GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[dallasdawg]

 

the people in the helicopter are funny

like when they say

 

''i can see my house up here''

also

''man1- why do i have to shoot

man2 - coz im driving!''

 

when the cop says im gonna get laid

Yea the police in the helicopter kill me........they be like "If i kill him do I get a medal ?? " The Second cop replies ,"YOU GET TWO !!!!"

 

and then when i jump in the water they be yellin " WE got an idiot in the water" lmao you cant hide from that heli.

[GTANUT86]

This one I found in Las Venturas while playing Basketball

 

Man Farting

 

MAN: Oh no here it comes,- faaaaaaaaaart

 

MAN- faaaaaaaaaaart, oops I'm sorry. not really

 

MAN- faaaaart- OOH MY ARSE IS STINKY

 

perhaps not as funny as the rest but hey Its the best i found so far

[Scriptkiddie]

Look mom I'm playing with myself!!!!

I wonder if dad still does it!!

 

[luminous piss]

"Look, I appreciate your input and everything, but f*ck off." - CJ, Casino Missions

 

I just found that funny.

 

Also, the police in the helicopter;

 

(Police on the ground) "You're surrounded!"

(Police in Helicopter) "I think he knows that."

Edited November 19, 2004 by GunnerBrian

[Tkcatch]

The mission where I think Ryder's Driving and you're shooting When the cop jumps on the hood of the car, I love the way CJ say "Whoa look at that"

 

The Cops in the helicopter. "HE's over there, HE's a guy!"

 

and

 

Cluckin Bell "It's only 90% guano"(bat sh*t)

[karsten]

I got three

 

Jethro: Do Polar Bears sh*t in the wood?

Truth: No, but they've been known to sh*t in the liqour tent.

 

on WCTR:

Caller: I can't my melons to grow. My neighbour has got huge melons, and everybody's like all over them, like, ooh they're so big!

Maurice: OOOOH! I would love to see your melons.

 

The cough sirup commercial:

Kid: Look, I got medicin like my dad! *drops down to the floor*

Woman: OMG! He's barely breathing.

Man: No! That's just the medicin working its magic.

 

classics....

[Seville Blvd]

 

I got three

 

Jethro: Do Polar Bears sh*t in the wood?

Truth: No, but they've been known to sh*t in the liqour tent.

 

on WCTR:

Caller: I can't my melons to grow. My neighbour has got huge melons, and everybody's like all over them, like, ooh they're so big!

Maurice: OOOOH! I would love to see your melons.

 

The cough sirup commercial:

Kid: Look, I got medicin like my dad! *drops down to the floor*

Woman: OMG! He's barely breathing.

Man: No! That's just the medicin working its magic.

 

classics....

 

Haha, that medicine commercial is one of the greatest. Towards the end of it...

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm yo' wife fool!"

[PhydeauxOne]

Ok. I was just running around grove st and smacked a car with a baseball bat. When the guy got out of the car, i swear i heard him say, "I looove squash." Maybe i misheard something, but that cracked me up

 

 

[bubu]

I don't know if this was posted yet because I didn't read the whole thread but I heard one Ped say "Steroids make your dick do what?"lol

[Mugen]

I love when that one radio los santos commerical hits, with all the callers and stuff in it... Then there's that one person...

 

"This is MC sh*tHEAD!" That sh*t makes me crack up everytime..

[Enzyte]

@ MC sh*t head

 

When cutting off his parachuet in mid fall "I don't need this sh*t!"

 

Also

 

"It takes 35 minutes for police to get to your house.

By that time a guy can have his way with your wife. smoke a cigerette then go for seconds"

------------

VC: This knife killed 25,000 people in cambodia, now you can to!

Edited November 20, 2004 by Enzyte

[timmy2004]

"I know all the public bathrooms in the city"

 

Radio news:

News Lady: A local man living in Bone Country claims to have seen strange lights across the desert.

Local Man: I saw some strange lights across the desert..... Yep, I did!

News Lady: So far we have no more information at this time.

 

WTF was the point of saying that in the news then!?!?

Edited November 21, 2004 by timmy2004

[homer908]

on the one mission when your in the car with the homies

 

smoke: to the left to the left

 

cj:wich left? mine our yours?

 

smoke:i dont know kill all the mo f*ckus'!

[GTA3leading man]

Ped after you steal his car- theres manure in the glove compartment

ped- sir you smell like sh*t

[Mugen]

"Have you ever f*cked a cat in the anus?"

[bubba ninja]

the amu-nation guy sayin "works well in crowded areas"

 

and peds sayin "i smoke cuz it gives me knowledge!"

[timmy2004]

Maurice: You people are like little bastard dandylions!

Maurice: You sound like a young teenage girl with two pussys!

[Blockhead]

Best quotes:

 

Ammunation Ad - 'God I sound like hot sh*t on that commerical!'

 

Ammunation Ad - 'Win a genuine anti aircraft gun from when we wooped ausrtalia's ass!'

 

Ped - 'Underwear is overated'

[fat_mutha_focker]

My fav is one from a radio station DJ (can't emember which one!) he said "There are two kinds of people in this world, people who like me, and people who can go to hell!"

[MadeInThe80s]

Triad: Holy dragon sh*t!

 

(these quotes below are from memory and aren't exact)

Have you ever jumped before?

Nope.

When we land we're gonna feel INVINCIBLE!

 

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

WAHOOOOOOOOOO!

YAAAAAAAAOOWWW!

 

Toreno: Fat vulture to drowning baby.

 

Toreno: I gotta go, I'm too hip, see ya!

 

Kent Paul: They were man-tits, he was a roadie!

 

Smoke: Die little balla glass foo!

 

(After firing a whole clip into some bottles)

Smoke: I knew I was the chosen one!

 

CJ: Aww sh*t, check out Special Agent Big Smoke.

 

Triad goon: Boss, these chips...

 

Woozie: One's a fake.

 

CJ: That's amazing, how could you tell?

 

Woozie: Lucky guess, why else would he come in with two chips acting so worried?

[OGJoe]

Grove gangmember: "Trying to pump me - Dickhead!?"

[Tank2495]

Oh yeah, another great one. When you walk past the ghetto fab chicks near Grove St., they sometimes say:

 

"I go with guys and girls. So?"

 

 

[rootman]

 

the cop was chasing afyer me by foot and overheard him say and very slowly said it in a harsh tone "

cop: ill shoot you in the groin.

 

notice when he says groin he emphasise it slow n low ands real angrylike that got me laughing.

 

also in one of the woozie missions there's this big old chinese guy whose only way of communicating is a grunt and sum moans that was far out

 

cant rememba what was said but when woozie and the otha asian guy turn to him for his thoughts he would just *grunts nothing more.

 

the ballas are wack whenever i walk or go near them they would just spit out this:

 

grove street can suck my dick

 

then i pulled my pistol out and targeted at their heads up close and i didnt shoot them but had them run their asses off. they just ran off like lil bitches lol/.

 

works every time, every balla bitch will run when a gun is pointed at them.

 

[Dan_1983]

In San Fierro i ran into some mans car and he said: I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE.

I laughed at that for ages lol.

[Dan_1983]

Ballas are a bunch of pussies.

 

I think what they say is'Grove Street mothers can suck my dick'

 

One of them on their own said to me'im a Balla what are you' and CJ replies by saying OGF mother f*cker and then i beat the crap out of him.

[bubba ninja]

My fav is one from a radio station DJ (can't emember which one!) he said "There are two kinds of people in this world, people who like me, and people who can go to hell!"

 

that was K-DST the dust, "ashes to ashes, dust to dust"

 

i like it when he says:

"i sang that song on the way to put my wife down...JUST KIDDING, SHE SURVIVED, OK!?"

"wow, its not every day you hear that song... well actually, yah it is"(radio station repeats every hour)

"I just got a new paint job on my sports car... no, just kidding, it got repossessed and i left seafood in the trunk"

[Slamman]

I always have the feeling at sites like this, someone, or everyone has heard this, maybe...but last night I heard two I haven't myself, before.

 

After causing yet another amazing pile of burning rubble on the freeway, strewn with dead bodies... A new car and ped get out having been blocked by my meyham, and looks down at the burnt hulks, saying "Damn, I missed all the fun!" Man, that had me laughing HARD! That's about the best gem thus far!

Up towards the tennis club and Rodeo, a women ped offers up; "If I see one more warted wiener..."

Bill

[maccer]

Paul, "Where's the rest of the band"

Maccer - "I don't f*cking know do i"

 

Maccer - "Ive decided to get breast implants"

 

Paul towards Maccer - "Will you stop touching yourself"

 

Maccer to Paul when Paul is sick:

Paul - "I think im gonna hurl"

Maccer - "think of spoiling rotten eggs"

Paul - "Oh God pull over !"

 

When Maccer is whacking off ad paul tries to get him to stop and says the name ........ can't remember but she is ugly im assuming.... and Maccer is like "Ohhhh (name)"

 

and when OG Loc tells Lazlow something along the lines of "You a punk-bitch-busta-foo" and Lazlow is like "I didn't understand what you said...put the gun away"

[Ticktock]

on gta3 when a vet calls into chatterbox and is talking about austrailian american war and says "They used to wire kangaroo's with bombs they come hoppin into camp and took out ten guys."

[DualSawnoff]

 

When Maccer is whacking off ad paul tries to get him to stop and says the name ........ can't remember but she is ugly im assuming.... and Maccer is like "Ohhhh (name)"

 

Thatcher. She was the Prime Minister of Britain in 1992 at the time, and if you ever saw her...well, euch!