GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[EasyTiger]

I just find it funny when you put the controller down to go get a drink, you come back and CJ is singing to himself.

[Bad~Boy#17]

"Im gonna get myself a happy farmer's kit"

[Stefan.]

"Hey, I can see my house from here!"

 

"This is the Los Angeles Police Department!"

 

"We got a 1024 in Chinatown."

"Which Chinatown?"

"The Chinatown in San Fierro, chump!"

[Steve Crook]

Heard someone wandering around Grove Street itself say "Man, this is so ghetto"

 

Steve

 

[Bad~Boy#17]

CJ when he picks up some money : "For a mean bastard like me around, crime realy dont pay"

[ballas suck ballas]

When being chased by cops:

"You really want me to stop and start shootin?"

"Don't make me kick ur ass!"

[Steve Crook]

On the first date with Denise, when she suggests they go and get something to eat, CJ responds (something like) "Can't we get straight to the sex? Only kidding"

 

Steve

 

[GTA SAS]

-(GSF)This is so ghetto

 

-(Ambulance)We have a 1024 in Chinatown-which chinatown-the one in sf (lol there is only one chinatown cops r so funny)

 

-(Random retarted guy)oh here it comes (farts) o very sorry

 

-(You had youer chips)boss, look at these 2 chips-ones a fake-thats amazing u didnt even touch them-how can u coem with 2 chips and sound so worried?

 

-(U jack a car)now u have to walk

 

-(jack a car)its out of gas soon (wtf no gas in san i laugh cause people in san r u stupid)

 

-(cop)u dont lean on me i lean on u

 

-(cop)im taking u in for reklace eyeballing

[Kenna]

you missed out a bike 1 when u runi frount and drp kick them off he says some times

"feel lucky i didnt break your neck" or somthing about breaking his neck

[Prathmesh]

This is my fav

Its before the mission Cesar Vialpando

 

(Sweet and Kendl arguing in Sweet's house)

 

Sweet: I'm tired of you not listening to me, girl!

Kendl: And I'm tired of you acting like you own me. I can see who I want to see.

Sweet: It just ain't right you seeing some cholo motherf*cker.

Kendl: Ohh, what - a no good narrow minded hypocrite gangbanger telling me what is right and what is wrong. Let me guess, Sweet - senseless killing right, but but a boyfriend from the Southside, wrong?

Sweet: Some things ain't just meant to happen. I mean what if y'all have kids. Leroy Hernandez? That don't sound good, girl.

Kendl: His name ain't Hernandez.

Sweet: Well, Leroy Lopez then.

Kendl: Or Lopez, either, you racist f*ck! That ain't how Moms raised us.

Sweet: I ain't racist. I just know how they feel about you. And look at you, you dressed like a hooker!

 

n the bold one absolute beauty by Voice-artist

 

There is more by the Tenpenny but dont remember much

 

Its something like

 

 

Do try to screw with us Carl. We can sh*t on you from such a height that you will think god himself has crapped with you.

 

I just got outta badlands so I guess there will be some more intresting stuff.

[BronxNY]

From entertaining America

 

OG Loc: "'Oglock'!? It's OG Loc! OG Loc! Ya' hear me, playa'?"

 

Loc: "I'm ice-cold bitch! Don't make me dump on you, g!

 

Loc: "Are-you-dissin'-my-hos-bitch!?"

 

Lazlow: "Uh, no no no, dude, your hos are bitches, your hos are bitches!"

 

Loc: "You a busta'. What are you?"

 

Lazlow: "I'm a buster, I'm a buster! Whatever that is. Dude, put the gun away!"

 

Loc: "Don't diss my strap!"

 

Announcer: "So that's how you're going to be entertained."

 

[BronxNY]

Ped 1 - you ever been to Glory Hole Theme Park?

 

Ped 2 - Yeah, I took it up the ass.

 

 

[!!GC!!]

This is my fav

Its before the mission Cesar Vialpando

 

(Sweet and Kendl arguing in Sweet's house)

 

Sweet: I'm tired of you not listening to me, girl!

Kendl: And I'm tired of you acting like you own me. I can see who I want to see.

Sweet: It just ain't right you seeing some cholo motherf*cker.

Kendl: Ohh, what - a no good narrow minded hypocrite gangbanger telling me what is right and what is wrong. Let me guess, Sweet - senseless killing right, but but a boyfriend from the Southside, wrong?

Sweet: Some things ain't just meant to happen. I mean what if y'all have kids. Leroy Hernandez? That don't sound good, girl.

Kendl: His name ain't Hernandez.

Sweet: Well, Leroy Lopez then.

Kendl: Or Lopez, either, you racist f*ck! That ain't how Moms raised us.

Sweet: I ain't racist. I just know how they feel about you. And look at you, you dressed like a hooker!

Yea this a funny scene.

 

To add onto your bit

CJ-"You say that like its a bad thing"

Both-"Shut up, Carl"

 

Thats funny

 

@BronxNY STOP Double posting or i WILL personally report you.

[aznj3w]

this one is from the guys working in clucken bell "f*** a doodle do"

[BronxNY]

Okay I will

[Stefan.]

Yesterday while doing the taxi missions, I picked up a construction worker from Willowfield. When he got in the cab, he said: "I need to go somewhere with a good toilet!" Apparently, the destination was the church in Jefferson.

[bman_triads]

CJ's car getting bumped- "what kind of license you got!? Fishin license!?"

CJ shooting someone- "Welcome to America a$$hole"

CJ collecting money off the ground- "woo look at all this paper!"

 

those are mainly the ones that make me laugh almost everytime i hear them!

 

 

Carl Johnson: Where are you? You givin' me the heebie jeebies, man!

 

LOL

Edited December 15, 2007 by bman_triads

[!!GC!!]

CJ collecting money off the ground- "woo look at all this paper!"

 

Also to add to this he says

"So its true, you DONT need this where your going" lmao

[bman_triads]

Also to add to this he says

"So its true, you DONT need this where your going" lmao

LOL right! lol thats funny ROFL

[Stefan.]

Dude, it's not that funny. Here is one more:

 

Ryder: "You chubby mother****er!" (The way he says it is funny as).

 

[Judge_David]

"My car! My f*cking car!"

 

Mad funny stuff..

 

"You f*cking moron.."

[team17]

Hiya

 

In the mission "Wear Flowers in your Hair"

 

Truth says "Take me to the hospital"

Why, you sick?

 

"No, the government is, but that's another story!"

 

LOL

 

I think most of his sayings are funny

Julia

 

[bagga rabbit]

"Freakin' Freak"..my favourite..the blonde lady office worker in the grey suit.

[mostwanted468]

during are you going to san fierro

 

CJ grabs rocket launcher

 

CJ(where you get this )

 

Truth(found it at the back of the farm shame really could have used it for a lavalamp)

 

later on

 

CJ(cant this thing go faster

 

Truth (this van has 3 kilos of weed in the back and is running on old cooking oil how fast do you think it will go)

 

i also love the cluckin bell ad (a chicken is a bird with a tiny brain so we assume it dont feel any pain) LOLZ and last during the mission drive thru smoke is eating while sweet and ryder are doing a drive by and one of em says MY SODA ITS ALL OVER DA F***** FLOOR it so funny the way he says it also in radio los santos this guy says YO THIS IS MC sh*tHEAD and maccer also says (im a F***** raspberry and in the same mission kent paulk slept with the country girl and she says he gave me the little red itchies

Edited December 18, 2007 by mostwanted468

[GTA VLSA]

 

during are you going to san fierro

 

CJ grabs rocket launcher

 

CJ(where you get this )

 

Truth(found it at the back of the farm shame really could have used it for a lavalamp)

 

later on

 

CJ(cant this thing go faster

 

Truth (this van has 3 kilos of weed in the back and is running on old cooking oil how fast do you think it will go)

 

i also love the cluckin bell ad (a chicken is a bird with a tiny brain so we assume it dont feel any pain) LOLZ and last during the mission drive thru smoke is eating while sweet and ryder are doing a drive by and one of em says MY SODA ITS ALL OVER DA F***** FLOOR it so funny the way he says it also in radio los santos this guy says YO THIS IS MC sh*tHEAD and maccer also says (im a F***** raspberry and in the same mission kent paulk slept with the country girl and she says he gave me the little red itchies

Actually he said he found the rocket launcher in a bail of thai sticks and the van's running on 15-year old cooiking oil .

 

That's 1 of my favorites and my other 1 is some sick sayings from the ballas which are innapropiate . But hilarious

Edited December 18, 2007 by GTA VLSA

[bagga rabbit]

and my other 1 is some sick sayings from the ballas which are innapropiate

Inappropriate? Why? We've all heard them if we've played the game.Tell us the good ones.

[GTA VLSA]

One balla said to me: "Your'e going to suck my motherf*cking dick bitch"

and another said "after i beat your ass, i'm going to f*ck it"

Made me sick i shot them down for 3 min.

 

EDIT: The ballas DID say this to me. I was at santa maria beach when it happened.

Edited December 18, 2007 by GTA VLSA

[Bad~Boy#17]

WCTR :

 

Caller : I really wanna become happy.

Chris Formage : Perfect ! Then join us ! Join the Epsilon program.

Lazlow : Chris, stop trying to recruit people, you just said you made this all up.

[OGJoe]

Balla gang member:

 

"Ay, im big when im standing on my wallet.."

[16 Roses]

One balla said to me: "Your'e going to suck my motherf*cking dick bitch"

and another said "after i beat your ass, i'm going to f*ck it"

Made me sick i shot them down for 3 min.

 

EDIT: The ballas DID say this to me. I was at santa maria beach when it happened.

The police are usually the one's who say 'After I beat your ass, I'm gonna f*ck it'

 

My favourite, when CJ is doing the mission monster, in the cut scene

 

Unknown Voice:I need to see what you're made of

CJ: What it look like I'm made of!? Puddin'?!