GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[Y Λ N K X V]

What, you mean he likes to consult Professor Hans Jerkov, spanking the monkey, burp the worm?

-

Sweet

I'll give up the water, if you give up being a busta!

-

Ryder

[Meshy]

i want a new fence

[Cell Tennyson]

You been rollin around with PIGS or something?

Did someone die in your mouth?

That Haircut is out Mr.

That Tatto isn't finished right?

You've been marked by the devils!!

[HackerDetected]

Ped: Go screw yourself.

[Cell Tennyson]

Aztecas Annoying CJ :- Were you at grove street hiding again??

Ballas Annoying CJ :- Grove Street mama suck my D**k!!

Traids - F**khead!!

[lrg]

My personal favourite goes to.

Officer Tenpenny to CJ:

Carl, you motherf*cking piece of sh*t gangbanging cocksucker!

[Osho]

Ken Rosenberg: Hey, just like old times, huh, Tommy?

Carl Johnson: Who the f*** is Tommy?

............

Carl Johnson: Can you shoot?

The Truth: Kid, I'm a hippie. The only thing I've shot is acid. I did see a guy snort it once though. Thought his nose was a kangaroo and the moon was a dog!

..........

Catalina: Are you going to fight for my love?

Carl Johnson: No. I can take rejection.

..........

Carl Johnson: Oh sh*t! Where you get this?

Cesar: Same place I got my pants, homes. This is America, man!

..........

Cop: I'm gonna kick your ass, and then I'm gonna f*** it!

...........

Big Smoke: C'mon. Let's bounce.

...........

Carl Johnson: Does the Pope sh*t in the woods?

Cesar: Why you always saying that? I already told you. Where the holiness does his business, is his business.

[Raj The Rager]

Where you from homeboy?

[maoffense01]

"Hey,CJ! Yo~ mama!"

[SmokesWithCigs]

"hey homie what team you on?- balla gang member when aproaching cj.

 

"we just wanne be friends" balla gang when running away from them on foot.

 

"not exactly premium liqour"- random families member comment.

 

"grove wears snitch jackets"- randdom ballas comment

 

"ballas gonna cry to mom" - grove member when confronting ballas

 

"what is this a snail safar?"- grove member when driving too slow

 

"you been drawing on your self cj?"- grove members negative comment about cj's tatoos.

[GTA-Biker]

Families

Suck on my nine,Ballas-GSF member in basketball jersey

I ain´t your bitch,bitch-GSF member with dreadlocks

Am I smoking your front lawn,homie?-fat GSF member

Glad it ain´t my ride-fat GSF member

Aztecas

We won´t hurt you,we´ll just kill you-Aztecas member with a black shirt

Bikers (if you count them as a gang)

I need speed,cause I´m on it-blonde biker gang member

Who did your inkwork,your little sister?-biker gang member with sunglasses

I need to make a getaway,move!-biker gang member with sunglasses

[The Ghost 206]

This is some soggy indo - gsf in the b ball Jersey

 

OG coming through OG coming through - balla with the shades and beanie

 

Grove street moma suck my di*k - balla with the beanie and shades again

 

You fly catcher - vago. Im guessing thats what they use to call families back then

[Big_Smiley]

Favorite quotes from Gsf:

 

-Take it like a woman! -Fam3

-Am invisible over here?!

-Damn look at her!

-It's on Vagos!

-Go back to your filthy barrois!

-Crazy motherfu***!

-Fuc*** lunatic tryed to hit me!

 

-Family reunion homie!! -Fat Gsf (Tarnell)

-I need a bitch like that in my family.

-I like to jump in yo trunk!

-You nearly finished that man damn!

-Busta you can't see me!

-Family violence Gyeah!

-Family baby!

 

-Bar hoes! -Gsf with braided hair (Troy)

-Vato fools!

-Cover me! Cover me!

-Am gonna tear your little tiny heart out!

-Ay CJ i taste yo spit.

-This some good indo.

-Right over here baby!

-Say baby it's me and you!

-Ay baby park right over here!

Edited October 29, 2015 by GTA_The_Series

[Jeansowaty]

OPEN YO EYEZ CJ! - Family dude with Dreads

Me and you, head up! - same as above.

Nice piece of hoochie-ass! - Fam dude with jersey and cap.

[LittleWeasel]

Post here some funny quotes you've heard coming from gang members or some other ped.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbHnIZqxYJw

[thisdjjdasiaa]

hahaha

 

"that might be illegal cj" XD

[#Raptor]

Sup Yall!

 

I am a former pc SA Player And now i switched to android...

 

so today i went to place where barbara's police station picked her up and went did up the usuals and then engaged into wanted mode!

 

seeing that i was having a police rancher chasing me i was running for dear life...

and then i hit up a wall and CJ Fell down! Cops Came Busted Cj And They Had A Conversation while the busted screen came -

 

COP - HA! NOW YOU ARE GONNA SIT UP IN PRISON!

CJ - WATCH YOU RAN OUTTA DOUGHNUTS???!!!

 

This line was so epic , that whenever i think about i laugh still my stomach hurts!

 

-Cheers!

[#Raptor]

Sup Yall!

 

I am a former pc SA Player And now i switched to android...

 

so today i went to place where barbara's police station picked her up and went did up the usuals and then engaged into wanted mode!

 

seeing that i was having a police rancher chasing me i was running for dear life...

and then i hit up a wall and CJ Fell down! Cops Came Busted Cj And They Had A Conversation while the busted screen came -

 

COP - HA! NOW YOU ARE GONNA SIT UP IN PRISON!

CJ - WATCH YOU RAN OUTTA DOUGHNUTS???!!!

 

This line was so epic , that whenever i think about i laugh still my stomach hurts!

 

-Cheers!

[TimMiller]

This game is full of funny quotes. The entire game is just a huge parody, people talk funny sh*t all the time. You can search about police quotes or ped quotes from GTA SanAndreas on Youtube, You will be amazed how creative the voice actors were.

[Nikad]

So.. Yeah i am using Comic Sans. What's wrong? want me to.. ahem.. Where was i? Oh, anyways, so, here should be a list of funniest quotes from any character in San Andreas. I think i explained what there is to explain.
My own:
(CJ) Whatever you say bitch
(CJ(To denise)) Hey bitch, im your bitch.
What are yours? Share them with us!

 

[Megumi]

Keep up, motherf*cker!

[Batfleck]

The funniest thing in San Andreas has to be the Balla member in Tagging Up Turf when you go to tag the wall and he just says ''What da f*ck?'' it's the way he says it, it's so hilarious, that had me rolling for about 5 minutes.

[ChumCrumpet]

I hope this counts, cus he is a gang member!

 

In the mission "Sweet's Girl" after you killed the Seville boys and pick him up, some cars emerge from the parking area and Sweet just yells "SEVILLE FAMILY ON OUR CASE, NIGGUH!"

 

It always sounded real funny.

[Dementia]

Little 'G Ghost:

 

"My homie was set up!"

"Man, I loove this city!"

"Ain't no place like Glen Park in the summer time, huh?"

"Go ahead, pull the damn trigger"

"Man, got a chicken up his ass"

"Northside, go f*ck yourself"

"Deal with these GSF'es!"

"This ain't even my car, man!"

"Yo, this is my Momma's car, man!"

"Yo, man, this ain't my gat!"

"Grove Street mama suck my dick!"

"Grove Street - are sleepin', man!"

"Cholo's like a Grove OG to me"

"Screw you, CJ!"

"Damn C.R.A.S.H always 'round the 'hood"

"Little 'G Ghost!"

 

 

 

Rusty Brown doughnut eating gangster:

 

"I'm a Rusty Brown doughnut eating gangster!"

 

Edited September 20, 2016 by Still Madd

[TJ10]

EDIT: << merged into existing topic >>
The best convos, lines and dialogues in the game

My favorite is...

Pucnh you in da face, a gun in my waist...
It's O.G Loc baby, O.G Loc...

One more...

Did you buy your licsence?

Edited May 16, 2017 by lil weasel

[DeeAy]

"All we had to do, was follow the damn train, CJ" - Melvin "Big Smoke" Harris, 1992

Edited May 16, 2017 by DeeAy

[Gion]

Any quote from that homie with the black cap and basketball shirt, like:

"Oh man we're on fire!"

"We are stuck in the burning bucket!"

"Man, we are hot dude"

"Who's the dirty dog?"

"Hey what's happening?"

"Maaan, what a bucket"

[Femme Fatale]

"I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda."

- Big Smoke

[kaetsyth]

"I've seen some idiots in my life, but you're special." - CJ

[Evil empire]

"If you keep disrespecting me I'm going to severe your balls and make you eat them in a kebab Carl"

 

or something like this

 

Catalina to Carl Johnson