GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[MoiRiv]

in the coutryside when jacking this guys' motocycle:

 

"Damn! Make sure you check the oil every 50 miles!"

 

[pistolgrippump]

gardaning with maurice is the FUNNIEST thing on the game.lol were someone says to him "yo thanx for the help maurice" and he replys "anytime sailor"!!!!!!!!

[pistolgrippump]

police helicopter man 1 - " this is the police helicopter"

police helicopter man 2 - " i think he knows that by now"

[Rudde the Man]

Ammunation when you buy body armor:

-Good for killing, pure and simple

-Works well in the crouded area

[muppetmaster]

I wish I had a funny quote. My life would have so much more meaning.

Edited October 15, 2005 by muppetmaster

[Crooked_Cop]

Funniest ive heard:

 

Tenpenny: "We can take a sh*t on you from so high take you'll think God himself took a c*ap on you"

 

CluckinBell guy:"If you come back youre an idiot"

 

OG Loc:"I aint no ass technician biatch"

[MAD man]

Damn nigga... nice threads- Ped

(I was only wearing underwear at the time)

[Crooked_Cop]

Funniest ive heard:

 

Tenpenny: "We can take a sh*t on you from so high take you'll think God himself took a c*ap on you"

 

CluckinBell guy:"If you come back youre an idiot"

 

OG Loc:"I aint no ass technician biatch"

 

CJ: "Want some company" Smoke "Mothef*ckers"

[TheKingPin]

when u see an indian man he will sometimes fart then say "my ass is stinky"

[tagamaynila]

WCTR announcer: "I say, you say is heard only on WCTR. Be thankful.

 

I find the couple in that show quite funny.

[vcpd19]

The Best Quotes

 

During Madd Dogg's Rhymes:

 

"How could Reflections screw up so bad?! TANNER SUCKS ASS! -Guard playing Driv3r.

 

---------------

 

"Does the Pope sh*t in the woods?" -CJ

 

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"You do know I'm BLACK, not Asian?" -CJ

"I'm blind, not stupid." -Woozie

 

--------------

 

"Stop photographing woman and SHOOT the guy!" -Police Helicopter Pilot to Gunner

 

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"I've killed hundreds of pigs like you! I hope it takes you long to die!" -Catalina (To police)

 

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During 555-WE-TIP (SPOILER):

 

"Does he have anything in there?" -Cop holding the DA

"He's got all of Mexico in here!" -Cop looking in trunk

 

-------------

 

Walking around Grove Street wearing boxers:

 

"I see you been working out, CJ!" -Gang Member

 

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"GET OFF MY RIDGE! Vietcong BASTARDS!" -Colonel Fuhrberger while sleeping

 

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"As long as we have opposable thumbs, we will fight you!" -Zero during Air Raid

 

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Buying Body Armor:

 

"Great for killing: Pure and Simple" -Clerk

"Works well in a crowded area" -Clerk

 

------------

 

My favorite:

 

"Communism in Ohio! People sharing! Nobody buying stuff! That kind of bull..." -Mike Toreno during "Highjack" briefing.

Edited November 15, 2004 by vcpd19

[Aeon Spoke]

When Big Smoke's on WCTR talking about his background and says "I remember telling my mom that I wanted to be someone important when I grew up." He then proceeds to talk about his upbringing as an orphan....

 

Priceless........

[fox09]

Cesar to CJ: Hey you wanna make some money?

CJ: Does the pope sh*t in the woods?

Cesar:I dunno, what does that have to do with anything?

 

Later in game.....

 

 

Cesar to CJ: Hey, CJ you wanna race?

CJ: Does the pope sh*t in the woods?

Cesar:Why do you keeps asking me that? I told you i don't know.

 

 

 

 

In Ammu-Nation: "Ammu-Nation also welcomes the ladies! When someone whisles(SP?) at you, whisle(SP?) back with a high velocity rifle that will splatter his brains out all over the wall"

 

 

Ken Rosenberg: Any time a Mafia bullet will fly through my head and splatter my brains all over this wall, this beautifal wall..

[homer908]

i was following a ped and he said your like a diaper always on my ass and full of sh*t then cj said your right!!

Edited November 14, 2004 by homer908

[homer908]

sorry accident

Edited November 14, 2004 by homer908

[Shawn B.]

CJ, soon after walking into his house and not being controlled:

 

*Sings* "Express yourself! I'm from the Grove!"

 

-and-

 

"Neva gonna get it, neva gonna get it, BEOTCH!"

 

He also does beatbox and sings all kinds of other stuff. It is really random and pretty damn funny.

[E-dog-TPF-]

"Adam and Eve were Bruuther an Sisster"

 

"I'm an FBI.... Full Blooded Indian"

 

After walking up behind someone... "Is this Mating?"

Edited November 14, 2004 by E-dog-TPF-

[cbkilla]

My favorite line is

" I know all the public bathrooms in the city"

lol everytime i hear that one it cracks me up!

[[Exodus]]

Hahhaa, during that one mission where you have to take Ken Rosenburg to the meat factory, while your driving he goes off about how good of a team they are, and in one of the lines he goes good job TOMMY or something and CJ goes Who? Whos Tommy?

 

 

[NotTimAgain]

I just heard this in a ped conversation:

 

"You ever do a cat up the a--?"

"Yeah! It rocks!"

 

 

And on one of the missions with C-, I hit a ped and she said,"Oh! Hit another one! For meeeeeee."

[andyonaleash]

two of the best.

 

Toreno : Alright Carl, it's time to see what your made of.

CJ: What do you think i'm made of, Puddin!?

 

and

 

Guys up back: can you speak up?

CJ: I appriciate you being here, but please, F*CK OFF!

 

I laughed so hard i had to hear them both again to hear what my mission was about.

 

 

[Big_Smoke]

on RLS sum one sed hi im MC sh** head lol

[Phreakish]

Ammunation perma-ad : Landmines! The gift that keeps on giving.

[Grove St PIMP]

im not exactly sure how this goes but in the one monster mission CJ says :

1. (i forgot what he said)

2. (forgot what he said)

3. and WHO THE F**K ARE YOU????

lol its just how he said that

and

Ken Rosenberg: Just like old times huh tommy?

CJ: WHO THE F**K IS TOMMY?!?!

[ogf_ak]

Im suprised no one in here has posted :

 

cop chopper pilot : "Wow i can see my house from up here"

 

Co pilot : Shut up and just kill the guy.

 

also i overheard 2 ped's talking

 

- you heard about my company? (mechanic like guy)

 

- yea it SUCKS (foreman like guy)

 

- screw you !

 

- see ya, wouldnt wanna be ya.

 

- leave me alone

 

the way they said it was so god

[-Lance-]

* CJ about to take a car* Ped: "Nooo!! Not now!! Gotta take a sh*t!" * ped speeds off*

[DualSawnoff]

It's not exactly funny, I'll admit, but I just like it.

 

 

During High Noon, at the end, when you see CJ from Pulaski's point of view as CJ is talking down to him.

 

CJ: "Pulaski, you was always a punk motherf*cker til the end." *stomps his face*

 

 

That was sooo cool.

[timmy2004]

This isn't exactly a quote, but on K-DST the DJ says that his name is: 'Timmy Tommy Nightmare Shmitty'. I laugh at that every time .

[Snik]

Watch out for quotes being spoilers.

 

I think the best i can remember is "Does the pope sh*t in the woods?"

[Grove St PIMP]

here's another one.

its on WCTR with mary and her husband (forgot his name)

 

Husband: mary will you please stop eyeing up the producer

Mary: ive already slept with him

Husband: me too

thats gross