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GTA: Bohemians & Blackjack

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Cebra
  • Cebra

    Eh.

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#1

Posted 11 March 2016 - 11:33 PM Edited by PhilosophicalZebra, 11 March 2016 - 11:33 PM.

I figured that I would get a more in-depth criticism on the narrative part of my concept if I posted it here since the GTA Series subforum focuses more on the concept as a whole. From now on I'll be posting it in both places simultaneously. A story's a story, right? :p

 

Enjoy.

 

Mission One

Three Guys and a Bar

 

A blinding white light slowly fades into a hazy yellow. As the screen becomes clearer the theme music and credits begins to play and we focus on the scene; the soon-setting sun beads a dark orange cast onto blocks upon blocks of rundown concrete buildings. In the shadow of the nearest lies a rectangular wooden structure, its chimney billowing smoke into the atmosphere. A man walks his dog down a gravel path nearby, but aside from them the place is desolate from the outside.

 

The camera shifts and we see two vehicles, an Albany Emperor followed by a Déclassé Rancher, speed up the same path. As the first car turns into the wooden place's parking lot, a passenger signals with a hand for the pickup to continue down the road. It speeds forward kicking dirt as the Emperor comes to a stop in front of the building, a sign reading Fierro Inn now clearly falling off its hinges at the entrance. Bennie Bartok steps out of the passenger seat, removes his sunglasses and stuffs them into his red leather jacket. The music fades down but the credits continue as he leans into the window.

 

"You stay here. Make sure Elliot keeps circling the block and if I ain't back in ten minutes you come in guns-a-blazin'. Got it?"

 

The driver - a skinny Mexican - nods and hands Bennie a suitcase from under the seat. He grabs it and walks inside.

 

The perspective shifts inside the bar. All beaten-down wood, it's vacant except for our first protagonist, Julius Kren, sitting at the bar, and a chef in the back kitchen. "Walk Away Renée" by The Four Tops drones quietly from the jukebox. We get an eye on Julius: even sitting, it's clear he towers over 6 feet and wears a denim jacket over a green T-shirt and jeans. As he sips his whiskey he spins in his seat toward Bennie and lets him speak first as the theme quiets;

 

"Well I guess you're the guy. I thought it was set up as a public deal, what gives? This place's dead."

Julius eyes him carefully. "I don't make the deals, cat, just carry 'em out. That the stuff?"

Bennie nods, smirks: "You hope it is. Where's the dough?"

"I got it, don't worry. Only, I hear that you ain't the most trustworthy cat on the block. You mind lettin' me see the sh*t first?"

A hand to his heart. "Sh*t, that hurts. Not thirty seconds and you're already judging me." He pauses, breaks out into a laugh. "Yeah you can see it, baby. All here."

 

He places the metal suitcase onto the bar top with a thud and opens the latches. Inside, at least a dozen sealed packages of who-knows-what.

 

"Alright, you cool." Julius gets up, goes around the bar and grabs his own suitcase: $5,000 cash courtesy of David Arnold. He puts it on the bar alongside the other one and watches Bennie swallow a few Bennies from a foil wrapper.

 

"You know, I'll take your word for the money," Bennie says. His shaky hands show that he couldn't count it even if he wanted to. "The way things is in the city right now, I'd say there's a good chance of us running into each other again. You can call me Bennie next time."

Julius half-smiles. "Sure. The name's Julius."

They shake hands. Bennie says "Yeah, I know," smiles and walks back out the door he came in.

 

Julius grabs the remaining suitcase and sees a paper stapled to it— Bennie B. 555-7330. I always got work! — and stuffs it in his pocket. He puts a few bucks down on the bartop and uses the back door out of the place. His Willard Gaia is parked adjacent to a fence — he tosses the suitcase into the back and hops in the front just as Bennie and his crew speed down the path nearby. The camera pulls away and perspective switches to Doug Prydon.

 

 

The door chimes as he makes his way into a busy scene. This place is much less desolate than the inn—every seat wrapped around the L-shaped bar is full of chattering men and women. The bartender—Monica—running between half-made cocktails, raises a hand in the air to acknowledge her regular. Doug offers her his best smile as a couple of septuagenarians leave a window booth. Doug takes the vacant spot, removes his old Corps jacket and sighs. We get a view of the street outside—happy couples, men in suits, lone people walking their dogs go up and down the sidewalks as cars ramble down beside themoblivious. The credits continue out of the way. The perspective switches to behind Monica as she brings Doug his perennial tonic, an Old Fashioned. She puts it down on top of a napkin, smiles and turns away before he can speak a word. As if he would have. As he takes his first sip, the door chimes again as a man in a brown flight jacket and fedora enters and makes his way to Doug's booth.  Marcus Vogel removes his hat, sits down and folds his arms.

 

"So what's so important I had to shlep out here for?"

"I needed to get out of the house, you know." Doug leans forward. "Did you know Sergeant Emlyn lives in Calton Heights?"

Marcus nods. "Yeah."

Dougnot really incredulous, though he would be if he didn't know Marcus better: "And you didn't think that'd be something I'd like to know?"

He speaks carefully. "I knew you'd wanna know, I just didn't think you needed to know. Dig it?"

"No, I don't dig it. Never keep sh*t like that from me again." Doug downs his drink and stands up.

Marcus raises his hands. "Where you going?"

"'Round the block. You coming?"

"I don't think th—"

"You coming?"

 

Marcus nods and slides out of the booth. Doug places a fiver on the table and exits the bar, Marcus shadowing him.

 

You gain control of Doug. The camera focuses on his blue Vapid Messier parallel parked across the street as the objective appears: Get in the car. As you attempt to cross the street, a familiar convoy of an Emperor followed by a dark Rancher speed down first, nearly mowing you down. Doug flips the bird before getting in his car, Marcus beside him. The driving controls appear in the upper left. Squeeze your way out of the line of parked cars and follow the mini-map route.

 

Marcus: "You know this car is a piece of sh*t, right?"

"I do."

"Maybe if you found us some work, you could afford a better one."

"Maybe."

"No, really. Time to stop sitting on your ass. Find us some work, I don't care what it is, I'm getting real tired of jacking food stamps."

Doug snickers. "You jack food stamps?"

"Gotta get food somewhere, don't I?"

"I guess you do. But since you're clearly not above stealing, why not just steal the food itself? Cut out the extra work."

"Because, genius, then I can sell any extra stamps for a discount. I make a steady little profit doing that, and we ain't running out of them any time soon. See, if I can make this work for myself then why can't you find us a simple job?"

"Hell, if that's what you consider steady work..."

"I still want a regular job, private. The stamps are good for now but it sure ain't the big time."

"Sorry Marc, but I don't think I'm your ticket to the big time."

 

Continue up San Fierro's winding roads at whatever pace you desire, being sure to eye the hard-bodied vehicles of the era. When you reach the destination, you'll see Edward Emlyn's place of residence—a white three story townhouse nestled between a dozen identical ones. Anonymous. Expensive. A shiny yellow Coquette sits in the slanted driveway.

 

The perspective switches to inside the car. The pair stare at the house.

 

Doug: "F*cking asshole."

 

Marcus grabs a pack of Redwoods from his breast pocket, puts one in his mouth and hands Doug another. They light up.

 

"Doug, Joanna keeps telling you—"

"Don't bring her into this."

"I don't wanna, but she's right. You've heard it a thousand times, but the past is the past. We need to get some good jobs, put this bullsh*t behind us. Come on."

"I pass by this place so often. If I f*cking knew..."

"Let's go."

 

Doug shifts into first gear and hits the gas. The camera shoots into a bird's eye view and launches across San Fierro and the desert smack into the middle of Las Venturas. We focus on a big building's tin facade glistening in the sunlight—big blue letters reading La Penisola blinking over a row of a dozen glass doors. We go inside, to the bar. Rows upon rows of slot machines sit empty, only broken apart by green tables for all kinds of card games. At the bar, standing over a floral red carpet, a trio of men—Jon GravelliCarlo D'Aversa and Sonny Cangelosi himself—converse with drinks in their hands. Arms wide open, the camera follows behind our final intro: Dante, as he approaches the conversation with his uncleJacky. The uncle offers his hand to Sonny who shakes it firmly.

 

"Congrats, my friend."

Sonny smiles slightly. "Grazie, Giacomo. It's been a long time coming."

Dante speaks up: "It sure has, Mr. Cangelosi." He spins to Carlo, his rolled-up blazer swaying with him. "Must be a shock, all this responsibility."

Jacky cackles. "Yeah, you're one to talk about handling responsibility."

 

 

Dante rolls his eyes and walks toward the drinks. As he goes to pour himself a rye, Sonny hands him his own glass. The clink of ice cubes comes before the sloshing of liquid in both tumblers as Dante finishes pouring. We see this from Jon Gravelli's perspective as he moves forward.

 

He speaks. "Jacky, the kid up for driving?"

Dante hands Sonny a drink and sips his own. "I am."

Jacky: "He is."

"Good. Me and Mr. Cangelosi need to get to a meet on the West Side soon, you mind chauffeuring us?"

"West Side, huh? We teamin' up with the moolies or something?"

Everyone fidgets slightly. Jacky rolls his eyes and walks away with Carlo.

"No. We're gonna be meeting with a LVPD contact who wants to sit down somewhere neutral."

"How's the West neutral?"

"We don't run it, the cops don't patrol it. It don't matter anyway, you'll be staying in the car."

 

Downing the drink, Dante shrugs as Gravelli tosses him a pair of keys. You gain control of him, directed to leave the casino and find the car in the parking lot but you are free to explore the building. You'll see the rows of slot machines glisten, never used, and the carpet floor spotless. All is lit by hundreds of yellow-hued lights spread across the ceiling. Further down, near the roulette tables, a group of Gambetti goons carry cardboard boxes inside from a side doorheaving creative insults back and forth alongside the boxes. La Penisola is very new, very expensive, and obviously a do-or-die for the Venturas mafia.

 

When you make your way outside followed by Sonny and Gravelli, you'll find the black Glendale Royale parked in the lot. Take your time, admire the atmosphere: the strip homes twice the amount of cars than it does pedestrians, who all gather in groups at casino doors. At every angle of your vision is a flashing sign advertising a casino, product or hotel waiting for darkness to fall to fully shine. Alternately, jump straight into the car. Allow the mafiosos to get in the back seat and take offThe radio is set to Chances Arelet the music sink in and enjoy or change the station to something a bit more modernRule 102.6 plays Born To Be WildDon't like either? Turn the dial to a random frequencytake your chances.

 

"That station was on for a reason," grumbles Sonny if you change it.

 

Follow the minimap route down the roads, taking into account their contrast with those of San Fierrofresh pavement, operating in grids instead of winding disarray. Make your way down the strip, passing by older casinos brimming with eager moneywasters and through a few quiet residential areas as your surroundings become increasingly sh*tty. The men of "honor" in the back seat converse in Italian to Dante's annoyancehe was brought up pure Sicilian, them northern Italian. He picks up a few words here and there but the language difference isn't the biggest nuisancehis forgetfulness of any form of Italian is. He dropped it like a bad habit upon his arrival in America.

 

"Stop here," orders Gravelli when you reach the destination: a three-story apartment complex breaking apart at the seams. A neon sign reading Su ar Ray's M ni-a rt flickers above the street level entrance. Park up behind the baby blue BF Synergy curbside and let the two men exit.

 

"Don't movewe ain't gonna be long", mutters Gravelli as he slogs out.

 

Dante lights a cigarette and opens his window. The West Side is misleadingly quiet during the day—other than a group of three perched on a nearby stoop the street is empty. Cars, still working but badly beat up, line the sidewalks.

 

Just as he finishes his cigarette and you predict they might become a problem, the three men hanging out close by decide to approach the car. Dante reaches for his gun in the glove compartment before remembering that it's not his car.

 

 

He mutters "Sh*t" as Gangster #1 slides his hand up the hood. He hunches in front of the driver's window.

 

"Nice whip, man."

Dante nods. "Thanks. Mind keepin' your hands off it?" It's not posed as a question.

"Yeah, yeah, of course." The other two hover in front of the vehicle cracking knuckles. Intimidation 101.

"Let me be frank." Dante mirrors their actions. "This ain't my car, it's my boss's. He'll be coming out any minute and I don't think he'll be thrilled to see a bunch of spooks admiring his car so closely."

 

Good timing: Gravelli, Sonny and a squat man in a cheap suit exit the building together. Gravelli's experienced eye knows what to do; he leaves the building with his suit jacket pulled back, allowing them to revere his holstered pistol. Wordless, the men walk back to their stoop together.

 

"Assholes," Dante mutters.

 

Sonny turns to the short guy. "I'm very pleased we could come to an agreement, Mr. Decker."

Mr. Decker chuckles. "So am I. I'll have the right files mailed to your guy."

 

The mafiosos take turns shaking his hand, patting him on the back and Dante's face contorts. The man hops into his Synergy and speeds off as Gravelli and Sonny return to the back seat. Hit the gas.

 

Dante: "You ain't gonna ask what was going on back there?"

"Nice car in a sh*t neighborhood, kid. No big surprise," says Gravelli.

"So where are we going?"

"I've got a room at Caligula's."

 

Drive to Caligula's Palace.

 

Make your way. Just as you leave the West Side's pothole ridden streets you'll notice an old Veranda shadowing you, as will Gravelli.

 

"F*ckers don't give up," he says.

 

Hit the gas, hard this time. The hecklers will follow. Lose them how you please—use the advanced driving directions that pop up in the left corner to use drifting and the handbrake to your advantage. Do as much as you can in a heavy car built for luxury and try not to f*ck it up on the way back.

 

Dante asks "You think they're gone?" when you kick them off your trail.

 

Gravelli will respond depending on how quickly you lost them and how much damage you did to the car in the process.

 

Calm your driving regardless and get out to Caligula's. When you reach its golden doors a valet will come out and fetch the car, eyeing you strangely if it's missing a door. The trio stand under the casino's awning, watching as the sun sets behind The Pink Swan across the street.

 

"You take after your uncle," praises Sonny as he lights a cigar.

"That a good thing?" Dante asks.

"Look where he is today." Gravelli hands you $25 and a pat on the back. He and Sonny walk into Caligula's lobby together.

 

Dante looks around, not sure what direction to leave in, before stuffing the money in his pocket and walking aimlessly down the strip. The camera pans up to show the rows of casinos in their entirety.

 

Mission passed.


AEsob
  • AEsob

    Completely crazy

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#2

Posted 13 March 2016 - 04:05 PM

I like the departure from traditional screenplay writing to this, this style actually feels better, IMO.

  • saintsrow and Cebra like this

Cebra
  • Cebra

    Eh.

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 06 Jan 2013
  • Canada

#3

Posted 28 June 2016 - 03:55 AM Edited by PhilosophicalZebra, 29 June 2016 - 02:24 AM.

I just finished mission 2 and thought I'd look for some feedback before I post it to the concepts topic. Would this be a poignant enough intro to three different characters if this was a real GTA game? I'm stumped for a title, too. I was looking for something culturally relevant to 1968 but also an in-joke to the mission content but I can't find anything. Any suggestions? 

 

Mission Two

No Longer In Wonderland

 

The fade to black of the previous mission drops abruptly and you're thrown right back into the action as Julius, barreling down a straight road in his Gaia surrounded by brickwork factories and f*ck-all else. Maintain your steering if you don't feel like heaving yourself out of a ditch.

 

Objective: Reach the chop shop.

 

You'll see it soon: an orange-bricked little building with cracked windows and a dozen choppers parked out front. Pull into the lot and learn how to give your vehicle the switch from convertible to not; it's nightfall. Cue cutscene: Julius grabs the product-packed suitcase from between the seats and hops out. Foreign land to him, he circles half the shop before finding yellow light pouring out a back door—inside, more or less what you would expect: machismo galore. A good half dozen guys working on their bikes babbling, cigarette smoke and blowtorch burn filling the air. He tries to find a face behind the beards and taps one on the shoulder, who spins around and gives him a suspicious look-over.

 

"You meant to be here?" He pulls a cigar from his mouth.

"Depends. One of you fellas David Arnold?"

"Dave's in the cave." He points to an office behind a steel door. "And keep your hands seen—don't want no problems now."

 

Julius nods and walks to the door. Before opening it, he looks through a nearby mesh wire window into the cave: a big man even sitting down, bearded like all others and wearing a biker jacket patched Redwood, talks to an equally tall but much less rugged guy. The second guy looks official: black suit, black tie, black oxfords. Not a wrinkle at hand, though one would guess he's fallen into his 50s.

After a quick decision to walk instead of knock, Julius enters. The men turn to him, #2 with an inquisitive look.

 

Tall, seated beard — David Arnold. We see Julius' eyes rifle through #2's wrinkles in an effort to knock a sense of familiarity into his mind: nada.

 

"Mr. Kren!" Arnold flicks a cigarette onto the concrete floor. "I see you got a nice little something-something for me there."

 

Julius drops the suitcase onto a cement desk strewn with sh*t: a six-shooter, bloody cop badge, two dozen dusty papers and a broken bottle of Pisswasser. A flip of the latches and he stands back, allowing his new employer to admire the product.

 

Arnold claps his hands together and walks to the desk. Over his shoulder, you can see his buddy give Julius a half-assed smirk.

 

"Gimme the knife," Arnold barks at smirky, who pulls a Swiss-army from the inside of his lapel. Arnold takes it and cuts a fine slit along the top of a white package. It bleeds more white: powder. He scoops a bit up the length of the knife and doesn't hesitate to snort it up.

 

#2 finally speaks: "Don't judge the product from what you're sniffing. I told you, you've got to mainline it for a full rush."

Arnold spins around. "You sure about that? 'Cause I gotta say, I'd be pretty damn chipper with this rush."

"I'm sure." He stands up and takes his knife back. Arnold shuts the suitcase and hands it to him, they shake hands.

"Nice to see you, Dave."

"Always."

 

Julius watches the jiver as he walks out of the room and holds back a flinch when he receives a pat on the shoulder. The man closes the door behind him, leaving employer and employee alone.

Arnold lights another cigarette and offers one to Julius who raises a palm in answer.

 

"Don't mind him," Arnold lips around his cigarette as he zippos it. "Narc probes seem to make a fella real touchy-feely."

 

Julius leans against the wall and looks out the little window into the garage. As Out Of Focus makes way to Helter Skelter, he watches two bikers scuffle over the record player until a third threatens them with a blowtorch. "Narc probes don't sound too fun."

"Oh they certainly ain't, but they're the cost of business and I consider it a cheap price to pay."

"How's that?"

"It's a great system. The pigs are already spread paper thin, they have better things to do than chase this pussycat powder across the nation. But f*ck help us if they ever assemble a proper task force."

Julius crosses his arms. "Still don't seem like something to tell a prospective runner."

"I like your style," Arnold says between puffs. "You know when to get down to brass tacks. Now don't take this wrong, but you don't talk like I expected. Where you from?

"I picked up the lingo cross-country 'cause it seems to help old white folk get past their own preconceptions." Deadpan snark: "And my brother went to college."

Arnold chuckles, ignores the redirect. "Articulate and adaptive, you're shapin' up to be a real safe bet on my part.”

He throws the butt onto the floor and it lands next to the first. "I guess I should pay you now, huh?"

"I'd say so."

 

Arnold rises from his chair and walks over to another desk poised against the office's back wall. He opens a drawer and pulls out $100 in sawbucks.

 

"Not bad for ten minutes work, is it?" He hands Julius the cash and they shake. A first: Julius smiles.

"I'd be happy capping a C-note if that were so, but ain't the reward for the risk?"

"Depends how you took at it. I'd say the reward's in the risk."

A quick nod; Julius smirks again. “Yeah, you seem like that sorta guy.”

 

Arnold wraps his leather-clad arm around Julius's shoulders—apparently Mr. Suit isn't the only touchy-feely guy around.

 

“So I called and you took the bait. That's a start, now tell me straight-up—how far are you willing to go for a payday?”

 

Julius squirms from both the touchy-feeliness and poor choice of words.

 

“I ain't naïve. A brother’s gotta get some blood on his hands to make a buck in this city. Never been afraid’a that.”

 

Arnold removes his arm. “Good to hear, 'cause I got some bloody work ahead. You're in a good place—you done a couple jobs for me and kept your mouth shut doing it. Come with me.”

 

A snap back in control—follow Arnold out of the office and back into the garage as Helter Skelter amplifies. Notice the heads turn as you shadow him through another doorway and into a dimly lit, smoky hallway.

 

“Keep your head,” he whispers as he turns a key into a wooden door.

 

Keep your head indeed—a bloody man with a cloth over his face sitting in a chair under a single light bulb, a serrated blade poking out of his shoulder. Beside him stands Impotent Rage in a leather jacket, a foot wider and taller than David Arnold. Where the leader's jacket is blank his reads Vice President. His white hair is matted bloody over one hell of a manic expression.

 

As good a greeting as any: “Who the f*ck is this?”

 

We don't get an eye on Julius’ read of the situation.

 

Arnold speaks up. “Dirk, I told you about him. He's been running for us, he's our connect.”

 

Manic expression turned blank.

 

“He’s good and he's not the f*cking man.”

 

Arnold hobbles over and whispers something to Dirk we're not privy to, but it makes him grin.

 

“Ah.” No hesitation, Dirk yanks the knife out of the hostage’s shoulder and tosses it to Julius who fumbles to catch it. We see him for the first time—he's biting his lip.

 

As chairman screams, Dirk directs: “You wanna move on up, bobo? Finish the job.”

He moves to take the cloth off—Julius stops him. “Don’t need to see his face.”

 

No hesitation, no chance to reconsider. As Julius restrains himself from knifing the torturer instead, you are put in control to do the deed yourself. Push the indicated button and Julius thrusts the knife forward and into the man's neck. A sideways slice and a grunt; we see from behind the chair Arnold’s stoic expression. Julius stumbles backward and drops the knife with a clang as the man’s head lobs to the side and the cloth falls. Full view of the man’s pulpy face. Silence.

 

Broken: “I gotta say, that’s the quickest someone’s done it.”

 

Julius eyes Dirk. This happens often?

 

Arnold next, a touch over-excited: “I knew you were the right fella for this! Guy was a f*ckin’ heel, ‘case you’re wondering. I’m gonna find some good work for you, Kren, you’ll be damn pleased you came to see me.”

 

Wiping the blood off his hand, Julius begins back where he came in shaking his head.

 

“Stop.”

Bloody Dirk takes a step forward. “Can’t just leave a body at the scene, pal. Get rid of it.”

Julius speaks to Arnold instead. “I wasn’t fixin’ to kill anybody tonight. Figured you would’ve had a plan for the cat.”

Arnold shrugs. “The last guy who went through with this hightailed it before we could get this far. You shank a guy because I point and say so and you want me to believe you ain’t got a hiding spot?”

“I got a hiding spot, just not for dead folk.”

Dirk: “Time to find one, part of the induction process.”

“He ain’t goin’ in my ride.”

“This is a chop shop. Plenty of cages to go ‘round. I thought you were a no objections guy, Kren.”

 

With a shrug, Julius moves back up to the body and heaves him up with the help of Dirk. We cut to black, a fade back in as the corpse is heaved into the trunk of a rusty Bravado Bolt. Julius moves to the front seat and Dirk the side.

 

Julius: “You coming with?”

Dirk puts his arms on the roof. “Look, brother. You shanked that guy right quick, but all that proves is that you’re a sheep and Dave’s already your shepherd. Killing is our line of business. What’s important is if you can handle the follow-up, and that remains to be seen.”

 

He gets in the car. Julius next.

 

“Cut the f*ckin’ names. I’ve worked for plenty of dudes since I got to this city and your boss ain’t the first to put me to the test like that. Difference is, most’a them other cats knew what they was doing. I don’t think you thought this through. Who’s the guy in the trunk?”

“I was thinking one of your strong points was not askin’ questions.”

“I killed the cat, didn’t I?”

“You did. Get used to it if you’re gonna work for David Arnold.”

“I’m freelance.”

“Not anymore.”

 

Make a choice before you hit the gas. Your options are presented to you on the minimap: you’re free to use any means possible to get rid of the body. Perhaps you want to get to the nearby waterfront and dump the car oldschool style. Shoot the gas tank, sure, just make sure Dirk gets the f*ck out of dodge first. Two scripted options are offered too; drive to the junkyard a few blocks east and use the car crusher. It will cue a cutscene where Julius and Dirk watch as the metal compresses and the latter cracks a joke about how the car’s steel might be turned into a knife. A final choice: venture out to Quest Sound avoiding any patrol cars to Julius’ former employer: the Cavallo-Carne Slaughterhouse. There you’ll meet his old pal Mr. Night Shift—Sammy—who filches the corpse with glee. Perhaps it’s your best choice anyway; it leaves Dirk a touch appalled.

 

When the dead guy’s dust you’ll be prompted to accompany Dirk back to the chop-shop, an easier feat if you haven’t destroyed the car—traffic is scarce on the waterfront late at night.

 

“I dunno,” he’ll say to Julius. “I still ain’t convinced about you.”

“Good thing you ain’t the boss, then.”

Quieter: “Not yet.”

Julius scoffs. “Don’t involve me in your sh*t, man. I’ll kill cats and run swag for your little club, but I won’t think twice about bailing if y’all start off with some intermediary bull.”

“Good to know.”

 

Pull up next to Julius’ Gaia and let Dirk bail himself.

 

Before he walks into the orange light, he leans in through the open passenger window. “I suggest you ditch this cage.”

Julius ignores him. “So now what?”

Dirk runs his fingers through his bloody hair then picks his teeth. “So now you go home and sleep tight, maybe come back tomorrow.”

“Maybe?”

“Your risk to take.” He winks and walks off around the chop-shop corner.

 

A fade to black if you’re in a jacked ride. If you went the slaughterhouse route it’s not done yet: Julius rifles through the car’s glove compartment and under the seats for any loot before ditching it. A final look inside the sun visor; as he flips it a small Polaroid falls onto his lap. He rotates it face-up: a smiling man holding hands with his wife and a young girl on his shoulders. A look of recognition: no cloth over his face, no blood. Julius throws it out the window and exits the car.


Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    Killed by drones.

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#4

Posted 29 June 2016 - 10:45 AM

I find the style interesting. I can't give much feedback on screenplays to be honest, but it honesty feels more like standard prose in some ways. The problem is it feels slightly like its havjng an identity crisis - parts seem like 'normal' stories but then the screenplay style pops up and takes away the immersion. It does make me think how cool a second person story would be, and when I come to play mammoth catch up with the stories in this section, I'll add this to the list and offer more in depth feedback. For now though, this is just a brief note. Keep up the work

Cebra
  • Cebra

    Eh.

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 06 Jan 2013
  • Canada

#5

Posted 13 September 2016 - 03:28 AM Edited by PhilosophicalZebra, 14 September 2016 - 02:10 AM.

I find the style interesting. I can't give much feedback on screenplays to be honest, but it honesty feels more like standard prose in some ways. The problem is it feels slightly like its havjng an identity crisis - parts seem like 'normal' stories but then the screenplay style pops up and takes away the immersion. It does make me think how cool a second person story would be, and when I come to play mammoth catch up with the stories in this section, I'll add this to the list and offer more in depth feedback. For now though, this is just a brief note. Keep up the work

Appreciate it. I see where you're coming from with the identity crisis thing, and it's fully intentional. I would've stuck to writing these in a purely script-like form but I kind of like the mix-and-match because it lets my practice both aspects of the writing (the script form & the standard prose). Thanks for the feedback.

 

Here's the third, finally done.

 

Mission Three

The Common Deal

 

After the end of the previous mission you'll be prompted to switch to Dante—do so at your leisure. The camera will once again speed across the map as the Monótono River turns to desert. We're treated to a timelapse of Las Venturas from the perspective of a flat-roofed bungalow a few miles out as nighttime neon vibrance turns to a full blown heat-hazed day.

 

A red Albany Ace pulls into the driveway and parks behind a shiny Barbican Piranha. A familiar face steps out, a brown bag in his hand even more wrinkled than him. Jacky hooks around the car and makes his way into the home’s sandy backyard, past a picnic table covered in sawed-off shotguns to a small shack  poised against the fence. A look in a tiny window, then a knock on the steel door. It opens immediately to Dante in his skivvies yawning.

 

“Yeah?”

Dio mio. It's eight o’clock, you f*cking bum.”

“I know, that's why I'm still sleeping.”

 

Jacky pushes in; first person from his view—mattress on the floor, a few shelves filled with useless sh*t and a small table with newspapers piled in a 5x5 space. Smoke rises from beside the bed, Jacky sniffs.

 

“It don't smell like sleep to me.”

“Yeah, yeah, la canapa. Let's get it out of the way.”

“I don't got time.”

 

Jacky pushes the bag into Dante’s chest. He grabs it and peeks in, Jacky slaps his hand away.

 

“Remember my pal Fabrizio out in the valley?”

Dante leans on the door frame. “No.”

A rare chuckle: “The bookie who screwed Angio Scavarelli’s broad. I had to put him in hiding for half the goddamn year.”

“Don't ring any bells. I remember Mrs. Scavarelli, though.”

“Uh huh.” — Jacky begins to direct Dante to Fabrizio’s place through physical landmarks rather than street names as Dante yawns and scratches away.

 

“...just put the bag in the vase on his porch. You listening? This is a favor from Jon so I'd appreciate it if you don't f*ck it up.”

 

Serious now: “I won't.”

 

“If you got nothing better to do, which I know you don't, go see Jon when you're done. He asked for you.”

 

Mutual nods; Dante closes the door. He checks his little spinello by the bed and finds water dripping onto it from a crack in the roof, followed by a trail of Sicilian cursing. Only part of the language he knows.

 

Objective: Get dressed and drive toward New Martis.

 

Approach a little pile of clothes on one of the shelves and pick a default outfit: rolled up blazers, wifebeaters under unbuttoned dress shirts and chinos. A quick tutorial on that pile of papers: it's your only alternative to radio, fresh off the presses every morning are details on the latest, from your criminal exploits to just typical everyworld bullsh*t 50¢ apiece. When you're pleased with yourself leave the brick hut and make your way to Dante’s Piranha. If you want, take the opportunity to explore Jacky’s home—a typical Venturas bungalow, flat-roofed, every wall’s a window. Mid-century as it gets until you see inside; stickler Jacky enjoys WWII-era furniture. The living room’s fifty shades of beige hosts a card game every night in which you can partake.

 

Done? Get to the car and pull out of the cul-de-sac of identical homes. Even though the valley isn't far away, the lack of traffic allows you an even quicker commute. Floor the muscle car and hear the engine roar as The Strip ’ buildings fade further away in the haze. No waypoint, but follow the natural route and you'll find yourself back on the West Side—sh*thole tenements and eerie desertion. The camera will focus on Sugar Ray’s Mini-Mart as you pass, a keen eye will notice the rusty old Barbican Veranda from the previous mission curbside. Keep driving as the amount of domiciles dwindles and sand dunes swells. Cloudless scorching day—A Day In The Life playing on the radio as you travel down the highway. Around you? A little metal guardrail and miles upon miles of flat desert and tumbleweeds. Urban expansion my ass, Dante mumbles to himself. Promises straight from Cazzini—Venturas is the future, right?

 

Fabrizio’s bungalow is one of three built so far—the skeletons of a few dozen more are scattered along dirt roads nearby; the beginnings of a little township halfway to New Martis. Over a nearby foothill you would usually see the concentrated skyscrapers of San Fierro, but for now the haze limits the sight—park on Fabrizio’s dirt lawn, find the vase, cue cutscene: Dante peeks in the bag again and you get to make a quick decision: press the indicated button to snag a Grade-A suppressor. No immediate consequences, though; as he begins to walk back to the car a man pops out the front door holding a lupara by the barrel. Dante feels for his pistol and comes up empty again—holster’s in the backseat, you'll get it when you return.

 

Pure Alderney: “Who the f*ck comes all the way out here and don't say hi?”

 

No gun pointing; no hands in the air.

 

“I'm Gravelli’s guy. Heard you needed a few silencers.”

 

Fabrizio grabs the vase and flips it into his hand. He opens the bag, pulls a few out then back in.

 

Suppressors, you f*ckin’ amateur. When someone comes up with a real silencer we’ll all be up sh*t’s creek.” Fabrizio scratches what seems to be a perpetual itch with his lupara.

 

Dante: “It's like tumbleweed f*ckin’ hollow out here—what's your deal?”

“You know my deal.”

“Can't say I do.”

“You work for Gravelli, paisan—we all got the same deal.”

 

He smirks, twirls his shotgun like a balancing act and slams the door, Dante's questions hanging tabled.

 

One main objective: Go back home, passing through the West Side en route.

 

Do so. Take the scenic drive again—what, how often do you get to put the pedal to the metal in a muscle car through a desolate desert? Try first person; admire the old-school dials and blood leather interior if that's your thing. The sand will soon morph to a few warehouses, then one-stories and ultimately your target tenements. Passing the mini mart will this time trigger a short scene: Dante will attach his holster, park around the corner and get out. The information box in the upper left will display your objective straight up—Go to the payphone across the street—along with a tidbit of info: the directive is purely a suggestion; you're free to use your initiative without punishment. If you wanna do things the old way, feel free.

 

First option—those guys fixing to jack Sonny’s Glendale in the intro are already hanging out on their stoop. If you’re up to it, take a hands-on approach and beat the living sh*t out of them. Honestly, the odds ain’t in your favor—three versus one, the three already well-versed in street fighting. Different gangs, different fighting styles—this isn’t one you want to go up against your first time. If you’re brave enough to down them, however, you’ll be introduced to the game’s fighting mechanics step-by-step until you kick their asses. “Not so tough now”, Dante will mutter to the moaning gangsters once they’re rolling around on the ground. “Stick to pinchin’ bicycles from now on.”

 

Two—Dante’s got a gun. Though a barely-attempted carjacking may not merit a bullet (or ten), it’s ultimately up to you. Draw the pistol and Dante will say “Never f*ck with the Gambettis” plain and simple—shoot and book it before the street starts getting crowded.

 

Three—follow the suggestion. Walk over to the payphone and Dante will automatically place the call, 50¢.

 

“Yo, it’s Dante. I got a little show needs playing out over on the West Side. You in?”

Laughs: “Of course. Be there in five.”

 

Five it is—fade to black, fade back in to a Vapid Banner double parking Dante’s ride. A pudgy guy inside calls him over.

 

“What’s the deal?”

Dante spits, points to the gangsters on the stoop. “These pricks were sizing up Cangelosi’s car yesterday when I was on a run. Jon scared 'em off, but I say we take it a bit further and teach ‘em not to do that again.”

“Oh yeah, you were on a run with Sonny and Jon. Who else was there, Vic Noto?”

“Ha, I don’t gotta prove sh*t to you, E. But don't say I didn't tell you I was movin’ on up.”

“Whatever, you delusive prick. Got a plan?”

Ooh, ‘delusive prick’. That’s a good one. And sure—go piss the shines off with your charm while I pull their brakes.”

 

Ettore gets out—at full height he stands half a foot taller than Dante—and hobbles over to the stoop as Dante kneels by his car. Before long an argument starts; your cue to act. Crouch over to the rusty Veranda around the corner and get over to the front: press the indicated button to cut the car’s brake lines. You're free to do this as you wish in normal gameplay—a good preventative measure to take when you don't feel like a high-speed pursuit.

 

Back to the Piranha—shove it into first gear and cruise up to the mini-mart curb. One of the gangsters will notice you immediately.

 

“Ah, makes sense. You dagos hang in packs ‘round here, huh?”

“Glad you remember me. You really seemed to dig what I was drivin’ yesterday, you feelin’ as hot on this one?”

The trio size it up. The short guy: “Nothin’ special, motherf*cker.”

“I bet this ‘nothing special’ would kick up some good dough for parts, though. I'll be honest; I'm joyriding and lookin’ for a race—if you beat me in that rusty piece of sh*t this girl’s all yours.”

They laugh like they just heard the world's greatest joke. “Got nothin’ better to do. S’worth a shot, it is.”

 

The three run over to their car around the corner—Ettore gets in with Dante.

 

“Something tells me this ain’t gonna be fair game.”

 

Go to the makeshift start a bit down the road; not like there’s any traffic to interfere. It’s a long, straight path with a sudden 90° into a building further down—good for quick acceleration, bad for someone without brakes. Wait for the Veranda to position alongside you—3,2,1, hit it. Power down the road and prepare to drift the corner alongside your adversaries—watch as they lose momentum and slam into a brick wall at mid-speed. Shift gears again, hit it far this time. Leave the West Side in your dust as Dante and Ettore laugh away.

 

A final trek: Return home.

 

“Sh*t, your car.”

Ettore continues laughing. “I pulled that hunk a’ junk from Ricky’s yard. Gimme some credit, big shot.”

“Ain’t no big shot yet. Stepping stones, Tor—a favor here and an unpaid gig there’ll and before you know it they’re dependin’ on you.”

“Uh huh. And that back there—that your idea of sanctioned payback?”

“Not exactly. But the hoi polloi gotta know to respect the family, capiche? I got a feeling it’ll pay off.”

“So when you gonna introduce me?”

“What, to Sonny? That old prick won’t remember you from any other Strip drone stunad unless you make a splash. That’s on you.”

“So I heard. Come by my pa’s in a few shakes and I’ll bring the waves.”

 

Dante chuckles, a bit confused, a bit impressed. Park up the driveway into the indicated spot—don’t take Uncle Jacky’s vacant one unless you’re yearning for a verbal lashing later on. Not his house, but Ettore’ll walk in first—Dante steps out of the car and, for the first time, you’re free. You’ll receive the traditional breakdown of what you can do while in free roam, ending with a prompt to begin the first mission of Doug’s if you so please.

 

 

Mission passed.
No reward.
  • Baked English Beans likes this

Cebra
  • Cebra

    Eh.

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 06 Jan 2013
  • Canada

#6

Posted 19 January 2017 - 01:06 AM

Mission Four

The Gordian Knot

 
We fade in to Doug sitting on his apartment steps, puffing away at a smoke stub and watching his neighbors come and go along the cobblestone sidewalk. As an argument breaks out in one of the sh*tty digs across the street, a window cracks open a few stories up.
 
Joanna's head pops out: "You said you were taking out the trash!"
Doug pats a garbage bag sitting next to him. "I am!"
 
The window slams closed with a dejected grunt. Splinters of wood fall to the sidewalk.
 
Doug grabs the bag and huffs over to the common trash cans; dented and overflowing with sh*t, he tosses it and his cig into a pile of undoubtedly rank waste and begins to walk back up the stairs just as a blue Corridascreeches up to the curb. A gaunt guy of questionable ethnicity steps out the door and almost gets swept away by a speeding dump truck
 
"D-Dog!" he howls, pretending it didn't happen and patting the hood. "Long time no see."
"Yesterday."
"Ah, whatever. How you doin'? Admiring our impeccably kept trash area?"
"That's it. Whats new, Wink?"
"Great things are afoot, that's what." He points to the Corrida. "That things about to get swapped in for a Benefactor. You know Harry?"
Doug leans on the railing. "He finally take his destiny head-on and become a used car salesman?"
"Not exactly. His 24-karat carcass washed up in Holt Bay this morning. No fingers."
"Harry, huh? Sounds like a gas."
"I had to go I.D. the poor f*ck's body and book it before they booked me. Real gas."
Doug doesn't ask the $64,000 question. "So what now?"

"We can talk in the car. You free?"
 
Doug about-faces to the window and back. "As the mary up on Elwood."

 
Segue to gameplay - enter the passenger side and let Winky drive. Notice the stacked, banged-up crates in the truck bed.
 
"Again - so what now?"
"All hands on deck is what now, D-Dog. Harry was a prick, but he held a decent rank with the Tongs. He promised he'd talk me up to the head honchos way back when, and I'd like to think he made good on that."
"Level with me - you think you're gonna replace him?"Doug stifles a chuckle.

"I didn't say that, you fickle old f*ck."
 
A lull - although its not yet time to make use of them, familiarize yourself with the passenger controls. 
 
Winky: "You carrying?"

"You know the answer to that."
"Negative."
"Don't be naive."
"Fine, don't answer. I got you a little gift anyway."
 
Little gift - a rusty old revolver
 
"Oh, that's swell. I think my great grandad fought the gold rush with this thing."
"Anytime. Listen up."
 
Winky explains the situation - Harry was a well-established Tong with his fingers in one too many local drug rings, so someone cut them off, slit his throat and tossed him into the bay. Before he even hit the riverbed Winks received a ring requesting a meet - the Triads needing a new heroin supplier, preferably local. Pink Dilian parking lot, Chinatown. Pronto. 
 
As Winky drives under the Chinatown arch, notice the packed liveliness of the district - food vendors, antique stores, arguing Asians and cheap pawn shops crowding the sidewalks. The Pink Dillian's imperial not-so-pink facade beckons forth and he explains:
 
"Come to think of it, I don't think they'll be too hot on me bringing a number two."
"It's a bit too late for that, amigo."
"Nix that. Climb the fire escape over there and watch the meet from the roof."
 
The camera focuses on a nearby rusty fire escape - it leads to a stubby building just tall enough to oversee the parking lot.
 
"What the hell use am I up there?"
"Oh, I got a rifle in the back."
"And your olive branch was an age-old revolver. Your foresight is f*cking admirable."
 
Right before he turns the alleyway, Doug exits the car and heads to the back. The weapon selection works just like Little Jacob's in IV - for now, grab the rifle and a pair of binoculars from one of those boxes and hit the fire escape as Winky crawls the Corrida into the parking lot. Through the windows on the fire escape you can peek through some apartment curtains, creep some Oriental interiors. Get to the creaky roof and switch to the binoculars as Wink comes to a stop near a grey Classique Tango. You'll receive directives on how to switch between the lenses and the rifle and how to zoom - notice a dirty white Granger parked in the shadows up ahead. Make a preemptive choice; focus on them or the meet itself.
 
Winky hops out his pickup as a group of four exit the Tango. A short Chinaman with a shirt more abstract than an Adam Biggs canvas steps out with a red envelope of cash in one hand and a mystic knot in the other.
 
Ready your sights; hold your breath. Just in case.
 
Winky and cashman get to talking, the others holding the line Secret Service-like. The pair turn round the back of Winky's ride and he cracks one of the boxes open with a crowbar. Laugh laugh, handshake and a handover of the cash; the other goons grab two crates and heave them into the back of the Tong sedan. All's well, but does it ever last? As the meeting wraps up, a distant rumbling grows louder until everyone notices - cashman yells "F*ck!"as a half dozen motorcycles pull into the alleyway, operators armed to the teeth.

 
Muzzles light up as Doug echoes the Triads sentiments - open fire on the bikers and keep Winky safe as he hides behind his truck. Pop them with sniper fire or go down personal - you've got your gifted revolver and perennially-held pistol, after all. Rush back down the fire escape or take a leap of faith off the roof onto a protruding garage below. Every time you jump off a high surface wielding weapons youll activate a bullet-time freefall regardless of who you're playing as - use it to take some potshots at the bikers. Scramble for cover once you're down there and finish them off with the help of the Triads, including the sneaks in the Granger; take notice of the mixture of ragdoll and more inventive scripted death animations as you do. 
 
Wrap up, cutscene - the cashman puts his gun to Winky's head and the bodyguards fidget uncertainly as Wink rambles on. Doug approaches calm, hands up: "Nothing hasty, fellas."

 
Winky blubbers: "F*ck, Damon, what the f*ck, do I look like I'd get along with those pricks, f*ck, man, this was my deal!"

 
Doug comes closer, shows his bare hands. "The gatecrashers are dead, amigo. Let's try to keep our fingers off the triggers for a jiffy."

 
Cashman - Damon, lets the pistol go limp and wipes his forehead. 
 
"Apologies."Prying eyes converge at the head of the alleyway as Damon eyes Winky.

"These deadbeats are becoming an issue."
"No f*cking sh*t."
"And you,"Damon gestures crookedly at Doug, "Consider us grateful, but who the f*ck are you?"

He feigns surprise. "I'm Doug."

To Winky this time: "Who is he?"

Wink starts to pace and stops short of the Tong goons."I mean, Christ, Damon, we live in the same building and his wife ain't that hot on me because we used to work together like a long ti-"

 
The monologue gets cut short as two not-so-dead bikers make an eleventh-hour decision - a prone one readies his sights at Winky, another steadies himself to a knife charge at Damon. And it's ultimately up to you - Doug's sharp instincts can blow one of them away. Shoot the gunman and Winky'll drop prostrate as Damon's men annihilate the other. Vice versa, save Damon's ass and his men will prevent Winky's demise. No deaths, sure, but your choice will be remembered.
 
Everyone on edge, Damon orders his men around in Cantonese. They flip vests, check pockets of the bikers as Winky stands shaky. Doug and Damon make eye contact, neither backing down as Doug lights a cigarette.
 
One of the men hands Damon a card, close up: Stanislaw Choppers, Dutch Flatlands SF - The Road Starts Here.
 
He speaks to no one: "What kind of tar snake crew orders business cards?"

 
Ripping it in two, he faces Winky. "Let's table your story, Ying. I'll be in touch."

 
Doug makes a face. Ying?
"You can cash in later.He shrugs, hops in the Corrida and takes off through the crowd of squarejohns still gathered.

 
With a final stern order, the Triad men hop into the Tango as sirens converge in the distance. Damon opens the back door to enter but pauses to face Doug, leaning casually against the frame.
 
"You're a skilled shot, Doug."
"So I've heard."
"The question is, since you've clearly no stake in the inner workings of this deal, where do your loyalties lie?"
Straight: "They lie where the money flows."

"I tend to shoot men with that mindset."
Doug takes a prolonged puff of his cigarette. "I'd appreciate you putting that idea on ice, considering what just happened."

Damon pretends to consider, Doug cuts his response off: "I enjoy this song and dance if its done timely, but those sirens are getting mighty loud. Maybe it'd suit you better to do this over dinner or something, I hear you fellas enjoy that."

"You'll quickly find that I have no tolerance for insolence, Mr-"
"It's Prydon, and don't you get sanctimonious on me, Damon."
"Mr. Leung. You're lucky you're such a good shot, Mr. Prydon. May I reach you through Ying when were in need?"
 
A slow nod in victory pose; Damon slugs into the backseat and the sedan flies by, target on him fingering the gaps of his mystic knot. Doug smokes, casually glancing over the half dozen corpses abound, before tossing the cigarette and making headway down the alley exit absent of onlookers. He gives a cursory wave to the Triads slinking in the Rancher watching him as he mutters:
 
"F*cking Chinamen."

 

 

Mission passed.

$50

 

Post-mission phone call(s)

 

Any time you approach a payphone in the city after a mission, you'll receive a prompt once you're 50¢ short: in this case, a call to Doug's wife Joanna. Make 'em or you'll miss 'em. If you don't make a call necessary to advance the story, you'll receive it at the protagonist's safehouse instead.

 

1st - Joanna Prydon (optional)
Joanna: Hello?

Doug: It's me.
Joanna: Oh, he lives! You bring the trash to the landfill yourself?
Doug: Trash's in the trash. I was with Marcus.
Joanna: Funny thing, 'cause Marcus just came over and borrowed some eggs. I saw you leave with Winky.
Doug: What do you want from me, Jo? He's got work and he pays, that alone puts him above half the jackasses in this city.
Joanna: I don't need to hear the spiel again - just be home for supper.
Doug: We'll see.
 
2nd - Winky Marquez (mandatory)
Winky: I get the right number this time?
Doug: If you were trying to reach me instead of coming upstairs.
Winky: Oh, and run into your wife? No thanks.
Doug: What is it?
Winky: Well, it turns out I underestimated the workload involved in Oriental dealings. I can't handle it myself; I tried, but I can't.
Doug: Too bad Harry's not around, he would've been keen for it.
Winky: As-f*ckin'-if. Try this olive branch - I'm gonna need help running the day-to-day and I know you need work.
Doug: Well, it's more valuable than the revolver, I can tell you that.
Winky: Primo. Ring me up when you need something to get done or I'll come see you when I need something done.
Doug: Appreciated.

 

Side-mission unlocked: Winky's Wetwork





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