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Red Dead Redemption 2 development team parody thread

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saintsrow
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#31

Posted 21 September 2017 - 10:21 PM Edited by saintsrow, 21 September 2017 - 10:24 PM.

New, naive Marketing Guy:  Hi, guys, I'm the new rep from Rockstar marketing.  They're not doing anything over there; they just have their heads completely up their ass, as always.  

 

I came over here to the dev studio, because I'm bored sh*tless and I thought maybe I could find something vaguely marketing-like to do, 'cause I'm gonna need to put something on my resume, when Rockstar marketing inevitably tanks, from being totally top-heavy and useless.  

 

So, I thought I'd just look in on what you guys are doing and try to turn it into some upbeat fan fluff that I can put out in a twitter blurb every couple of months.  Doesn't matter if it's real, or whatever.  The fans'll go apesh*t, regardless.  Just trying to keep the fans from gnawing their arms off, out of sheer boredom and frustration.  

 

So, what have we got going on here?  Hey, I see you're working on some mountains.  How's that coming along?  

 

Bored Sh*tless Dev #1:  JFC, I've been making mountains at Rockstar for the last 13 years.  I'm so f*ckin' bored, I could die.  All these goddamned mountains look the same.  The only criterion is to make them steep enough that a cowboy on a horse can't climb up and get outside the game world.  That's my only requirement, you believe that?  Why can't these f*ckin' world designers come up with something better, like a wrap-around world that doesn't need mountains?  Holy sh*t, I'm so f*ckin' tired of mountains... I which they'd let me design a shed.  But once you're specialized, it's too late.  Damn.  I'm so tired of f*ckin' geology, I could cave in my skull with a rock pick.  

 

New Marketing Guy:  Hmmm, I'm trying to figure out if I can make a nice blurb out of that.  Let's see... "We're in full development of amazing new, HD landscapes, never before seen in the history of video games!"

 

Bored Sh*tless Dev #1:  WTF????

 

New Marketing Guy:  Well, I'll tune it up a little bit tonight, after a couple of glasses of wine.  The first draft never sounds good.  Don't worry about it. :)  I'm an English major.  I get paid to figure out how to use words to make bad things sound good.  

 

 

Adventures of the New Marketing Guy, to be continued...

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Zello
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#32

Posted 21 November 2017 - 02:59 AM Edited by Zello, 21 November 2017 - 03:00 AM.

Guys we have a problem apparently Foghorn Leghorn oops I mean Arthur Morgan isn't in Red Dead Redemption 1. You'd think that they wouldn't notice but unlike the GTA crowd the Red Dead crowd really cares about the story and found that Arthur isn't mentioned at all in the first game. In order to fix this sh*t we're gonna have to delay the game again and probably have to work on a remaster of Redemption to add in Arthur and make sure no one notices.

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saintsrow
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#33

Posted 21 November 2017 - 06:47 AM

Guys we have a problem apparently Foghorn Leghorn oops I mean Arthur Morgan isn't in Red Dead Redemption 1. You'd think that they wouldn't notice but unlike the GTA crowd the Red Dead crowd really cares about the story and found that Arthur isn't mentioned at all in the first game. In order to fix this sh*t we're gonna have to delay the game again and probably have to work on a remaster of Redemption to add in Arthur and make sure no one notices.

 

Optimistic Dev #2:  Hey, guys, I've got a great idea to fix that!  Let's make a really cool story DLC called "Episodes from New Austin" subtitled "The Ballad of Arthur Morgan."  That's how we write him in.  Won't that be fantastic???  I've got some ideas right here!  Wanna take a look?  

 

Crickets.....  Everyone in the cube farm backs away, slowly.  Then two big goons, wearing TTWO T-shirts, come strutting out of the elevator and head straight for Optimistic Dev #2's cube.   Muffled sounds are heard.  They walk back to the elevator, and one of them says to the pit boss, "Get somebody to clean up that mess."  

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saintsrow
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#34

Posted 03 December 2017 - 07:17 PM

New, naive Marketing Guy:  Hi, guys, I'm the new rep from Rockstar marketing.  They're not doing anything over there; they just have their heads completely up their ass, as always.  

 

I came over here to the dev studio, because I'm bored sh*tless and I thought maybe I could find something vaguely marketing-like to do, 'cause I'm gonna need to put something on my resume, when Rockstar marketing inevitably tanks, from being totally top-heavy and useless.  

 

So, I thought I'd just look in on what you guys are doing and try to turn it into some upbeat fan fluff that I can put out in a twitter blurb every couple of months.  Doesn't matter if it's real, or whatever.  The fans'll go apesh*t, regardless.  Just trying to keep the fans from gnawing their arms off, out of sheer boredom and frustration.  

 

So, what have we got going on here?  Hey, I see you're working on some mountains.  How's that coming along?  

 

Bored Sh*tless Dev #1:  JFC, I've been making mountains at Rockstar for the last 13 years.  I'm so f*ckin' bored, I could die.  All these goddamned mountains look the same.  The only criterion is to make them steep enough that a cowboy on a horse can't climb up and get outside the game world.  That's my only requirement, you believe that?  Why can't these f*ckin' world designers come up with something better, like a wrap-around world that doesn't need mountains?  Holy sh*t, I'm so f*ckin' tired of mountains... I which they'd let me design a shed.  But once you're specialized, it's too late.  Damn.  I'm so tired of f*ckin' geology, I could cave in my skull with a rock pick.  

 

New Marketing Guy:  Hmmm, I'm trying to figure out if I can make a nice blurb out of that.  Let's see... "We're in full development of amazing new, HD landscapes, never before seen in the history of video games!"

 

Bored Sh*tless Dev #1:  WTF????

 

New Marketing Guy:  Well, I'll tune it up a little bit tonight, after a couple of glasses of wine.  The first draft never sounds good.  Don't worry about it. :)  I'm an English major.  I get paid to figure out how to use words to make bad things sound good.  

 

 

Adventures of the New Marketing Guy, to be continued...

 

We're gonna need a new mountain guy.  Bored Sh*tless Dev #1 just quit.  He's had enough.  

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Darealbandicoot
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#35

Posted 4 weeks ago

Having issues with the Red dead online content. The error is that it keeps showing up in single player. New John Marston model added for the end game when we kill off Arthur as just like John, NOBODY will care about him. Moved warhorse to be a Red dead online exclusive while initially being for single player. Scrapped undead nightmare 2.0 in favour of recycling it into red dead online Halloween updates
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DOUGL4S1
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#36

Posted 3 weeks ago Edited by DOUGL4S1, 3 weeks ago.

New Employee: "Hey, boss! We really need to think about Red Dead Online."

Boss: "We already did..." *looks at a pile of cash on the desk*

N. E.: "But we really need to start writting code for it. We won't be able to find and fix all glitches until launch otherwise!"

Boss: "Don't worry about it! Just copy some GTA:Online code, play a bit to release a Trailer, photoshop what's missing and then forget about it until a week before launch! Simple!

N. E.: "But what about glitches?"

Boss: "The players will find them! And if they complain, just say we couldn't possibly fix everything in such massive game world."

N. E.: "Ok. But what about features? All we have for launch are a few carriages and some deathmatches."

Boss: "Hmm, you're right. You know that mansion you could buy that CJ did?"

N. E.: "Yeah..?"

Boss: "Cut it from the game!"

N. E.: "What?"

Boss: "Don't worry, we'll add it after a few months."

N. E.: "But I think we should start working on something for it now, or we'll be too busy on release!"

Boss: "You want to work on something? Alright, copy GTA Online's Shark Cards code and put it in there! Just change the name to "Ballot Money" or some sh*t like this. This will make T2 happy!"

N E.: "Is this even ethical? People already complain about Shark Ca..."

Boss: "You ask too many questions! Go back to work or I'll fire you from our Mafia right now!"

N. E.: "Mafia?"

Boss: "Yeah, I f*cking said it! What are you going to do? Make an account on GTAForums and tell those retards you work at Rockstar? I mean, they're retards, but not retard enough to believe in you!"

N. E.: *sighs* "Ok, boss. I'll program the microtransactions."

Boss: That's 'Recurring Consumer Spending' for you!"

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Zello
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#37

Posted 5 days ago

After all these years of hard work the game is finally ready

 

msdSxTU.jpg

 

Look at this masterpiece!

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BUT THE BENZ
  • BUT THE BENZ

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#38

Posted 4 days ago Edited by BUT THE BENZ, 4 days ago.

dev_abc: man, when I see what they did for RDR I'm kind of embarassed by what we're doing here, more than half a decade later

dev_xyz:: shut your piehole buddy, I'm in the middle of designing online content clothing and I gotta make sure to NOT include one single piece of purely white pants for female characters. so I have to put stripes on the sides and sh*t. this is the best job I ever had and I will NOT have YOU f*ck it up

dev_abc: oh....I'm so sorry I had no idea man...want me to help, since this is indeed super important?!

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