GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[HoleInTheSky]

While CJ loots a corpse: "it's going to a good cause - me!"

[Guest]

It's my constitutional right bitch!

"I'm a motherf*cking genius!" -Ryder, 2006

[PhillBellic]

"This should help keep my belly full". An obese CJ, taking money from a dead body.

[babo]

lol how many times have I heard CJ screaming "I hate gravity!!"

[Platypus Chairlines]

You think you can roll this van without killing us both?

-Ryder

Edited January 19, 2015 by pavulabreaker

[Deus Ex]

Cars can't fly bitch!!!

Spoken by Grove Steen gang member. It was so funny when i first time heard it, those little details...

[HeroBrineR007]

CJ - Toreno?

Toreno - Carl, learn to fly.

CJ - I'm on it man, I swear.

Toreno - Yeah, I'm on it man I swear, same old broken record Carl, but that's fine, because your brother's getting a new cell mate tonight. Horse Cock Harry. And I'm sending a present, little wedding present. Big tube of lube!

CJ - sh*t dude, ok, ok, I swear man, I'm gonna be the best pilot!

Toreno - I'd love to hear you Carl, I can't hear you, all I can hear is your brother's love cries, as eight kilometers of cock finds its way up his ass. Aooooowww - that's your brother, ok? No big problem.

CJ - Wait! Please, man!

Toreno - That was my last motivational speech, understand? Am I being too spiritual for you, Carl?

CJ - Ok man, I get the message.

[ROCKSTAR MANIC]

African Cab driver: "Move!! I gotta take a sh*t!!".

[JeffersonCJ]

''Grove Street. Home. At least it was before I f*cked everything up.''

[VY C M]

Smell my finger

[Luna 51]

Smell my finger

LOL, I remember one time back in 2008 or 2009 maybe 2010, my friend and I was playing and he stole a taxi, and we heard that.

[CytiseChromatique]

"I don't know yet."

 

[t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m]

"Mr. Truth here is going to be supplying you with some of the finest - *hits bong* - ...weed, and you.. are gonna deliver it.. for us."

Edited February 4, 2015 by Yolo Swaggins

[JoshuaMethven1]

Ryder's last words before he dies - "I'm a mother f*ckin' GENIOUS!"

[PhillBellic]

"What do I look like. Swiss Cheese!" An obese CJ's battle cry.

[Cell Tennyson]

"No Wonder you all alone Bitch!"

"No wonder your boyfriend sleeps around!"

"No wonder you ain't got a man bitch!"

"Yeah and you make babies cry when they see your face!"

"At least people don't get confused about my species!"

 

These are some of the funniest quotes of CJ buddies!!

[Marty McFly]

CJ often talks to himself if you let him stand for a long time, one of the things he says:

 

 

Warm it up, Kane, warm it up, CJ, warm it up, Kane.

 

Also, I think it's when you steal a car:

 

Ain't that a surprise: I got a gun!

[Rose.Quartz]

Maccer saying "But I'm a f**king raspberry!"

[Korpi]

"Oh, is on now little, man." "Is on now."

- angry ped after carjacking him

[poland stronk]

The dude in orange twelve:

 

I smoke cuz it gives me knowledge.

 

But seriously, there are three I won't forget:

 

Grove Street, Home. At least it was before I f*cked everything up.

 

See you 'round... Officer.

Tenpenny says that before throwing out CJ from his car in the start. CJ says it back in the end.

 

 

Carl, you mothaf*cka' piece of sh*t, gangbangin' cock-sucka'!

I just laugh everytime in that mission from this.

[PhantomGhost197]

When you fail "Wrong Side Of The Tracks" ...

 

"CJ! ALL YOU HAD TO DO ... WAS FOLLOW THE DAMN TRAIN!" -Big Smoke

[Dingleman]

Hood girl: Damn, Loc, you musky as hell!

CJ: Wow, that's amazing! A talking dog.

 

Then she got mad and wanted to fight

Just had this happen to me. The way Maylay delivers that line is just perfect, haha.

[AgentDimus]

"Man, if you can eat your food, while everyone else is losing theirs and blaming you.... you straight homie" El Grando Smokio

[Non Funkable Token]

I was doing the Green Sabre mission, and after the first cutscene (when the truth is revealed), CJ started to sing "you dropped a bomb on me", a song from Bounce FM.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntLHXjy097I&index=17&list=PL_3elvb3mt2Wd8YUloFsmoHnWWxVYL2Hl

 

Awkward, hilarious...... Simply marvelous

Edited March 19, 2015 by Perez84

[vengeancehawk]

"You like my asshole, always holding up sh*t!"

[Nanda_]

"Let's end your family tree right now!"

"If you smile, I'm gonna shoot you!"

"You don't need a trial, you son of a b*tch!"

"Don't make me waste bullets on you!"

- LSPD officers after taking down a criminal.

 

"All I gotta do, is pull the trigger!"

- An LSPD officer when attacking a criminal.

 

"Got you, honey!"

- A gay SFPD officer as he arrests CJ.

[Pedinhuh]

SF Cop chasing CJ on foot: "Somebody call 911...Oh wait, nevermind!"

[SmokesWithCigs]

Any insult hurled towards cj from a ped is funny to me.

 

"Do you shower in do doo?

You musty as hell loc.

Did somebody draw on you?

I can't even fademyour funk!'

I was doing the Green Sabre mission, and after the first cutscene (when the truth is revealed), CJ started to sing "you dropped a bomb on me", a song from Bounce FM.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntLHXjy097I&index=17&list=PL_3elvb3mt2Wd8YUloFsmoHnWWxVYL2Hl

 

Awkward, hilarious...... Simply marvelous

Yeah he does that when you are idle for a few minutes. Its like the old sonic the hedgehog game when he does that I'm waiting animation.

Carl when insulted by a homie or led.

 

Run tell daddy bitch!

 

Why don't you join the line to bang your mama.

[BabeStevens]

"You like my asshole, always holding up sh*t!"

Yes. Yes. Yes hahahahahahahaah

 

There are some absolutely classic lines in S.A. Whether its memorable mission lines or pedestrian one liners!

Such as when CJ is getting chased by police:

 

Police Helicopter Pilot 1: Stop! Police!

Police Helicopter Pilot 2: I think he knows that by now!

 

Police Helicopter Pilot 1: This is aerial support...

Police Helicopter Pilot 2: Yeah, I think he knows that by now!

 

Police Helicopter Pilot 1: Hey, I can see my house from here!

Police Helicopter Pilot 2: Will you shut the f*ck up?

yeah it's my favourite, too

 

<< You do not need to post a quote to show appreciation. Use the "LIKE THIS" feature instead. {lw >>

 

Yeah when you want to get your criminal stats up, they say that sh*t and it's giggles for life.

[Big_Smiley]

CJ: (When crashes car) how they let you drive without a lincence?

Edited April 29, 2015 by GTA_The_Series