GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[Bad~Boy#17]

CJ:

"Does the Pope shít in the woods?" Quality!

I never understood what he meant by that!?

He ment "yes" or "duh!".

[gtamodder]

And [email protected] what the hell is up with you man? You change your profile, ava and sig every half hour. You confuse me alot.

Just got really piss*d off with school, that's why.

 

Love Drive Thru.

 

When Ryder says "You chubby motherf*ck*r!"

[Stefan.]

CJ:

"Does the Pope shít in the woods?" Quality!

 

 

I never understood what he meant by that!?

Bad Boy is incorrect. 'Pope' is African-American slang for the police. When he is referring to the police taking a crap in the woods, he's asking "Does the police hang around the countryside much?"

 

[Kaydin]

I never knew that, thanks

[Protonkid]

Heard on PS2 when I bumped someone

 

CJ: Ah, now that ain't right!

 

Or I like it when Sweet says

 

Sweet: Tenpenny, you, motherf*cking piece of sh*t!

 

Ryder: Man, that sh*t was tight!

CJ: Tight?! Man, that sh*t was sh*t!

[gtamodder]

Also, I love it when CJ Says

 

"My car! My f*cking car!"

[Protonkid]

CJ (picking up money): I need that more than you, I think.

[Creed Bratton]

Ped: "I smoke weed because it gives me knowledge"

 

CJ: "I met some idiots in my life but you are special"

[Steve Crook]

CJ:

"Does the Pope shít in the woods?" Quality!

 

 

I never understood what he meant by that!?

It's a conflation of "Is the pope catholic?" and "Does a bear sh*t in the woods?"

 

It means "obviously, yes". Or, as Bad Boy put it, he meant "yes" or "duh!".

 

Steve

 

[lazy34]

The Cluckin' Bell commercials on the game radio are funny too:

"Pumped full of chemicals, what the hell"

Man: "Even made my breasts swell"

 

"I love chicken with a sh*tty smell, that's why I love Cluckin' Bell"

Announcer: "If you enjoyed the food, the chicken didn't die in vain"

[Kenster1025]

Cop: [while chasing CJ on foot] Hey, man, I just wanna talk!

Cop: I'm gonna kick your a**, and then I'm gonna f**k it!

Cop: [Cj being chased by a cop] I'm on your a** Daisy!

Cop: [CJ being chased by a cop] Stop!, we can hold hands and talk about it.

 

Motorcycle Cop: [CJ being chased by motorcycle cop] I'm gonna call for a back up, i beleive in sharing!

Motorcycle Cop: [CJ being chased by motorcycle cop] Come on I can taste your blood!

 

 

This one is especially funny

Police Scanner:

CONTROL: We're getting in reports of reckless mountain biking on

Mount Chiliad. Repeat: people are having fun! Stop it at once!

MALE VOICE: Copy, Control. Going in.

[Stefan.]

CJ:

"Does the Pope shít in the woods?" Quality!

 

 

I never understood what he meant by that!?

It's a conflation of "Is the pope catholic?" and "Does a bear sh*t in the woods?"

 

It means "obviously, yes". Or, as Bad Boy put it, he meant "yes" or "duh!".

 

Steve

Actually, like Bad Boy, you are incorrect. Read the reason on the page before.

[!!GC!!]

I have a few:

 

Sweet: [CJ and Sweet are driving down to Grove Street during the riots] So who's the weird Brit?

CJ: What? Oh, Maccer? He got a little problem he can't control.

Sweet: What kinda problem?

CJ: He can't stop, you know, givin' himself a little bit.

Sweet: What, you mean he likes to consult Professor Hans Jerkov?

CJ: [laughs] Yeah, regularly.

Sweet: Spank the monkey?

CJ: Yeah.

Sweet: Take Palm-ela out?

CJ: Quit it!

[laughs]

Sweet: Burp the worm?

CJ: Enough, man!

 

CJ: [while carjacking someone] You got the car of my dreams!!

 

CJ: [someone hits his vehicle] Aw, for f*ck's sake!

 

CJ: [while pointing a gun at someone] Hey, guess what! It's loaded!!

 

CJ: f*ck you and your casino!!

 

Tenpenny: I can sh*t on you from such a height, you'll think God himself took a crap on you

 

Ryder: Say, CJ, you gonna crash the car again?

CJ: f*ck you, Ryda'.

Sweet: Ryda', give CJ a break, man. He's practically turned the Grove around by himself.

Ryder: Man, I was just tellin' a joke on the lil' nigga.

CJ: Everythang you do is a joke, Ryder.

Ryder: That ain't true!

Big Smoke: Ryda'... just chill the f*ck out, man!

Sweet: Remember, we're reuniting the families, so no bullsh*t. Stay cool.

Ryder: You know me, Sweet, cool as a Shaolin monk!

Sweet: Especially you, Ryda.

Ryder: What you mean? I resent your implication, and sh*t.

 

DJ Sage: Hello, I'm Sage, and yes, that is my real name and if you don't believe me, you can go f*ck yourself!!

 

CJ: Why am I here?

Mike Toreno: I just want to see what you're made of.

CJ: What do you think I'm made of? Puddin'?

 

Woozie: I have a confession to make. I... I'm blind.

CJ: No sh*t.

 

CJ: [Toreno uses CJ to do his work] Why won't these guys come after me?

Mike Toreno: Oh, they can't because they're all posted on me. One DEA, one FBI, one Russian, a Cuban double agent and my pay masters. Checks and balances. Nobody is watching anybody watching nobody. You know what I mean? Go.

CJ: Whatever, man.

 

Police Helicopter Pilot 1: This is aerial support...

Police Helicopter Pilot 2: Yeah, I think he knows that by now!

 

DJ Sage: Isn't that a great song? So much better than cartoons. I hate cartoons! They're so stupid and cheery. Life is not cheery.

 

[Carl is about to sneak inside of an aircraft carrier]

Mike Toreno: Okay, Carl. Once you get in, I cannot help you.

CJ: Can you help me now?

Mike Toreno: Um... no actually... no

 

Well that is about all i can remember, for now

[gtamodder]

Sweet when he says

 

"Tenpenny you motherf*ck*ng piece of sh*t, I ain't letting you get away with all you've done"

[!!GC!!]

Also, this one:

 

Ryder: I can drive just as good as his is. Why cant i drive?

Sweet: Cos you need to be shootin' man

Ryder: Yeah, well just dont roll the damn car over and blow us all up in flames then.

[gtamodder]

I couldn't remember who said this one, but this is what was said

 

"Ahh you tw*t, right in the f*ck*ng happy sack!"

[Struff Bunstridge]

Maccer, I think.

 

Sage - "You can't argue with Depeche Mode. I know, I've tried."

[Flesh-n-Bone]

Ryder rules. He has the funniest quotes.

 

When walking on him

"get out of my face!", when leaving him alone in Cleaning the Hood "Wait for me busta!".

"Throw up the money, this is a raid."

He's got loads of funny quotes.

 

And I hate Maccer, "oh you f*cking twat, right in the f*cking happy sack."

[Steve Crook]

CJ:

"Does the Pope shít in the woods?" Quality!

 

 

I never understood what he meant by that!?

It's a conflation of "Is the pope catholic?" and "Does a bear sh*t in the woods?"

 

It means "obviously, yes". Or, as Bad Boy put it, he meant "yes" or "duh!".

 

Steve

Actually, like Bad Boy, you are incorrect. Read the reason on the page before.

I did read it. I just disagree with you

"Does the pope sh*t in the woods" is a common expression and it means just what we said

 

Maybe it means what you said as well

 

Steve

 

 

 

[gtamodder]

CJ: Does the pope sh*t in the woods?

[Stefan.]

@Steve: Well, it's not commonly used in Australia, so i was just using my knowledge to try and figure out what it meant. Agree to disagree?

 

Also, this one's a funny one. It's from the police band.

 

Male cop: "I'm f*cking dying out here! Gimme some help already!"

Female cop: "Ah, shut up with your moaning!"

 

[gtamodder]

CJ: What we here for, anyway?

The Truth: Nothin'. Ooh, don't look. Cover your faces. Think about a yellow rubber duck.

[OG Viking]

CJ, standing near the Tec-9 spawn location in Las Colinas. Throwing a grenade down to the walkway below. Killing about 3 Vagos, a civilian and a cop. Immediately lots of police arrive down there...

 

CJ shouts: "Hey man I didn't do sh*t!"

 

Really? Just one innocent little grenade huh?

[Grand Theft Auto Dude]

CJ: Does the Pope sh*t in the woods?

Ceasar: I don't know man, why you keep asking me that? Wherever his holiness does his business, is his business.

[lazy34]

CJ, after listening to too much SF-UR: "Move your body, dun dug-a-dun, move your body"

Edited May 25, 2008 by lazy34

[PeteDude]

When Sweet is playing basketball with Big Smoke. Smoke says something about spreading out the Grove Street hood And Sweet replies "You're already spreading out".

And in the end of the cutscene Sweet calls Smoke a porkchop.

[Stefan.]

I think it's been mentioned before, but it's funny when Sweet and CJ have that conversation about masturbation and Maccer, on the way home during 'Riot'. I can't remember the exact dialogue, but it sure as hell was funny.

[!!GC!!]

Look at my large post on the previous page, Stefan.

[Stefan.]

That's strange; I must have missed it.

[lazy34]

Caller on WCTR: "Masticating vigorously."