Last night we finally did the Criminal Mastermind challenge! Probably the craziest and most entertaining heists playthrough we've ever had.
-We got to Humane Labs - Valkyrie.
-We failed the challenge.
-We restarted from scratch, because even though we did attempt to restart the app the progress still got rekt.
-We restarted again, because the game decided to reset our Loyalty challenge.
-We pretty much demolished every heist and setup, sometimes normally, sometimes in a way that would make you question our sanity.
-As a final send off to the craziness, we completed and memed the finale in our underwear.
Shoutouts to Amy Vinewood, Classique, and The Irish Hunter, I f*cking love you all, couldn't have done this without you 😊
Here's the full rundown of what happened if you want to read on further.
THE FLEECA JOB (02/10/2018)
Did this one with Amy. We had a very great start by failing Scope Out of all things. Basically I was going so fast that I hit the garment factory marker and left it, which ended up softlocking the game. We had to quit out the setup and restart it. The second attempt I almost forgot about Lester when leaving with the SUV. But I came back for him and we passed the setup already. Kuruma was pretty smooth, we used a teal Kuruma to steal a black Kuruma. Delivered the thing and that was it for the setup. The heist was most likely the fastest Fleeca run I've ever done. We were exactly one minute away from getting the elite. I had the hack done before Lester even started complaining (literally no fails) and I had the best drill ever. We were in and out the bank within a few seconds. Amy was a great driver, we got picked up by the magnet almost instantly and generally the drive was fast and clean.
THE PRISON BREAK (02/11/2018)
It was the time for the four of us to heist together. Plane was easy. Prison Bus was easy. Station was easy. Wet work was easy. A total cakewalk, basically. For the finale we had Amy as the prisoner, Classique as the demolitions, Irish as the pilot, and me as the prison officer. We managed to get Rashkovsky out quickly, took off from the highway and the heist was done.
THE HUMANE LABS RAID
Now that was fun. Here's why. We completed Key Codes, you know, I remembered these heists as being a bit harder than this, anyway, then we did the Insurgents... from an Akula. We had this kinda obsession with the Akula. So, we Akula'd all guards, and just drove the Insurgents out as if nothing happened. Then was time for the EMP, not much to say here, I flew the Hydra hoping I could VTOL that but apparently the VTOL is broken so I was worried about me landing this, but thankfully I managed to land the Hydra without VTOL so all is good. Then the Valkyrie came. As I said, we had this obsession with the Akula. So we called it in and flew to the Merryweather dock. As we got closer to the docks Classique accidentally pressed triangle, and, well, jumped out the Akula.
Now here's the plot twist! Amy tried to save this since she was the front passenger but failed (only because the game likes to make our characters take their sweet time taking over the controls) and we crashed into a ship underwater, killing us all. We rushed to close the app at this very moment. Unfortunately for Classique, his progress got reset. Which I find interesting because I closed the game at the scoreboard screen where you can vote to restart or continue and my progress was completely intact. I guess that has worked in our favor because we did make a poll about what should we do before actually starting the challenge.
THE FLEECA JOB (again)
THE PRISON BREAK (again)
Once again we had to go and steal the plane, and-
Hold on, what?
Oh so you're telling me that the Loyalty progress got reset for me and Classique as soon as we started Plane?
THE FLEECA JOB (f*cking again)
Back to square one yet again. Just me and Classique had to do it, Amy and Irish could just relax. Super tilted, my drill and hack game sucked even harder that previously. That's all. Go away Fleeca.
THE PRISON BREAK (ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)
It went pretty much the same as the last time with some differences in roles during the setups that were determined by me being the host of the heist this time. Easy. I also broke gravity in my apartment.
THE HUMANE LABS RAID (02/12/2018)
Key Codes got shredded quickly. When it was time for the Insurgents, we went by the rule of "no more Akula." so we shot up the place in a slightly classic way involving another Insurgent. During EMP the aircraft carrier staff let us have the Hydra with minimal effort, I guess they enjoyed the flare show we put on as we approached the carrier. Also I almost crashed directly into a falling LAZER. Whoops. It was time for Valkyrie again. Our "no more Akula." rule was short lived. Kind of. Classique was the only one in the Akula while the rest of us charged in with a Kuruma.
Deliver EMP was done on our first try without attracting attention. I mean, yeah, I was driving like a drunken madman sounding the horn when El Sondito played on East Los while on the way to the lab and at the same time almost making Amy and Irish want to hang themselves irl, and maaaaaaybe I crashed through the gate into a street light, a tree, and another Insurgent in the lab's parking lot, and then at the very end repeatedly tried to ram the garage gate before finally parking the Insurgent sideways inside the garage (gotta think here - can't remove the EMP if they have no way of getting to it or getting it out), but neither did the game nor Agent 14 mind any of those shenanigans at all. STEALTH!
Finale was easy. Classique was the pilot, I was the gunner murdering everything that breathes except the teammates, and Amy and Irish stole the USB stick for whatever ulterior motive Agent 14 has regarding it.
SERIES A FUNDING
Having actually gotten this far it was time to steal a few drugs for a crazy guy who has no memory of ever being to Los Santos by the time the story mode events happen. We'll call him Mr. Plot Inconsistency. For the Coke setup me and Amy were in the helicopter and Irish and Classique were on the boat. We provided cover from the air, then landed on the yacht, picked up the coke, and flew away as far as possible, or at least to where the warehouse is. The boat team did the same but they had to use a car for obvious boating-unfriendly reasons.
Trash Trucks... we cheesed most of it with a Kuruma, not much to say here. For Bikers, if it weren't for the heavy vest Classique would have died on the escape bit. We were also saddened by how many Lost Slamvans we had to destroy on the way. For Weed, Classique forgot his heavy vest and we had to restart the setup. The rest of the setup went according to plan. We brought back a special type of pink glowing weed for Ron, and despite me being the driver of the Technical Amy did survive at the gun so I'd say the setup went better than expected. Meth was also done quickly. I may have also ejected the weeb directly into a bunch of angry rednecks while trying to take the truck. Whoops.
During the finale not many events happened, unless you want to count the one time when 3 Lost Slamvans ganged up on me and forced me to eat 30 packs of P's and Q's like some chocolate addict while also taking the van's health down to a half. Phil is also a terrible DOA agent. He should be ashamed, considering how Mr. Plot Inconsistency saw right through his disguise.
THE PACIFIC STANDARD JOB
This is where it ends. After a short (and unfair because he got a massive headstart) race with Irish over who hosts the heist we got started with the final heist. Taking pictures of license plates is about as eventful as taking pictures of license plates so I'll skip onto the Signal if you don't mind. During signal we took the Akula (it's not like this is any different than borrowing a police helicopter from the station in Vinewood), killed everyone, rescued Avi, found out that Irish is stuck under the island, lost the cops, and delivered Avi to the drop while flying dangerously.
For Hack, I took my Gang Burrito to pick up the Gang Burrito so that we can transfer the equipment from one Gang Burrito to another Gang Burrito and then escape with the Gang Burrito while Irish took our Gang Burrito to Lester's and we destroyed the Gang Burrito of the bad guys. Gang Burrito. I don't even know what this is anymore myself. Next; Convoy. Classique's favorite. The Savages got demolished faster and easier than before. We took a
And that concludes our first of five Criminal Mastermind runs - next up: Doomsday Heists. We're probably going to treat it like a joke too, likely to a further extent since the heavy armor is useless in those