Right so from time to time I start thinking too much about myself and about my future and I have to write it something so I can feel better. Especially now when I'd need some advices from elder people. Right so two months ago I've created a topic here saying that I'm struggling to a new city life. Well I settled down and it's feeling better I might say, even though it's still not fully good. And that happens because of me.
I have made friends on the road, hanged out with them but around this time I am not that concentrated upon that since I have a lot of tests at the university.
So that's my main problem that comes to my mind. The university that I am following doesn't guaranty any kind of big money job and sometimes people rate it as being an useless university. I am willing to graduate because it takes only three years to complete it and then I'll see what I will do.
The thing is that first I need to take the tests and with good results. Math has been the first important test where I've been average, can't really stress about it tbh.
But the thing is that I don't spend the right amount of time to study how it's supposed. I'm only spending two or three hours before the exam, trying to study the whole crap sh*t in the respective book and end up with average results. And the main problem here is the PC. It's eating my time, either free time or studying time, I've been caught again in the gaming world and it's killing my time real bad. The thing is that I cannot just put it away and start studying. My mind always goes away and makes me wonder, what the f*ck is going on around Facebook, what if I should start a new Football Manager team etc. I have no idea how to concentrate on studying and stop using the PC so much. I have no will to do well at school, just that I realize that it's definitely harder than in highschool and I need to put more effort in it.
Now the second thing that worries me is that, for example, this week I've skipped a lot of classes, either too tired of waking up (10 AM), because I felt asleep too late in the night (1 AM/2 AM), or that I would be like "f*ck it, I skip it today" and fall asleep again. Then after that, I eventually start feeling sorry for what I did and especially when I miss those tests, like today. I am living in a room, but there are more people that lives in the same building as me and they are playing loud music that wakes me up while I am sleeping.
Okay, second thing that worries me are girls. I am really depressed that I still haven't found a girlfriend. Not really found, because I've had so many opportunities to hang out with some girls, but always pussied out and didn't go to the date. I am really shy around girls and even if I try to f*cking stop that feeling I just can't, it's like trying to be calm right next to a viper or a lion. Now I don't know what the f*ck it takes to become a man and stop freaking the sh*t out of myself when I see a girl. Let me show you: sitting in a class next to a classmate, then a girl comes, looks around and asks me if the place in my left is free. I tell her that she can sit there. She asks me some random stuff about the previous classes, bla bla and that's the point where I should have started a conversation with her, she opened me, she was looking at me, I was afraid to look at her, no eye contact or so, then the conversation died. Felt really bad about it because IT'S NOT THE f*ckING FIRST TIME THAT HAPPENS THIS. Basically almost every girl that opened a conversation with me ended up being told nothing lol. So tell me what the f*ck should I do about it? I feel really awkward when I talk to unfamiliar girls, no matter what the f*ck I say.
Hell, we don't forget the loved ones so quickly. I used to think that too. My uncle has died few years ago and I was thinking recently how everybody in our family just forgot about him. I do not think often at him, but when I do I get really sad for a reason, it's been sad to see him go like that, still young if you ask me (he was 50 or something like that). Then, one day I randomly opened the subject to my mom and she told me that she haven't forgot him and that she and her sister (my aunt) are still thinking and talking about him.
People don't forget, they get used to it. Death is inevitable and there's nothing to do about it. I think there's no point in being sad all my life if a friend/relative prematurely died.
Spend it with family by starting out by giving away everything I owned to charity, after that was done are some homeless people in my neighborhood I know I would take them shopping for new clothes, then I would pick one if the best restaurants in town and pay for dinner using my Amex, and other credit cards knowing it was my last day it would be my was of saying F**k you to the credit card companies then I would go home and spend the rest of my time with family
As for how I would feel about it; it would be like "oh well what can I do about it" (oh yeah make sure to give my life insurance info to my family)
Seriously, I really don't want to become a man. Not yet. My behaviour and thoughts are still childish and with this social anxiety things are even harder.
I am 18 years old, turning 19 in January so basically I am a free man, so many times I heard that from different elder people. The thing is that not that I dislike it, but I see no change nor I want to change. I want to stay the same confused teen that fights against the teen problems like depression, not having a girlfriend, looks etc. While those were a pain in the ass few months ago, I started loving them, seeing that life is tougher than what I thought.
But f*cking hell, as I said I am 18, recently moved to a new city whom I had no clue about and I was totally unused to take care of myself. Until now, my mother would have done anything for me, I was just sitting in bed and watch. Easily I managed to get things sorted as they were out of my head, managed to make new friends when I lacked social skills and things were going better than what I thought they would. The fact ia that I don't want to be an independent man with a job, a girlfriend and a car. I think I might not be ready. My mindset is not matured enough. I wanna live playing games, sitting lazy and eventually don't study or sh*t. There's no possibility, right?
If I were you I wouldn't even worry about justifying your existence to people like him, bullies/trolls aren't worth your time. At the end of the day you are here whether he likes it or not, 'alpha' s***s like him will just have to deal with it.
But I guess you are one of those people who makes pathetic comments online to get attention because you are lonely in real life.
You eat too much sh*t, get lost if you have nothing constructive to say.
On topic, I am an introvert, also depressed and social anxious, which is making it harder for me to go out and socialize. I moved to a new city to continue studies, university, so when I finallt came here, one month ago, I was completely useless, I was afraid even to take a public bus. Slowly, things have changed, but not exactly how I wanted. Now I am able to take care of myself, made friends at uni, it didn't seem a problem tbh, but I am still shy around strangers and girls. Now think that I have to do a public speech infront of a study group which contains around 20-30 girls, so I am scared as f*ck and I don't know how to break tension and feel more comfortable.
Also, recently started playing video games which removed the 'I wanna change' state of mind and I am more ignorant now about it, I don't care anymore.
You Arsenal fans. On top for 15 minutes and apparently the reigning champions that just beat Arsenal are a poor side. We were the better team and Wenger still bottles it at OT.
Also, Ozil said he was coming to OT to have fun, well did you fun in Jones'/Evans' pocket?
come on, you were pretty average last season, but won the league because of fergie's influence. scraping a 1-0 home win when our team doesn't turn up doesn't really count for much when you drop points to west brom and soton. I don't think your arrogance is justified in this case.
Average but won the league by 11 points. Makes sense.
I prefer my manly thick vivacious virile lusty locks, thank you very much.
Nothing MANLY about locks. This is very VERY female.
I AM BALD and get bitches on my dick all day.
Bald men are the best.
I'm sure you do.
Of course you know kid, the money you are counting in your avatar is the money I handed over to you. I hope you appreciate it. Your mother didn't want to get paid. She squirts from grabbing my erotic bald head while I screw her loose c*nt and tiny asshole.