DigitalChaos Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 If you know about Warhammer 40k then you should quite understand this story. Main Charicter:Honsou Time:41st Millenia Theme: Wars in Space Chapter 1 The Cause The warship Deathus Spreadus (Death Spreader) drifted slowly towards the the imperial warship. Gunfire could be heard for lightyears around as the guns of the two warships rumbled. The Deathus Spreadus was a gigantic Chaos Space Marine warship ad was more than enough to crush the Imperial Guard. Smaller space pods were emerging from the side of the Deathus Spreadus carring about 50 chaos space marines in each one. On one of them was Honsou. He was like any other Chaos space marine. A heritic,a ruthles hell bent three metre high superhuman warrior. He was once a proud space marine, servant of the emperor. Now he is a servant of the dark gods. * * * The space pods grew ever closer to the Imperials at tremendus speed. Honsou braced for impact as the pod crashed into the side wall of the Imperial warsip the tiny drills sliceing right trough the wall with ease. Honsou grabed his bolter and ran throgh the massive hall. Gaurds were emerging out of the walls firing their weapons. The shells bounced harmlessly of Honsou's chest as he advanced. The bolters shells on the other hand ripped through their armour, completly oblitorating gaurdsmen in a shower of blood. More Chaos Space marines flooded into the hall showering their oponent with shells. The hall was emptied in under an hour and the Chaos Space marines began the siege of the once mighty Imperial warship. Meanwhile at the head of the ship the captin contacted spaceorts of the fortress worldCadia. This is what he said. "Gaurdsmen Hawke report the ministers that a war has broken out. We are in the Gothic sector of the Imperius Dominatus." It wasnt long before they got the reply. "The ministers have been informed. It is the bigining of the gothicwar." Chapter 2 to come! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke2004 Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 Change the black to white and you might get more replies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kayuni Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 Not bad. I look forward to seeing the continuations. However, I suggest running this through a spell and grammar-checker, and changing some of the sentence constructions so they're less terse and blunt, for example, "This is what he said." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bergy Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Gunfire could be heard for lightyears around as the guns of the two warships rumbled. Sound waves don't travel through space, mate. Maybe you should change it in some way to say it could be seen for lightyears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raindancer Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Watch out for the BUMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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