GTA San Andreas Funny Quotes Thread

[Mr Slick]

Catalina - "Eat my shít"

[pmac]

ped-nice threads man

 

cj-yo suck ma dick bitch

 

 

LOL@!@!@!$!

[Infernus.]

Ped: "This internet thing will never take off."

[DarkSyknes]

Ped: Have you ever done a cat from behind?!

[chris_sk8er4life]

On K Rose a women said somethin like she stuck her whole arm up a cows butt.

 

On the commercial with the fear it do it thing, a guy goes, i was haveing deep dark thoughts about sleeping with my mom, but now that ivee done it, i dont want to anymore

[squeakyg]

Male ped: "I love the boys in Thailand."

Female ped: "I'm so fit, I could sh*t."

 

And the adverts this time round are the meanest nastiest darkest... it's great.

 

HAMPSHIRE NANNIES!

[Vercetti04/05]

Right at the beginning of the game, I think its the first call you get on the cell phone:

 

Officer Tenpenny (I think thats his name) rings up CJ and talks some crap and then says "We're watching you Carl"

 

CJ responds "why dont you go F*** yourself!"

 

Tenpenny then says something like "You better show some respect Carl"

 

Then CJ says "Whatever bitch!" and hangs up.

 

This was hilarious the first time I heard it

[immessedup17]

CJ when the Mob boss has a heart-attack:

 

"That nigga's f*ckED up!"

[Dizz]

I got the prize right here.

 

Get fat, lock on a pro, and you'll here what's on my sig... Check my sig

[Winter]

my fav is when u have a wanted level....and u hear the cops talking

"do i get a medal if i kill him....ya u get 2!"

[Mugen]

That first time the truth and carl talk, you know..that cell phone call.

 

CJ: Man who is this?

 

TT: The truth.

 

CJ: What? Who?!

 

TT: Great...they said you were a moron.....

 

Love that line man...oh and that one immessedup said.

[Magephil]

CJ when the Mob boss has a heart-attack:

 

"That nigga's f*ckED up!"

Use the f*cking spoiler tags, asshole.

[[NoiseTank]]

Ped in LS ghetto: Those white boys had me on crystal meth!

 

Ped: Where da weed at!?

 

[Night Eyes]

CJ To Catlina-

 

Your a f*cking Psycho

[Trows]

Sage on Radio X

Can't remember them exactly, but.

 

 

Ozzy rocks arse, if you don't think so, just die.

 

Sage, thats my real name, if you don't belive me then just f*ck off.

 

 

 

[TANK Ex Mortis]

Lazlow: "Hey, can I have your job?"

 

There are tons of others, but that's the only one I remember at the moment.

[DualSawnoff]

Upon getting two stars...

 

Cop: "Hey! stop it! Can't we just hold hands and talk about it?"

 

 

 

Oh, and a ped convo that struck me as funny:

 

Girl 1: "Hey giiirl."

Girl 2 (in business suit): "Have you heard of my company?"

Girl 1: "Oh, I HATE it."

Girl 2: "Bye, bitch."

Girl 1: "Later!"

 

 

[Funky Munky]

In the mission where CJ has to swim out to sea...

 

Woozie: Why don't you like swimming?

CJ: Well, when I was a kid swimming in LS, I got a condom stuck to my face once.

 

Woozies Fake Chip mission:

 

Woozies Worker: Boss, look at these chips.

Woozie: One is a fake.

CJ: Thats amazing you didn't even touch them.

Woozie: It was a lucky guess, why else would he come in with two chips sounding so worried.

 

Some radio ad for security:

 

Without our product someone could break into your house, have their way with your wife, have a cigarette, flip her over and go back in for seconds.

[Lazlow123]

quote 1:

 

Caller: Dude your sh*ttin me!

Mike Thakery: Mike Thakery dont sh*t on no one!

 

lmao

 

quote 2:

 

Lazlow: Ogg Lock welcome to the show

OG LOC: Ogg Lock!!! you dissin me fool!

 

all the lazlow bits rule lol ...they all good

[Grove_Spike]

On WCTR:

 

"you're leaving area 53, please check your rectum!"

[PurePassion]

Some guy on the street said to me:

 

"I just shaved downstairs this morning"

 

[Jay]

Carl: You do relaise I'm black, not asian

 

Woozie: I'm blind, not stupid.

[timmy2004]

Ammunation Radio: Armor pircing bullets, exelnt for that annoying mother in law (or something similar).

 

Ped: "I'm a Rusty Browns Donut eatin' gansta!"

 

Ped: "I don't belive in underware"

[Dublo 7]

Woozie: "I'm blind"

Carl: "Well, No sh*t!"

 

I also got outta the car once and CJ started singing 'Dr.Dre - Aint nothing but a G thang'. He sang "Two loc'ed out niggaz so we're craaaaazay!"

 

Carl: "Once when I was a lil kid, I went swimming, and got a condom stuck to my face!"

 

Maurice (Andy Dick): "SCREW YOU TOO, MUM!"

 

Jizzy B (Charlie Murphy): "GIMME SOME ROOM BITCH!"

[Vincenzo_NL]

checkout my sig

[ISd3d]

CJ: Does the pope sh*t in the woods?

Cesar: Why do you keep asking me that? I don't know, man.

[zero88]

the funnyest one yet is when u are with wozi and he said

 

one time when i was swimming in the santa meria a condom got stuck to my face that type of horror scars u for life

[Banko]

some girl on the street said the following: "two words: chicken, water"

 

found that pretty funny

 

another funny quote came after a cop busted me and he said "life´s a bitch and then you die!"

[bmatt_9]

Construction Worker Ped: "You sure you can fit it all in?"

Old Lady Ped: "Of course I can, who do you think your talking too?"

Construction Worker Ped: "Yeah lady, but have you ever had two at once?"

Old Lady: "Suuuurreeee!"

 

 

[Gabe Logan.]

Ken Rosenburg: Man i gotta get out of this game.