DAVEY007 Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 This is what I love about this topic..pure funnis! ------------------------------------------------------------ Five O Five ----------- I visited sickness in the hospital, the day after the big fight. He had gotten a boo-boo. He had a huge cast on. I felt bad for him, and gave him a get well card. I met Oddsock outside. "Hey, what's gonna happen with your house?" I asked, "We gonna have to stay somewhere else until they go away." "Well yall can stay at my hous..." "Noooo, thats OK Davey." "Alright man, whatever. We got into Oddsocks BF Injection and drove of towards Gant Bridge. We got there and parked in the parking lot, and went iside Jizzys Club. We stayed and drank a couple of beers, over our new-found freind ship, but on the way home it was all buisness. "Alright Davey, I have a new job for you." "I said OK." Very polity, He handed me an envolope. "It contains a sleeping pill." He said, I have him a punch across the face. "You sdfkasdfkjhasdkj hsdkjfhjvnsdjfousd" said Oddsock "WTF?" I woke up. My head hurts and now I'm in the hospital, next to sickness. "You got achol poising;sdfj;lksadfjls;kdfcnsldddddddddddddddddd" "Huh," Then a giant kitty appeared shooting turds out of an M4. I was scared and yelled. The giant kitty ate the card I gave to sicknsss. I saw the kitten eat ballons and fat people as it walked down the buialding. I woke up. I realized that I had just taken my IV out. I still dont know what happened that night...~DAVEY007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 Lol That had to be the funniest story I've ever read.Serious.The kitty ate at the card,and the kitty shootting turds out of an m4.Hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 I would like to buy an AK-47,and a silencer. gRRRRRRRRRRRRRR double post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martini Racing Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 G*D D*AMN WRITER'S BLOCK! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 Ill finish story tommorow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martini Racing Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 (edited) This is not a sreious spy story, so don't get all mad, saying "That aint a spy story" I got a call. "I Have a mission for you." "Let me guess, the Army kidnapped your daughter and I need to infiltrate Area 69 and get her back." "Actaully, you need to help a kid write a story for the SASN topic." "Wow, they have a topic about the SASN?" Dial tone. Well now I knew what I had to do. OH, wait where the Hell is this kid? ---Then some guy breaks into my house and helps me write a Real story.JK---------------- TBC Or not TBC? That is the question. Edited June 18, 2005 by Martini Racing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 CONTINUED... We got to the hotel at about 7:30A.M.We woke up at 6:00P.M,so me and DAVEY007 did a recon on the airfield.We got our gear together and hopped in the car.The radio had told us that there would be a traffic jam on the highway,so DAVEY007 took a quick short cut through the desert.We got there and scouted around to see if there was anyone,and there was. We noticed four men with AK-47s and desert eagles.DAVEY007 noticed a kitty walking by so he grabbed it,turned it around and fired turds out of it.(jk)I shot the first two in the arms and chest.DAVEY007 pulled out a colt 45 and shot the third one in the head.We both rushed the last one and killed him. We walked into the tower to see if anyone was there,there wasn't.We called up Oddsock and told him everything was clear.He was pissed because he had to walk.He showed up,so we walked over to the front door and stopped.We heard a noise behind us,so we quickly turned around and noticed three hydras coming.They fired off some missles,but they went overhead and hit the mountain behind us. Oddsock and I hopped in our hydras,and took off.Oddsock took a left off the airstrip and I took a right.We each had one on our tail,and the other one was firing missles at DAVEY007.Oddsock did a back roll and got behind him,he fired the 50. machine guns and blew off the left wing,causing him to spiral to the ground.DAVEY007 hopped in a hunter and,called us "How do you work this thing!" He took off forward instead of straight up,scraping the hard desert ground,taking the paint off.I yelled "DAVEY007 your gonna pay for that !" I took out the second hydra,being as mad as I was.We set the planes down on the airfield,and let DAVEY007 deal with the last one.He didn't know how to use the guns so he blew a hole out of the cockpit and shot the the pilot in the head.We all went inside and lived happily ever after.lol jk THE END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAVEY007 Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 Where is the money? By:DAVEY007 ------------------------------------------------------------ I was singing Steely Dan as I dorve towards my house in San Firerro. I stopped my car, and took my guns out of the glove compartment.I Holstered them, and then went inside. There, I checked my messages... "Call me." It was Oddsock, so I called him, "Yo, Its Oddsock got a mission for ya." "Whats it this time?" "Training?" "Yeah, since you are a real member now, you aughta get the real thing," "OK, were should I go?" "Meet me at the hospital at 3:30" Click. So, when I got done polishing my medals from the military, I took my limo, and went for a ride. It was a pretty day... The sun was shinging, birds were chirping, and kids were laughing with their friends having a catch. I arrived at the hospital at 3:20, but sure enogh, a pitch black FBI Rancher comes up and a door opens. I jump in, and I was takin to the Area 69. "Alright, I made a special deal with the Army, and they are letting you shoot down planes here." BOOOOOOOOOm! Something exploded to the left of me, Oddsock was dead, and there was a fat, fat man holding a lighter over his butt! I shot at the man, but his fat just obsorbered the bullets. I let out a cry and jumped into my limo. I floored it but the fat man stepped on my car an I died. THE END ~DAVEY007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 All I can say is lol... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martini Racing Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 Darn you, DAVEY, you made milk shoot out of my nose! Funny story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 I drove up to the cluckin'bell parking lot and parked my car.I got out and went inside to get some chicken.Inside I was greeted by some ballas.I wipped out my colt and shot them in the forehead,splattering blood on my chicken. I drug the bodies out to the dumpster out back and shoved them in.While driving back home I notice a big rig following close behind.I quickly steped on the emergency brake and did a 180, pulled out my colt and shot three holes through the driver's windshield,then 180d back,and kept driving. I got home,and Oddsock and DAVEY007 said we had a problem with the police.They said that the man I shot in the big rig was an undercover FBI agent.Now,it was the cops job to take me down. We got ready for an attack.Oddsock, DAVEY007,and I sat in the control tower watching the dust pick up,DAVEY007 sitting on a M60 turret in the window up top,Oddsock sitting on the couch with his shiny colts,and me with my single colt. DAVEY007 got bored,and did some target practice on some birds.Finally,three FBI ranchers pull up,and four men get out of each car.A police helicopter flies overhead with a sharpshooter on each side. The FBI leader tries to negotiate over a loudspeaker,but we open fire on the cars. DAVEY007 shot up the lead car causing it to catch fire.Oddsock walked out to the balcony and shot up three men running up the stairs.I walked out back and grabbed an old,old rpg that was left there when we bought the airfield.I ran back around to the front and took out the helicopter(Black Hawk Down style). DAVEY007 ripped the M60 off of the turret and ran outside,shooting everyone in sight.Finally,the shootout was over.We went in side and layed there for the rest of our lives. THE END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAVEY007 Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 Hey nice stories you guys. Why dont you give it a shot Martini? I mean, you wont get shot if it isnt good. Also, where the heck are Oddsock and Officer Palauski? They need to rate all these stories,I havent beeen paid in weeks... ------------------------------------------------------------ Action Flick ----------- It was a nice day in the country. My family was going to have a birthday for my little cousin, and I thought it was right to invite my buddies from SASN. "Hey Sickness, you want to come to a birthday party?" "I gusse so... Whos it for?" He asked, "For my little cousin." "OK, Ill come." Click. So then I tried to call up Oddsock but, he must be sick, because he hasnt been paying us, and now he;s not awnsering his phone. Then, I went and picked sickness up from his house. We took my faveroite car. My Savannah. As we dorve, I was presently surprised that nobody shot at us. Then I remembered something... "Crap! I didnt invite Martini Racing!" "Thats ok, just pick him up." "Where?" "I dont know try the dump." So, we roll up to the dump, and the smell of the huge piles of trash smell like the many anus's of kitties. We drive around, and we find him working in a Trash Truck. "Hey!" "What the heck do you want DAVEY?" "I want you to come to my cousins birthday." "Ok, then I'll come." So, we get in the car, and you cant belive the smell that is coming from the car. It was a mix of garbage, poop, and gunpowder. We finally got to my cousins house, in Ganton. As soon as we parked the car, we heard gunfire. It was coming from across the street. I saw a man with a rifle up on the roof. I shot him in the head from afar with my AK. A man came running from around the house, and Marini, not having any weopons, picked up a shovel and hit him in the head. Sickness saw a car and told us. Him, and I opened fie on the car. BOOM! It finally exploded. Then we heard the familiar rumble of the modded V-8 FBI Rancher. We turned around to see the un-offical vehicle of the SASN. "Hey guys!" "Where the heck have you been Oddsock?" "Had diherria." We heard a loud farting sound and then saw brown liquid come from Oddsocks pants. "Haha!" Laughed Martini and Sickness, "Thats what you get for not paying us!" Then Mxy came up behind him and hit him with a shovel. THE END ------------------------------------------------------------~DAVEY007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martini Racing Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 A story! my writers block is gone! Call it what you like: The phone rang. It was 3:00 am. "Dammit, I'm tired." I picked up the phone. "Yeah?" "Is this agent 43?" He disguised his voice. "Yeah, why?" "I have a mission for you." after 5 seconds of silence,"WELL! WHAT IS IT?" "Calm down, 43, the mission is straightforward. You need to assassinate the president." "WHAT?!?!?" "Yes, it appears that he is an alien spy." "How will I manage it? I have no weapons, and they won't let me get close." "You will find a sniper rifle with one bullet on your porch. He will be giving a speech today, don't do it then, cause no one can know about it for a while." He hung up. I walked out, grabbed the gun, and stole a parked Phoenix. "Man, I feel white thrashy just bein' in this car!" I drove to the airport, and snuck onto a flight to Los Santos. Then I stole a Turismo, and drove to city hall to see the speech. When the President came out, I noticed a tail, coming from his pant leg. "By Jove, He IS an Alien spy!" I said to myself. Later, I followed his motorcaid to a seedy motel near grove street. Perfect. I found a good building nearby, climbed a pipe to the top, (I've always been a good climber) and waited for the perfect shot. 20 minutes later, he came into clear veiw. BAM! straight in the back of the head. Green goo leaked out, and I almost threw up.I then climbed back down got in my Turismo, and sped off. Then, near the dump, an old lady cut me off, and I slammed into her. I was thrown from the car, and I landed near a Trashmaster. Then, DAVEY007 drove up and said I needed to go tohis cousin's B-day Party. "Sure." I said cooly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAVEY007 Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 Hey, nice story! I have writers block right now, but will write a story later.~DAVEY007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 I drove up to the airfield,singing Ozzy Ozzbourne "Bark At the Moon".Oddsock was sitting on the couch eating cheese crunchees. We decided to visit the great Las Venturas.We hopped in the bf injection and sped off.We got pulled over for doing a 90mph on a 55mph highway,so we had a hefty fine to pay.We got to the strip and heard gunshots a ways away.We pulled out our colts and took cover behind the car. Suddenly a gunshot pierced the reinforced windshield.There was a sniper on the rooftop of the MGM GRAND.We had no chance at all,to survive so we ran into a casino to try to hide.We took cover behind some slot machines.The sniper ran through the front doors of the famous casino,with his PSG-1 strapped to his back,and a D.E.50 in his right hand.He spotted us,so we opened fire.He did a quick dive to one of the video poker machines across the way.He shot off some warning shots,then we fired back piercing the hard metal bodies off the machine,and hitting him in the shoulder.He ran for the door to try to get away,but Oddsock and I fired round after round trying to take him down."Yes!"we were successful,we had taken the suspect down.Now its our turn to take a vacation. THE END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martini Racing Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 Cheese crunchees make every story a good story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Officer Pulaski Posted June 20, 2005 Author Share Posted June 20, 2005 (edited) ahhh!!! story flood! all right im gonna grade all of these, but im not gonna be on much cuz my computer broke im usin my parents but theyre all like "ooh youre gonna get virus from just connecting to the internet, blah blih blah blih blah" luckily they both work so ill be on for part of the day and since Oddsock mysteriously disapeared i give Mxy to grade stories for whenever he feels like it anyways DAVEY first story $25, still getting better but you need to say where other people are too Sickness $25 second story DAVEY $15, damn man you cannot spell this is all i have to say about your 3rd story 5 DOLLARED! Sickness $20 did those FBI agents not have guns or what? and stop using weapons you dont have!!! DAVEY $20 Then Mxy came up behind him and hit him with a shovel. lol that was freagin random Martini, meh, you want pay? Sickness $15 that was really short Edited June 20, 2005 by Officer Pulaski Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAVEY007 Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 this is all i have to say about your 3rd story 5 DOLLARED! Haha! Thats cracks me up everytime I read it... 5 DOLLERED! I can really spell you know... I am out of school, so I am starting to slip up...~DAVEY007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAVEY007 Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 Me buys 12x Scope, and silencer! Grrrrrrrrrrrr me eat kitties! ~DAVEY007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 I woke up late that morning.I walked outside to get the milk,and I found the AK-47 and the silencer I ordered.I picked it up,and screwed the silencer on.Yes,it looked very nice.I set some targets up,500meters down the runway.I stood up and fired off some rounds.They hit the arms and shoulders.I then crouched.I fired off a couple more rounds.Some hit the head,and some hit the chest.I then proned.I fired off the rest of the clip,and to my suprise,only three missed. A windsor pulled up,and pulled me in.It was Oddsock,he told me that I needed to blow up a cargo facility in El Quebrados.He said,that I should use the hydra.So I got my ak,and hopped in.I flew over the dusty deserty area of Aldea Malvada.Almost there now.I got there,and it started to get dark.I landed my plane on a small grassy hill covered in trees.I got out,and scoped the area out.I had spotted the cargo facility.I got back in my plane,and started it up and lifted off.I flew low to the facility,then fired off two missles.I came around for another run,but I had already completed the mission.I didnt spot the anti-aircraft gun down on the ground next to the police station.It must not have been on earlier when I had flown in.It fired of a missile.I swerved,and rolled but couldn't shake it.It nicked my right wing good enough to cause me to crash land in a grassy patch.It was a very rough landing,so I would have to come back with the levithian to get the hydra another time.I noticed men in green colored clothing running to my position.I grasped my ak,and jumped out.I was being shot at,so I hid behind the wing,and waited to return fire.It seemed that there was 10-15 men running my way.I aimed at the first mans chest and shot off a round,he fell to his knees,and dropped his primary weapon.He then reached for his secondary,so I aimed at his forehead and blasted away.They were getting close now so I switched to full auto.I shot off about six rounds,taking three men out.The last men ran up close,about 10ft away.I fired in every direction,watching the blood spill into the air,and the shells coming out of the weapons.I quickly took cover behind the wing again.I peeked over,but didn't see anything but lifeless bodies on the ground.I looked behind me,and saw the same windsor pulled up.I got in,and Oddsock drove me home.I was ready for another mission any time,and I was glad to be in the SASN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mxyzptlk Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 You should've emailed me about grading OP! I'll check in here more often. Oddsock is offline for a week, gliding around. Sickness I'll give $12; why did you attack the base? And I found myself imagining Oddsock cruising around in his windsor listening to the radio while you are getting shot down, heheh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Umm...I liek atakkd teh bas becas ther wuz bad peepoles in ther...I dont know why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTAFool12 Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Ok since you guys are raking in cash on simpleton stories I've decided to screw my old story and go with it. Traitor Today was hot. I looked to the sky and it was orange and I was like wtf lol jk thnx bye. heh. I have gotz a bran tumor so I pick up teh gun and walk to SASN. I walk in coffee room and see Sickness. Me Shoot Sickness. Me'z walk in to brief room see Davey. Shooted him. Mxyz there 2 so I shoot him in leg. I finded O.P. and Oddsock and shooted them. FLASH! I snapped out of it and realized what I have done. I used my super human strength and picked up Davey, Mxy, Oddsock, O.P, and took them to the hospital. I said good bye wented home and shat on turtle. lololol jkjkjk. damn i was all teh like WTFFFF! 1... 666 yay jk thnx bye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martini Racing Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Martini, meh, you want pay? No thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Ok since you guys are raking in cash on simpleton stories I've decided to screw my old story and go with it. Traitor Today was hot. I looked to the sky and it was orange and I was like wtf lol jk thnx bye. heh. I have gotz a bran tumor so I pick up teh gun and walk to SASN. I walk in coffee room and see Sickness. Me Shoot Sickness. Me'z walk in to brief room see Davey. Shooted him. Mxyz there 2 so I shoot him in leg. I finded O.P. and Oddsock and shooted them. FLASH! I snapped out of it and realized what I have done. I used my super human strength and picked up Davey, Mxy, Oddsock, O.P, and took them to the hospital. I said good bye wented home and shat on turtle. lololol jkjkjk. damn i was all teh like WTFFFF! 1... 666 yay jk thnx bye Just wondering,are you trying to make fun of our stories? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Officer Pulaski Posted June 21, 2005 Author Share Posted June 21, 2005 Ok since you guys are raking in cash on simpleton stories I've decided to screw my old story and go with it. Traitor Today was hot. I looked to the sky and it was orange and I was like wtf lol jk thnx bye. heh. I have gotz a bran tumor so I pick up teh gun and walk to SASN. I walk in coffee room and see Sickness. Me Shoot Sickness. Me'z walk in to brief room see Davey. Shooted him. Mxyz there 2 so I shoot him in leg. I finded O.P. and Oddsock and shooted them. FLASH! I snapped out of it and realized what I have done. I used my super human strength and picked up Davey, Mxy, Oddsock, O.P, and took them to the hospital. I said good bye wented home and shat on turtle. lololol jkjkjk. damn i was all teh like WTFFFF! 1... 666 yay jk thnx bye Just wondering,are you trying to make fun of our stories? well i must say Sickness they havent been up to par lateley and also nevermind Mxy! I just reformated my computer today! I thought there was something wrong with it my computer kept freezing like 5 seconds after i started it i reformated, same bloody thing happened i did again today and it magically works! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 First of all,I dont spell like that.Second of all,I don't say sentence after sentence after sentence like so. I drove to the house.I saw a man.I shot him.He died. And last but not least,how about you give me some good pointers on stories,your majesty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTAFool12 Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Well I wasn't making fun of you but here are some pointers: - use the space bar after periods. - if you are talking back and forth between people, each new person talking means you go the next line. - Don't make a whole story one post. Try and expand it with To Be Continued - Spy jokes are usually witty, but this can change since it is your spy ( I was thinkin James Bond style.) If you have anymore questions feel free to ask, peasant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sickness Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Thanks for the tips.One of my latest stories said TO BE CONTINUE, but you must not have read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAVEY007 Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 I woke up to my alarm clock. It had a very pleaant night sleep, and I felt today was going to be a good day. I stepped outside, and reached down and grabbed the paper. I also saw I large box. I picked it up and took it inside. When I opened the box, I saw in (plastic bubble wraping) my 12x Scope, and my Silencers for my Colts. I wanted to test them out so I drove over to Verdant Meadows, and asked my buddies if I could shoot there. But before that I atached the scope to one of the colts and the silencer on the other. "Hey, Oddsock! You there?" I asked, "No, he's still sick." a voice said, "Hey who are you?" A scantaly clad women comes out. "Well, for your information I am his girlfriend." "So he is here?" "Yeah, check the bedroom." So, I walk inside to see Sickness sleeping on the couch, with Cheese Curlies strown all over the floor. I make my way to the bedroom... "Oh, your ba. Oh, Its just you Davey." "Can I shoot down the runway for a bit?" "Sure just dont shoot down any incoming flights." "Alright then, I'll just be going then." "Okay, but send in Catalina..." "I thought I aw her before..." So, I walk up to the woman and tell her to go back in there..." "Uh, Oddsock wants you back in there..." "That pig! I thought I already gave him what he wanted!" "Uh...." "What exactly do these pigs want? I mean I gave him well, I think you know, and I gave the other one Cheese Curlies! She then stomped out of the house, and I heard the sound of a Windsor pull out. "Um, that chick just took your car!" I yelled at him from the other room, "Wha" I slammed the door. I set up some targets downrange, and started shooting. It was a very good day for shooting. I could see downrange easily throught my scope, and there was virtually no wind. I was shooting until I saw something. There was Oddsocks Windsor, coming up the runway, and it looked as it was being escorted. I took a look at the escorts from my scope. They were FCR Motorcycles! I saw two on each of the motorcycles. The men in front had Macs, and the ones in the back had M4's. I ran to the house and yelled fro outside. "Yo, we got guys with M4's and Macs, and some really mad hispanic girl! "Hispanic girl!" They both yelled, "Bring out the heavy weopons!" Oddsock came out in his underwear, lugging a M60 Heavy Machine Gun on his back. Sickness came out with two SAW American Light Machine Guns. We got set for the attack. As soon as they came in range they started firing. I got two of them, they fell to the ground. Sickness and Oddsock put the rest of them out in a bloody heap. After we killed them all, "Catalina" gave it one last shot. She drove up and tried to ram into us, but instead she just hit the big airplane hangar. She recked the car, and was killed on impact. Oddsock started to sob. "It's okay, I'll send you another one." "You will?" "Yeah, I already made you one before." I then got a lift back to my house. I ate a little dinner, and jumped into bed a went to sleep. THE END~DAVEY007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts