That one long relationship i really had...god, its kinda a long story and really controversial thing and not even i know really what to make of it to be honest.
So we are talking about a long distance relation ship thing, we met trough some dating site, it seemed to me we shared the same interests(looking back though he might have faked having the same interests), thus we meet when my parents are not home so i can do a 4/5 hour 40 - 50 euro costing trip to Limburg/Netherlands.
Coming there, the guy is more nervous then me, which kinda comforts me.
We are talking about me when i was about 20 years old btw and could count the amount of dates i had on one hand still btw.
So we walk around the area and such, then we go at his home and just have fun playing board games and some videogames on his pc.
I'd honestly do find him quite charming thus i kinda act all inocent and ignore how time is flying by.
So in the end...got to stay at his place, blabla, censored blabla, thus we have a lot of connecting going on in phyisical and emotional ways and it ends with me insanely tired arriving home just in time before parents or grandparents do.
Bit fast forward, we keep chatting trough skype, he shares now and then(so called) secrets, i tell mine and he either seems to not care or see i have some regrets of things in the past,...
Thing is, troughout the period of about 2 years we meet once irl every month or so(parents in the end also got told about it) but after first 3 month, looking back i can safely say, things got toxic.
He changes things about his life story(he always said he did only have 2 relatives he was into conflict with, so only thing i know from him comes from him, thus i got nothing to check what was true), i of course hating liars call him out on it.
Now mind you, at that age i was still way more mentally unstable then now, so after a night of processing his first lie(my mind is a fairly slow POS i pretty much verbally tell him trough the internet he is a pathological lying lunatic and should stay the f*ck away from me before or i'd kill him with my sword i had.
Somehow afterwards, this conflict gets "solved"(hah...yea right indeed...) but of course every month of 3 after that either a minor conflict breaks lose or a new big one comes up still based around the troubles of that big one.
Some interesting details though:
-We were both stuborn as f*ck and would not budge and give in even a fraction for a long time and considering the conflicts revolved around personality differences and a conflict that should have ended that relationship then and there, this whole thing was like an black hole sucking out a lot of energy out of me and him.
-we both kinda liked guns, he somehow for whatever reason had even several files of firearms manuals and sh*t about making bombs on his pc...while most people would have found that scary, i did not.
I mean, have to mention here, he was the moral knight of the 2 and would even flame me for me making jokes about so called "bad events"
For example there once was a documentary about world events of the 1990's, while i was still so mentally twisted i was laughing out loud when it was talking about notable school shootings, terrorist attacks and riots he was honestly getting slightly aggitated, but he did not dare to say to much about it though...he honestly would have gained nothing doing that anyhow btw...like said, i really was far from being mentally stable then, just recovering from a pretty disturbing period in life.
-he seemed paranoid and was on some medicines and was also in pain...or at least, that is what he told and i do buy it as being legit.
He always looked out of his window when there was some noise outside and that state of allertness, i do not think that can be faked. Even my dog was not that watchfull.
-His versions of his life story pretty much contain a lot of heavy sh*t in which he was the victim...also he claimed having PTSD.
-at moments he was really emotional incarnate, thing is, looking back, he was pretty strong at arguing in his own way and rationalizing it.
Back to the story though...
After a while(1.5 years) we get a temporarly peaceful period were i tell him and decide that, since he admits having such a problem telling the truth/not knowing the truth himself, i will stop caring about things being real or not.
After a while though he notices how i kinda stopped caring about his history stories, thus he gets mad and it goes back to me threatening his life more then 1.5 years ago.
This o so sh*tty love story is by now almost at its end though, because of what i did at the end.
See, he claimed he was afraid of me bringing in a knife and killing him in his sleep( something which he at moments claimed his last bf did to him) and he could not trust me.
Me being less mental stable but not per se less controversial thus decides to actually bring a knife to his place, never tell him i cary a knife with me when there and only tell him afterwards when i am home trough skype.
So yea...going fast forward, he freaks out, wants to break up, we break up, we still keep contact, he wants a relationship again, i refuse because of my strong principe of never having a love relationship with exes, he gets mad, i block him trough every medium he could contact me.
This is how ever not the last thing i heard of him.
He came back 3 months later when i kinda was over him some more, started becoming chatty trough a fake dating site account.
He asks to add him again on skype, which i refused and then i let him have the last word, we say good night and i pretty much dont log in for 1.5 month.
When thats over, i come back and his account is deleted
After that though, i heard him 1 last time about 1 year ago.
By then my father had been dead for almost a year, his dead did not destroy my mental health at all, i had survived 3 year working for an asshole i did not even smash his brains in, thus proved to have some self-control and for me surprising amount of mental strenght.
Thus yea, i pretty much replied in the most friendly yet cold manner i could, he got told both the pet he gave me died of old age and my dad died of cancer( he always claimed i would not be able to handle the latter thing alone)...and that i had more sexual experience and was still single, wished eachother a few goid things in the way 2 strangers talking to eachother on the train would do and we ended that conversation with an intense yet polite argument about(not joking on anything i said in this post, not even this) mil mi 24's effectiveness against ground troups i think i pretty much won because i could tell him something about that helicopter his armor he did not know and i had the last word.
Has not replied....and yea...we are about 1 year further and that account i then used has been deleted for over 6 months ago, so even though looking back those 2 years, even with the honestly plenty of good moments in it were a mistake, i think it has ended in a really good way...and if he ever returns for a chat....meh...don't care but ok, if he really wants to, why not