GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[SuperGTFan]

Toreno: it's amazing

Cj: what's up now toreno

Toreno: this history, it's all lies ,it's says Hitler killed himself and then we nuked Japan, and people believe this sh*t. jesus

Well it makes them sleep better at night , I geuss .

[GTA-Biker]

I love the random ped quotes in GTA SA,especially the bikers (I only found quotes from one of them,can´t find the other two on youtube):

 

[Spadge]

Random car Driver during traffic jams caused by you : 'You're like my asshole, always Holding up sh*t'.

 

And also the Truth's 'Prank caller, prank caller !'

 

There are certainly some much funnier ones, but I can't recall 'em, has been to Long.

[PhillBellic]

"Them White boys had me on Crystal Meth!"

[buginafug]

Orange 12 guy: "Don't you know what road rage is?" My favorite line from him. Also the old black guy who says, "Get off the road, I want to take a piss!" R* quality at its finest.

[Herbanov]

"We can sh*t on you from such a height you'll think God himself has crapped on you."

-Officer Tenpenny

[lastmanonearth]

Busta, straight busta! - Ryder

[Mintal]

San Fierro Cop: "I'm gonna kick your ass, and then I'm gonna f*ck it!"

[Haha365]

[Non Funkable Token]

"I like sexy cartoons" (some Mexican guy)

 

"I want my drink and I want it noooowwwwww!" (old Mexican lady at the casino)

 

"Are you triyng to seduce me?" (old guy at the casino, when CJ walks around him)

 

"Here it comes! (loud fart)" (some peds in LV, specially at the casino)

 

 

The casinos are like gold mines to hear funny quotes.

Edited April 29, 2015 by Perez84

[housedeep]

''At least you got jacked by a pro''

 

CJ

[Son of Zeus]

"Hey baby, without you there is no Carl Johnson"

 

*5 seconds later*

 

"Damn, where's that stupid bitch?"

[Craig Evans]

*CJ drives around in a Cabbie!*

Asian office worker says, "You might as well take that awful claptrap to a scrap yard!

CJ says, "Leave me the hell alone! Bitch!"

Asian office worker says, "Screw you too!"

 

*CJ drives around in the same Cabbie, which is smoking black smoke by now!*

African car thief in blue tshirt says, "That piece of sh*t looks like it's gonna blow up!"

CJ says, "Screw you asshole!"

*African car thief in blue tshirt shoots me dead and the Cabbie blows up!*

African car thief in blue tshirt says, "Another 1-8-7! HA! HA!"

Edited April 4, 2017 by Craig Evans

[SuperGTFan]

" Ah SH*T ! , here we go again ... "

 

 

 

Carl Johnson debut ....

Edited May 1, 2015 by SuperGTFan

[TheClutch]

Big Smoke:All you had to do was follow the damn train CJ!

 

Don't know if anyone said this yet.I'm to lazy to go through 58 pages.

Edited May 2, 2015 by TheClutch

[Platypus Chairlines]

CJ's quotes are hilarious

''Does anybody in this state drive?'' (When he hit someone's car)
''Amazing! A talking dog!'' (When he replies someone in the street negatively)
''Get the army I'm a f*cking maniac!'' (When is running around in 5-6 stars)
''I'm gonna eat you fool!'' (When he is fat and punch somebody)
''C'mon and get me asshole!'' (When he is wanted in 5-6 stars)
''I'm too fat to walk, bitch!'' (When he is fat and jacks a car)

Edited May 3, 2015 by pavulabreaker

[JoeBlobs]

 

"I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda."

 

— Big Smoke

 

[SuperGTFan]

" B*TCHES " !

 

CJ when fighting the police

 

 

" Oh , look at that , A GUN ! "

 

CJ when aiming at someone .

[lastmanonearth]

OG Loc: "I`ll roll with you, and on the way, I`ll kick a couple of freestyles. It`s OG Loc in the place, y`all want to stop me with a gun in yo face! OG OG..."

CJ: "Yeah yeah yeah yeah man SHUT THE f*ck UP!" ROFL

 

And with a girl in the car: "Uhhhh... huh." and "This is so interesting, I`m just gonna listen." LOL

 

Also I was amazed by the way the pedestrians will tell you "Happy New Year!" when it`s January. That was totally unexpected.

Edited May 5, 2015 by lastmanonearth

[TheGXL]

You smell like a sh*t sir!

[SuperGTFan]

" Gimme 15 motherf*cker ! "

 

Big Smoke

[gangster2332]

"The yay leaving San Fierro, right?"

"Right, but they're using bikes CJ. And they go cross country"

"Not right now, i gotta check into sone sh*t"

 

that stuupid phone call anoys me very often

[This_Is_A_Profile]

Catalina: HAND OVER THE TAKING OR I'LL BLOW YOUR f*ckING BALLS OFF!!!

 

Store Owner: This here's bulletproof glass! So you can just f*ck off bitch, before I call the Sheriff!

 

Derek: What are you doing, son? Just give her the cash!

 

Catalina: Suit yourself: MARICON!!!!

[earnreward34]

I have heard an old man and the police helicopter, that they said.

 

Old man. : "Get ready for an ass-whooping!" "You've got your ass to kick!"

 

Police helicopter. : "I see her! She's beautiful! He's over there, he's a guy!" Are my favorite.

[Osho]

CJ: Whattup?

The Truth: Hey, Carl. Dude, now, I got that little mwah mwah you were after. But, be careful man. People are listening to us. I got a little green village up in the hills, come and get it. Whoa man, I don't know you! I don't know you! Prank caller! Prank caller!

...

CJ: That mute asshole! That f*cking snake without a tongue! Gave me this sh*t-hole instead of a pink slip?

[SuperGTFan]

" Gimme fifteen motherf*cker ! "

 

Melvin Harris

[Haha365]

CJ: Whattup?

The Truth: Hey, Carl. Dude, now, I got that little mwah mwah you were after. But, be careful man. People are listening to us. I got a little green village up in the hills, come and get it. Whoa man, I don't know you! I don't know you! Prank caller! Prank caller!

 

LOL yes!

 

[S K E L]

Police Helicopter : "Shoot that asshole!! I'm trying! I'm trying!"

"Hey if I kill 'em, do I get a medal? You get two!"

"We're the police, you moron, we've got helicopters!"

[Osho]

 

Frank Tenpenny- Officer Pulaski thinks you're trying to screw with us, Carl. Now you get this straight. We own you. You're ours. We can sh*t on you from such a height you'll think God himself has crapped on you. You understand? Eddie Pulaski- He better f*cking understand.

[PhillBellic]

"Do you shower in Doo Doo?"

"I enjoy the warm embrace of a grown man."

"You spent clothes money on crack, huh?"

"Listen to this *flatulence*."

 

Random pedestrians insulting a CJ.