GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[Payne Killer]

"You like my asshole always holding up sh*t."

[lil weasel]

Most legendary, has become the most vulgar. and just random rants. Like all such quotes, a trip to YouTube would be more appropriate for some.

 

There are three "Legendary Quotes" for gamedom.

 

"All we had to do is follow the train, CJ."

 

"Game Over man, Game Over" (from predator, I first heard in a pin ball game)

 

"I used to be an adventurer like you, until I took an arrow to the knee". (Skyrim)

Edited July 3, 2017 by lil weasel

[Fluxion Cavalier]

Mike Toreno is one of my favorite characters in this game. His quotes are funny as hell.

"This history. It's all lies. It says Hitler killed himself and we nuked Japan. And people believe this sh*t. Jesus." -Mike Toreno

"Russian style. Calipers on the genitals. Feels good. You'd like it." -Mike Toreno

Edited June 23, 2017 by Fluxion Cavalier

[endochronic_]

"One time came through raided the spot, we aint got sh*t now" -Ryder

"Let me guess Sweet - senseless killer right, but a boyfriend from southside wrong? - Kendl

[ReReFLEX]

"Ryder nigga."-Ryder

"I'll have 2 number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, 2 number 45s, one with cheese and a large soda."-Big Smoke

[Evil empire]

CJ: Toreno?
Toreno: - Carl, learn to fly.
CJ: I'm on it man, I swear.
Toreno: Yeah, I'm on it man I swear, same old broken record Carl, but that's fine, because your brother's getting a new cell mate tonight. Horse Cock Harry. And I'm sending a present, little wedding present. Big tube of lube!
CJ: sh*t dude, ok, ok, I swear man, I'm gonna be the best pilot!
Toreno: I'd love to hear you Carl, I can't hear you, all I can hear is your brother's love cries, as eight kilometers of cock finds its way up his ass. Aooooowww - that's your brother, ok? No big problem.
CJ: Wait! Please, man!
Toreno: That was my last motivational speech, understand? Am I being too spiritual for you, Carl?
CJ: Ok man, I get the message.

 

 

I know it's low level but I find it hilarious anyway.

[endochronic_]

"I'm a rusty brown donut eating gangsta!"

[Redolver]

For me

K-DST:Rock doesn't stop until we lose our license which could be soon

Old Ped move out of the road i gotta take a sh*t or leak im not too sure

And my favorite one is from ryder: did i hear something? sounds like a busta complaining again

[ALGubi]

Big Smoke : "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY DOG"

[VercettiKiller]

Kent Paul to Maccer: "Man tits, THEY WERE MAN TITS"

 

Ken:"Just like the old times eh Tommy"

CJ: "Who the f*ck is Tommy?"

Edited August 3, 2017 by VercettiKiller

[endochronic_]

CJ : Any last request?

Pulaski : Yeah, Can I f*ck your sister?

[Colonel _Cortez]

EDIT: << new topic merged to existing Topic >>

Random guy: ,,Hello there.''

Random girl: ''Good to see you.''

Random guy: ''You tried juggling with knives?''

Random girl: ,,Not yet but I been meaning to.''

Random guy: ,,It was a pleasure talking to you.''

Random girl: ,,Bye loser. ''

 

seconds later

 

Random guy: ,,Hello sweet lady.''

Random girl 2: ,,Hey there.''

Random guy: ,,I apologise for my bad breath.''

 

 

I always feel im the only sane person in SanAndreas.

Edited October 17, 2017 by lil weasel

[Sonny_Black]

Hilarious as f*ck, that is what they are in GTA:SA lmao.

 

 

 

WTF??! "The city is full of lights this time of year" is this what he said ?

[gts.]

I love this game, feels so alive with those details.

[GeorgeCostanzaTheMovie]

"I've got crabs the size of a baseball."

[Evil empire]

Helicopter cops

 

• Put your hands up, it’s over!
• Pilot: There is he, shoot him!
• Co-Pilot: Why I always have to do the f*cking Killing?!
• Pilot: Because I'm a pacifist! Kill him!

[GTA Plus Enjoyer]

What are your lines you have heard troughout thr game?

 

My favourite CJ lines are:

"Do you want to be a victim of a car jacking, or homicide?" - when stealing cars.

"See ya around... officer." - last thing he says to Tenpenny in the last mission.

"I HATE GRAVITY!!!!" - when he knows he is f***ed.

"Are you okay? I hope not." - when he runs someone over.

"It's my constitutional right, b**ch!"

"Welcome to America!"

"Fat man's got a gun, b*tch."

 

 

 

Ryder lines:

"Can't stop me!"

"Ryder, niBBa!"

"I'm a motherf***ing genius!"

"Busta, straight busta!"

"No way I'd let that old fool near MY head."

 

Pedestrians(rednecks):

"Adam and Eve was brother and sister."

"I'm telling you, horse is the new pork."

"My mother taught me how to f**k."

 

Big Smoke:

(I am too lazy to write his order)

[The Made Man]

I swear GTA SA has the funniest peds of any GTA game.  And they're violent as hell. One of the funniest ones is the Purple 31 one.

 

Anyways mods I searched for all funny quotes threads and all were locked. This one wasn't locked. 

[MyNameIsNotImportantBro]

Having a bad week? I will make it worse!

-CJ whe  crashing a car

[GhettoJesus]

"That nigga f*cked up" - CJ when he witnesses Johnny's death

"Aw I lost my waffle" - Fat CJ

"Good afternoon Balla dope pushers, Grove Street OG has come to do damage" - Ryder

"Busta, straight busta" - Ryder
"In jail being on top ain't gay" - Black dude wearing blue shirt

"Nobody touches my mommy, not even my daddy" - LSPD cop

 

Edited April 7, 2020 by GhettoJesus

[f1d112000]

Glory Hole Theme Park's jingle in radio commercials:

"Glory Hole! When strangers become friends. Glory Hole! You don't need to know me."

 

 

 

Sage of Radio X:

"I love Gray! It's like a color, not dedicated to one side yet. It's still figuring out who it is…

 

So there's a pretty good chance you can sleep with it."

 

 

 

Again, Sage of Radio X:

"Hi! This is Sage, and I'm so hot for Scottish guysーguys with skirtsーvvvery alternative!"

 

 

 

Bonus:

Oot, Panjit Gavaskar from Radio Del Mundo, to his cousin, Rajiv Gavaskar:

"Pick up to my Cousin, Rajiiiv, driving a cab right now in Shoreside Vale!

 

Rajiv has a message of hope.

 

He hopes people can lose a bit of weight as you're ruining the suspension in his cab!"

Edited April 14 by f1d112000

[Coltrane Crowley]

On 7/3/2017 at 3:18 PM, Evil empire said:

CJ: Toreno?
Toreno: - Carl, learn to fly.
CJ: I'm on it man, I swear.
Toreno: Yeah, I'm on it man I swear, same old broken record Carl, but that's fine, because your brother's getting a new cell mate tonight. Horse Cock Harry. And I'm sending a present, little wedding present. Big tube of lube!
CJ: sh*t dude, ok, ok, I swear man, I'm gonna be the best pilot!
Toreno: I'd love to hear you Carl, I can't hear you, all I can hear is your brother's love cries, as eight kilometers of cock finds its way up his ass. Aooooowww - that's your brother, ok? No big problem.
CJ: Wait! Please, man!
Toreno: That was my last motivational speech, understand? Am I being too spiritual for you, Carl?
CJ: Ok man, I get the message.

 

 

I know it's low level but I find it hilarious anyway.

It's most iconic manipulation in whole gta sa. And maybe it's last his attempt to motivate Carl to begins the flight lessons