GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[Stefan.]

CJ: "Why can't you tell me this stuff, man?"

 

The Truth: "What would you say if I told you we never went to the moon, JFK is living with Janis Joplin in Scotland at that the only reason we went to Vietnam is because snakeheads run the oil business?"

 

CJ: "I think you popped another microdot."

 

The Truth: "Good; keep it that way."

[AceOfDeath666]

Guy: Have u ever tried to smell ur own taint?

Other Guy: No man there are evil spirits down there!!!

Guy: Watever, Bye

[RJX74]

Ken: Just like old times huh Tommy?

CJ: Who the f*ck is Tommy

 

Cj: That motherf*cking snake with noi tounge

[xNamexTakenx]

"I'm going to kick your ass for the good of the community!" - LSPD

 

AND

 

"Look, mom! I'm still playing with myself!" - Kid on Exsorbio ad.

[spursfan111]

Big Smoke:cough up el weedo or i'll blow you're brains all over the patio.

 

*Cj points his gun at Toreno*

Toreno:come on now put it down you're embarrasing yourself. LOL

[ins4n3]

 

 

 

When i had 6 stars i hears this in the cop radio:

Cop1:"Do i get a medal if i kill this guy??"

Cop2:"No.You get 2!"

 

 

and when i hit a guy with a car:"Awww,wreck my sh*t!"

and the one when The Truth calls you....

[Claude GTA3]

Jethro:"Do polar bears sh*t in the woods?"

Truth:"No,but they tend to sh*t in the liquor tent..."

[adam 11]

"do you take drugs mister?"

 

 

"Get your fatass off the road ese!"

 

 

 

"What? No! No..REALLY NO!"

 

"I once took a dump behind a school!"

f#ckin lol

[unReleased]

the dude who sells corndogs and when you pick a fight with him he says things like "no tommorow for you" and "aaah my heart!"

[Stefan.]

"Did someone die in your mouth?"

 

"Maaaaan, you stink!"

 

"Do you shower in doo-doo?"

 

All offensive remarks by the African-American pedestrian who wears an orange jacket.

[lukejeff13]

Looking for a good time?

"No dude, I like women."

 

"Ding ding ding ding ding! Good answer, Carl!"

 

"When one gang gains an unfair advantage over another, that truly troubles me, Carl."

 

"You motherfvckin' piece of sh*t gang-bangin' cokk sucka!"

[Minigun22]

Ryder: That sh*t was tight!

Carl: No, that sh*t was sh*t.

 

Love that

 

[Gouveia]

"Polution is a metaphor for Evolution. WE MADE IT PEOPLE!"

[Bad~Boy#17]

"Polution is a metaphor for Evolution. WE MADE IT PEOPLE!"

Now let's rock

[Ray Carter]

Some chick on the beach once said: 'LOOK AT THAT GUY!' *sounding impressed*

 

she wasn't actually talking to CJ, it was a random ped chatter..

[xNamexTakenx]

"Damn white boys had me on crystal meth" - random black ped (I can't remember which one said it)

[AceOfDeath666]

i think it's they 1 that wears orange and black

 

"Steroids make your dick do WHAT?!" -Black Ped

[Darrel]

I dont know if anyone has mentioned this quote? but dont fancy looking through all the pages.

 

*Cop* 'First I'm gonna beat you up. Then im gonna beat you off'.

[Usherber]

" Damn, that n*gga f*ucked up!" just as Johnny died from a heart attack in the mission The Meat Business LOL! Made me laugh like for 3 hours!

[360fan]

Tommy Vercetti:

This is the last dance for Lance Vance.

 

Zero:

Curse you, Berkley! Curse yoooooou!

 

Tommy Vercetti:

Sonny, you have my personal assurance that I'm gonna get you your money back, and the drugs, and I'm gonna mail you the dicks of those responsible.

 

Toni Cipriani:

Don't worry, D.L. Evidence goes missing all the time. As well as judges, witnesses, jurors...

[wst50]

"I have osteoporosis!" - Random old guy as I took his Banshee

[Steve Crook]

One of the many great things CJ says as he knock people off a bike to steal it.

"Ain't gravity a bitch"

 

Steve

 

[Grand Theft Grandpa]

I like when CJ knocks someone off a bike and says "You OK? I hope not!"

 

My favorite ped is the smart-assed guy in a brown long-sleeved shirt. Some of my favorites of his are:

 

"I slept with a Scotsman last night"

 

"I shaved downstairs this morning"

 

And if you bump into him "Get off, dick!"

 

There`s another ped which says "I shouldn`t have eaten that taco". This could have two meanings.

 

And finally "Anyone here seen my lizard?" and "If I find that Chihuahua, I`m gonna kill it!"

 

[!!GC!!]

Nice bump Steve....

 

I have a lot of favourites, most of them i cant remember at the moment actually. This is one though

 

*CJ jacks an old womens car in the country*

 

CJ (Assertively half shouting): Im taking your car, dear!!

[brasas]

while stopped at a red traffic light, when she was riding a motorcycle: "GET A MOVE ON, I'VE GOT A CASTING COUCH IN FIVE MINUTES..!!"

 

when talking to a drug-dealer: " DO YOU HAVE ANY HAPPY PILLS..?? MY DIRECTOR ASKED ME FOR LOUDER ORGASMS ON MY NEXT SCENE...

 

pretty much says it all..

[Hodgey.]

I like how when you kill someone in SA a guy sometime shouts

 

'Walk it off'

[punknoodle]

I've also heard her say "I've done every agent in town"...She's a busy ghurl!

[bagga rabbit]

"Freakin' freak" is still my favorite from that gal. That's the one modeled from Sharon Stone, right?

[OG Viking]

I was arrested, and the cop said:

-You have the right to remain stupid!

Made me laugh

 

 

And there's this dude with orange clothes, when someone are wasted he asks:

-Does it hurt?

LOL

[OG Viking]

That woman on the left is one of the few proper ladies in the game. Classy, maybe a businesswoman.