GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[DizzyDogg6803]

Get one star and let a cop follow you. they say the funniest things and there are a few different voices for the cops. One of the cops said to me "Im gonna beat you, then im gonna beat you off", or something very close to that.

[Gabe Logan.]

I remember a Cop saying to me something like "Im not a Cop Honest, im just a Social worker in a Cops uniform"

[Fuzzknuckles]

Cop: "We're the police moron and we've got a helicopter"

 

Didn't help them though...

 

Ped: "Even the radio sucks in this state"

 

 

[gantrules]

I ran over a hooker, the ambulance came to get her. The medic gets out and I'm walking I wear when I hear him say "Look at the size of those nipples!"

 

Damn near fell off the couch.

[PixelJ]

When I was driving around in an Ambulance I heard over the Radio(Not music)

Voice1-People die everyday

voice2-f*ck you asshole

[highfighter]

i jacked a car an the woman said

 

ugh your hands are so sweaty

 

lol

[Baldee]

on WCTR when the caller calls in about the olympics:

 

person 1: something about how great the olympics are and the high jump specifically

person 2 (sarcastic): wow you can jump really high! i've got a gun. want to fight?

 

almost fell off the couch

[tagamaynila]

The voice coming from the police helicopter: Hey! I can see my house from here.

[quietloud]

Ammunation Store Advert(s):

 

"Welcome to ammunation! You've made the smartest decision of your life; you've come to a gun shop!"

"One pull of the trigger, and boom; you've blown a hole in something!"

"God I sound like hot sh*t in that ad!"

 

Grove Street homie after activating him into gang mode and running down the street with him following:

 

"sh*t dog is this the olympics!"

[starsmore]

When a guy ped and a girl ped meet up and start yammering, I heard the guy ask the girl if she's ever gotten a pearl necklace.

 

One time the girl said something along the lines of 'yes, I loved it!'

[DualSawnoff]

 

I also got outta the car once and CJ started singing 'Dr.Dre - Aint nothing but a G thang'. He sang "Two loc'ed out niggaz so we're craaaaazay!"

 

 

Nothin' But A G Thang! That's what the song was. My CJ was singing that too - He's also done the human beatboxing, sang Big Daddy Kane's "Warm it up Kane" and a few others. I'm waiting for him to start singing Eazy E - Eazy-er Said Than Dunn

 

 

Here's one.

 

Woman ped 1: Have you ever had sex on camera?

Woman ped 2: Absolutely!

 

 

Get one star and let a cop follow you. they say the funniest things and there are a few different voices for the cops. One of the cops said to me "Im gonna beat you, then im gonna beat you off", or something very close to that.

 

 

Yeah. I had two stars in Burger Shot and actually had the cops running scared. They say some funny sh*t sometimes.

[Hammerchuk]

Guy Ped: Every try to smell your taint?

Girl Ped: It's worse than a bad hair day.

Guy Ped: Alright bye.

Girl Ped: See ya.

[Drums4Life2008]

Quote 1 - CJ - "Hey! It's hard to drive a quad when you got a crazy bitch yellin' in ya ear!"

 

 

 

Quote 2 and 3 - CJ - While falling off the mountain without a parachute, "OH HELL N-" THUMP

 

and

 

While falling off the mountain without a parachute, "sh*t" then a THUMP

[Groovy]

Og Loc(in his "gangster" voice during the Og Loc mission) "I'm a gangsta."

 

God, that made me laugh so f*cking mutch.

[Nilbot]

WCTR radio ad for jewelry about how buying a diamond will stop a girl bein mad at you

 

girl: 'i can't even remember what i was mad at you about.

so, want a blowjob?'

 

funny stuff, i cracked up when i first heard it

 

[krusty007]

Heard from a guy in Blinco: "Underwear is overrated." (I couldn't agree more!)

 

And from a Fare in my cab: "I can only pay you with weed."

 

 

[ViceDog]

Las Venturas:

 

 

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRTTT...

 

I smelly today...

 

(some pedestrian dude)

[Dan_1983]

Catalina made me laugh in the cutscene where she ties him up and bangs him,But before he went in the house he said something and she said

 

'Get in here before i shove a hand grenade up your ass'

 

I think her saying that in her mad accent made me laugh.

 

 

 

[Dr.Busta]

Best ones...

 

"Carl! get your filthy ass in here before I shove a grenade up it!."

"WTF is that"

"Its a rack, i'm gonna f*ck you up."

"No baby, please, I'm not into that stuff."

*whip crack*

"Ah, Ouch! sh*t!"

"Ohh yes, harder, faster deeper! What did you think?"

"It was... Different."

 

LMAO! thats great.

[Dr.Busta]

WCTR radio ad for jewelry about how buying a diamond will stop a girl bein mad at you

 

girl: 'i can't even remember what i was mad at you about.

so, want a blowjob?'

 

funny stuff, i cracked up when i first heard it

Oh yea... that one, that one was good too...

 

And for the most part... its true...

 

"Most women are shallow, and materialistic, so give them a piece of carbon work on by thoses of slaves in africa, to get that bitch off your back, remember, your relationships won't last forever..."

 

"You good for nuttin-Wow! I forget wat I was mad at you for, want a blow job?" LOL

[Blues]

Catalina : I think I love you!

Carl: Ahh...sh*t baby...That's great...

[Spike88]

 

When i jacked a car adn the driver said he had a chicken in his pocket . That cormercial about the at home sex changer .

[Infernus.]

A cop chasing CJ on foot: Did your mommy love you?!

 

Also the sign under the piece of cable form the Gant Bridge at the Gant Bridge Visitor Centre is quite funny.

[meta187]

Something REALLY cool that I noticed after a few missions completions was the DJ's talking about my exploits. References to me killing the rap manager, robbing the countryside with Catalina and setting fire to a field of weed were all talked about on the radion That's pretty frikkin' cool if I do say so myself. I just wonder if they had every station do a take on the events that trigger the announcement and if so, could you possibly save before a mission just to see what other announcers say?

 

Long LIve

[JLSoryu]

CJ: What type of license you got? A Fishing License

 

Whenever some moron swerves into me

[eatnails]

I was blocking traffic when I got this gem...

 

'you remind me of my asshole..always holding up sh*t'

[macdaddy00]

one of tha funniest is "do you like mi asshole always open"

[Ryz0n]

When Ryder goes in the first mission

"KEEP UP MOTHERF*CKER!"

he just harshly emphasizes on f*cker lololol

[KINGSFREAK!!!]

"I've decided to get breast implants!" -Maccer, after End of the Line

[Brother Marcus]

Maybe I have a twisted sense of humour, but I just couldn't stop laughing when Your going into Madd Dogs house and one of the Asian fellas say "We're out numbered but if we keep our heads, we should be fine" just before someone blows his head off! I'm still laughing at that moment now.

 

Also on that commercial on the radio the way they sing "gloryhole".

 

Another funny bit is when Smoke says on the radio "Drugs are destroying our community" I'm doing my bit, say no to drugs." (or something similiar..