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Rafae
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#31

Posted 24 June 2017 - 05:03 AM Edited by Rafae, 24 June 2017 - 05:05 AM.

sh*t I'll bite

 

So this was around back in early 2009, one of my best friend's sister just joined us in Grade 11 after going to another school for high school for a bit. This friend of mine became one of my best friends in late 2007 when he joined the school for Grade 10, the same time as one of my other best friends... we were a cool little trilogy for the longest lol. Anyway, fast forward to early 2009, we all used to private bus it to school (this was when I lived in the middle east) and naturally she rode with us too... all three of us and her as well as a few others would all sit in the back talking the whole ride home cracking jokes etc. etc.

 

This went on for a few weeks til I added her on Facebook and MSN (lol) and we started chatting it up every night for a few days... eventually I started catching feelings for her because of how cute she was and how often we were within contact of each other everyday (even had 3/4 out of 6 classes with her). As the days go by one of my other best friends (not the one who's sister I caught feelings for) starts telling me about how he met someone special recently and he's never been this happy in his life until now... as more days go by I see my crush and him talking one on one during the bus rides back home instead of with all of us in the back. I put 2 and 2 together... yeah. I decided I wouldn't tell him I had feelings for her too and instead tell her how I felt myself about her and see how she felt. As the days lead up to the day I eventually tell her, my best friend finally confirms it is indeed her he caught feelings for too and now I'm f*cking crushed. Do I tell him how I feel about her or just ignore it and try and go after her myself? I chose the latter and it bit me in the ass like nothing else. When I told her I felt "that way" about her, she was instantly taken aback and told me how she didn't feel "that" way about me at all and instead considered me a very close friend because of how chatty I always with her and how I always made her laugh super hard. I kinda thought that meant something was going on between us but clearly not. She didn't know what to say and was just left speechless.

 

Fast forward a few days later and I eventually tell my friend I had feelings for her too and he gets instantly taken aback... why did I keep it hidden from him all this time? That's what he was surprised about and told me if I told him earlier we could have handled it like gentlemen since we were best friends and all. I felt so bad afterwards... both because I had my best friend insanely pissed off at me and my crush not feeling the same way about me. To this day I still have no idea whether she felt "that" way towards him or not but regardless, she made it clear to both of us that she didn't want any relationship or anything for the time being as we were both best friends with her brother and she didn't want anything to ruin that. I totally understood that as this indeed kinda made things with her brother and me rough as well and now I had a patchy relationship with both of my best friends AND her. f*ck me, right?

 

Anyway, I just mind my own business the following two/three months of Grade 11 and stop talking to all three and pretty much everyone for that matter. My best friend (my crush's brother) keeps pestering me during these months as to why I won't talk to him and I just don't say anything. Meanwhile my other best friend and him are cool as well as my crush with them both. Man... the second half of Grade 11 was probably one of the worst points of my life. I f*cked up my grades so bad meanwhile lusting over this chick, only for it to amount to nothing as well as my GPA totally being f*cked. To this day I don't talk to any of the three, partially cool with the crush's brother but that's it. We talk like maybe once or twice a year.

 

 

Love isn't worth the trouble folks.

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Synthol
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#32

Posted 24 June 2017 - 05:15 AM

Out of curiosity, where in the middle east did you live? Private bus sounds pretty GCC to me.

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Rafae
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#33

Posted 24 June 2017 - 05:20 AM

Out of curiosity, where in the middle east did you live? Private bus sounds pretty GCC to me.

 

Saudi Arabia.

 

 

It was an international school too. Otherwise there wouldn't be girls and guys together lol.


Synthol
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#34

Posted 24 June 2017 - 05:25 AM

 

Out of curiosity, where in the middle east did you live? Private bus sounds pretty GCC to me.

 

Saudi Arabia.

 

 

It was an international school too. Otherwise there wouldn't be girls and guys together lol.

 

 

Oh mang, I knew it. Saudi's a pretty bad place to date anyways, I've attempted it several times and because of strict parents and laws, most of my relationships ended up long distance in nature, despite us being geographically close.

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HolyGrenadeFrenzy
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#35

Posted 24 June 2017 - 05:33 AM Edited by HolyGrenadeFrenzy, 24 June 2017 - 05:43 AM.

He's right though. Buying dick pills off the internet and reading half baked trash about being a macho alpha man is an essential part of having a healthy relationship. Women aren't people after all.

 

 

Contrary to your assumption, that is not what any of those works are about.

 

That was my point.

 

Deborah Tannen's work is from the position of a linguistic anthropologist that demonstrate the ethnographic and linguistic positions of the differences that exist om within the sub-languages of the masculine and feminine within each base language including the various changes in mannerisms and how it relates to the instinctual differences between them on the level of human instincts.  Most problems between the sexes or between people for that matter fall into the category of miscommunication and misunderstanding, while not confusing these two distinctions.

 

Robert Bly's Work demonstrates the ancient approach and the encodement of such information within folklore that teach the masculine end of this conversation with a nod to the feminine.

 

The Art of Manliness works are a middle ground area that are attempting to recognize what the qualities and characteristics of a proper and healthy man are in an attempt to demonstrate that great men are an aspiration and that manliness is not a thing to be cast aside as irrelevant.

 

Once again, the statements regarding nutrition and the works suggested are discounted without any actual effort to comprehend my intentions. leaving your assumptions to be what youi have without any possible conclusion and without your own investigation into what was said.  You seem way more wiki baked tha I am, young man. (I say this as specific before concluding wereman or worman)

 

The Nutrition issues and a healthy lifestyle have an enxtensive history on this planet and anthropology has many things to say regarding the role of our senses and our instincts and how they relate to our diets.  Want to live a better life and have more interesting people to enjoy company with while you shape up?  It starts with your food.


The Deadite
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#36

Posted 24 June 2017 - 01:36 PM

You make Rusty Balls proud.
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DarkSavageDeathlyCloud
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#37

Posted 24 June 2017 - 01:53 PM Edited by Darth Absentis, 24 June 2017 - 02:08 PM.

Dude... being rude isn't a positive personality trait. Pro tip: you'll find better partners being nice and sincere than an edgy asshole.

Thing is i lose my sincere character if i go overly kind :p

Besides, by the few people i did connect with on a better level then with most, they did still say i had a twisted sense of humor and i was weird/had some weird interests they did not fully understand, but at the same time they did describe me as a nice person....one even said i am a gentleman :p

 

That being said, the utter rudeness is honestly reserved by the idiots using outdated profile pictures when meeting and pretty much any pathetic piece of sh*t that does not get the memo of the age limit being a thing.

 

Maybe just gonna post an example of what kind of remarks i think deserve a rude roasting:

 

Spoiler

 

edit: really, the kind of birdbrain i am dealing with mostly online and sometimes also in real life really deserve what they get.

Sure most people would just ignore them, but were would the fun in that be ?

 

more edit: i got way more proof from were that came from, but it is mostly in dutch or simply not that funny to read.


Pedinhuh
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#38

Posted 24 June 2017 - 10:57 PM Edited by Pedinhuh, 24 June 2017 - 11:05 PM.

Dating is expensive...Very, VERY f*cking expensive.

And I'm not even talking about gifts, because those are an expense that comes once in a blue moon, I'm talking about the little things I gotta pay for when I hang out with my GF, since I pay for everything, like a petit gateau, ice creams, motel's bills, cinema tickets, gas for the car...

Oh well, at least having someone who worries about you is good enough.

Static
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#39

Posted 24 June 2017 - 11:08 PM Edited by Static, 24 June 2017 - 11:33 PM.

 

Spoiler

 

edit: really, the kind of birdbrain i am dealing with mostly online and sometimes also in real life really deserve what they get.

Sure most people would just ignore them, but were would the fun in that be ?

 

more edit: i got way more proof from were that came from, but it is mostly in dutch or simply not that funny to read.

 

 

Seems like you purposefully put yourself in undesirable situations just so you can get your rocks off by rejecting someone you never had interest in any way, just so you can satisfy some form of a narcissistic, superiority complex. FYI, that's not dating, that's being a c*nt.

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Dealux
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#40

Posted 24 June 2017 - 11:13 PM Edited by ΣΓ, 24 June 2017 - 11:18 PM.

Dating is a complete nightmare when you have bad anxiety. I just WISH I had any emotional support.

I have some anxiety sometimes and I used to get panic attacks. I managed to deal with most of that by meditating (mindfulness) oddly enough in a short period of practice but the real change, I think, came from changing my attitude. I realized that ultimately the only thing that matters is what happens in the moment, especially in tense situations. You have to try and stop worrying about other people and focus on what's happening at the time. It works really well once you get used to it.

I still get anxiety a little bit when I am on public transportation with other people. It's like I'm functioning in two modes: one is the default introverted state which is used to spending time alone, and the other is the "smart" introvert state where I do my best to interact with people even though I don't necessarily feel like it. Switching between the two can be weird but you can't be an outcast and live a happy life.

Dealing with girls that you like can be tough. I've had problems even with girls that I don't like and they shared an interest in me. I stumbled a little until the conversation started to flow but I didn't judge myself because I didn't really care. Not caring about the girl or pretending that you don't can help. That way you can act naturally and speak the way you speak with anyone else (though you should use subtle language to show them if you are interested in them). The other strategy I would use comes from a different angle. If I were to meet a really cool girl, the type I would like to date and I almost instantly recognize this fact, then I would go into the "critical" focus mode. Which means that I am encountering a potential high reward situation which requires all of my effort and attention (it's like the flight or fight response, but you actively engage in "fighting"). I haven't practiced this very much because I don't tend to meet the kind of women I would actually date (the top tier "goddess" types are very hard to find, probably 2-5% of the population) but I think I could recognize a critical situation like that and act accordingly. I seem to naturally engage other activities in this manner, such as driving (which requires all of your attention if you don't have a ton of experience and you're interested in not f*cking up in traffic), so in theory I should be able to apply it to other situations as well. The work I do seems to put me into the "fight" mode as well to some extent, because I don't want to embarrass myself at work.

So what I'm saying is your brain already has a mechanism to deal with stressful and potentially embarrassing situations efficiently. You just need to find a way to trigger it in your particular situation. You don't need to overthink things when you're actually talking with a girl. You just need to be there with her and engage. Improvise. Talk naturally.
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Alpha Demigod
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#41

Posted 25 June 2017 - 01:38 AM Edited by Alpha Demigod, 25 June 2017 - 02:29 AM.

sh*t I'll bite
 
So this was around back in early 2009, one of my best friend's sister just joined us in Grade 11 after going to another school for high school for a bit. This friend of mine became one of my best friends in late 2007 when he joined the school for Grade 10, the same time as one of my other best friends... we were a cool little trilogy for the longest lol. Anyway, fast forward to early 2009, we all used to private bus it to school (this was when I lived in the middle east) and naturally she rode with us too... all three of us and her as well as a few others would all sit in the back talking the whole ride home cracking jokes etc. etc.
 
This went on for a few weeks til I added her on Facebook and MSN (lol) and we started chatting it up every night for a few days... eventually I started catching feelings for her because of how cute she was and how often we were within contact of each other everyday (even had 3/4 out of 6 classes with her). As the days go by one of my other best friends (not the one who's sister I caught feelings for) starts telling me about how he met someone special recently and he's never been this happy in his life until now... as more days go by I see my crush and him talking one on one during the bus rides back home instead of with all of us in the back. I put 2 and 2 together... yeah. I decided I wouldn't tell him I had feelings for her too and instead tell her how I felt myself about her and see how she felt. As the days lead up to the day I eventually tell her, my best friend finally confirms it is indeed her he caught feelings for too and now I'm f*cking crushed. Do I tell him how I feel about her or just ignore it and try and go after her myself? I chose the latter and it bit me in the ass like nothing else. When I told her I felt "that way" about her, she was instantly taken aback and told me how she didn't feel "that" way about me at all and instead considered me a very close friend because of how chatty I always with her and how I always made her laugh super hard. I kinda thought that meant something was going on between us but clearly not. She didn't know what to say and was just left speechless.
 
Fast forward a few days later and I eventually tell my friend I had feelings for her too and he gets instantly taken aback... why did I keep it hidden from him all this time? That's what he was surprised about and told me if I told him earlier we could have handled it like gentlemen since we were best friends and all. I felt so bad afterwards... both because I had my best friend insanely pissed off at me and my crush not feeling the same way about me. To this day I still have no idea whether she felt "that" way towards him or not but regardless, she made it clear to both of us that she didn't want any relationship or anything for the time being as we were both best friends with her brother and she didn't want anything to ruin that. I totally understood that as this indeed kinda made things with her brother and me rough as well and now I had a patchy relationship with both of my best friends AND her. f*ck me, right?
 
Anyway, I just mind my own business the following two/three months of Grade 11 and stop talking to all three and pretty much everyone for that matter. My best friend (my crush's brother) keeps pestering me during these months as to why I won't talk to him and I just don't say anything. Meanwhile my other best friend and him are cool as well as my crush with them both. Man... the second half of Grade 11 was probably one of the worst points of my life. I f*cked up my grades so bad meanwhile lusting over this chick, only for it to amount to nothing as well as my GPA totally being f*cked. To this day I don't talk to any of the three, partially cool with the crush's brother but that's it. We talk like maybe once or twice a year.
 
 
Love isn't worth the trouble folks.



Thanks. This is the type of post we need in this thread.

Mods can you please delete that entire crap about "dick pills" and all that sh*t on the front page?


I mean, look at page 2. This is the type of harmonious discussion I was hoping for. This is the purpose of a forum.


Thank you: Rafeae, Synthal, Darth Absentis, Static, Achlys, and ET
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Femme Fatale
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#42

Posted 25 June 2017 - 01:53 AM

You forgot to thank me, bro.
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HolyGrenadeFrenzy
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#43

Posted 25 June 2017 - 02:17 AM

Dating is expensive...Very, VERY f*cking expensive.

And I'm not even talking about gifts, because those are an expense that comes once in a blue moon, I'm talking about the little things I gotta pay for when I hang out with my GF, since I pay for everything, like a petit gateau, ice creams, motel's bills, cinema tickets, gas for the car...

Oh well, at least having someone who worries about you is good enough.

 

All social interaction has expenses and the prices are not that different. 

 

Sure, some people expect you to wine and dine them yet most people will treat you as your behavior dictates to them that you expect or require to be treated as long as you take the same cues from them. 

 

Communication is a lot more than what you do or don't say to someone with words and money.

 

========================================================

 

Authenticity can not be faked and it does have a certain recognizable quality about it that out performs anything else  This vital quality of ingeniousness is not the same thing as spilling your guts out.  It has a direct correlation to the way you espouse and manifest the principals you claim within yourself as well to those you propagate that you subscribe to.  To be direct, honest people can trust themselves first and good people expect the best of themselves and aspire to repeatedly clean up their messes and rebuild and reinvent themselves to recover from frailties and that is were the real lessons are earned, speaking of expense that is.  The biggest expenses are way beyond money in relationships, for certain.


Alpha Demigod
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#44

Posted 25 June 2017 - 02:30 AM

You forgot to thank me, bro.


You were on the first page. Totally forgot. Sorry. Fixed it now.
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Slynke
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#45

Posted 25 June 2017 - 02:42 AM Edited by Slynke, 25 June 2017 - 02:44 AM.

I've tried to open up about my relationship/commitment issues before, I was met with mostly poop-memes lol I feel your struggle, Alpha.

 

I've essentially given up on committed relationships. I haven't been in a traditional boyfriend-girlfriend relationship in quite a few years. I pretty much stick to keeping things casual these days. Going on 30, I'm definitely the odd man out among my friends, who all are either married, divorced, or in committed relationships. I'm pretty sure I'll die single lol


make total destroy
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#46

Posted 25 June 2017 - 05:14 AM

hot take: monogamy is stupid don't do it lol

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Synthol
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#47

Posted 25 June 2017 - 07:19 AM

Dating is a complete nightmare when you have bad anxiety. I just WISH I had any emotional support.

I have some anxiety sometimes and I used to get panic attacks. I managed to deal with most of that by meditating (mindfulness) oddly enough in a short period of practice but the real change, I think, came from changing my attitude. I realized that ultimately the only thing that matters is what happens in the moment, especially in tense situations. You have to try and stop worrying about other people and focus on what's happening at the time. It works really well once you get used to it.

I still get anxiety a little bit when I am on public transportation with other people. It's like I'm functioning in two modes: one is the default introverted state which is used to spending time alone, and the other is the "smart" introvert state where I do my best to interact with people even though I don't necessarily feel like it. Switching between the two can be weird but you can't be an outcast and live a happy life.

Dealing with girls that you like can be tough. I've had problems even with girls that I don't like and they shared an interest in me. I stumbled a little until the conversation started to flow but I didn't judge myself because I didn't really care. Not caring about the girl or pretending that you don't can help. That way you can act naturally and speak the way you speak with anyone else (though you should use subtle language to show them if you are interested in them). The other strategy I would use comes from a different angle. If I were to meet a really cool girl, the type I would like to date and I almost instantly recognize this fact, then I would go into the "critical" focus mode. Which means that I am encountering a potential high reward situation which requires all of my effort and attention (it's like the flight or fight response, but you actively engage in "fighting"). I haven't practiced this very much because I don't tend to meet the kind of women I would actually date (the top tier "goddess" types are very hard to find, probably 2-5% of the population) but I think I could recognize a critical situation like that and act accordingly. I seem to naturally engage other activities in this manner, such as driving (which requires all of your attention if you don't have a ton of experience and you're interested in not f*cking up in traffic), so in theory I should be able to apply it to other situations as well. The work I do seems to put me into the "fight" mode as well to some extent, because I don't want to embarrass myself at work.

So what I'm saying is your brain already has a mechanism to deal with stressful and potentially embarrassing situations efficiently. You just need to find a way to trigger it in your particular situation. You don't need to overthink things when you're actually talking with a girl. You just need to be there with her and engage. Improvise. Talk naturally.

Thanks for all of this, but personally, social anxiety is not the issue. I can more often than not approach any girl and begin a conversation with no problems, it's the anxiety afterwards that's the nightmare. Eventually after any encounter, I begin to overthink, "did they like me?", "oh, they definitely hate me now" . I also overanalyze their behavior towards me and text messages, it kills me inside and potentially jeopardizes my chances.

DarkSavageDeathlyCloud
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#48

Posted 25 June 2017 - 08:20 AM Edited by Darth Absentis, 25 June 2017 - 08:32 AM.

 

 

 

Seems like you purposefully put yourself in undesirable situations just so you can get your rocks off by rejecting someone you never had interest in any way, just so you can satisfy some form of a narcissistic, superiority complex. FYI, that's not dating, that's being a c*nt.

 

Well, i could show some chats were things went well because people were respecting the age limit, but they are almost all in dutch and they are pretty much 18+ rated regarding the content in it  :whistle:

 

Again, there are people i do connect with, but i do admit most of the sh*t passing my profile is overly aged garbage, which is not really my fault since again, i do mention i got an age limit both in my age range, headline and just in the overall profile text.

 

And like said again, most people of my age just ignore them, but i am one of the few that does not :p

 

edit: really, if people are to lousy to read the profile before posting or worse, when going out irl consider just being talked to by me an invite to start touchy, then get told i got no interest in me and then still try me out they just should be grateful to not get my foot up their ball sack.

 

Also, if someone is pretty much not crossing the age limit, but just not my type i always politely say something like: "sorry, but not really my type i'm afraid".(after which they generally reply" ok, understood, good hunting" and i reply with something like"good luck to you to".

 

Really, suggesting i get annoyed by people talking to me that are simply not my type is quite the wrong assumption, but i do have no remorse for idiots that put themselves into positions that could have been avoided by either just reading the text under the first main profile picture or by just taking my words serious  :sui:


Dealux
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#49

Posted 25 June 2017 - 10:35 AM Edited by ΣΓ, 25 June 2017 - 10:36 AM.

hot take: monogamy is stupid don't do it lol

It is advertised like the best lifestyle, but for many people it isn't. Some people can't be loyal to one person but they get married anyway because it is the thing people do.

Thanks for all of this, but personally, social anxiety is not the issue. I can more often than not approach any girl and begin a conversation with no problems, it's the anxiety afterwards that's the nightmare. Eventually after any encounter, I begin to overthink, "did they like me?", "oh, they definitely hate me now" . I also overanalyze their behavior towards me and text messages, it kills me inside and potentially jeopardizes my chances.

I solved that problem when I stopped interpreting their behavior or "signs". Girls generally play a whole different game when it comes to dating. I think the average woman is more polite than the average man and it comes down to the way each gender is socialized, what is acceptable behavior and what is not. So women tend to be nicer but you really have to learn not to read into their politeness. Chances are they behave that way with most people.
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#50

Posted 25 June 2017 - 11:19 AM

Spoiler

 

HDdJkeM.png?1

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#51

Posted 25 June 2017 - 04:13 PM

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Jon Jon
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#52

Posted 25 June 2017 - 06:06 PM

I think the problem here is that you're going after the "hot" women. Nine times out of ten the "hot" woman will have a very unattractive personality. They will only care about herself, and not you unless they want something from you that isn't your "johnson", and will constantly want to be flattered and strives for attention.

If you're looking for a long-term relationship, then don't go for those type. If you're looking for a short-term/fling/f*ck buddy (assuming you'll get that far) then go for it. The fact that you keep bringing up how "hot" they are, tells me that you're just looking for someone to f*ck and to show-off to other people that you are with a "hot" chick and to feel superior to make yourself feel better.

Who you should go for, in my opinion, is someone you can have a long-term healthy relationship with that you can grow with and whom has similar interests as you. For instance, you're on a gaming forum so you more than likely play videogames. So go for someone who either plays videogames too or someone who would be willing to try videogames if they never played them before.

One more thing, go for someone who can at least make sandwiches. If they can't make a sandwich then don't go for them. That right there is a deal breaker if they can't make something as basic and simple as a sandwich.
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Jolly Swagman
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#53

Posted 25 June 2017 - 06:22 PM

^^^
I think you'll fit right into this thread.

Mods: Can we rename this to the "Dating/ Roosh V/ All Women are Bitches and Scare Me Topic"?
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Scaglietti
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#54

Posted 25 June 2017 - 07:49 PM

I think the problem here is that you're going after the "hot" women. Nine times out of ten the "hot" woman will have a very unattractive personality. They will only care about herself, and not you unless they want something from you that isn't your "johnson", and will constantly want to be flattered and strives for attention.

If you're looking for a long-term relationship, then don't go for those type. If you're looking for a short-term/fling/f*ck buddy (assuming you'll get that far) then go for it. The fact that you keep bringing up how "hot" they are, tells me that you're just looking for someone to f*ck and to show-off to other people that you are with a "hot" chick and to feel superior to make yourself feel better.

Who you should go for, in my opinion, is someone you can have a long-term healthy relationship with that you can grow with and whom has similar interests as you. For instance, you're on a gaming forum so you more than likely play videogames. So go for someone who either plays videogames too or someone who would be willing to try videogames if they never played them before.

One more thing, go for someone who can at least make sandwiches. If they can't make a sandwich then don't go for them. That right there is a deal breaker if they can't make something as basic and simple as a sandwich.

I really hope this was all sarcasm.

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Jon Jon
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#55

Posted 25 June 2017 - 07:58 PM

The sandwich making part was. I even went and reported my post so a mod could remove the sandwich joke. My phone is a potato, basically, and when I tried to edit my post it had cut off majority of what I typed because I typed too much for my phone to handle.

gtamann123
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#56

Posted 25 June 2017 - 08:13 PM

I've given up on dating after coming to the realization that the only women I qualified for are desperate single mothers and meth mouth trailer trash.
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#57

Posted 25 June 2017 - 08:31 PM Edited by Achlys, 25 June 2017 - 08:34 PM.

The sandwich making part was. I even went and reported my post so a mod could remove the sandwich joke. My phone is a potato, basically, and when I tried to edit my post it had cut off majority of what I typed because I typed too much for my phone to handle.

"Everybody's attacking me for being a misogynist, so I'm going to fix everything by saying it was sarcasm, and  blame my sh*tty phone."

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#58

Posted 26 June 2017 - 01:56 AM Edited by Alpha Demigod, 26 June 2017 - 02:00 AM.

 

The sandwich making part was. I even went and reported my post so a mod could remove the sandwich joke. My phone is a potato, basically, and when I tried to edit my post it had cut off majority of what I typed because I typed too much for my phone to handle.

"Everybody's attacking me for being a misogynist, so I'm going to fix everything by saying it was sarcasm, and  blame my sh*tty phone."

 


I'm not sure if he was saying it with satire/sarcasm or seriousness. But assuming he was serious, how is that misoynistic?

He has preferences for his partner and he's simply expressing that he'd prefer his partner can prepare food. Is it "politically incorrect" just because it's a woman?

I mean, if a woman says "I'd like a guy that can put together a wooden table or knows how to mow the lawn" is that also distasteful and sexist because she's expecting a man to do "man things"?

Inb4 neckbeard/repill/fedorah jokes (you know the ad hominem doesn't debunk my point)

 

I've given up on dating after coming to the realization that the only women I qualified for are desperate single mothers and meth mouth trailer trash.


Honestly that type of negative attitude is your first problem. but I feel like I already typed out enough sh*t trying to fix it up so I'll just let you roll on with your negativity.


OT:

I've decided I'll finally get on Tinder. I put it on my todo list to take some sexy pictures and put them up. But knowing the lazy bastard I am...it'll be years before I get on the site.


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#59

Posted 26 June 2017 - 02:24 AM

You're kidding? It would be equally insulting to some men because not all men are that masculine (and that does not mean they're gay), crazy right? But my problem was his whole post. It was just packed full of awful generalizations.

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#60

Posted 26 June 2017 - 02:37 AM

Well, here it goes. Don't read on if you abhor scandalous activity. I realize I may get judged harshly for some of this. I don't know, maybe not. Actually I don't really care:

 

I cheated on my first husband for a week before I finally asked for a divorce and then got together with my current husband. I know. It was horrible. I felt bad but at the same time it felt right and I've never regretted that I did it.

 

I was with my first husband for about 10 years. He was a little older than me, fairly mature, well-established, seemed like good father material, etc. I'd recently dated more of a "bad boy" and was pretty sick of that scenario. Our relationship didn't start out all that passionately but I was fairly young and people kept telling me that sometimes "that comes later". He was a little uncomfortable with intimacy but I was his first real girlfriend and I figured he'd "loosen up" as time went on but he didn't. Things just got weirder and weirder.

 

After our daughter was born (hell, as soon as my pregnancy started to show, actually!), what little bit of physical intimacy we had in our marriage (like, maybe once a month when I broke down and made a move, or said, "Hey, it's been awhile") basically became nothing. Literally months would go by and this man had no interest in me. I mean..I'm fine with initiating and all that, don't get me wrong but all the time?? I'm sorry, I'm not into that. Not my thing.

 

To make a really long story short, there were a lot of major turn-offs going on but the last straw was when my daughter was about 9 months old and I discovered that he would rather just be with his hand than be with me. Now, I'm not the most gorgeous woman in the world but I know I'm not ugly either, nor am I bad in the sack. At that point I started suggesting we see a therapist and maybe he get a testosterone level done. He always blew off my suggestions. Sometimes he would outright laugh at me and say things like, "We're getting older and we have a kid now, we don't have the time or energy! This is what marriage is like!" He used the "getting older" excuse for himself a LOT. At the time, I was not quite 30 and he was about 35 or so. I don't know about you but I think most people feel pretty sexual way beyond the age of 30.

 

By the time our daughter was about 5, I'd damn near lost my mind. I felt like I was married to my f*cking brother or something. I knew he wasn't going to change. I flat-out told him after 8 months of him showing no interest in me, "I don't know how much longer I can do this." I mean, I actually quit initiating things out of pure curiosity just to see how long he could go. Eight months was as long as I could go and then I had to say something. Looking back now, he was probably depressed and stressed out about work but he wouldn't see a doctor and he would deny any problems. He wouldn't open up to me.

 

About that time, I was feeling pretty attracted to a long-time family friend who had grown up down the street from me. He'd had a crush on me for years but because I was 6 years older than him, for years I just saw him as "the neighbor kid who had a crush on me". The crush became mutual though when he reached his mid-20's and came home from the military looking all handsome and manly. We'd always had a lot in common. Plus, he'd always been nothing but kind to me even though he had a super thirsty look in his eyes whenever we would talk (that's how I knew he would be into having some fun). And so one night at a family member's wedding that we both attended, after everyone else left, one thing led to another.

 

And we've been together since, going on six years now! Keeps getting better, too!  

 

I actually still believe infidelity is wrong, but I also judge every instance of it differently. Whenever I hear of someone cheating or getting cheated on, I try not to make a snap judgement unless I happen to know the whole situation. I always swore up and down that I'd never be someone to be unfaithful and was always fiercely loyal to the couple of boyfriends I had in high school and college. Looking back, I suppose I should've left him sooner but we had a daughter and I was doing the whole "trying to make it work for the kid" thing. Yeah, that whole thing doesn't work--at least it didn't for me. I never anticipated being in a sexless marriage and what it would do to my sanity. Besides the fact that I got a nice little girl out of the relationship, I otherwise wasted 10 years of my life with him. And only after I left him did I begin to realize the subtle, sneaky little ways he emotionally abused and devalued me and some of the very f*cked-up situations he put me in, but that's a whole other topic. 

 

TLDR: Don't marry someone or stay with them long-term if you don't have mad chemistry with them because it likely won't work out.

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