GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[GTASA_passer]

I couldn't remember who said this one, but this is what was said

 

"Ahh you tw*t, right in the f*ck*ng happy sack!"

It was was Maccer, when Salvatore stabbed him in the balls with a knife

[gtamodder]

Guy in Clucking bell:

 

"Cluckity f*ck"

[Bullet_Chris]

Gameplay

CJ:Did you steal your licence?(after being hit or hitting a/by a car)

Bullsh*t!(after jumping out of a plane without a parachute)

You want me to shoot you as well?!(pointing a gun at a ped)

Don't take this personal, but you're getting jacked!(after jacking a car)

I hope you got heart(pointing a gun)

Ok bitch I'm your bitch. - or something like that(CJ to Denise)

 

Peds and others:You look half dead, holmes!(after bumping a ped)

I can make this look like a suicide!(SF cop)

I'm flatered, now get lost!(ped being carjacked)

 

 

Missions:...CJ:One more thing, you do know that I'm black not chinese?!

Woo-Zie:I'm blind not stupid, Carl!...

 

CJ:You gotta give up the sticks, Ryder!

Ryder:What?I'll give up the water if you give up being a buster.

CJ:Hold it right there...

Ryder:Buster...?

CJ:Forget it!

Ryder:Forget you fool!...

 

 

Ryder:...one time came and raided the spot, we ain't got sh*t now!

CJ:What are you gonna do if ballas roll through?Trow shoes at them?....

 

 

 

Signs and others:

Violators will be shot, survivors will be shot again!(sign on the K.F.C.C. front gate)

 

 

more to come...

[gtamodder]

Another one:

 

When the police says:

 

"You're surrounded!"

 

[Stefan.]

 

Cop: "First I'm gonna bust your ass, then I'm gonna rape it."

[OG Viking]

 

Caller on WCTR: "Masticating vigorously."

What means that? Is it same as energetic chewing? Why is that fun?

[!!GC!!]

Signs and others:

Violators will be shot, survivors will be shot again!(sign on the K.F.C.C. front gate)

This is also one of very many signs at the entrance to Truths farm. There are a few others that i have forgotten which is strange cos i visited there yesterday.

[Bullet_Chris]

Signs and others:

Violators will be shot, survivors will be shot again!(sign on the K.F.C.C. front gate)

This is also one of very many signs at the entrance to Truths farm. There are a few others that i have forgotten which is strange cos i visited there yesterday.

I know a funny one from VC:

 

Screw this! - (written on the Tools shop's window)

[radicell]

CJ: (when stealing a bike) Didn't somebody tell you biking was dangerous?

[lazy34]

Caller on WCTR: "Masticating vigorously."

What means that? Is it same as energetic chewing? Why is that fun?

The DJ thought he said something else

[galaxyOG]

I think it's been mentioned before, but it's funny when Sweet and CJ have that conversation about masturbation and Maccer, on the way home during 'Riot'. I can't remember the exact dialogue, but it sure as hell was funny.

Sweet must have had too much in prison.

[lastikboy95]

some things i heard:

 

1. police chopper guys "shes cute, shes over there" "its a guy!"

2. radio caller "running isnt a sport anybody can run! ooohh i have a gun wanna fight?!"

[OG Viking]

 

1. police chopper guys "shes cute, shes over there" "its a guy!"

 

Is that really what he say? I thought it was ".......he's over there, it's our guy"

 

 

[Exfernis]

(Playing cards)

CJ: What you got?

Woozie: I don't know, you tell me.

[Owen1993]

When Ryder says to Big Smoke at the end of the "Drive Thru" mission.

 

"You chubby muthaf*cker!"

and

"Say what Smoke? All you managed to do was eat all my damn food!"

[lazy34]

1. police chopper guys "shes cute, shes over there" "its a guy!"

 

Is that really what he say? I thought it was ".......he's over there, it's our guy"

-"I see her, she's beautiful!"

-"HE'S over there! He's a guy!"

[partylikeaR*]

1."when I find that chiwawa Iam gona kill it!"

2."that essay put dust in my weed!"

3."I smoke weed cause it gives me knowledge!"

there all by the same ped!!!

[gtamodder]

 

Ryder: "Man that sh*t was tight!"

[Protonkid]

Heard on PS2 when I bumped someone

 

CJ: Ah, now that ain't right!

 

Or I like it when Sweet says

 

Sweet: Tenpenny, you, motherf*cking piece of sh*t!

 

Ryder: Man, that sh*t was tight!

CJ: Tight?! Man, that sh*t was sh*t!

That proves that quotes here are duplicate. I am sure someone posted these millions times before us.

[ins4n3]

TT:"Ok,do you know what a sub-dermal neurophone is?"

CJ:"A what?"

TT:"Right..."

 

 

Imagine a pink golfball.Think of a yellow rubber-duck.

[Wanted Assailant]

Ryder: Man, that sh*t was tight!

CJ: Tight?! Man, that sh*t was sh*t!

[lazy34]

Helena: "Carl, you must think I'm a bitch"

CJ: "Uh-huh. Yeah."

 

Cluckin' Bell guy: "It's all processed chicken ass"

 

Ped: "Do you like Japanese school girls?"

 

CJ to police: "Give up. Pretend I outran you."

 

Ped to CJ: "Who farted?"

CJ: "Go f*ck yourself. It's all you'll ever get."

[!!GC!!]

TT:"Ok,do you know what a sub-dermal neurophone is?"

CJ:"A what?"

TT:"Right..."

Close, but Truth says "Exactly..." instead of "Right".

 

Millie: Airplane food makes you fart.

CJ:(unenthusiastically) Cooool.

[Steve Crook]

Standing on the roof of the garage in SF, sniping a few people and getting 1 star.

The cop wandering around underneath can't even see me so doesn't bother to shoot. He just calls out a few things, one of which is "I'm on yer ass daisy"

 

"Daisy"?

That really sounds intimidating

 

Steve

 

[gtamodder]

OG Loc: You punk-ass bitch, punk-ass busta fool!

[Minitrini]

Best quote ever [probably mentioned already], when you stand in front of cars, one guy says 'You're like my asshole always holding up sh*t". xxD

 

 

And on the radio, there's a commercial for cough medicine and the guy's coughing and his wife's like 'sounds like you have a bad cough', and he goes 'yeah? no sh*t."

[PeteDude]

The kid in a radio commercial says "You can't see me my invisibility cloak is on!"

 

I think it's so funny.

[Pending]

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Edited July 28, 2017 by Pending

[gtamodder]

CJ When you jack a car:

 

"I know it seems bad, but it could be worse!"

[Lil' Mike]

I was doing the casino heist mission, and walked into one of the Triads and he shouted "F*ckhead!". The way he said it just sounded so funny.