SK Weekly Magazine
Posted 05 December 2017 - 01:27 PM Edited by slimeball supreme, 05 December 2017 - 01:44 PM.
Week of December 3rd - December 9th
Welcome to the seventh issue of the Spanish Kings Weekly
Our case against our plagiarists has so far gone alright: recent contact with our lawyers on an already quiet front as lead them to go completely silent. They have to have gotten our cease and desist, as recent issues have been lacking content-wise and I'm 90% sure they might stop altogether. This is a big win for our case - we've striven for our intellectual property to remain in our possession, and these individuals (who we still cannot legally name) have copied us down to the T.
Otherwise, no news I guess. Bye
F*CK I FORGot
Three Worlds [SPONSORED]
Welcome to the seventh week of SK Central! I’m your host, Slimeball Supreme, and we’ll be highlighting this week’s happenings in the SK Universe.
Between the lawsuits (which are still going underway), my Bible Camp, and alimony payments, unfortunately I've lost quite a bit of money. That blows. If you have any money please send it thanks
Bitch Ex Wife
According to the judge, my ex wife, and her lawyer; I'm not fit to be a parent. Between my 'reckless spending' (bullsh*t), 'crazed behaviour' (also bullsh*t) and 'legal trouble' (i dont see the harm but w/e), my 'one weekend a month' has been restricted yet again and I doubt I'll be able to see my kids for a very long time. If you're reading this, f*ck you sharon (im sorry i love you please come back)
Welcome to the second edition of Get Fopified! I'm your host, Pastries and today we'll be taking a look at multiple interesting happenings in the modding scene.
The recent barage of lawsuits has put us back a bunch, which is why today's issue will only be a single sponsored modification. We've had to cut down our writing team and will only be featuring two mods every five issues as a super rad Double Mod Special!
It is very much in our inherent journalistic integrity to alert the reader of sponsored promotions, so here's your opportunity to move on to the next bit. However, if you wish to support SK Weekly, we recommend you download our sponsored modifications.
Now with that out of the way, on to the mod of the week: Tummy Vurcutti by resident Weekly supporter Tomasak.
Author's comments: "This mod improves Tommy into timmy cervetii by making his legs, arms and neck longer. That's why tammi crevetti is much better than classic Tommy."
You might say that it's an interesting mod because of how much it improves the player character, however I'm more interested in the fact that this dumbass retard who made this can't even keep a name (that's only written 3 times) consistent. Tummy Vurcutti > timmy cervetii > tammi crevetti.
How the f*ck does that even happen holy sh*t I would never hire you to write these issues god damn.
PLEASE DON'T REMOVE THE SPONSORSHIP THO THIS IS JUST HONEST CRITICISM THANKS
Hello, and welcome to the second issue of 'Slimeball Supreme's Automobiles', with me, Slimeball Supreme.
Hmm i guess i have to do this again. here we go
Well okay this is a tricky one. uh, its too small to see the logo but im betting either it is a ferrari or a lamborghini. its also grey but those cars are not usually grey, which makes things tricky. perhaps it is a... the english sports cars. aston matthew or something, no aston martin. yeah. it might be an aston martin because i have seen ads where they are grey. so that works. its an aston martin sports car, thats my guess here.
For this week's issue, we've interviewed degenerate and popular 'website member', Blaze!
Slimeball S.: As a member for almost eleven years, can you tell us what brought you to the forum initially?
blaze: uuuuuh hacking the planet on GTA LCS (shoutout edisoncarter real ogs know), making some mods and ofcourse the coveted literary genius known as Grand Theft Auto: One Stunters Story
What's the history / context regarding your username?
i have had lots of usernames as i am suffering a permanent identity crisis but the short and sweet version is one day i changed my name to Blaze as I had some PS2 cheat disc next to me and it said Blaze and I was like hey thats pretty cool and then 8 or so years later f*ckin 420 blaze it m8
Epic. Speaking of epic, you have been on the internet for many years, and judging by your posting here, you are what might be called a 'meme fiend'. What might your favorite internet meme be?
you are indeed correct i was sh*tposting lolcats in 07 i've been around the block, my top 3 memes of the last 10 years would have to be a toss up between Boxxy (because who wouldn't want to nut in an adhd/eyeliner afflicted qt 3.14), the navy seal copypasta (also the john/sh*t was so cash copypasta) and uhhhhhhhhhhhhh afroduck/pools closed
What would you like to change the most regarding GTAF?
hmmmmmmmmmm that is a very complex and in depth question, i'd like to stick it in a time machine to 2006 where you can have some f*cking banter without someone reporting it and getting you temped. also can we get some f*cking themes up in this bitch i'm sick of blue this isn't eiffel 65
Now, it appears you might be, after looking through your post history, an 'englishman'. But I'm confused, since your pip indicates you are Jamaican. Which is the case?
contrary to popular belief despite our heavy use of jamaican imagery none of us at the yardies are actually jamaican
What the f*ck
sorry. i am an english
Alright, sh*t... so as an English, what is your favorite English?
the english part
and also this
Now, you mentioned the fanfiction 'GTA: One Stunter's Story', but there's a pretty big problem: the image depicting the North Face jacket has been removed.
How would you describe the jacket to future generations?
"It's Goretex. You know about Goretex?" - George Kushstanza
Thank you. What is the objective best color?
Guess, then. Even if that's the case you should, like, know the best shade of gray or some sh*t.
uh... the 50th one, champ
Haha, you've charmed me. Now, you have a picture of a presumably attractive woman on your profile page (I don't want to be too suggestive for the audience back home), but since you're familiar with women, I have a dilemma. My bitch ex wife Sharon has been restricting visitation and is trying to get the judge to stop me from seeing my f*cking kids. Do you have any legal advice?
what u wanna do is bounce into the courtroom and go "oi judge m8 got something to show you" and give him one of these
instant win on all counts
Alright, I'll try this... see how it works out, thanks... anyway, do you have any other interests, hobbies, favorite music, and so on? Tell us more about the person behind your alias.
frank ocean and midrange cars
just kidding im not a melt
ask me anything
uh... whats your favorite citrus fruit
the correct answer is grapefruit and anyone saying anything else is incorrect
Any final comments? Do you have anything to say to our readers & the GTAF community?
I hate small talk. I wanna talk about atoms, death, aliens, sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, faraway galaxies, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scents, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears... I like people with depth, who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I dont want to know "what's up"
I think we can all relate to that message. Thank you for your time, Mr. Slum Pussy.
CESZAYERS IS A NONCE FREE NOSIGNAL MY MAN GOT BANNED FOR A DAY DG YARDIES SK THE REST ARE IRRELEVANT
In a fitting combination, Florida rapper and piece of sh*t 'XXXTENTACION' (imagine what type of asshole would pick a name like this for their stage name or GTAF profile) collides into 'Madara Uchiha', a Chinese cartoon. As XXXTENTACION is a known anime appreciator, I bet he would personally love this.
Album: probably one of his dogsh*t mixtapes
Release Date: 31st October, 2015
Pastry - Get Fopified
- Ruin, livejoker, George Costanza and 14 others like this
Posted 05 December 2017 - 02:34 PM
- slimeball supreme and Audi like this
Posted 05 December 2017 - 09:09 PM
i wish your mothers well
- slimeball supreme likes this
Posted 11 December 2017 - 07:39 PM
Week of December 11th - December 16th
Welcome to the frantic eighth issue of the Spanish Kings Weekly
Big news: I won a cruise. Or well, not a cruise, but a timeshare. Although you can't really consider it a timeshare; it's a shared property, sure, but that's because it's actually a government property. And I didn't really actually win it, I got sent there because of a minor misdemeanor. Though, not really, it's more of a parole violation. You tell someone something personal (i.e. your parole officer) and do you know how they react? They send you back to a low-security facility. Great. Thanks, Cheryl.
Anyway, I've had to release this issue early... again. Mostly because the whole process takes around 5 days to a week, so I've had to rush this to the presses. Don't worry, though, we still are striving for that high quality, 200% type over-achievement we've had with our other issues. Let's begin!
Three Worlds [SPONSORED]
Welcome to the eighth week of SK Central! I’m your host, Slimeball Supreme, and we’ll be highlighting this week’s happenings in the SK Universe.
According to sources I cannot legally name, the fight continues; but with only whimpering in place of stonefaced silence. The thief magazine we still cannot name has reportedly cut their staff by three fourths, the whole thing being ran by a skeleton crew with barely enough funds or public support to continue the legal fight. Once again, these people find yet another way to get past our defense team, and are reportedly and personally funding a corrupt New York DA to block investigation into the magazine's head writer.
Outside of my bible camp and this magazine, I've been working in the house painting business for about a decade. Now, being in a less-than-pleasing position for most of my life, I've been a thrill seeker. That's how I met my wife, in fact, at a night club one night after having half a shot of Gatorade and quite a lot of Xanax. Point is; life is not something you should take lightly. So, I tell my parole officer about my date with Gloria, tell her I'm living life the the fullest and trying new things, tell her about my last conversation with Sharon and my Bible Club: and I get apprehended in the next few days. Yet again, bullsh*t.
I actually want to apologize to my ex-wife for a moment. Sharon, I'm sorry. My words against you in last week's issue were uncalled for and I understand this. I may be legally obligated to write this thanks to recent troubles with the law, and you may still be a total f*cking bitch who had to tell the courts about my magazine, but my words were uncalled for. As well as what I did the last time we met. I apologise.
Welcome to the third edition of Get Fopified! I'm your host, Pastries and today we'll be taking a look at multiple interesting happenings in the modding scene.
Today's pick is something that will definitely resonate with a lot of you. That's right. Everyone's favorite modern Charlie Chaplin. Rowan Atkinson. (however in this case it's specifically Mr. Bean)
You all know him, you all love him. I think. Perhaps.
Mr Bean v2 for GTA San Andreas. A modern classic.
Interestingly enough the url names him as 'mister bin' which I guess is some tubular hidden jab from the author. Couldn't even make it the real title. Sad!
Anyway, as per protocol - author's insightful comments:
I made a retekstur person Mr Bean v1
There's a model of average quality, so. ..
Author retekstura crow
To be honest, I'm not very surprised that a mod of such high caliber has as intricate a description as it does. Why are you even reading this right now? You should be testing the mod.
Hello, and welcome to the third issue of 'Slimeball Supreme's Automobiles', with me, Slimeball Supreme.
Today its a special issue. special issue. today we're doing my ex wife's car
well i couldnt exactly make it out from the bushes, but im 90% sure it's a honda. or something like that. a honda or a hyundai or whatever. its white, so, yeah that makes sense. normal cars are sometimes like that. so yeah. i couldnt catch the licence plate either as well sadly. so eyah. a white hyudnai
ME (my wife's house)
ME (my wife's car)
ME (my wife's window)
For this week's issue, we went full expose (pronounced as 'expos-ay') and decided to interview my ex-wife; Sharon McKay... originally Sharon Kastrati.
Slimeball S.: Oh, hey, Sharon.
Sharon: What the f*ck, Aiden?! You know the court order. Goddamn it.
I just came to say hi.
You're holding a camera and you're wearing full camo.
Shouldn't you be at work? It's 4 o'clock. The kids aren't home, either, they're with Paul.
Aren't they always? Where?
I'm not telling you. You know the order, Aiden, you need to leave. Please.
Look, you f*cking idiot. Am I speaking English? Do I sound like I'm speaking English?!
I'm going inside, Aiden.
Where are my kids, you whore?! I'm fit... I'm f*cking fit! You have no goddamn right... no goddamn f*cking right, to tell me what I can and can't f*cking do! Neither do the court, neither does your bullsh*t boyfriend. They're my f*cking kids and you're my f*cking wife!
(from the front porch) I'm calling the police if you don't leave.
Listen here you stupid whore. You devil... you devil woman. Who do you think you are? Who the f*ck do you think you are?!
Why are you doing this to me?! We can be together! Please, I love you, Sharon. I love you, I love the kids! Please Sharon, please... why won't you listen to me?!
Lil Biscuit strikes again! The up-and-comer from the streets recently released his debut studio single, JACK & PEP$I (shown here), a Winter-time banger with booming bass and deep lyrics. Another addition to the mythos of the growing SKE label, this brings us to the second song in our special Duty-Disruption-Double Issue.
Album: The Kings Project
Release Date: 9th December, 2015
Label(s): Spinach Kids Entertainment
Writer(s): Lil Biscuit
Miami rapper and Coral Reef Senior High student Big Daddy Flex has made headlines with his recent release, Cherry Poppin', celebrating his Hispanic heritage with a specially commissioned DJ M0rl beat. His recent collaboration with the Brooklyn based rapper and producer has lead to yet another signing to the SKE label, quickly becoming a bastion of the Indie Trap scene.
Album: The Kings Project
Release Date: 5th December, 2015
Label(s): Spinach Kids Entertainment
Writer(s): Big Daddy Flex, GW Slammin
Pastry - Get Fopified
- livejoker, George Costanza, Carbonox and 9 others like this
Posted 11 December 2017 - 07:45 PM
another splendid issue, slime. hope you get back soon
- M0rk and slimeball supreme like this
Posted 11 December 2017 - 08:00 PM
interview me next or i aint comin back
- M0rk, Curtis and Pastry like this
Posted 11 December 2017 - 08:02 PM
this isn't how restraining orders work
(everyone who votes us for toilet literature is officially banned from reading)
you know that
- slimeball supreme and R3CON like this
Posted 11 December 2017 - 08:05 PM
you guys are so strange but damn funny.
- M0rk, slimeball supreme and Pastry like this
Posted 11 December 2017 - 08:35 PM
This is a really hot picture if you don't mind me saying.
- slimeball supreme and ARTHUR. like this
Posted 11 December 2017 - 08:48 PM
i dislike your sig
(please dont remove the sponsorship)
Posted 11 December 2017 - 09:19 PM
what a quality publication
- livejoker and Pastry like this
Posted 13 December 2017 - 09:41 PM
I'd give up on getting Sharon back, mate. It's obvious Paul is a good man.
Great issue about your issues.
Posted 20 December 2017 - 11:23 AM
Week of December 17th - December 23th
Welcome to the ninth issue of the Spanish Kings Weekly
Three Worlds [SPONSORED]
Welcome to the ninth week of SK Central! I’m your host, Slimeball Supreme, and we’ll be highlighting this week’s happenings in the SK Universe.
- Vote SK Weekly for best newsletter.
- Vote Red Triangle for best Writer's Discussion work.
- Vote Arrow for Most Improved member.
Thank you for reading, and happy voting!
I would honestly just like to thank everyone for their support. For not only their support on the magazine, but also during my tumultuous time with Sharon and Paul and during my time in prison. I did have a good time there (minimum security prison is surprisingly fine) but now that I've left I think I have a new perspective on life and hope to bring this to my bible club.
Fun Times in Minimum Security Prison
Wow, I really did have a blast, though. I met all kinds of friendly faces, truly. Like my new good friend Daniel (who committed corporate embezzlement) and Chad (who committed medicare fraud). Fun times were had, and through networking I even found about a new friend named Darnell on the outside. Turns out, the guy sells guns, which'll be a great Christmas present for my ex-wife and her c*nt boyfriend.
Welcome to the fourth edition of Get Fopified! I'm your host, Pastries and today we'll be taking a look at interesting happenings in the modding scene.
Welcome to the fourth issue of Get Fopified! I'm your host, Pastries and today we'll be taking a look at multiple interesting happenings in the modding scene.
Today's pick is a true classic. One you've all probably seen if you hang around the Grand Theft Auto - Memes thread. Good for you if you don't though, it's pretty gay tbh.
Ladies and gentlemen: Street nigga Burrito for GTA San Andreas by GaNgStAr_RaP_PrO!
As always: author's comments:
Hello n**ers! Today I did a Street nigga Burrito.
Beautiful, painted van Burrito
-HD 1024 x 1024 Texture
-New extra Tec 9 on grid
Discs from Alph'y
Model fits under the Greenwood
Looks nice, the texture is smooth.
Download it and go!
I'm speechless. Not speechless because I think the description is bad. If you think that you're a f*cking homo. I'm speechless in respect for this masterful vehicle model and the accompanying, well worded description.
Truly amazing. Support the magazine: download it and go!
Hello, and welcome to the fourth issue of 'Slimeball Supreme's Automobiles', with me, Slimeball Supreme.
hello i googled 'cars' instead of car this time. lets explore
These chars look interesting because they have eyes, which most cars do not have. They also seem to have mouths instead of Grills, so that is also an interesting fact. The cars look fast, one even has a lighting bolt on it, which is interesting. That makes it go fast I assume. so Yes these are generally very unusual cars
In 2013, GTAForums user ARTHUR., in conjunction with Hunter and forums admin Moonshield, killed a prostitute in Laos.
While the exact details are unknown (i.e. why they were in Laos, in what nature other members of staff were involved), the SK Weekly writing team have dug deep into the records and found that this horrible action has been covered up by the site's establishment - all mentions being deleted and all comments being censored.
My first suspicions arose in 2017; when I noticed ARTHUR.'s membership in the gang Goon Squad. For those who don't know, Goon Squad are a bunch of dorks who take pictures of GTA cars, but one thing that stands out about these individuals is their affinity for Japanese iconography. Japan is pretty close to China, which is pretty close to Laos, so you'd be excused if your proverbial eyebrows were to proverbially rise at this proverbial discovery.
Hunter's involvement was found due to his involvement in the 2017 San Andreas gubernatorial race. After (reportedly) attempting to pardon Democratic nominee Andrew Shan, (an Asian American), he and his friend ARTHUR. continued to talk about helicopters or whatever the sh*t. Why anyone would choose to associate with a guy like Hunter voluntarily, I have no idea, but it has to have something to do with killing a sex worker in a foreign county.
So, using my intuition, I decided to request an interview with the accused, ARTHUR., under the pretense of talking about his fetish for virtual cars in a game he doesn't like yet continues to play. Unfortunately, I was turned down.
Slimeball S.: Hello, friend. While we haven't talked often, I would like to request an interview for your magazine, Customs, Cruisers & Classics. I love cars, especially red ones, so I was hoping to talk about them with you.
ARTHUR: Never message me on here again.
Sir, I don't understand.
stay away from my family
But why? I don't think I've done anything wrong.
i refuse to interview anyone who thinks GTAV is anything more than sub-par
But you run a newsletter about it.
Please, I don't want to read your fan fic
He was very obviously attempting to derail the discussion, talking about my personal life in an attempt to intimidate me (how would he know about these details otherwise) and otherwise avoid the conversation. Eventually, after prying further; he involved the moderation team.
ARTHUR: You watch out, he's coming. (a few seconds later) Raavi, why the hell are you here?
Moonshield: Abuse the report funksun again and i ban u all.
Raavi: Where's the fire
S.S.: This is a private conversation!
From here, more moderators joined in to try and shut me down. Kirsty joined (and quickly left) while Voodoo actually posted a picture of Clint Eastwood from the movie 'Grand Torino' pulling an angry face. This all but confirmed the conspiracy to me.
This is all going in the weekly. Eat sh*t. I know what happened in Laos in 2013. You can't hide it from me. The establishment of this website has done some sick sh*t and I'm going to get to the bottom of it... and none of you f*ckers are gonna stop me!
ARTHUR: I'm shutting your butt down.
From there, he refused to be responsive. He posted some videos of people saying 'shut down', and so I realized that he was essentially a lost cause. Next interview, however, we delve deeper.
Now, this may not look like a song, but this video - Trump 2017 Rewind;Ray Sipe;Comedy;Parody;Trump has a 32% Approval Rating;LOOOOOOOOOOSER - is as poetic as one. A hard takedown of President Donald Trump's rhetoric, the plot revolves around the president talking to himself in the middle of a room, stating his own lies and hubris and then immediately telling himself otherwise, decrying himself as a loser.
The video analyses Trump's mindstate. Rumors of his Alzheimer's have circulated since he took office, and this video (using the perspective of a crazy person contradicting his own statements) not only looks into these claims but keeps itself as a commentary on Trump's record of lying to the media and to his constituents. The video has since been controversial among his fanbase; with his highest like/dislike markup yet (71 likes to 47 dislikes at the time of typing) who believe he is regurgitating corporate lies and disrespecting the president.
I, on the other hand, have nothing but support for Ray Sipe. Now, onto our second song;
Release Date: 19th December, 2017
Writer(s): Raymond Sipe
Again, not another song, but pure poetry in execution. Created by schoolyard bully and superior female Diana McFarland, this video doesn't have a political message but it does have great times for those... into... that kind of thing. I mean... yeah.
Release Date: 19th June, 2017
Writer(s): Diana McFarland
Pastry - Get Fopified
- Blaze, Banks., Shaundi. and 9 others like this
Posted 20 December 2017 - 11:56 AM
That prostitute deserves justice.
- slimeball supreme, Audi and Once a Jolly Swagman like this
Posted 20 December 2017 - 12:40 PM
Vote Arrow for Most Improved member.
found another Arrow's alt.
- Audi and Once a Jolly Swagman like this
Posted 20 December 2017 - 01:03 PM
I advise you not to pursue this conjecture any further.
- slimeball supreme and Puss in Boots like this
Posted 20 December 2017 - 03:14 PM
I mean, the sheer quality of the writing. Ya know?
- Once a Jolly Swagman and .Diana McFarland. like this
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users