Also some of the other comments while CJ's dancing:

 

"You Suck"

"Do I know you"

 

ect...

[tylerlamproe]

 

Humping my wife would relax you, a ped said.

[amp!]

Once, the police helicopter pilot (the ones that chase you after getting 3 stars) said "HEY, I can see my house from up here!!" Just the way he said it, it was funny.

[crazypplinc]

Toreno to Carl : We have to see what your made of

Carl: what u think Im made of puddin ?

 

[bobo_the_ape]

In one of the missions with woozie...

 

CJ - "You know I'm black right..."

 

Woozie - "I'm blind Carl, not stupid"

Yea, that one's pretty funny.

 

 

Anyway, one of the radio commercials is talking about removing illegal aliens from the state (okay, there are real live "aliens" in the game, and they're all Vagos...haha). Anyway, I can't remember what all the letters of their group stand for, but I was like "That's an odd name...maybe the first letters spell something out." And sure enough, the first letter of each word in the name of the group spells out "BIGOT"

 

Heh.

[ArKaHN]

the mission where ya gotta swim to the da nang ship, and cj says,

"so you mean i gotta swim through the muddy brown water, dodging little brown jelly beans, and other vietnamese folk?!"

or something alone those lines. my favorite

[Gameuser]

One of my faves is when The Truth tells you that JFK lives in Scotland with Janis Jopli n lol

[awossey]

 

on WCTR "with people like you in the world its no wonder we dont bother curing cancer!"

[Mattalac]

lazlows whole script throughout the game. but i love his interview with the guy who runs the epsilon program. he sounds so much free in this game somehow. oh and i noticed reed tucker's is back. the two guys i love..

and fernando. but a gta 'now' isnt a gta without lazlow.

 

 

 

oh oh and when cj tells woozie about his time swimming at the beach and he ate a condom. ahha

-Die N00bs Edited December 2, 2004 by Mattalac

[Double_Deagle]

When a ped walks by, farts and says: "My Ass is stinking"

 

My sig is also a nice one...

 

The Cluckin bell thing:"Cluck-a-dee-f*ck!"

 

Ped: They may abuse dogs in argentina. !Funny as sh*t!

 

When CJ and Sweet are talking about Maccer and his little "problem" in the riot mission Sweet says: Stretch his Wiener?

 

When you buy body armor at ammunation: Best not to mention where you got that!

 

 

Ped: I still get breast-feed.

 

Female ped in SF: Drinking makes me horny.

 

CJ after ramming a car: Does your mama know you took her ride?

 

Can't remember anymore so far, but these are some of my favourites, gonna write some down next time I play.

[mer cinder]

I heard a bunch this afternoon I had never heard before:

 

"Hey! I'm supposed to be the one driving high!" - That dude in the orange and black. who usualy says "I smoke bcause it gives me knowledge"

 

"I'm gonna kick names and take ass... oh wait." - redneck cop.

 

and I was beating up a hooker for her blade, and she starts making the sounds you only hear when you get those car's a rockin'. It must have been a glitch, but I was laughing my ass off.

[Pacifier]

* 'Trish' calling Gardening with Maurice.

 

"Is that short for Patricia?"

 

"Uh, yeah"

 

I forget the actual quote. He tells her Trish might be what her skinhead friends call her at rallies and to try a bit harder next time.

 

* The Xorbio gaming system with 'Morning Missile Crisis.

 

* Smoke saying most gangsta rap is "misogynistic posturing by fake ass idiots".

 

* From Radio Los Santos: "Yo, this is MC sh*thead!". Totally unexpected, and still very funny.

 

Edited December 2, 2004 by Pacifier

[explicitmo]

First of all, I like the cops shouting at each other (hear it inside a cop-vehicle) "f*ck you", "f*ck you, too".

 

But I REALLY like the voice inside ammunation: "...we have Granades. And - if you're too fat and lazy to throw them, we have granade-launchers..."

 

Funny as hell...

[GeneralBBQ]

When I was being chased by a Cop he said. "Those sneakers better not be from child labor!"

[PSTwo]

PED: "I hate this hood, man"

PED2: "Have you ever been to Vice City?"

PED: "Hell no, man"

 

Heard that earlier. Found it interesting.

[OGIamLoco]

On the radio:

 

"The party’s not over till everybody’s pregnant!"

 

 

[Double_Deagle]

Cluckin Bell "It's only 90% guano"(bat sh*t)

I think he sais 10%!

[bobo_the_ape]

KDST station identification commercial thing...

 

"When all your friends from the 80s have gone to rehab, we advise you to stay on ... The Dust."

 

Angel DUST is a slang term for PCP.

[9jkearse3]

Man i was at their training camp in spring and the mood in the locker room... i mean guys were getting changed they were really getting prepared shoes were going on feet shirts were goin on the shirt part of their body serious faces on them and you could tell that they were going to play this game- wctr

 

 

and when you have to get the jet pack and the truth says he doesnt know what he wants you to steal and cj gos ooooo and all this time i thouhgt your were insane....What the f*ck you mean you dont know

[Maccerbator]

Ped: Aaah man, I really need to take a piss.

 

Ped: I just love self-abuse.

 

CJ after being busted: This is something you can tell the guys in the shower.

 

Maccer beating off over Thatcher.

 

Ran Fa Li's grunting.

[Dan_1983]

Varrios Los Aztecas: Im gonna make you scream like a chica

[Ryder_GSF4life]

my favorite thing is on k rose n she says she can sing and play the harmonica cuz she has 2 lips lol n she starts doin it also i like the stuff wen police chase u in the helicopter n

heli1: theres no escape

heli2:o ur so butch

cop1:if i kill him do i get a medal

cop2:you get 2

cop1:shoot him u pussy

Edited December 5, 2004 by Ryder_GSF4life

[ViceCityKiller]

female ped: Double ender's are better.

 

and the "Yo wassup, this is MC sh*thead"

[cholomfkr]

gardening with maurice: (he says if he was a superhero hed be called an amorphidellis titanius) and after he says see amorphidellis titanius' eight foot protrusion as he pollanates on people

[Buzzsaw]

"have you ever had a boil on your ass?"