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The King of Los Santos (Storyline)

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Martin_Strada
  • Martin_Strada

    Most Improved Designer of 2017. (DYOM)

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#1

Posted 30 November 2017 - 04:08 PM Edited by Martin_Strada, 22 February 2018 - 08:20 AM.

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''' My life is killing people, I did this every life, and you know for what? For avenging the enemy blood..''

 

 

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Welcome, DYOM'ers! today is my day to create a new series, the 1st and 2nd chapter start helped by three members: Eddy4312 LODoesGames, and Yasir RFl, special thanks to them, they were great! But now, I will design those missions only one, alone.

 

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Action, War, Gang, Crime, Avenger.

 

 

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Lance Reed is a mechanic member in Ocean Docks, LS. His work to get a car and upgrade it. Second of all, Lance Reed bored without action like shooting, race, and driving. He's 24 years old kid who loves his work. His journey will cause a lot of casualties...

 

 

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1996, Los Santos

The Place where you can do everything, crime, robbery, extortion. The mechanic Lance Reed is working in Ocean Docks with his old buddy Ajax Sean. Lance likes to make an action, but he's not going to the army, his life to get some wheels. You will fight against the other gangs, even a dangerous strong gang came from Germany: Silent19th, they burned down your work, and now your life is avenge for your work and you will cause lots of Miseries...

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1. Lance Reed:

The main protagonist in the series. He always shooting bad guys, his life goal to be a king in LS, he was requested to join car mechanic job by Ajax Sean, his best friend. 

 

2. Ajax Sean:

The best friend of Lance Reed, his job is in car mechanic shop, all he wanted is money. He cares only money, drugs. He's sure that they will not f*ck with him.

 

3. Albert Adams:

He's a car owner in Rodeo, Los Santos. he's an old friend of Lance Reed, he works with a gang co-leader Brian Rino. He gives jobs to Lance Reed to complete. Does everyone think he smart? I guess not.

 

4. Brian Rino:

He's a very strict co-leader of Rinos Resistance, his gang orders failed, and his enemy gang took the East Los Santos, they need to bring back the East. He's very aggressive.

 

5. Turner Brock:

Ajax's friend, who was an old friend of Ajax. He works with Brian, but he has emotional problems, seriously.

 

6. George Wayland:

Turner's friend, who was born in Washington, USA. He flights to Los Santos. He works with Brian the co-leader of Rinos Resistance. He is a bodyguard with a guy that you still don't know in Mulholland Hills.

 

7. Madd Dogg:

A most popular rapper in LS. He hates OG Loc because fofhis fake sh*t. He always loves giving works and helping for his side. He loses 2 rhymes because of fake gangsta rapper OG Loc.

 

8. Mike Scipas:

He's a Madd Dogg's bodyguard, he's doing what Madd Dogg says, also he gives some jobs to Lance and for other men, he's aggressive but clever, 3 years earlier he joined to help Madd Dogg.

 

9. Vlad Kohoutek:

Well, for his name, everyone knows that he's Russian slav. Came from Moscow, yeah Gopnik style.

 

10. The Emperor:

His name is unknown, but people want him to call The Emperor, sounds strange right? His accent is also almost in Jamaican style, his father is from Jamaica, his mother is American.

 

11. Jose Navarro:

A Mexican man who hates Silent19th and Russian mobsters, all he want is Lance's help.

 

12. Alex:

He's a Brian Informer, he's just a second Emmet, he has a loads of weapons and a lot of people paid him.

 

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CHAPTER 1:

 

Africa Designer: 

5/5!

YasirRFL: 

5/5!

IsiX: 

5/5!

FunkeyX:

5/5!

Sl66Kayloo: 

5/5!

Absar J Khan: 

4/5!

Opcode.exe:

4/5!

Mikolajek:

3/5!

 Danz: 

3/5!

dekash27:

3/5?

 

CHAPTER 2:

Africa Designer:

5/5!

IsiX123:

5/5!

SoapMactavish:

4/5!

Danz:

3/5!

 

 

 

CRITIC REVIEWS:

Made by Opcode.exe.

Grammar - (Honestly the grammar is good and grammar is weak as well. In most of the missions, I found vast amount grammar mistakes and in few missions, I found less amount of grammar mistakes. You can consider two hands. The first hand is full of obstacles and ambushes and the second one is a long road with few and easy ambushes. I hope you understand what I am saying. "Yellow" colour is not bad but it demands more hard work on the grammar + punctuation level also need improvements. The first hand is completely messed up but second hand is good and great so far but still, "comma" everywhere is not a correct. You are making it decorate not correct which comes near to "Presentation" stageSpelling Mistakes - (Good I mean yeah really. Spelling Mistakes were not such a big issue in this SL. I found few mistakes during analyzing. Most of them are from the first mission where both Actors were at the top of the Star tower. Moreover, I found nowhere any small or big mistakes. Receiving a "Green" colour are for lucky people and you are one of them. No need any improvements here. Just analyze your mission after the accomplishment. I was also able to give you high stage but punctuation and some text changing were not good[/size]

 

Plot - (Plot is not at heights but still we can connect this a bit with reality. Things in the plot occur really quick. Protagonist met with some mobs and become one of his favourites. Obtained a new car and quick money... all these stuff happened really fast. My opinion was to make it negligible at first and then try to prevail reputation on all over the city but since you finished it already then keep it like what it is. Just try to be careful next time and I like the style that how you guys did not ruin it. What I am saying that I like that how you guys connected everything as a job and also tried to move on something else. Keep it up![/size])
 [/size]
Cutscenes - (Cutscenes are not really good but I am satisfied that how you guys work on it. Rotations were good and most of the things also but still I found much weakness in most of the missions. Just make it more accurate and stylish and everything will be fine[/size])
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Objects&Pickups - (Actually there were not any pickups and objects in SL. Just a few pickups which positions were not accurate. Lucky that I am giving it a neutral (means half points)[/size] )
 [/size]
Length - (Length of the missions were good not too big nor small. I like it that how you all guys appended a small phone call at the end. Honestly, I was not expecting that at the end but still good. Lucky that you are receiving "Yellow" colour on length otherwise I don't like to give it at length[/size])
 [/size]
Difficulty - (Difficulty is really good. I really like it. High Accuracy and low health with the headshot enabled. Every time we cannot just headshot in the middle of the enemies. That phone call ambush was really nice. All actors health was good. Seriously enjoyed it. One cookie from me on this [/size] :cookie: [/size])
 [/size]
Presentation - (Presentation did not satisfy me. LodesofGames, YsairRFL and Eddy4312. These three are most responsible for the current presentation stage. Their mentioning and referring to another person way was really bad. However, Martinovich was good at a place. If he was going to work on Presentation then I am sure that Presentation was in the middle of "Green" colour[/size])
 [/size]
+ Collaboration is actually a good idea but I saw many faults. My advice to the host is to deep check on the mission's dialogues and try to edit them. I published a tutorial "Advanced Method of Editing text. Watch it and after that, you will leave the inaccurate and crash feature of importing text in DYOM. Remember when many people nominated you for the "Most improved member". Yes, you are, you deserve it and keep up more.
 [/size]
7.57/10 Really nice. Try to work on mentioned things and next time you will receive more points. waiting for Chapter 2.

 


 

Made by Danz.

I've finally played through both the 1st Chapter and what was currently avaiable for the second chapter, with the exception of the lastest released missionThe Emperor. So I'm here to give you a review of this Storyline, here it is:
 Writting/Plot: It ranged from kinda bad to decent and few good ones. It doesn't feature a deep presentation of each protagonist or character's goals, nor ambitions or simple life objectives, especially regarding the main one, Lance. (which looks exactly like Ajax for some reason. Maybe they're secret twins, I dunno) Anyways, except for a few missions, they all seemed disconnected from the plot. It might be an issue caused by having too many authors messing with the same Story, so it can look all over the place with little continuity between events, except for the protagonist's vehicles and safe houses (since one of them was burnt by a gang). My advice is to have only one to two authors (Martin and someone else) at max developing the storyline, because it makes for a more focused story with actual progression, like making Lance not only work for a car showroom, but for something bigger and bigger after each mission. Also, try to give a backstory, some deepness into the characters, so that it doesn't feel like they were threw in for the sake of just existing and take the boredom out. Which means, the story could be less shallow. I've not talked about everything, but my rating is 6/10 plot-wise. I'm pretty sure if it was only one person working on it, it could have been better, even if it would take longer for each mission to come out.
 Grammar: It ranged from bad to acceptable, once again depending on the author. This kind of mistake can be easily fixed editing the text file of the mission outside the game, with C++ or other editing programs. Rating for this aspect is 5/10.
 Lenght: This one ranged from very good to perfect. None of the missions felt too short or excruciatingly long. Also, loads of action always thrown in. So 10/10 for this one.
 Difficulty: It could have been great, if a good bunch of missions weren't completely painful to get through. I get it that some missions were supposed to be hard, but some of them were just infuriating, lol. There are several reasons why: 
-Never, ever turn on the cops in a shootout mission, especially when you have to deal a big group of enemies, with high health, high accuracy and no headshot enabled. It just adds a random event of cops going after you while your shooting down gang members. Plot-wise it doesn't make sense as well, because its obvious the cops would rather let you kill other criminals and gang members than trying to gun down a single person who might be helping them.
-Lack of consistency in gun fights. The enemies had different amounts of health, different amounts of accuracy and the worst of them all, some, ON THE SAME GUNFIGHT, had the headshot disabled while others were enabled. It made for some very confusing moments where you couldn't be sure where you should hit the enemy, because you could never guess when the headshot was enabled. My advice, is to either remove headshots from them all, or just leave how the original game is like.
-The pickups were sometimes in hard to reach places, so you wouldn't find health or armor until you killed almost all the enemies (a problem that the Money mission has)
So overall, it was a 7/10 for this. I feel like the intention to make hard missions was good, the execution, however, made them look very frustating from the fun perspective.
 Cutscenes: Was alright, nothing really special but well done at what it intended to show. 7/10
 Scenario: Was alright as well, had some missions where a lot of cars, objects, pickups and interiors were used effectively, while others had a significant lack of them. Once again, this might be a problem of having too many authors on the same project, because each of them have different styles and ideas to design a mission. But overall, I feel like there was a decent use of options to optimize the scenario for each mission. 8/10
 Presentation: Once again, its potential fell shortly due to having too many authors for the project. Some missions featured more variety than others, however, the majority of them were about shootouts that led to more shootouts and so on. It had loads of action, which isn't a bad thing, but there's something everyone must consider when designing missions, which is balance. If there's an oversaturation of missions of the same kind, in a row, it tends to either get boring or annoying, especially the latter considering how difficult and similar were some of the missions. Also, the fact that the plot itself is currently shallow (which means, it can be improved) is something that holds back the presentation. In mean words, I feel like this mission pack could have been much more if there was a bigger and better focus in the story, in the feelings of the characters, their goals, a better variety of missions that are relevant to the plot, and especially, if there was preferably only one author at this. Give characters actual reasons to do what they do, or to plan what they will do and how they react to what they did. 6/10
 Overall Rating: 7/10
 
I still want to see where this is heading to, hopefully it will become better and better everyday. Also, I'm here to offer my help if there's anything I can do to improve these aspects I mentioned of this project. I just hope you don't find my review too harsh, it was all very honest from my part, lol.  :D

Since I was asked for it, here's my review of the second chapter:
 
Writting/Plot: It was a minor improvement over the first chapter, because it started to be focused around only one author (Martin) rather than a bunch, but it's still kind of repetitive. The missions are still shootouts in one location that lead to shootouts on another location, and so on, all of the strictly gang based. The story is now well focused, but it is still shallow, the characters are flat, even the main one (Lance). Give them some personality, make them have reasons to do missions other than being bored (Lance). Take a look at the original storyline of gta san andreas, you'll see how much of a variety its missions have, being plain on-foot shootouts only 20% of them. Seriously, try adding more feeling to the characters, a backstory that explains why they are doing what they are doing. Also, the dialogues could be improved a lot, but it might be due to not currently knowing many words in english. My rating is 6/10 because although it has improved in some areas like the flow and continuity of the story, the dialogues have not improved in regards to their deepness, the characters are still as flat as a paper sheet, they barely have feelings or goals, they do what they do because... it's not explained, the player just have to deal with it. And the variety of the missions have taken a step back from the 1st chapter, it was basically just massive shootouts in several locations, except 2 missions, being one of them Chasing Dario. DYOM has so many features to simply be restricted to the easy ones, you could make missions about drive-bys, escorting, stealth invasion, you know, the possibilities are almost endless. It feels bare to have missions so similar to each other, it bores the player, unless they adore shooting at bulletsponges. Take a look at the original Gta San Andreas missions, and you will see what is missing very quickly.
 
Grammar: It was acceptable, but couldn't make for deeper conversations between the characters, because I guess there needs more experience with the English language. 7/10
 
Length: Excellent, as usual. 10/10
 
Difficulty: Once again, I think you are confusing annoyingly difficult missions with super enjoyable. I will give you a thumbs up in regards to disabled police in this chapter, since it makes the missions 10x less annoying without cops trying to shoot you down while you're killing criminals (which wouldn't make any sense), in comparison to the first chapter. But when it comes about the gun fights, which is what consists about 95% of the second chapter, they are a bore a simple and plain bore if you're trying to pass the mission and not risk failing it by dying. The enemies are inconsistent. Some will have very low health and headshot enabled, while, on the same location and time, there are enemies with 1000 health, headshot diabled and high accuracy. Also, they are all thrown in coupled together in groups of 20 or 30. IT TAKES 21  AK47 SHOTS TO KILL EACH OF THEM! You might think it is very difficult, so it is very fun? Well, it's mostly boring and not that difficult actually, since you just need to stand as far as possible from them, and take single shots to kill them. It takes very, very long to kill all of them, but you end up passing the mission. It is not fun. What could be done is to place the enemies better (behind cover or difficult to reach without risking yourself), with 100 accuracy, 250 or 500 health, headshot enabled and behavior set to normal or attack direct, so that they will go after you when sppoted or not, it creates a more diverse and fun shootout, while also being more difficult since they are much less predictable (they won't simply stand still while you shoot them). That's it. 6/10
 
Cutscenes: This one was pretty good actually, a major improvement over the previous chapter. 9/10
 
Scenario: Could use more objects to build the scenario, but they were built in a way that made sense. 7/10
 
Presentation: It's better than the previous character since only Martin is working on it, for the most part, but it still has the issues I've said in the Writting/Plot section, the grammar and the difficulty one. I'd say the 2nd chapter wasn't as enjoyable overall as the first one. It needs improvement especially in the deepness of the characters, especially the main one (Lance) and also in regards to mission variety. Shootouts in almost every mission gets boring, especially since the enemies are bulletsponges that can't be headshot and take 21 bullets to die. There's a clear design problem and you can fix it for the next chapter, I know you can Martin, just put in a bit more effort. 6/10  :)
 
Overall: 7,3/10

 

 


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Chapter 1: Link

Chapter 2: Link

 

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Chapter 1:

 

1. Before we will start

Difficulty: None

 

2. Prologue

Difficulty: Easy

 

3. Reclaim the Need

Difficulty: Medium

 

4. Payment

Difficulty: Medium

 

5. The Merchandise

Difficulty: Hard

 

6. Money

Difficulty: Hard

 

7. The 3 Target

Difficulty: Medium

 

8. Party Midnight

Difficulty: Hard

 

9. Albert's Job

Difficulty: Hard

 

10. NRG500

Difficulty: Medium

 

11. Truck

Difficulty: Easy

 

12. Drugs: My love

Difficulty: Hard

 

13. Ajax's Files

Difficulty: Hard

 

14. Warrior's License

Difficulty: Medium

 

Chapter 2:

 

1. The New Rules

Difficulty: None

 

2. Serious Fire

Difficulty: Easy

 

3. Drugs (again)

Difficulty: Easy

 

4. Catalyst

Difficulty: Easy

 

5. The First Entry

Difficulty: Medium

 

6. The Wasted Street

Difficulty: Medium

 

7. The Chosen One

Difficulty: Easy

 

8. Let the game begin..

Difficulty: Hard

 

9. Madd Dogg's Rhymes

Difficulty: Medium

 

10. Night out

Difficulty: Hard

 

11. One Step Closer

Difficulty: Hard

 

12. The Return of Veteran

Difficulty: None

 

13. Night Live

Difficulty: Easy

 

14. Chasing Dario

Difficulty: Easy

 

15. The Emperor

Difficulty: Medium

 

16. Fighting Bad

Difficulty: Hard

 

17. The Ship

Difficulty: Hard

 

18. Burning South

Difficulty: Hard

 

19. The Wrong Deal

Difficulty: Hard

 

20. Russian's Return

Difficulty: Medium

 

21. The Return of Rinos

Difficulty: None

 

22. An Alliance

Difficulty: Hard

 

23. ''Eight Men Standing''

Difficulty: Hard

 

24. ''The Lone Foxes''

Difficulty: None

 

Chapter 3:

 

1. Top of The World

Difficulty: None

 

2. A settle business

Difficulty: None

 

 

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ucox1nrO8I&t=247s

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H14PtLlAmk8&lc

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5SBLwFH1po

 

 

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Martin: For creating this MP

LODoesGames: For helping me with designing the series

Eddy4312: For helping me with designing the series

YasirRFL: For helping me with designing the series

Dutchy3010 and PatrickW: For creating a mod: DYOM

Seemann: For creating cleo, without cleo, dyom won't work properly.

 

Enjoy, please give feedbacks, THANK YOU! :D

 

#TKoLS

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Yasir_RFL
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#2

Posted 30 November 2017 - 04:27 PM

Looks nice , will play!
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Joony3758
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#3

Posted 30 November 2017 - 08:06 PM

Gonna try it

DeAdLy PyThOn
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#4

Posted 01 December 2017 - 12:33 AM

Good luck for this!
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Yasir_RFL
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#5

Posted 01 December 2017 - 05:44 AM

It reminds of a game called ,
Gangster 2: Kings of LA,
if you are making this type of stories,the I will play it with full excitement!!
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Martin_Strada
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#6

Posted 01 December 2017 - 11:19 AM Edited by Martin_Strada, 01 December 2017 - 11:19 AM.

Thanks for your comments, guys. I really appreciate it, and by the way about Fort Carson Stories, is on hold, we 3 gonna create those missions and show a community how are we.


Nuddle King
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#7

Posted 01 December 2017 - 02:29 PM

Is it Crime or Gangstat Mission?
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Martin_Strada
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#8

Posted 01 December 2017 - 02:30 PM

Is it Crime or Gangstat Mission?

 

Both.


Nuddle King
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#9

Posted 01 December 2017 - 02:31 PM

Finally I Create Account Now!Thank You Martin☺
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Nuddle King
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#10

Posted 01 December 2017 - 02:51 PM

It reminds of a game called ,
Gangster 2: Kings of LA,
if you are making this type of stories,the I will play it with full excitement!!

Bad Idea,Martin Have his own Stories...F.C.S

Yasir_RFL
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#11

Posted 02 December 2017 - 08:27 AM

I am not advising him ,
I am just asking is the story based on Gangster 2:Kings of LA :')

Martin_Strada
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#12

Posted 02 December 2017 - 08:48 AM

I am not advising him ,
I am just asking is the story based on Gangster 2:Kings of LA :')

 

Well, I don't know that game actually, the story maybe different. This series will have a lot of gang and crime issues. DEMO's coming soon, hang on.


Martin_Strada
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#13

Posted 02 December 2017 - 09:39 AM

Demo is released!!

Download:

http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/50738

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#14

Posted 02 December 2017 - 10:12 AM

Yeàaaaaaah,Lets Play Homie!
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Yasir_RFL
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#15

Posted 02 December 2017 - 10:17 AM

Will play later !
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Nuddle King
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#16

Posted 02 December 2017 - 12:04 PM

Is Will Be More Gangs and Characters?Because I LIKE THE DEMO TO MUCH!
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#17

Posted 02 December 2017 - 12:07 PM

Is Will Be More Gangs and Characters?Because I LIKE THE DEMO TO MUCH!

 

Of course, it will


Nuddle King
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#18

Posted 02 December 2017 - 12:09 PM

Your new Profile Photo Look Like sh*t,xD

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#19

Posted 02 December 2017 - 12:09 PM

Your new Profile Photo Look Like sh*t,xD

 

 

Awww. Give me a break, i put this photo just for fun XD
 


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#20

Posted 03 December 2017 - 06:07 PM Edited by Martin_Strada, 09 December 2017 - 12:37 PM.

8 missions are done!

Theres a list where my authors did missions:

Before we would start.. (Martin)
Prologue
Reclaim the Need (Eddy4312)
Payment (LODoesGames)
The Merchandise (Martin)
Money (LODoesGames)

The 3 Targets (Eddy4312)

Party Midnight (Martinovich)

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#21

Posted 05 December 2017 - 05:39 PM

Good luck....gonna try it I'll play it and Rate it 

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#22

Posted 05 December 2017 - 09:02 PM

Who is Martinovich?

Martin_Strada
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#23

Posted 06 December 2017 - 05:05 AM Edited by Martin_Strada, 12 January 2018 - 12:40 PM.

 this is me


Nuddle King
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#24

Posted 06 December 2017 - 06:27 AM

So I'Was Call You Martin All Thé Time!-_-

Martin_Strada
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#25

Posted 06 December 2017 - 02:32 PM Edited by Martin_Strada, 09 December 2017 - 12:37 PM.

9 missions are done!

Theres a list where my authors did missions:

Before we would start.. (Martin)
Prologue
Reclaim the Need (Eddy4312)
Payment (LODoesGames)
The Merchandise (Martin)
Money (LODoesGames)

The 3 Targets (Eddy4312)

Party Midnight (Martinovich)

Albert's Job (LODoesGames)

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Nuddle King
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    follow the damn train

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#26

Posted 06 December 2017 - 04:44 PM

Cool,Chapter 1 gonna out now?

Martin_Strada
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#27

Posted 06 December 2017 - 04:58 PM

Cool,Chapter 1 gonna out now?


No
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Martin_Strada
  • Martin_Strada

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#28

Posted 08 December 2017 - 12:15 PM Edited by Martin_Strada, 09 December 2017 - 12:37 PM.

10 missions are done!

There's a list where my authors did missions:

Before we would start.. (Martin)
Prologue
Reclaim the Need (Eddy4312)
Payment (LODoesGames)
The Merchandise (Martin)
Money (LODoesGames)

The 3 Targets (Eddy4312)

Party Midnight (Martinovich)

Albert's Job (LODoesGames)

NRG500 (YasirRFL)

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Nuddle King
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    follow the damn train

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#29

Posted 08 December 2017 - 07:14 PM

Wow!Is Those Members Helping you creating missions?Or you get some missions from there MP and edit?
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Martin_Strada
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#30

Posted 08 December 2017 - 07:18 PM

Wow!Is Those Members Helping you creating missions?Or you get some missions from there MP and edit?


Yeah. While i finish the mission we will reviewing the mission and other author need to make a mission but it needs to follow a story.
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