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The Adventures of The No Pants Bandits (+ a Weeb)

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WildBrick142
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#1

Posted 13 February 2018 - 04:27 PM

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Last night we finally did the Criminal Mastermind challenge! Probably the craziest and most entertaining heists playthrough we've ever had.

In short:
-We got to Humane Labs - Valkyrie.
-We failed the challenge.
-We restarted from scratch, because even though we did attempt to restart the app the progress still got rekt.
-We restarted again, because the game decided to reset our Loyalty challenge.
-We pretty much demolished every heist and setup, sometimes normally, sometimes in a way that would make you question our sanity.
-As a final send off to the craziness, we completed and memed the finale in our underwear.

Shoutouts to Amy Vinewood, Classique, and The Irish Hunter, I f*cking love you all, couldn't have done this without you 😊



Here's the full rundown of what happened if you want to read on further.

THE FLEECA JOB (02/10/2018)
Did this one with Amy. We had a very great start by failing Scope Out of all things. Basically I was going so fast that I hit the garment factory marker and left it, which ended up softlocking the game. We had to quit out the setup and restart it. The second attempt I almost forgot about Lester when leaving with the SUV. But I came back for him and we passed the setup already. Kuruma was pretty smooth, we used a teal Kuruma to steal a black Kuruma. Delivered the thing and that was it for the setup. The heist was most likely the fastest Fleeca run I've ever done. We were exactly one minute away from getting the elite. I had the hack done before Lester even started complaining (literally no fails) and I had the best drill ever. We were in and out the bank within a few seconds. Amy was a great driver, we got picked up by the magnet almost instantly and generally the drive was fast and clean.

THE PRISON BREAK (02/11/2018)
It was the time for the four of us to heist together. Plane was easy. Prison Bus was easy. Station was easy. Wet work was easy. A total cakewalk, basically. For the finale we had Amy as the prisoner, Classique as the demolitions, Irish as the pilot, and me as the prison officer. We managed to get Rashkovsky out quickly, took off from the highway and the heist was done.

THE HUMANE LABS RAID
Now that was fun. Here's why. We completed Key Codes, you know, I remembered these heists as being a bit harder than this, anyway, then we did the Insurgents... from an Akula. We had this kinda obsession with the Akula. So, we Akula'd all guards, and just drove the Insurgents out as if nothing happened. Then was time for the EMP, not much to say here, I flew the Hydra hoping I could VTOL that but apparently the VTOL is broken so I was worried about me landing this, but thankfully I managed to land the Hydra without VTOL so all is good. Then the Valkyrie came. As I said, we had this obsession with the Akula. So we called it in and flew to the Merryweather dock. As we got closer to the docks Classique accidentally pressed triangle, and, well, jumped out the Akula.

Now here's the plot twist! Amy tried to save this since she was the front passenger but failed (only because the game likes to make our characters take their sweet time taking over the controls) and we crashed into a ship underwater, killing us all. We rushed to close the app at this very moment. Unfortunately for Classique, his progress got reset. Which I find interesting because I closed the game at the scoreboard screen where you can vote to restart or continue and my progress was completely intact. I guess that has worked in our favor because we did make a poll about what should we do before actually starting the challenge.

THE FLEECA JOB (again)

zRyent6.png

This time I was with Classique, while Irish was with Amy. I was also pretty tilted so I didn't feel like driving or being the dry hackerman during Scope Out. And the Kuruma. And when the finale came my hack and drill game sucked exceptionally.

THE PRISON BREAK (again)
Once again we had to go and steal the plane, and-

Hold on, what?

Oh so you're telling me that the Loyalty progress got reset for me and Classique as soon as we started Plane?

THE FLEECA JOB (f*cking again)
Back to square one yet again. Just me and Classique had to do it, Amy and Irish could just relax. Super tilted, my drill and hack game sucked even harder that previously. That's all. Go away Fleeca.

THE PRISON BREAK (ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)
It went pretty much the same as the last time with some differences in roles during the setups that were determined by me being the host of the heist this time. Easy. I also broke gravity in my apartment.

THE HUMANE LABS RAID (02/12/2018)
Key Codes got shredded quickly. When it was time for the Insurgents, we went by the rule of "no more Akula." so we shot up the place in a slightly classic way involving another Insurgent. During EMP the aircraft carrier staff let us have the Hydra with minimal effort, I guess they enjoyed the flare show we put on as we approached the carrier. Also I almost crashed directly into a falling LAZER. Whoops. It was time for Valkyrie again. Our "no more Akula." rule was short lived. Kind of. Classique was the only one in the Akula while the rest of us charged in with a Kuruma.

Deliver EMP was done on our first try without attracting attention. I mean, yeah, I was driving like a drunken madman sounding the horn when El Sondito played on East Los while on the way to the lab and at the same time almost making Amy and Irish want to hang themselves irl, and maaaaaaybe I crashed through the gate into a street light, a tree, and another Insurgent in the lab's parking lot, and then at the very end repeatedly tried to ram the garage gate before finally parking the Insurgent sideways inside the garage (gotta think here - can't remove the EMP if they have no way of getting to it or getting it out), but neither did the game nor Agent 14 mind any of those shenanigans at all. STEALTH!

Finale was easy. Classique was the pilot, I was the gunner murdering everything that breathes except the teammates, and Amy and Irish stole the USB stick for whatever ulterior motive Agent 14 has regarding it.

00rzpzl.png


SERIES A FUNDING
Having actually gotten this far it was time to steal a few drugs for a crazy guy who has no memory of ever being to Los Santos by the time the story mode events happen. We'll call him Mr. Plot Inconsistency. For the Coke setup me and Amy were in the helicopter and Irish and Classique were on the boat. We provided cover from the air, then landed on the yacht, picked up the coke, and flew away as far as possible, or at least to where the warehouse is. The boat team did the same but they had to use a car for obvious boating-unfriendly reasons.

Trash Trucks... we cheesed most of it with a Kuruma, not much to say here. For Bikers, if it weren't for the heavy vest Classique would have died on the escape bit. We were also saddened by how many Lost Slamvans we had to destroy on the way. For Weed, Classique forgot his heavy vest and we had to restart the setup. The rest of the setup went according to plan. We brought back a special type of pink glowing weed for Ron, and despite me being the driver of the Technical Amy did survive at the gun so I'd say the setup went better than expected. Meth was also done quickly. I may have also ejected the weeb directly into a bunch of angry rednecks while trying to take the truck. Whoops.

During the finale not many events happened, unless you want to count the one time when 3 Lost Slamvans ganged up on me and forced me to eat 30 packs of P's and Q's like some chocolate addict while also taking the van's health down to a half. Phil is also a terrible DOA agent. He should be ashamed, considering how Mr. Plot Inconsistency saw right through his disguise.

XnfOTyn.png


THE PACIFIC STANDARD JOB
This is where it ends. After a short (and unfair because he got a massive headstart) race with Irish over who hosts the heist we got started with the final heist. Taking pictures of license plates is about as eventful as taking pictures of license plates so I'll skip onto the Signal if you don't mind. During signal we took the Akula (it's not like this is any different than borrowing a police helicopter from the station in Vinewood), killed everyone, rescued Avi, found out that Irish is stuck under the island, lost the cops, and delivered Avi to the drop while flying dangerously.

For Hack, I took my Gang Burrito to pick up the Gang Burrito so that we can transfer the equipment from one Gang Burrito to another Gang Burrito and then escape with the Gang Burrito while Irish took our Gang Burrito to Lester's and we destroyed the Gang Burrito of the bad guys. Gang Burrito. I don't even know what this is anymore myself. Next; Convoy. Classique's favorite. The Savages got demolished faster and easier than before. We took a Juruma Karuma Kuruma and an Insurgent Pick-Up Custom to block the road and have some cover, then stole the truck, and that was it. In Bikes, we made quite the entrance by plowing the guards at about 100mph with the Kuruma, shooting everyone up and escaping with the bikes. Classique had a bunch of close calls here too.


xRHiYV0.png

And now is the time for the grand finale. Classique wanted us to get our Faggios, while I suggested we might as well do it in our underwear (since the last time Classique suggested it back in HL (I think?) I didn't get the memo and we didn't meme anything.) and we got ready. Irish didn't have a Faggio, and he didn't want to take the 5 minutes to get one so he went with Trevor's Bodhi, which was not a bad choice, I guess. Classique had to go do something so we stopped at a parking lot for one final moment of calm.

UAQUKY6.png

It was time to confront the bank once and for all. We totally did not enter it awkwardly. We're professionals. Okay. Just, stop questioning. As the Crowd Control, the first thing I did was intimidate the people inside the bank by violating the laws of physics on the lamps. Then we shot open the door before leaving the bank which left floating cable ties behind. Then we made a standard getaway, onto the bikes, and into the country. I took the most idiotic route possible avoiding all the checkpoints and leaving me with a wanted level at the end of this, even fell off the bike twice. Anyway, we got away, and fired the final few flares in celebration. Top 10 Anime Heist Finales. I recorded our shenanigans if anyone actually wants to spend half an hour watching a meme.


And that concludes our first of five Criminal Mastermind runs - next up: Doomsday Heists. We're probably going to treat it like a joke too, likely to a further extent since the heavy armor is useless in those :lol:

EOcTmWo.png

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irish.chr
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#2

Posted 13 February 2018 - 04:28 PM

I'm not a weeb, I swear

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kenmy13999
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#3

Posted 13 February 2018 - 04:42 PM

Gratz, I have yet to do this but hopefully I get around to do it one day
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Tonguegirl
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#4

Posted 13 February 2018 - 04:44 PM

No offence, but why is this a thread?

 

Congratulations and all but if this was done by a member it would get locked and redirected to an existing thread.

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irish.chr
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#5

Posted 13 February 2018 - 04:50 PM

Here's some interesting things that happened from my perspective.

 

The meaning of relaxation:

 

tkJiHJF.jpg

 

Under the island:

 

jDbvwet.jpg

 

Breaking the laws of physics:

 

GYgSMHl.jpg

 

this guy doesn't know how to fly:

 

 

And my sweet dodging skills:

 

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kenmy13999
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#6

Posted 13 February 2018 - 05:10 PM

No offence, but why is this a thread?
 
Congratulations and all but if this was done by a member it would get locked and redirected to an existing thread.

No it wouldn't, several members have created a thread when they did CMM and it wasn't locked, at least not before people started trolling and derailing the thread
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dino722
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#7

Posted 13 February 2018 - 05:12 PM

Congratulations buddy, it is a rush, the more you advance the more intense it gets. One question I have: do you now feel like a pro?? Cause I did. Still do, proud of it.
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Quinn_flower
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#8

Posted 13 February 2018 - 05:36 PM

welcome to the club wild grats for u 

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#9

Posted 13 February 2018 - 05:53 PM

As a mod I would expect you to know we have a really cool thread just for your really cool bro story.

http://gtaforums.com...e-your-stories/

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#10

Posted 13 February 2018 - 06:49 PM

I'm not a weeb, I swear


Thats fine, but you ARE pantsless??

Asking for a friend.

Amy Vinewood
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#11

Posted 13 February 2018 - 06:51 PM

No offence, but why is this a thread?
 
Congratulations and all but if this was done by a member it would get locked and redirected to an existing thread.


Nope, other people have been able to post their cmm story

http://gtaforums.com...888865-finally/
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CaptainMarvel
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#12

Posted 13 February 2018 - 06:52 PM

As a mod I would expect you to know we have a really cool thread just for your really cool bro story.
http://gtaforums.com...e-your-stories/


Whos tempted to quote Bricks original post and risk a delete or ban??

Congrats Brick and company. Completing the CM for the first time and helping out two other groups achieve that goal is exhilarating and fulfilling.
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#13

Posted 13 February 2018 - 06:56 PM

The level of cooperation to get this done is the thing that most impresses me. Well done on sticking together and showing such determination.

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#14

Posted 13 February 2018 - 07:04 PM

No offence, but why is this a thread?
 
Congratulations and all but if this was done by a member it would get locked and redirected to an existing thread.

Nope, other people have been able to post their cmm story

http://gtaforums.com...888865-finally/

Lol I was just gonna post this


Congrats to you all! 😄 The rush of excitement you get is indescribable, was for me at least
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#15

Posted 13 February 2018 - 07:05 PM

Well done :), its something il never be able to calamity my way through lol

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#16

Posted 13 February 2018 - 07:09 PM

Pants spotted at first screenshot.
Topic's name is invalid.

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#17

Posted 13 February 2018 - 07:20 PM

I've never did any cmm :cry:
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#18

Posted 13 February 2018 - 07:27 PM Edited by Jimbatron, 13 February 2018 - 08:09 PM.

Congratulations to the four of you. We did ours back in 2015 and are currently one setup and the Act III finale from completing CMM IV - and to be honest I'm absolutely bricking it. We're so far in, one slip, and all that effort will be gone - I've almost forgotten what it felt like. And I guess you guys couldn't take the easy Pac Std route of old (the Kuruma - patched out) that took away all the tension from the last mission.

 

Required dedication and commitment - regardless of skill level, just arranging to meet up, especially if like my crew you are in different time zones.

 

Sorry to hear about your re-starts - I remember the pain well of when a stray shot hit the the gas tanks at the petrol station in Trash Truck, taking all four of us out (in quite spectacular fashion I might add - although that wasn't what I thought about it at the time). Still, it makes it all the more satisfying when you get over the line.

 

P.S. For f*cks sake though, put some f*cking pants on. You can afford a good pair of chinos now.

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#19

Posted 13 February 2018 - 07:38 PM

UnfitTerrificBeaver-max-1mb.gif

 

Congas !

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#20

Posted 13 February 2018 - 08:41 PM

idk why ppl are complaing.  i made a thread like wild years ago and it was fine even got mods saying congrats.

 

http://gtaforums.com...ally-i-can-say/

 

so yea...let wild have fun he/she earned it mhm

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#21

Posted 13 February 2018 - 09:21 PM Edited by Jimbatron, 13 February 2018 - 09:29 PM.

^ Further to that, I think it's worth mentioning that the mods (as far as I can tell), realistically have to be reactive to the volume of topics being created.

 

Take 2013. It was a bit like one of those night clubs in the 90' where everyone rammed in and no one cared about health and safety. You couldn't create a vaguely intelligent post here without it being shoved down the board in less than 30 seconds by people starting all sorts of rubbish.

 

It's a bit different now. IMHO (and I've been through a couple of cycles now around here), most of the people who have stuck around are those who are big fans of the franchise and there is more of a community feel than there was, say, 4 years ago. So you see a topic like this one and think "I sort of know that crowd a bit and what their opinions are etc". Back in 2013 it was all just an unfathomable deluge of posters you couldn't hope to recognise. Then again, I joined in with the huge mass wave of people who initially couldn't get GTA IV to work properly on the PC so I should choose my words carefully!

 

In any event, wait until GTA VI hits us. The mods will have to be uber-strict again about locking posts etc. But to be fair, this place is as balanced as any is these days - I see very little double standards. I would go so far as to say this is actually a place that stands out where healthy discussion and differences can be debated right now with a generally good spirit - excepting a few examples of outright provocation. 

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#22

Posted 14 February 2018 - 04:47 AM

Shoutouts to Amy Vinewood, Classique, and The Irish Hunter, I f*cking love you all, couldn't have done this without you

Sounds like a dream team to me, some of my favourite people (and helicopters, and weebs) on the forum.

 

Congratulations on it! It's awesome getting that done. Really nice pay too. I had to shut down a few times when I did it - a couple of times it lagged too much, and I got catapulted out of the Technical; basically sent off into orbit. Managed to shut down long before I landed though.

 

idk why ppl are complaing.  i made a thread like wild years ago and it was fine even got mods saying congrats.

 

http://gtaforums.com...ally-i-can-say/

 

so yea...let wild have fun he/she earned it mhm

Some people are just no fun allowed. 

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#23

Posted 14 February 2018 - 05:20 AM

congrats mate... it fells good when you finally get it.

i remember when i did the cmm back in the day, while the other guys had already played all the heists, i had only played fleeca by the time we joined to start prison break, so it was quite a experience, not only playing them heist for the first time but trying not to f*ck up the challenge haha fun times
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Is this The Guy?
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#24

Posted 14 February 2018 - 07:44 AM

Congrats!

Sadly I will never have the patience to do this.
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#25

Posted 14 February 2018 - 08:38 AM

impressive, congratulations wildbrick

you finally make it to the top

 

i was thinking the same, i couldn't done it with my old team but we managed to beat the CMM neverless

 

idk why ppl are complaing.  i made a thread like wild years ago and it was fine even got mods saying congrats.

 

http://gtaforums.com...ally-i-can-say/

 

so yea...let wild have fun he/she earned it mhm

yeah i even made one in past as well

i believe CMM bragging thread only worthy if you prove your winning at CMM challenges with screenshot/videos

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#26

Posted 14 February 2018 - 08:39 AM

giphy.gif

cheers!! well done sparkly crew, enjoy the shiney golden luxor hihihi

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#27

Posted 14 February 2018 - 01:03 PM

idk why ppl are complaing.  i made a thread like wild years ago and it was fine even got mods saying congrats.
 
http://gtaforums.com...ally-i-can-say/
 
so yea...let wild have fun he/she earned it mhm


I hate when people complain constantly. And in every thread.

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#28

Posted 14 February 2018 - 01:20 PM Edited by Mrs. Buzz, 14 February 2018 - 01:23 PM.

Congrats for getting thru and having a decent and patient team. :^:

 

Excellent read and humor, enjoyed that. :D

 

Edit: On a sidenote, every CMM run deserves a thread imho - especially if it's written out like this.

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Sentinel Driver
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#29

Posted 15 February 2018 - 06:19 AM

You can use an akula during heists??????????????


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#30

Posted 15 February 2018 - 06:42 AM

You can use an akula during heists??????????????


You use it in multiple setups ffs

And it's a personal aircraft so why not




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