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Nitrous~
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#91

Posted 2 weeks ago

I like cars and racing, and I find all kind of dating boring, plus I'm not attracted to any gender so... Well, lucky me :^)


How ironic, 4 days after I posted this the worst thing that could happen to me, happened.

A girl I have when friends for a long time told me she loves me, so now I don't know what to do because a serious relation ship would mean my life taking a different path, which isn't the one I have been working on.

Can't really see myself in love with her because I hate those kind of feelings, I mean I love her but as a friend, wich is different, I don't know why she loves me, I didn't really did anything to trigger that lol.

So yeah now I'm in trouble because of that, I don't know how to react to that, or what to do kkkkkk.

feckyerlife
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#92

Posted 2 weeks ago

Nah I think those teenage sweethearts are pretty important in conditioning you for the future and reality of relationships. Mainly that it doesn't always work out and how to adjust to that.

I agree, just don't get too serious.


Darth Absentis
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#93

Posted 2 weeks ago

"Improving themselves"...
Agreed that is a fine idea...but the examples though....
Looking good and working out...lol.
Ok, dont expect to date model material if you dont look like model matarial yourself, but yea, unless blatantly looking for fun dates that kind of sh*t should really take a backseat.
Of course basic hygiene and such...though nothing wrong with loving those kind of people if into that, if not doing that slight effort one might be atracting the more "trashy" kind of people.

You're being frankly delusional if you really think looks don't matter in attracting someone. Who you are on the inside trumps all in the end especially when you're building a long lasting emotional connection but attraction tends to start with the physical before evolving into the emotional; and you could be an absolutely wonderful person but if someone isn't attracted to you they just aren't. That's where it starts and ends. 
 
Everyone can work towards self betterment on both the inside and the outside.
Like said...it does matter and it kinda always "should" matter even in a certain way...but tbh in my case, if one has my age limit personality does really matter a lot.

Though it has been quite a while i got it "tested", it did happen that i had crushed on (sadly straight) people once i actually got to know them better, yet before physical wise they did really nothing to me :)

ΣΓ
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#94

Posted 2 weeks ago

I like cars and racing, and I find all kind of dating boring, plus I'm not attracted to any gender so... Well, lucky me :^)


How ironic, 4 days after I posted this the worst thing that could happen to me, happened.

A girl I have when friends for a long time told me she loves me, so now I don't know what to do because a serious relation ship would mean my life taking a different path, which isn't the one I have been working on.

Can't really see myself in love with her because I hate those kind of feelings, I mean I love her but as a friend, wich is different, I don't know why she loves me, I didn't really did anything to trigger that lol.

So yeah now I'm in trouble because of that, I don't know how to react to that, or what to do kkkkkk.

Inb4 your friends start calling you gay or something lol.

Just be honest. Tell her that you don't like her that way. Some girls get offended when you turn them down—it either comes from a place of entitlement or immaturity in general. What you like or don't like is not in your control.

There have been women at work that hit on me and stuff, possibly jokingly (but jokes sometimes are designed to convey a message). But I joke back and show them that I don't take it seriously. These are women I would not even bang. Not that they are ugly but I guess I'm picky about this stuff the way I'm picky about food. I also get grossed out easily, so there's that.
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boyy
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#95

Posted 2 weeks ago

Men and women are more likely to develop an emotional connection to someone who is more physically attractive than not. You need a base to work off of. It's simple psychology and attraction.


Darkshadows
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#96

Posted 2 weeks ago

Men and women are more likely to develop an emotional connection to someone who is more physically attractive than not. You need a base to work off of. It's simple psychology and attraction.

So i wasn't wrong after all

 

Relationships start with physical attraction and the personality is what makes both want to be together

 

Of course without physical attraction you won't be able to show the other person how nice you are and without a good personality the relationship won't last for too long

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Alpha Demigod
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#97

Posted 2 weeks ago

Yes, exactly. As much as kids TV shows will tell you otherwise...looks DO matter. They aren't everything, but they sure as hell are SOMETHING.


And of course we're not trying to find out soulmates in high school and sh*t. Sometimes it's good to have a casual relationship just so you can get experience with connecting with others. My lack-of relationships has left me at a deficit. I'm now way past my teens and don't feel emotionally mature in any way because I didn't get the slightest taste of romantic connection.
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Darth Absentis
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#98

Posted 2 weeks ago

Hmm, don't like to admit it, but that theory does sound like a really likely one indeed...

 

So the old ways are the golden way after all.

 

1-Be overly caring about looks

 

2-pretend to be better then you actually are but do not be a complete jerk from the inner side

 

3-stop caring about looks and slowly but surely show what you really are :p

 

Gosh, seems i need some classes at using my non-existent charms.

Thank god this year i already found out how to look good while deep down not giving a f*ck and finding it quite a tedious thing to dress well and such....

 

Then again, scrap that, i already have some charms, since a few of the people i dated in the past 2 years called me: charming, nice guy, polite and gentle, even after they "had what they came for".

 

Begs the legit question though were i would ever find people with matching interests in real life though...not the obvious like going out in clubs and such since in all honesty i do not really like going out to much at such places, except for short occasions, mainly during the summer and holidays.

 

And even though i should thus give up this near-attic room dwelling life i currently have and find myself some place to hang out at after work for at least a few hours every week, if i would need to go at such places every week i'd go insane.

 

If going out 2/168 or more i rather go for long walks, certain expo's about things like cars, antiques, books, ideas for house decoration, musea and such...Have some places to dream away, to think, to discover or to come at rest in....Heck, if it was not for certain beverages like mojito, aperol spritz, jenever and such i would never even bother to still go out about once every so many months.


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#99

Posted 2 weeks ago

After not speaking for a few months, my ex contacted me back in December telling me she missed me, which meant she was lonely, depressed, and horny. Last time we'd spoken she was seeing someone, actually it was the guy she cheated on me with when she started travelling to San Fran for work. Having a functional dick, I took advantage of this situation. We went out to dinner, where she spent the entire time bitching about her ex, then we went back to her house, where she also spent the entire time bitching about her ex...while her top was off and her hand down my pants, mind you. She decides, midf*ckingcoitus, that she wasn't feeling this. Talk about a boner killer. I dismounted, reclothed, and went on my way, feeling like a sucker yet again.

 

A few days later I'm at a party drinking with some people who went to high school with her. I told them about the million reasons we broke up, much of which was due to (both of our) alcoholism. I also mentioned how I never really trusted her, and how her distrust of me nearly lead me to down the path of insanity. Seriously, I've never cheated on anyone in my life, yet I was getting accused all the time of cheating. It got so bad I started to question my own sanity. She'd planted a seed of guilt in my head even though I was never unfaithful. At some point I mentioned it was odd that she seemed to change her story about how many guys she'd been with. Initially it was 10, then 11, for which she called ME a liar for questioning it. Every time we broke up I asked her if she'd done anything with anyone else. She always said I haven't been with anyone new, which I apparently didn't read into enough! Several people set me straight that night - she hadn't been with 10 people, more like 110. It was then that all the pieces started falling into place. The best way to divert attention from yourself is to constantly accuse someone else. I'll be honest, I was LIVID. I'd spent 4 years of my life with this woman, spent my $20k savings moving into and fixing up a house so we could get married and start a family, etc. If I'd have known then what I know now, I never would have wasted a second with her. She stole 4 years of my life and had been (most likely) cheating on me the entire time. I sent her a drunken, angry email that night and told her to never f*cking contact me again

 

Fast forward to last week. The girl I was dating broke up with me, and within 5 minutes I get an email from my ex saying she missed me.

 

Oh boy

 

When we broke up I was in a bad place. One of the main reasons our relationship ended was due to my depression and everything that came from it - alcoholism, being miserable, treating others like dirt...booze f*cks up your brain. Turns it to mush. It had caused me to lose friends, loved ones, etc. But I got help. I've been seeing a therapist for a year now and I quit drinking 4 months ago. That changed everything. It finally allowed me to see reality and everything around me clearly. That was the main facet of my depression. Quitting had a windfall effect of making everything else better. I have changed for the better since we split. 

 

This time I had my guard up. This time I had the advantage of actually being able to see what was happening and make rational decisions. So I responded to her and we started talking. On Friday night, she texts me at 1 am and wakes me up. Her sister drunkenly threw something at her so she left without a car. I called yellow cab for her, but they won't pick people up on a street corner and her sister's address doesn't even show up on Google maps. Yay podunk Texas. I roll out of bed and drive 29 miles to pick her up. She spent the next 29 miles bitching about her ex. He's a 51-year-old widow, perfect guy, blah blah blah. Well, he WAS a widow, until his wife showed up very much alive and very much pissed off. Turns out he was having an affair while travelling for work. The entire time my ex is crying asking What am I doing wrong? Nevermind the fact that I've told her numerous times what she was doing wrong when we were together. She never once listened. Hell, when I met up with her back in December I even said I've already given you advice when we were together, the f*ck if I'm gonna help you out again only to use your newfound knowledge on the next guy while I'm sitting here alone.

 

I got her home safely and slept with her, then got up ready to leave. She asked if I'd stay. I said no. She broke into tears, again asking what she was doing wrong. I laughed and told her you wanna know the truth? You're an alcoholic who makes dumb mistakes, just like I was. You don't listen when people give you advice. You don't see it as help, you see it as them picking on you. I had to learn the hard way. Unlike you, I stopped talking about being a screwup and actually started to do something about it."

 

Then she said "f*ck you you're an asshole just like everyone else! You played me just like me ex played me!"

 

..."oh, you mean like founding a relationship based on a lie, only to find out at the very end, leaving you hurt, confused, and heartbroken? That sounds eerily familiar. Oh wait, I know why! Because that's exactly what you did to me! You spent 4 years lying about how many people you've been with, only for me to find out at the bitter end from someone else, while I sat there in tears feeling like a sucker. Ain't Karma a fickle bitch??"

 

I left and blocked her when I got home. Good riddance

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mr quick
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#100

Posted 2 weeks ago

Men and women are more likely to develop an emotional connection to someone who is more physically attractive than not. You need a base to work off of. It's simple psychology and attraction.

f*ck it's getting HOT in here

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Nitrous~
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#101

Posted 2 weeks ago

Seems like most reply on this post mentions sex lmao
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Darth Absentis
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#102

Posted A week ago

Ugh...i am way to weak for this sh*t.

Going at the juke box of this gay bar here hoping to flood the place with some 80's, 90's 2000's and early 2010's classics...cute guy comes up and asks for ariana grande...i actually chose a number of that tasteless bitch wasting one of my credits thus on sh*tty music. :/

gtamann123
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#103

Posted A week ago Edited by gtamann123, A week ago.

One thing I've noticed in looking up article online such as "how not to be forever alone" the advice basically boiled down to. "Get a job, your own car, a nice place to live and workout and you will get women" when I know that's not factually true. I have a very good job. A newer model car that's constantly complimented. Workout 3 times a week and have a fairly spacious suburban house with a private pool and still horribly forever alone. It's actually somewhat frustrating that there isn't any reasonable advice available on how to be emotionally intelligent enough to not be forever alone. Most advice just focuses purely on cosmetic or superficial things
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Nitrous~
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#104

Posted A week ago

One thing I've noticed in looking up article online such as "how not to be forever alone" the advice basically boiled down to. "Get a job, your own car, a nice place to live and workout and you will get women" when I know that's not factually true. I have a very good job. A newer model car that's constantly complimented. Workout 3 times a week and have a fairly spacious suburban house with a private pool and still horribly forever alone. It's actually somewhat frustrating that there isn't any reasonable advice available on how to be emotionally intelligent enough to not be forever alone. Most advice just focuses purely on cosmetic or superficial things


Those "articles" are for men that only want to f*ck lol.

If you are like me, then you'll discover that there's no need to all that fake BS, that is for fake people, at the end its all about feelings, you want tho be with that person all the time, you both notice it, the feelings become overwhelming and well, it happens lol, what makes it hard nowadays is that there's too much brainwashed / superficial people, if you want a serious relationship its more complicated to find someone.

Again, this is from personal experience and opinion, I'm not into relationships for sex.

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#105

Posted A week ago

He's right though. Buying dick pills off the internet and reading half baked trash about being a macho alpha man is an essential part of having a healthy relationship. Women aren't people after all.

Agreed, women are not human


Darkshadows
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#106

Posted A week ago

One thing I've noticed in looking up article online such as "how not to be forever alone" the advice basically boiled down to. "Get a job, your own car, a nice place to live and workout and you will get women" when I know that's not factually true. I have a very good job. A newer model car that's constantly complimented. Workout 3 times a week and have a fairly spacious suburban house with a private pool and still horribly forever alone. It's actually somewhat frustrating that there isn't any reasonable advice available on how to be emotionally intelligent enough to not be forever alone. Most advice just focuses purely on cosmetic or superficial things

Yeah they pretty much tell you to create a completely fake and plastic personality to get a girl

 

But like Nitrous~ said, those things only work for the "let's have sex and never see each other again" relationships, if you want a real relationship just be yourself 

 

why am i giving advice if i'm still alone?


Coleco
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#107

Posted A week ago

One thing I've noticed in looking up article online such as "how not to be forever alone" the advice basically boiled down to. "Get a job, your own car, a nice place to live and workout and you will get women" when I know that's not factually true. 

 

I agree - articles like that are part of the problem with people's perception or expectations right there :) There is no fail-safe formula for compatibility.

 

Personally I've never been impressed by someone flaunting material possessions and flexing their muscles in an attempt to impress. It's crude and boring. The most interesting people who's company I found I liked have been passionate about the things they love, self-deprecating to a degree (with a sprinkling of humour, not pathetic self-pity... though might just be a UK thing) and have an ability/desire to listen instead of just waiting for their turn to talk. Also someone who understands that everyone is just human, and as such we all have off-days, awkward moments and imperfections... which are totally fine.

 

It takes time to find someone who truly understands you and there can be a lot of pain and emotion involved along the way. Anyone can shack up with anyone else with a bit of money or a career given the right circumstances but it can be just as lonely as being on your own if you have nothing in common, and more restrictive than if you are single.

 

Best way to get over feeling Forever Alone? Stop thinking about it and treating being single as a negative thing.

 

And definitely to stop reading clickbait articles with superficial content  ;)

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#108

Posted A week ago Edited by ΣΓ, A week ago.

Having money does help a lot. At a minimum you need money to go on dates but having a lot of money potentially means that you have an interesting lifestyle. If you do interesting things people are more likely to admire you for that.

Relationships are way too hyped up in society to the point where I see people everywhere rushing to get married out of a fear of ending up alone or being perceived as a weird person. This is a false worry in my view even though I too get captured by it sometimes (but mostly because I'm not doing the things I should be doing to increase my chances). I still want to be in a relationship with someone in the end but if I don't manage to find the right person I think I could be OK on my own too. I see relationships in black and white because the stakes are potentially very high (e.g. marriage or having children). So in my mind a relationship is really not worth it in the end (long-term) if you can't find that person that you are looking for. One of the other reasons people settle for less in relationships is that they don't really know what they want, what kind of partner would be ideal for them. I actually got lucky in this regard because I know of one woman that matches all of my criteria quite perfectly, unfortunately not someone I could ever date but it is promising in the sense that there are potentially many other women like her out there. But it is damn hard to find the thing that you're looking for once you know exactly (more or less) what it is. And it's impossible (at least for me) to settle for anything less than that because you want to feel the way you know you can feel. I think that the only way I could ever be motivated to be the best partner I can be to a future girlfriend is if she's exactly what I'm looking for because then the feelings are genuine. There's no need to pretend at all.
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gtamann123
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#109

Posted A week ago Edited by gtamann123, A week ago.

So a female friend of mine old me about an app called "Bumble" that's basically the same as Tinder except only women can message first. She said its actually frequented by many attractive and high quality girls because it allows them to use a Tinder style interface without being constantly bombarded by hundreds of messages a day. Might be with looking into if other dating sites haven't worked for you.

GrudgefromSanAndreas
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#110

Posted 6 days ago

When i watch some cartoons and see hot and/or beautiful girls, i sometimes wish they were real and at least 21yo so i can date one. I'm also into scene girls but i'm not sure if a girl in my class in a language school was emo or scene. It was year 2007-2009 so i guess she was scene. But i'm sometimes into subculture girls in general. Almost my whole life i wanted to have a goth girlfriend but i realised i'd not really be ready cause i'm not goth.

 

But i seem to be happy as single cause my friends told me when you break up with your partner it hurts very much. At first i couldn't believe that because "life goes on" but actually now i'm sure it's better to be single all your life than to have to break up and dump and get dumped a lot times. But also some people say it's okay to be in love even if it never comes true.

A Uni colleague of mine said there are people that don't have a love of their life, he said he was searching for his love but never found nor had that feeling there is the One, and so he's happy as single.

 

Now i still wonder do you think dating a girl is safe for me? If i want to date a girl, i'd date one that doesn't want to have kids cause i don't see myself as a father


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#111

Posted 6 days ago

I think when people start treating other people AS people, and stop listing preferable characteristics as essential criteria they may find they have better luck.

 

I tried that "I only want someone who is ______ or is into ______" before too. I met someone who ticked those boxes and we did actually get together. And guess what, we weren't compatible in the slightest.

 

Anyway, people grow out of stuff, or get into new things. Clothes, music, hobbies, opinions etc... they may define us as people but those interests can (and often) change.

 

 

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Darth Absentis
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#112

Posted 3 days ago

Man, i really need to consider to change tactics.

So this week was "gentse feesten"...and though it took 1 day to actually start a few conversations with people at a gay party/bar...

First of all, some just are not interested in even talking, but when they are...wow...

One older guy(34 year old)starts talking to me just because i let him sit next to me, then he thinks im cute and sh*t but yea...then he is getting touchy so im telling him he aint my type, but he can feel free to just talk to me of course.

He first looks insulted, then he kinda goes to the toilet to never come back and yesterday i get the invite to date him trough a phone message(yes we did share phone numbers)

Again...i tell him i do not plan to date him, but meeting up to go eat pizza(he made such an offer the day before IRL)is something i do want to do though.
Then he asks what the difference is between a date and a meetup(seriously ?!) And i answer that a date suggests to me that more besides friendship can happen, but that i have no interest in him beyond that.

Afterwards he asks why i am not interested in him, and i tell him its because he is to old for my taste and because he is a smoker, while also adding that he should not mind because i am picky as hell.

All in all that was the last i've heard of that one.

Then the second notable first is flirting, then makes out with me(weak minded as i am i just could not resist against it since to be honest, he was really cute looking) and such but after getting over that weak moment i ask him if the ring on his hand means he is engaged...
Turns out, he is !
Must say, he claimed to be in an open relation but yea...kinda lost my interest then, so yea, i left him few moments afterwards.

Then 3th quotable was suprisingly again someone of my age and cute enough, but turns out he was just(like honestly has been the case with me on quite some occasions online) only into me for sex.

Pretty much anyone else was not really chatty and had no interest in any conversation, so yea...as pessimistic as it might sound, if that is the result of 2 evenings finally being chatty and pretending to be a kind regular casual(i went for 3 days overall and looking back i really think i hid my inner semi anti/associal pretty well), besides the nice drinks, the food and the music(which is all luckely for me 75 percent of the total of things i went for to Ghent in the first place)..i honestly am glad that event is over.

I really need to find an other tactic or consider me making some kind of error in my pretence to come over casually.
Especially when the places i went to are said to be for the non sexual meeting up things, so yea...that just does not sound right.

I wonder if maybe i should actually avoid going at moments those places are crowded, since to be fair of of the guys in those 3 examples was from Antwerpen while an other was from South-America.

I think when people start treating other people AS people, and stop listing preferable characteristics as essential criteria they may find they have better luck.
 
I tried that "I only want someone who is ______ or is into ______" before too. I met someone who ticked those boxes and we did actually get together. And guess what, we weren't compatible in the slightest.
 
Anyway, people grow out of stuff, or get into new things. Clothes, music, hobbies, opinions etc... they may define us as people but those interests can (and often) change.

Sorry but i just cant stomach the idea to get hooked with someone asking for lung cancer or being of such an age he will probably die 10 years before i do if we grow up to get our funeral each around the same age, just to name a few things.




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