GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[LuverOfLuv]

Wow, I never knew she was a porn actress... Right now SA is my fav game, but no time to interact with peds...

[OG Viking]

"We can't serve the mentally deficient, sir!"

[CLoWnnSkuLL]

Man, this game has so many funny quotes. There's hundreds. I find a new one each time I play.

This is my only one that hasn't been said yet.

 

On the radio:

 

"We're putting forward a law that makes it legal to kill anyone who smokes."

[man smoking]

"You bastard! I may have children one day!"

[gunshot]

 

LOL.

[Bad~Boy#17]

Man, this game has so many funny quotes. There's hundreds. I find a new one each time I play.

This is my only one that hasn't been said yet.

 

On the radio:

 

[CLoWnnSkuLL]

Yeah lol that's the one.

 

I liked this one:

 

"Never seen it. Never saw you. Never gave you this wad of cash." - Mr. Whittaker.

Edited March 28, 2008 by CLoWnnSkuLL

[OG Viking]

At Cluckin' Bell:

 

Instead of the usual "Clucketi cluck cluck sir", he said "Clucketi cluck f*ck sir"

 

I only heard that once, so I guess it's rare.

 

 

[devilrock28]

At Cluckin' Bell:

 

Instead of the usual "Clucketi cluck cluck sir", he said "Clucketi cluck f*ck sir"

 

I only heard that once, so I guess it's rare.

You may have mistaken him for saying "Cluckity-Cluck-Cluck sir."

[ReverendHolland]

"holy pandora!"

 

i just jumped off a bridge and died, and as the camera was doing its panning away "wasted" thing i just saw a ped run up and say that. I was like "huh...why would you say that?!?!!?!?!?" So i hunted that ped down and stabbed him so bad he died.

 

Also

 

-panting- "god...he must be an olympic athlete or something"

is pretty funny from a SF cop when he's chasing you on foot

 

LOL. lol indeed my friends.....lol indeed

[OG Viking]

 

At Cluckin' Bell:

 

Instead of the usual "Clucketi cluck cluck sir", he said "Clucketi cluck f*ck sir"

 

I only heard that once, so I guess it's rare.

You may have mistaken him for saying "Cluckity-Cluck-Cluck sir."

That's what he normally say. He said f*ck, it was very clear.

 

He now said something similar again: Only two minutes ago he said "Cluckity-f*ck sir". Slightly different from last time.

 

 

[CheatingSoi]

I fell off the tallest building in LS and CJ yells "I hate gravity!"

I belive its "ah hate gravity"

[!!GC!!]

The clucking bell dudes are so funny.

 

"Dont choke on the bone fragments"

 

"You might be lucky enough to find a feather(!!)"

[Bullet_Chris]

i love the one cj says: 'I hate gravity'

or cj after taking a dead ped's money: 'I dont think you need this anymore'

[Bullet_Chris]

Yeah lol that's the one.

 

I liked this one:

 

"Never seen it. Never saw you. Never gave you this wad of cash." - Mr. Whittaker.

A guy named Whittaker was also in the credits.

[TheTank]

 

Yeah lol that's the one.

 

I liked this one:

 

"Never seen it. Never saw you. Never gave you this wad of cash." - Mr. Whittaker.

A guy named Whittaker was also in the credits.

Please edit Your posts, and so what if there was a guy named Whittaker in the credits? Isn't that a normal english/american name?

[tj11]

Fat CJ collecting cash from corpses :

"Got anything else?"

"This aint cool, but I need the paper."

"I'm gonna spend this on a good meal."

Fat CJ in fist fight :

"I aint just a fat slob asshole!"

"There's muscle under this fat, punk!"

Fat CJ in car crash :

"My stomach hurts asshole!"

"Oh, my stomach!"

Fat CJ getting jacked :

"Unhand my blubber asshole!"

"How the f*ck can you pull ME around!"

Fat CJ accepting compliment on his footwear :

" F*ck the shoes! What about my body?"

Regular CJ declining proposition from prostitute (with wanted level of 2 or more stars) :

"F*CK OFF!!!"

[autotheftisgrand]

Have a look at my sig hahaha!

 

"Listen to the man, fool! And try not to park us up a tree or something." - Ryder

 

 

Ryder - "Yeeaahh, CJ... Hey, CJ, tell me why I didn't finish high school."

CJ - "Because you been dealing drugs, man, since the age of ten!"

Ryder - "No, that ain't"

CJ - "Because you went and put hands on that teacher for wearing Ballas colours!"

Ryder - "No, that ain't it either. It's 'cause I'm too intelligent for this sh*t, man. I am the real deal, fool. Oh yeah. A genius."

 

Hahaha! I liked Ryder.. too bad R* made him betray CJ

[Nuthin But A G Thang Babyy]

in 1 of the missions were ryder says to cj "just dont park us up a tree or somethin"

 

and the cut scene for catalyst were tenpenny n pulaski walk in and tenpenny says "wassup boys" then ryder says "who u calling boys" then tenpenny says "wat shall we all u migget?" then pulaski says "how about prick"

 

haha love tenpenny n pulaski

[Ronnyboy]

"Roller coaster, ooh, ooh, oooh"- CJ

 

The only funny thing I ever heard him say.

[Stefan.]

This is one I heard the other day, from the guy at the airport entrance.

 

Security Guard: "Pilots are looking younger these days."

 

CJ: "Unfortunately, we can't say the same about security guards."

 

Made me chuckle.

[gtamodder]

When the clucking bell guy says "If you're lucky you might find a feather!"

[devilrock28]

I forgot the whole line but when Truth says this, "Oh sh*t. Oh yeah." while using the jetpack in the cutscene of Black Project.

[w4yl3n]

When that pedestrian with the orange clothing says-

"You like my as*h*le always holding up sh*t".

 

Told my mum that and she had a bit of a lol!

[CharginMahRazor]

I heard this one from the female ped in the orange business suit: 'Someone give me a glass of champagne!'

 

It was kinda sudden and random, lol

[dxk]

"how you aloud to drive if you blind."

"what kinda lisence you got, fishing lisence?"

[OG Viking]

The GSF homie with a green shirt and black cap said to CJ when CJ recruited him:

"Fat bastard"

 

A lady when I jack her car, says this (with a cheerful voice):

"Hey mister, why don't you introduce yourself"

 

 

 

 

Edit, just heard a new one:

 

I had just parked my Super GT. The black guy with a gold chain (the one that very often steal cars), came walking, and said something about "nice wheels".

 

CJ's polite reply:

"You can have one you too, if you jack one like I did"

 

(Then I shot him, I would never trust him near my ride. )

 

 

Edited April 14, 2008 by OG Viking

[GTASA_passer]

Cutscene from St marks bistro :

 

maccer gets hit in the balls with a knife : "You f*cking twat! Right in the f*cking happy sack!"

[gtamodder]

Cutscene from St marks bistro :

 

maccer gets hit in the balls with a knife : "You f*cking twat! Right in the f*cking happy sack!"

I like that one

 

I like also, "Tenpenny you motherf*ck*ing piece of sh*t, I ain't letting you get away with all you done

[Niko's Faggio]

The pedestrian comments are funny but I don't think the chat radio is as good as in Vice City and GTA3.

[bloodymoon]

Cop: ' C' mon,I just wanna talk ! ' *busts a cap in CJ' s ass*

 

 

 

[gtamodder]

I also like the one Catalina says "Hand over the takins, Or I blow your f*ck*ng balls off!"