Quantcast

Jump to content

» «
Photo

[MP] Empire of the Soul

WIP
74 replies to this topic
Danz.
  • Danz.

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 May 2013
  • Brazil

#61

Posted 01 February 2018 - 02:37 PM Edited by Danz., 01 February 2018 - 02:38 PM.

6th mission of the third chapter has been uploaded!

Check it out: The Literal Soulmate

Nuddle King
  • Nuddle King

    follow the damn train

  • Victim of The Pit™
  • Joined: 01 Dec 2017
  • GoSquared
  • Best Nuddles and Chicken 2017

#62

Posted 01 February 2018 - 03:28 PM

2 mission left for finishing Chapter 3!

This MP it's still awesome!How many chapters there will be?

Danz.
  • Danz.

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 May 2013
  • Brazil

#63

Posted 01 February 2018 - 04:46 PM

I expect at least 2 more chapters after finishing this one, so there will be enough room for all the events.

  • Nuddle King likes this

Nuddle King
  • Nuddle King

    follow the damn train

  • Victim of The Pit™
  • Joined: 01 Dec 2017
  • GoSquared
  • Best Nuddles and Chicken 2017

#64

Posted 01 February 2018 - 04:49 PM

Good luck, I wish you promoted to senior later, like CrisPK.
  • Danz. likes this

Danz.
  • Danz.

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 May 2013
  • Brazil

#65

Posted 08 February 2018 - 02:52 PM Edited by Danz., 08 February 2018 - 02:52 PM.

7th mission of the third chapter has been uploaded!
 
Here it is: Guardian Angel

  • Yasir_RFL likes this

Yasir_RFL
  • Yasir_RFL

    One day, fate will change.

  • Victim of The Pit™
  • Joined: 12 Sep 2016
  • India

#66

Posted 08 February 2018 - 04:30 PM

How the hell could you design this? Don't you participating in COTW? :D
  • Danz., CrisPK and Nuddle King like this

Danz.
  • Danz.

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 May 2013
  • Brazil

#67

Posted 13 February 2018 - 02:46 AM Edited by Danz., 13 February 2018 - 02:47 AM.

Final mission of the third chapter has been released! Check it out:

Departure Time

 

There are more chapters to come though. :p

  • Yasir_RFL and Nuddle King like this

Nuddle King
  • Nuddle King

    follow the damn train

  • Victim of The Pit™
  • Joined: 01 Dec 2017
  • GoSquared
  • Best Nuddles and Chicken 2017

#68

Posted 13 February 2018 - 06:36 AM

Nice mission.Waiting for another chapters :D

Danz.
  • Danz.

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 May 2013
  • Brazil

#69

Posted 21 February 2018 - 12:29 PM

First mission of the 4th Chapter has been released!
 
Link: "You spin me 'round"

  • Nuddle King likes this

Danz.
  • Danz.

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 May 2013
  • Brazil

#70

Posted 26 February 2018 - 11:12 PM

Second mission of the 4th chapter has been released, check it out:

Unfortunate Son

  • Nuddle King likes this

Danz.
  • Danz.

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 May 2013
  • Brazil

#71

Posted 03 March 2018 - 09:54 PM Edited by Danz., 4 weeks ago.

Third mission for the 4th chapter has been uploaded:
 
Zeta's Puzzle

Danz.
  • Danz.

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 May 2013
  • Brazil

#72

Posted 4 weeks ago

It took me more than 2 weeks, but the 4th mission of the fourth chapter has been released!

Here it is

  • Nuddle King likes this

MartZ2
  • MartZ2

    DYOM Designer

  • Members
  • Joined: 07 Mar 2017
  • Lithuania

#73

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by MartZ2, 2 weeks ago.

I have been holding onto my own word for some time now, but I guess it's time to make that review that you've been looking forward to. I will only throw hard facts for you, so do not potentially feel offended if some of my words sound a little harsh. This review is meant to be taken constructively. So first of all, I want to make an important note that this review will contain spoilers, so those who do not want to ruin their story for themselves, I suggest stop reading this reply at this point. Also, another thing I want to state is that I only managed to play through the first chapter because of lack of time, and that's excluding the second to last mission, which I could not download due to some problem in the main website. And finally, I am not sure how developed your designing skills are as of today, but I acknowledge that you could have improved and the information that I'm about to present based on an old chapter could be outdated to you, but then again - I couldn't play more chapters, so I apologize for that.

 

Empire of the Soul personally has created a mixed opinion for me so far, and I want to discuss both sides of the fence here - for now it's specifically your topic. The presentation of this page to me is something I've seen many times before, therefore draws to the conclusion of it looking pretty ordinary, but I appreciate you taking your time in implementing custom headers and setting up the download links pretty clearly, although I have to admit that the presentation of the story section ("Synopsis") is quite lacking in detail. Seems a little rushed, but for the mission pack, which contains quite some mysteries in itself, I guess it's really okay as it is, and do note that I acknowledge the fact that the topic is nearly 2 years old, but it could have been done better.

 

As of my personal opinion, the missions themselves cannot draw a clear line for similar reviews by other people. The design is unusual and it emphasises a lot of aspects differently. To elaborate what I'm saying, the first chapter so far has been really mixed. Character development is out of hand and not tendentious. As a first example I can take the first protagonist of the story, Dan. His story follows a character that keeps changing his perspective on his life and other people too fast that it's gone to a point that I really don't know what to expect from him. The first episodes of the chapter were showing his silly behaviour towards his first girlfriend, whereas it has gone to certain points where the dialogue was really out of hand, like Dan suddenly roasting his girlfriend after the latter confessed about her mother being in a condition. At that point, I had imagined what kind of person this character was, but his values differed when he eventually critically injured his girlfriend after finding her cheating on him with a lawyer, the latter of whom he killed. And if that wasn't enough for this character's perspective jumping around, I noticed something else that I couldn't resist criticising. What's the deal with Dan's and Matt's behaviour with eachother, especially the constant swearing? I guess I can suspect that you were trying to show how these characters were really close friends given the swearing but none of them giving attention to it that much, but I don't think actual friends insult eachother as frequently as they do. Atleast certainly not the same friends that later help eachother get out of a life and death situation. Thus so far, the behaviour seemed odd. Every dialogue they share has a fair share of insults, but if they can live with it, I guess I can too. And I couldn't forget how aggressive Dan was towards the person who saved his life when he fell down into the water in the armored truck (atleast I assume that's what happened, because I hadn't played the 7th mission). It was really unappreciated and uncalled for, but I guess it can be justified by the pile of problems Dan has already gotten himself into, thus the uncontrolled behaviour. Also, another thing I wanted to mention was Graziela's involvement in the story. This character has been met very suddenly out of nowhere, and now she's involved in as many criminal activities as Dan is, but what I could not understand at first is how she actually stayed with Dan and Matt for some reason, even after meeting Agent 69 (and yes, I do notice the unnecessary sexual joke). Therefore, it feels like Grazi's involvement has been very forced without further explanation. We never even got to know how she ended up in the water out there before Dan saved her. So as of the character development, you get the point. Some conclusions have to be made for the sake of quality in your story telling, and I hope you take this into account.

 

Another thing I wanted to talk about is the use of incorrect grammar and slangs. Now I do get the point that you come from Brazil - a country which mainly speaks portuguese, so I will not judge the occasional misspelling of words, but there is one important thing that I had to notice, and that, of course, is your use of shortened internet inter-texting slangs. This is one of the things that can really drop quality of written dialogue, and Empire of the Soul is no exception. I've been lucky enough to spot uses of "words" like "wot", "btw" and so on. Here's some advise for you - good storytelling aims to be as clear to the listener as possible, and when you restrict your english to few words such as this - it's not going to do your reputation a whole lot of justice. For your own sake, try to never use these slangs again.

 

There's also something else I wanted to mention, and that is mainly the constant endings that happen in the middle of action in the mission. I appreciate the way you narrate the start of your missions (although I disliked how you narrated the first mission, which went something like "we know you don't give a crap about these characters yet, but...". This just seemed really rushed and out of place, sorry). These narrations implement a different feeling towards the missions, and makes them feel a little more lively, but what I did not understand is how you start the mission okay, but create no decent ending for it. I'm more or less specifically talking about sequences like when Dan was swimming towards that wreckage in which Graziella was in, but the mission ended just before he reached the boat. That really shows how unfinished the mission is, and I want to address that such cliffhangers in the middle of action could be very much okay at the end of chapters, but not constantly in almost each and every mission. Hence all I want to say, is that you should always implement as much work into concluding the mission as you do in starting it out.

 

There have been other various mistakes I have found throughout playing your project, but due to me criticising and making a lot of points that sound really negative, I have to balance it out. I know how it can make you feel about your work, but I encourage you to take it as a lesson in the future. I really want you to improve in the factors I've mentioned, because I see potential in you. And don't get me wrong, I enjoyed playing the mission pack. I could praise a lot of aspects in your project, but I wanted to present to you something I would personally fix myself, and I hope you look at it that way too. I am surprised of your creativity and your presentation of story. I am happy that there are still people who take their time to go deeper into details, because that's what makes projects like this feel alive. The story is really interesting, despite what I've said. I really encourage you to keep working on it.

 

So to form a final conclusion, I am going to tell it to you as short as possible. You're a great designer. You have great and inspiring ideas, but you need to learn to know how to implement them, too. This review took me quite a while to write, and I hope you enjoyed it. I'm going to finish the mission pack some time to find out how your designing skills improved over time, because this project without doubt is taking quite a lot of time to finish for you, but I hope eventually it is one day. Good luck in your future missions, Danz.

  • Danz. likes this

Danz.
  • Danz.

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 May 2013
  • Brazil

#74

Posted A week ago Edited by Danz., A week ago.

That was an absolutely amazing review, something I’ve been waiting for a long time. Despite the much needed criticism, I must say that it could have been a lot more impactful if such kind of review was made back then, almost 2 years ago. Anyways, better late than never, now to the points you have mentioned:

 

Yeah, I recognize the topic doesn’t really present the Mission Pack in a decent way, which comes down to my own lazyness. I didn’t really bother to change it because I thought it was alright and nobody had yet to give feedback regarding that. Reason why I say it again, everything could’ve been better if I did get a feedback back then. It’s my first MP, so I’m still somekind of a newbie.

 

Regarding EoTS’s plot itself, I recognize it is confusing and very odd at times, but some of its weirdness is totally on purpose. The fact Dan seems to suffer from some kind of Bipolar Disorder, his rad relationship with Matt is on purpose too (it has behaviors that are normal here in Brazil, all this cursing and giving names is actually ordinary around here, so this is where I’m taking it from), the way he acted towards his ex gf seems a bit too harsh, but actually it was just a plot device to make him get pursued by ALSOUL (this is better explained later in the story). The dialogues in the first chapter are weak, I admit, this can be improved after I release all missions, before making a standalone archive with all of the EoTS missions. The part where Graziela is presented should have been better too, the whole sequence wasn’t as well explained as I thought back then. She is an illegal brazilian immigrant, the fact that she joins them alongside ALSOUL is because she’d be othewise in prison, so that’s a way to get food, home and money without having the cops after her everytime. She’s forced into that situation? Yeah, but she has little to no other option. Obviously this will change in the latter chapters, but this is already an spoiler.

 

About the writting, yeah, I guess it wasn’t well polished. Of course English is my second language, and it’s not practiced daily around here (almost nobody speaks English where I live), but I should have taken more time to polish it and really stop with internet slangs, which I can guarantee it has improved in the latter chapters.

 

Overall, I think you should really play the other 3 chapters I’ve released so far, so you can give me enough feedback to keep going forward with the story while improving most of its aspects. You can expect it to still be weird, because it’s more of a intended style than actually a mistske. 

 

Therefore, your review was really essential for me to not lose interest in designing missions for this MP, you have no idea the difference it makes when you have a “North”, a direction to go, someone who tells me the mistakes and how to fix them. Anyways, I couldn’t thank you more for whta you’ve done. Now I’m just waiting for the other chapters’s reviews while I design the continuation for my story. :D

  • MartZ2 likes this

Danz.
  • Danz.

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 May 2013
  • Brazil

#75

Posted A week ago

5th Mission of the fourth chapter has been released, check it out: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/52862

 

And soon there will be more to come. 

  • MartZ2 likes this




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users