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The King of Los Santos (Storyline)

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Martin_Strada
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#1

Posted 30 November 2017 - 04:08 PM Edited by Martin_Strada, 7 hours ago.

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''' My life is killing people, I did this every life, and you know for what? For avenging the enemy blood..''

 

 

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Welcome, DYOM'ers! today is my day to create a new series, the 1st and 2nd chapter start helped by three members: Eddy4312 LODoesGames, and Yasir RFl, special thanks to them, they were great! But now, I will design those missions only one, alone.

 

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Action, War, Gang, Crime, Avenger.

 

 

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Lance Reed is a mechanic member in Ocean Docks, LS. His work to get a car and upgrade it. Second of all, Lance Reed bored without action like shooting, race, and driving. He's 24 years old kid who loves his work. His journey will cause a lot of casualties...

 

 

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1996, Los Santos

The Place where you can do everything, crime, robbery, extortion. The mechanic Lance Reed is working in Ocean Docks with his old buddy Ajax Sean. Lance likes to make an action, but he's not going to army, his life to get some wheels. You will follow Lance Reed's stories in LS, and he will cause a lot of misery

 

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1. Lance Reed:

The main protagonist in the series. He always shooting bad guys, his life goal to be a king in LS, he was requested to join car mechanic job by Ajax Sean, his best friend. 

 

2. Ajax Sean:

The best friend of Lance Reed, his job is in car mechanic shop, all he wanted is money. He cares only money, drugs. He's sure that they will not f*ck with him.

 

3. Albert Adams:

He's a car owner in Rodeo, Los Santos. he's an old friend of Lance Reed, he works with a gang co-leader Brian Rino. He gives jobs to Lance Reed to complete. Does everyone thinks he smart? I guess not.

 

4. Brian Rino:

He's a very strict co-leader of Rinos Resistance, his gang orders failed, and his enemy gang took the East Los Santos, they need to bring back the East. He's very aggressive.

 

5. Turner Brock:

Ajax's friend, who was an old friend of Ajax. He works with Brian, but he has emotional problems, seriously.

 

6. George Wayland:

Turner's friend, who was born in Washington, USA. He flights to Los Santos. He works with Brian the co-leader of Rinos Resistance. He is a bodyguard with a guy that you still don't know in Mulholland Hills.

 

7. Madd Dogg:

A most popular rapper in LS. He hates OG Loc because for his fake sh*t. He always loves giving works and helping for his side. He lose 2 rhymes because of fake gangsta rapper OG Loc.

 

8. Mike Scipas:

He's a Madd Dogg's bodyguard, he's doing what Madd Dogg says, also he gives some jobs to Lance and for other men, he's agressive, but clever, 3 years earlier he joined to help Madd Dogg.

 

9. Vlad Kohoutek:

Well, for his name, everyone knows that he's Russian slav. Came from Moscow, yeah Gopnik style.

 

 

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Africa Designer: 5/5!

IsiX: 5/5!

FunkeyX: 5/5!

Sl66Kayloo: 5/5!

SoapMactavish: 4/5!

Mikolajek: 3/5!

Opcode.exe 3/5!

Danz: 3/5!

dekash27: 3/5!

 

CRITIC REVIEWS:

Made by Opcode.exe.

Grammar - (Honestly the grammar is good and grammar is weak as well. In most of the missions, I found vast amount grammar mistakes and in few missions, I found less amount of grammar mistakes. You can consider two hands. The first hand is full of obstacles and ambushes and the second one is a long road with few and easy ambushes. I hope you understand what I am saying. "Yellow" colour is not bad but it demands more hard work on the grammar + punctuation level also need improvements. The first hand is completely messed up but second hand is good and great so far but still, "comma" everywhere is not a correct. You are making it decorate not correct which comes near to "Presentation" stage)
 
Spelling Mistakes - (Good I mean yeah really. Spelling Mistakes were not such a big issue in this SL. I found few mistakes during analyzing. Most of them are from the first mission where both Actors were at the top of the Star tower. Moreover, I found nowhere any small or big mistakes. Receiving a "Green" colour are for lucky people and you are one of them. No need any improvements here. Just analyze your mission after the accomplishment. I was also able to give you high stage but punctuation and some text changing were not good
 
Plot - (Plot is not at heights but still we can connect this a bit with reality. Things in the plot occur really quick. Protagonist met with some mobs and become one of his favourites. Obtained a new car and quick money... all these stuff happened really fast. My opinion was to make it negligible at first and then try to prevail reputation on all over the city but since you finished it already then keep it like what it is. Just try to be careful next time and I like the style that how you guys did not ruin it. What I am saying that I like that how you guys connected everything as a job and also tried to move on something else. Keep it up!)
 
Cutscenes - (Cutscenes are not really good but I am satisfied that how you guys work on it. Rotations were good and most of the things also but still I found much weakness in most of the missions. Just make it more accurate and stylish and everything will be fine)
 
Objects&Pickups - (Actually there were not any pickups and objects in SL. Just a few pickups which positions were not accurate. Lucky that I am giving it a neutral (means half points) )
 
Length - (Length of the missions were good not too big nor small. I like it that how you all guys appended a small phone call at the end. Honestly, I was not expecting that at the end but still good. Lucky that you are receiving "Yellow" colour on length otherwise I don't like to give it at length)
 
Difficulty - (Difficulty is really good. I really like it. High Accuracy and low health with the headshot enabled. Every time we cannot just headshot in the middle of the enemies. That phone call ambush was really nice. All actors health was good. Seriously enjoyed it. One cookie from me on this  :cookie: )
 
Presentation - (Presentation did not satisfy me. LodesofGames, YsairRFL and Eddy4312. These three are most responsible for the current presentation stage. Their mentioning and referring to another person way was really bad. However, Martinovich was good at a place. If he was going to work on Presentation then I am sure that Presentation was in the middle of "Green" colour)
 
+ Collaboration is actually a good idea but I saw many faults. My advice to the host is to deep check on the mission's dialogues and try to edit them. I published a tutorial "Advanced Method of Editing text. Watch it and after that, you will leave the inaccurate and crash feature of importing text in DYOM. Remember when many people nominated you for the "Most improved member". Yes, you are, you deserve it and keep up more.
 
7.57/10 Really nice. Try to work on mentioned things and next time you will receive more points. waiting for Chapter 2.

 

 

Danz., on 17 Jan 2018 - 8:23 PM, said:snapback.png

I've finally played through both the 1st Chapter and what was currently avaiable for the second chapter, with the exception of the lastest released missionThe Emperor. So I'm here to give you a review of this Storyline, here it is:
 Writting/Plot: It ranged from kinda bad to decent and few good ones. It doesn't feature a deep presentation of each protagonist or character's goals, nor ambitions or simple life objectives, especially regarding the main one, Lance. (which looks exactly like Ajax for some reason. Maybe they're secret twins, I dunno) Anyways, except for a few missions, they all seemed disconnected from the plot. It might be an issue caused by having too many authors messing with the same Story, so it can look all over the place with little continuity between events, except for the protagonist's vehicles and safe houses (since one of them was burnt by a gang). My advice is to have only one to two authors (Martin and someone else) at max developing the storyline, because it makes for a more focused story with actual progression, like making Lance not only work for a car showroom, but for something bigger and bigger after each mission. Also, try to give a backstory, some deepness into the characters, so that it doesn't feel like they were threw in for the sake of just existing and take the boredom out. Which means, the story could be less shallow. I've not talked about everything, but my rating is 6/10 plot-wise. I'm pretty sure if it was only one person working on it, it could have been better, even if it would take longer for each mission to come out.
 Grammar: It ranged from bad to acceptable, once again depending on the author. This kind of mistake can be easily fixed editing the text file of the mission outside the game, with C++ or other editing programs. Rating for this aspect is 5/10.
 Lenght: This one ranged from very good to perfect. None of the missions felt too short or excruciatingly long. Also, loads of action always thrown in. So 10/10 for this one.
 Difficulty: It could have been great, if a good bunch of missions weren't completely painful to get through. I get it that some missions were supposed to be hard, but some of them were just infuriating, lol. There are several reasons why: 
-Never, ever turn on the cops in a shootout mission, especially when you have to deal a big group of enemies, with high health, high accuracy and no headshot enabled. It just adds a random event of cops going after you while your shooting down gang members. Plot-wise it doesn't make sense as well, because its obvious the cops would rather let you kill other criminals and gang members than trying to gun down a single person who might be helping them.
-Lack of consistency in gun fights. The enemies had different amounts of health, different amounts of accuracy and the worst of them all, some, ON THE SAME GUNFIGHT, had the headshot disabled while others were enabled. It made for some very confusing moments where you couldn't be sure where you should hit the enemy, because you could never guess when the headshot was enabled. My advice, is to either remove headshots from them all, or just leave how the original game is like.
-The pickups were sometimes in hard to reach places, so you wouldn't find health or armor until you killed almost all the enemies (a problem that the Money mission has)
So overall, it was a 7/10 for this. I feel like the intention to make hard missions was good, the execution, however, made them look very frustating from the fun perspective.
 Cutscenes: Was alright, nothing really special but well done at what it intended to show. 7/10
 Scenario: Was alright as well, had some missions where a lot of cars, objects, pickups and interiors were used effectively, while others had a significant lack of them. Once again, this might be a problem of having too many authors on the same project, because each of them have different styles and ideas to design a mission. But overall, I feel like there was a decent use of options to optimize the scenario for each mission. 8/10
 Presentation: Once again, its potential fell shortly due to having too many authors for the project. Some missions featured more variety than others, however, the majority of them were about shootouts that led to more shootouts and so on. It had loads of action, which isn't a bad thing, but there's something everyone must consider when designing missions, which is balance. If there's an oversaturation of missions of the same kind, in a row, it tends to either get boring or annoying, especially the latter considering how difficult and similar were some of the missions. Also, the fact that the plot itself is currently shallow (which means, it can be improved) is something that holds back the presentation. In mean words, I feel like this mission pack could have been much more if there was a bigger and better focus in the story, in the feelings of the characters, their goals, a better variety of missions that are relevant to the plot, and especially, if there was preferably only one author at this. Give characters actual reasons to do what they do, or to plan what they will do and how they react to what they did. 6/10
 Overall Rating: 7/10
 
I still want to see where this is heading to, hopefully it will become better and better everyday. Also, I'm here to offer my help if there's anything I can do to improve these aspects I mentioned of this project. I just hope you don't find my review too harsh, it was all very honest from my part, lol.  :D

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Chapter 1: Link

Chapter 2 DEMO: Link

 

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Chapter 1:

 

1. Before we will start

Difficulty: None

 

2. Prologue

Difficulty: Easy

 

3. Reclaim the Need

Difficulty: Medium

 

4. Payment

Difficulty: Medium

 

5. The Merchandise

Difficulty: Hard

 

6. Money

Difficulty: Hard

 

7. The 3 Target

Difficulty: Medium

 

8. Party Midnight

Difficulty: Hard

 

9. Albert's Job

Difficulty: Hard

 

10. NRG500

Difficulty: Medium

 

11. Truck

Difficulty: Easy

 

12. Drugs: My love

Difficulty: Hard

 

13. Ajax's Files

Difficulty: Hard

 

14. Warrior's License

Difficulty: Medium

 

Chapter 2:

 

1. The New Rules

Difficulty: None

 

2. Serious Fire

Difficulty: Easy

 

3. Drugs (again)

Difficulty: Easy

 

4. Catalyst

Difficulty: Easy

 

5. The First Entry

Difficulty: Medium

 

6. The Wasted Street

Difficulty: Medium

 

7. The Chosen One

Difficulty: Easy

 

8. Let the game begin..

Difficulty: Hard

 

9. Madd Dogg's Rhymes

Difficulty: Medium

 

10. Night out

Difficulty: Hard

 

11. One Step Closer

Difficulty: Hard

 

12. The Return of Veteran

Difficulty: None

 

13. Bad Boys

Difficulty: Easy

 

14. Night Live

Difficulty: Easy

 

15. Chasing Dario

Difficulty: Medium

 

16. The Emperor

Difficulty: Medium

 

 

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ucox1nrO8I&t=247s

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H14PtLlAmk8&lc

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5SBLwFH1po

 

 

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Martin: For creating this MP

LODoesGames: For helping me with designing the series

Eddy4312: For helping me with designing the series

YasirRFL: For helping me with designing the series

Dutchy3010 and PatrickW: For creating a mod: DYOM

Seemann: For creating cleo, without cleo, dyom won't work properly.

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YasirRFL King
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#2

Posted 30 November 2017 - 04:27 PM

Looks nice , will play!
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Joony3758
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#3

Posted 30 November 2017 - 08:06 PM

Gonna try it

DeAdLy PyThOn
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    Eh?

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#4

Posted 01 December 2017 - 12:33 AM

Good luck for this!
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YasirRFL King
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#5

Posted 01 December 2017 - 05:44 AM

It reminds of a game called ,
Gangster 2: Kings of LA,
if you are making this type of stories,the I will play it with full excitement!!
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Martin_Strada
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#6

Posted 01 December 2017 - 11:19 AM Edited by Martin_Strada, 01 December 2017 - 11:19 AM.

Thanks for your comments, guys. I really appreciate it, and by the way about Fort Carson Stories, is on hold, we 3 gonna create those missions and show a community how are we.


NuddlesKing
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#7

Posted 01 December 2017 - 02:29 PM

Is it Crime or Gangstat Mission?
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Martin_Strada
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#8

Posted 01 December 2017 - 02:30 PM

Is it Crime or Gangstat Mission?

 

Both.


NuddlesKing
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#9

Posted 01 December 2017 - 02:31 PM

Finally I Create Account Now!Thank You Martin☺
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#10

Posted 01 December 2017 - 02:51 PM

It reminds of a game called ,
Gangster 2: Kings of LA,
if you are making this type of stories,the I will play it with full excitement!!

Bad Idea,Martin Have his own Stories...F.C.S

YasirRFL King
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#11

Posted 02 December 2017 - 08:27 AM

I am not advising him ,
I am just asking is the story based on Gangster 2:Kings of LA :')

Martin_Strada
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#12

Posted 02 December 2017 - 08:48 AM

I am not advising him ,
I am just asking is the story based on Gangster 2:Kings of LA :')

 

Well, I don't know that game actually, the story maybe different. This series will have a lot of gang and crime issues. DEMO's coming soon, hang on.


Martin_Strada
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#13

Posted 02 December 2017 - 09:39 AM

Demo is released!!

Download:

http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/50738

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#14

Posted 02 December 2017 - 10:12 AM

Yeàaaaaaah,Lets Play Homie!
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YasirRFL King
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#15

Posted 02 December 2017 - 10:17 AM

Will play later !
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NuddlesKing
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#16

Posted 02 December 2017 - 12:04 PM

Is Will Be More Gangs and Characters?Because I LIKE THE DEMO TO MUCH!
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#17

Posted 02 December 2017 - 12:07 PM

Is Will Be More Gangs and Characters?Because I LIKE THE DEMO TO MUCH!

 

Of course, it will


NuddlesKing
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#18

Posted 02 December 2017 - 12:09 PM

Your new Profile Photo Look Like sh*t,xD

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#19

Posted 02 December 2017 - 12:09 PM

Your new Profile Photo Look Like sh*t,xD

 

 

Awww. Give me a break, i put this photo just for fun XD
 


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#20

Posted 03 December 2017 - 06:07 PM Edited by Martin_Strada, 09 December 2017 - 12:37 PM.

8 missions are done!

Theres a list where my authors did missions:

Before we would start.. (Martin)
Prologue
Reclaim the Need (Eddy4312)
Payment (LODoesGames)
The Merchandise (Martin)
Money (LODoesGames)

The 3 Targets (Eddy4312)

Party Midnight (Martinovich)

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Roxie
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#21

Posted 05 December 2017 - 05:39 PM

Good luck....gonna try it I'll play it and Rate it 

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#22

Posted 05 December 2017 - 09:02 PM

Who is Martinovich?

Martin_Strada
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#23

Posted 06 December 2017 - 05:05 AM Edited by Martin_Strada, A week ago.

 this is me


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#24

Posted 06 December 2017 - 06:27 AM

So I'Was Call You Martin All Thé Time!-_-

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#25

Posted 06 December 2017 - 02:32 PM Edited by Martin_Strada, 09 December 2017 - 12:37 PM.

9 missions are done!

Theres a list where my authors did missions:

Before we would start.. (Martin)
Prologue
Reclaim the Need (Eddy4312)
Payment (LODoesGames)
The Merchandise (Martin)
Money (LODoesGames)

The 3 Targets (Eddy4312)

Party Midnight (Martinovich)

Albert's Job (LODoesGames)

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#26

Posted 06 December 2017 - 04:44 PM

Cool,Chapter 1 gonna out now?

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#27

Posted 06 December 2017 - 04:58 PM

Cool,Chapter 1 gonna out now?


No
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Martin_Strada
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#28

Posted 08 December 2017 - 12:15 PM Edited by Martin_Strada, 09 December 2017 - 12:37 PM.

10 missions are done!

There's a list where my authors did missions:

Before we would start.. (Martin)
Prologue
Reclaim the Need (Eddy4312)
Payment (LODoesGames)
The Merchandise (Martin)
Money (LODoesGames)

The 3 Targets (Eddy4312)

Party Midnight (Martinovich)

Albert's Job (LODoesGames)

NRG500 (YasirRFL)

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#29

Posted 08 December 2017 - 07:14 PM

Wow!Is Those Members Helping you creating missions?Or you get some missions from there MP and edit?
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#30

Posted 08 December 2017 - 07:18 PM

Wow!Is Those Members Helping you creating missions?Or you get some missions from there MP and edit?


Yeah. While i finish the mission we will reviewing the mission and other author need to make a mission but it needs to follow a story.
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