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To Dear Pop

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arch stanton
  • arch stanton

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 21 May 2012
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#1

Posted 24 February 2016 - 12:26 AM Edited by athande, 24 February 2016 - 10:07 AM.

The man that gave rise to my man

Who planted the seed

18, had a kid

Is it suppose to be?

Emotionally, he took the wave

And rode it all out

Some doubt clouted his mind

The future is blind

So he felt the grooves

And edges, and believed in time

I look back as a kid

And remember what I did

I feel guilt

His face doesn’t appear in the midst

Working hard

Coughing up blood and the paint

I might faint if he slips in his sleep

Never wakes

Believe me, I’ve dreamt of that

In fact, a few days ago to be exact

The spirits spoke back

Jack holds the door open

I believe in that

My REM must be forespoken

No ordinary notion

Coasting in the astral

I see their bravehearts broken

Staring through their portal

At the mortal as they wait

Their fate caught up

The family at the wake

Some smiling and laughing

And cheersing their beers

Others feel the tear

As life, it ain’t clear

So I sit my rear and toast to the immortals

A welcome back party

Juxtaposed to the normal.

  • Mokrie Dela, universetwisters and AEsob like this

AEsob
  • AEsob

    Completely crazy

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#2

Posted 24 February 2016 - 10:15 AM

It's nice, I really like it.

 

AEsob

  • arch stanton likes this

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    Killed by drones.

  • Zaibatsu
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
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  • Most Creative [Writing] 2016
    Most Talented Writer 2015
    Most Talented Writer 2014
    Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#3

Posted 25 February 2016 - 07:39 PM

Good stuff as always, but I feel many of these lines could be merged together. It read to me with the pace and structure of a song, which isn't a bad thing, but is also very much expected. Seeing the volume of poems you've created, I'm beginning to expect to see an epic, a story, Paragraphs and all, but with the rhythm and rhyme of a poem. Hell, I tried it and had some success but could keep it up.

arch stanton
  • arch stanton

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 21 May 2012
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#4

Posted 26 February 2016 - 10:03 PM

Yeah, these are more so lyrics than any of my traditional poems. I just thought I'd post it anyway.

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    Killed by drones.

  • Zaibatsu
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Creative [Writing] 2016
    Most Talented Writer 2015
    Most Talented Writer 2014
    Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#5

Posted 26 February 2016 - 11:37 PM

Well as said, that's not a bad thing. Different style, and I enjoyed reading it nonetheless so worth the post :)




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